Capture The Haggis
“Is the call working?” Asked Nikii as her microphone crackled.
“Yeah, I can hear you,” replied Samantha over the slightly fuzzy connection.
“Everyone is here!” Cheered Oasis as she tapped quickly on the keyboard.
“Yeah, just loading into the lobby,” replied Jessica, her heavy accent made even worse by the low call quality.
“So what am I doing?” Asked Nikii gently, seeming almost nervous to ask.
“You’ve never played this before?” Asked Oasis before taking a breath. “Right, it is your basic FPS control setup, so you move with WASD and aim with your mouse. The text should tell you the plot, but basically, we are in two teams and we are in a race to get the thing from the vault and then deliver it back to our start point.”
Nikii made gentle noises of agreement as she skimmed through the test on her screen before she blurted out. “Haggises stuffed with cocaine?!”
“Yeah, that is what we need to get.” Replied Samantha.
“Why?” Asked Nikii sounding both confused and shocked.
“Do you want to know the in-game reason or the actual reason?” Asked Oasis, only to be interrupted by Jessica.
“Because the developers wanted to give the Scottish character a themed mission but they’ve never been to Scotland in their damn lives.” She said with a wry chuckle.
“Also, a haggis is easy to model,” added Samantha.
“Right,” murmured Nikii sounding less than totally convinced by either explanation. “So who do I shoot?”
“Well, based on the team list, it seems it is going to be me and you, teaming with Jessica to shoot Oasis, Alya, and Nero. Annoyingly it didn’t put you with Oasis because I know you two get on like a house on fire,” giggled Samantha.
“Hey!” Yelled Nikii.
“No making her bashful! That is my job!” Chuckled Oasis in response. “And do keep in mind, I get on well with at least half of this call.”
“Right sure,” started Samantha before two quick beeps interrupted her.
“Who’s ready to steal some coke!” Shouted Nero, her voice somehow both high pitched and aggressive. “I finally unlocked the thing that lets you paint all your guns neon pink, so I’m going on a stealth run!”
“Neon pink isn’t usually the best for stealth,” replied Jessica.
“Lolita stealth! It is going to be the next big thing in espionage,” Giggled Nero wildly.
“Or reverse stealth, you are so bright the brain can’t process you and you are effectively invisible.” Added Alya after a short wave of low static.
“Hey! Everyone is here!” Shouted Oasis. “Everyone ready up!” She said before a flurry of clicking occurred.
Quickly the game loaded up and Nikii pushed the buttons gently, trying to make sure she knew what did what.
“You loaded up okay?” Asked Samantha.
“Yeah, think I get it,” said Nikii, evening moving her aim up and down to make her character nod.
“Of course, it is slightly unusual in we can all hear each other,” said Oasis as she tapped on her keys furiously.
“Just means we need to be clandestine!” Added Alya. “We are the night!”
“Well we better get moving, follow me and if you see any of them, just shoot!” Exclaimed Samantha before running off, Jessica not far behind.
Nikii tried to follow the other two, quickly picking up the controls, despite them being more sensitive than she would like. Just as she was working out she could jump around like a rabbit on sugar a shot rang out and her screen went red.
“Found you!” Shouted Nero.
“Nikki, get behind here!” Shouted Samantha, bouncing her character up and down as Jessica fired wildly past her. Nikki coordinate as best she could, her screen flashing red several times in the process.
“What are we going to do?” Asked Nikki slightly flustered as she tried to help out as best she could.
“Everyone break off and try and get to the vault!” Shouted Jessica. As she moved her character as quick as she could, firing a few volleys back as best she could. Nikki tried to follow along, only to get turned around and lost and soon she was wandering around alone in the corridors of the level.
“Does this game have a map?” She asked.
“Nope,” Replied Nero quickly.
“Then where is the vault?” Asked Nikki.
Oasis started to answer only to quickly change her sentence. “Samantha, try and take cover behind things actually bigger than you!” She started while the tapping of her keys echoed through her microphone. “Wait? what?”
“Railings are solid objects in this game,” laughed Samantha. “So you can see me, but not hit me, because collision detection is hard!” She said, her giggle momentarily becoming a snort.
