“What do i do when our child finds out what I did and sees me as a monster?”
He tosses and turns on the bed, too hot but too cold at the same time. Beside him she sleeps soundly, chest swelling, two heartbeats thrumming. Her belly is extended, stretched and unfamiliar, a small hand resting protectively over it as she sleeps.
It hadn’t seemed real at first. I’m pregnant, she’d said, eyes wide and voice small. It was supposed to be near impossible, but things down here didn’t work like they used to on the Ark. So the impossible quickly became reality, which quickly became a nightmare. If they couldn’t rely on their medicine, what else could go wrong?
She wore a pained frown for the next weeks, stealing into the med bay to have hushed discussions with her mother when she thought he wasn’t paying attention. She became hyper aware of her own frailty, taking small considered steps as she moved around camp, forcing herself to not join in with the various physical tasks of preparing for winter. At night, when they were alone the normally independent, brave Clarke faltered, leaning into his hands as he rubbed comforting circles on her back, clutching her stomach instinctually. She never said a thing to him about it, it just became another one of those things they never talk about. Like Charlotte. Like Mount Weather. Like her and him. They both knew exactly what happened, so why waste time talking about it?
They walk on needles for weeks, until it happened. Until three days ago she felt a flutter deep inside. She’d brushed it off as nerves at first, she’d admitted later. It wasn’t until it happened again two days later and she went to see her mother that she even told him about it. The baby is moving, she’d said, eyes round and wet, bottom lip worried between her teeth. I can feel her.