“Oh, I’ll hit you! I just need a better angle!” Shouted Oasis, leaving Nikki without an answer as she wandered the games identical corridors, each step soundtracked by key tapping and distant gunfire.
Very soon, all of the girls were talking over each other, leaving Nikki even more confused as to what exactly she should be doing as she ran around the various corridors, jumping mostly to make it seem like she had some purpose.
“Where am I going?” Asked Nikki once more, trying to find out what was going on. Before she saw a big silver thing in front of her. “Hey, I found the vault!” She cheered before stopping a moment and realizing she didn’t know if it was the vault or not. She moved into it and saw some brown things on a plinth and the screen flashed a control to pick it up so she shrugged and presumed she was right.
“Awesome!” Said Jessica. “Now run it back to where we started! As they’ll try and hunt you down!” Nikki started to run, still not sure where exactly she was going, but at least running made her look vaguely like she was playing correctly.
After a few minutes of frantic and confused running. Nikki came to a large circular room full of desks and debris. She scanned it quickly, trying to find any hint of which way she should be going.
“Come into my parlor said the spider to the person getting shot!” Shouted Oasis as Nikki’s screen went red as she got shot. Suddenly more gunfire came from behind her.
“Get behind something, I’ll hold her off, Jessica come quickly!” Shouted Samantha as her character burst in and started shooting at the one Oasis controlled. Nikki jumped around, trying to find some cover as Jessica and Nero burst in and started exchanging fire.
After a few moments, Samantha shouted, “Nikki, make a run for it! Down the one to the left!” Nikki didn’t wait and started to move only to hear Oasis start to speak in a low voice, one that caused her brain to tingle.
“Nikki, don’t do that, stay here,” purred Oasis, her speech punctuated by rapid-fire clicking.
“I, return the haggis?” Asked Nikki, not realizing she had stopped moving her character.
“No, you want to make sure you don’t have it, jump off a ledge, for me,” Oasis continued to purr.
“No using hypnosis!” Growled Jessica. “Don’t listen to her Niki, run!” She shouted, sounding both enthused and frustrated.
“Jessica, don’t your lips feel like glue? Like they could just, stick together, so hard to pull them apart,” continued Oasis.
“No, they,” started Jessica before her voice became muffled, to everyone listening it was pretty clear that she was speaking through closed lips.
“I’m not going to fall for this!” Shouted Samantha as she strafed her character around, firing rapidly, trying to co-ordinate with the now mute Jessica. “Hey Nero, you going to stand for this? I thought you were all about fair competition!” She said firmly as she bounced onto a box. The call going silent as she waited for an answer that never came.
“Nice try,” chuckled Oasis. “Now Nikki, please go jump off the ledge, it will be so helpful, so useful to me if you could just jump off the ledge,” purred Oasis. Niki’s brain tingled a warm and fuzzy tingle as she found herself nodding gently, starting to walk towards the ledge part of the stairwell.
“Nikki! Stop!” Shouted Samantha, watching as Niki ignored her words both in the call and in the game. Samantha tried to bounce over to Niki in the hope she could stop her, but her character bounced right thought Nikki’s like it wasn’t even there.
Nikki was oblivious to all of this, all she wanted to do was get rid of the haggis and jump off the ledge, it would make Oasis happy. She would be useful, she loved being useful. She reached the edge and pressed the spacebar and watched as her character plummeted to the floor. As the screen flashed red and changed to a view of Samantha and Jessica fighting off Nero and Oasis, Nikki blinked and shook her head.
“Wonderful! Such a useful Nikki” chuckled Oasis. “Nero, pull back! We’ll go grab it now!” She smiled as she dashed off, Nero right behind.
Suddenly Nikki’s screen changed again as she respawned. As she squirmed in her chair, the praise of being “useful” once again washing over her.
“Nikki! Snap out of it!” Shouted Samantha. “We need to head back to the vault! I’m so not letting you get away with this Oasis!”
“Try and stop me!” Cackled Oasis as Nikki came back to her senses.
“Hey! No fair!” She shouted as she started to move towards the rest of her team.
“Like you want me to stop!,” replied Oasis. “I mean, would you really want me to stop?”
“I do not want you to stop. Use my mind however you wish Master,” repeated Nikki in a gentle monotone before a loud smack rang over the mic as she covered her lips.
“You really have a big bag of tricks today,” said Samantha as Jessica let out muffled sounds that passed for agreement.
“It is not a bag of tricks, it is a plan to assure victory,” monologued Oasis, starting to very obviously ham it up. “I can’t allow a team like you three to get in the way of my glorious domination, now can I?”
“Be careful chewing that much scenery, the paint might contain lead!” Mocked Samantha as she dashed through the corridors of the level. Nikki followed on happy that she wouldn’t get lost this time.
After a few minutes they arrived back at the vault, and Nikki’s team faced down Oasis and Nero. “Wait,” blurted Niki, “wasn’t Alya on their team as well?”
“Oh holy,” started Samantha before a gunshot rang out and Jessica’s character flew across the screen before vanishing. “She’s sniping!” She shouted as she dived behind some boxes.
“She is a good shot!’ Exclaimed Nikki as she got behind the boxes.
"Yeah, she doesn’t usually have the patience for this!” Shouted Samantha sternly. “I think shenanigans are afoot!” She continued before giggling for a second. “Alya, don’t say anything if you are hypnotized!” Several seconds of silence passed before Alya’s microphone crackled into life.
“I am not hypnotized. However, I need to kill you to make sure Oasis wins.” She said in a dull and sleepy monotone.
“Attack!” Exclaimed Samantha as she dashed forward, Nikki quickly scrambling to find the right controls. Samatha quickly took out Nero without Alya being able to fire a shot, she moved to take out Oasis but Oasis was able to quickly fall back. “Ha! I knew you would have to go into the text chat to command your two hypnotized minions around!” Gloated Samantha as she pursued Oasis into the vault area.
Soon Oasis has reached the center of the vault and was against a wall, Nikki and Samantha advancing on her slowly. “Nikki,” purred Oasis gently, her words so would that it caused the microphone to vibrate slightly.
“Don’t listen to her Nikki!” Pleaded Samantha, already realizing where this was going. Nikki’s character remained still. In the real world, her eyes were wide as she stared at the screen, her mouth hanging open. She was a deer in headlights, she knew a command was coming and even though part of her may not want to listen, she just couldn’t help herself, her urge to obey overwhelmed any other urge she could possibly have, it overwhelmed reality itself.
“Nikki, please shoot Samantha for me, it would be so very useful,” purred Oasis. “Just look and fire, for me,” continued Oasis, the words sliding through Nikki’s mind, she felt a familiar fuzziness wash over her, everything felt so very automatic, like her body wasn’t under control. She turned her character and aimed her crosshair at Samantha, not stopping to question why or the consequences. Oasis had told her, it had to be done. She clicked her mouse and watched as Samantha’s character flew across the screen and despawned. She felt a wave of pleasure wash over her body, cutting through the fuzziness.
“Wonderful, so useful!” Praised Oasis as she walked to the plinth and picked up the haggis. “Follow me, minions!” She chuckled as Nikki and Alya fell in behind her.
Oasis quickly moved towards her team’s base, however, just as she reached the door a message flashed up across the screen as it faded to black. “Out of time?” She exclaimed. “Who set the game to be time limit mode?!”
“Whats going on? I think I fell asleep,” murmured Alya drowsily.
“I…hey! You hypnotized me to cheat!” Exclaimed Nikki as her thoughts returned to normal.
“It is not my fault you two are weak willed around me!” Giggled Oasis.
“Weak-willed? It seems a wave of your hand and they fall asleep,” laughed Samantha in response. “I have to admit, making my own team mate shoot me was very super villain like.”
“Why thank you, I pride myself on it!” said Oasis.
“Oh dear,” laughed Nero as the screen changed again. “Seems like the game is putting Samantha, Oasis, and Nikki together on a team.”
“Wonderful!” purred Oasis as Nikki squirmed in her seat. “Well, it seems like this could be fun!”
“Indeed it will be, with me on your team you won’t need to resort to dirty tricks!” teased Samantha.
“Of course I won’t, but Nikki, why don’t you have a nap, we’ll explain exactly what you need to do this round,” purred Oasis as Nikki’s mind fogged over once more.