hill and holler

Teenage Shenanigans (Fall Out Boy)

Based Off of the Request:  Heya! Do you think you could eventually write a fic where its a reader insert and the reader is friends with the boys,and they’re all in high school,and they just go out late at night to do stupid teenager bullshit.Like midnight explorations,trips to the store for fire crackers or sparklers,stealing shoppings carts and racing in them,Swimming in the lake,or even a 3am meal at a 24 diner like Denny’s???

“Do you guys ever think we’re not having enough fun? Like we’ve been approaching high school all wrong?” I ask the question that’s been burning a hole in my mind.

“You can’t be that philosophical while eating a twinkie” Joe responds first, flicking the back of my hand.

“Im serious” I say, annoyed, dropping the food and crossing my arms. “I feel like we’re not living up to our potential”

“What do you mean?” Patrick asks, looking intrigued.

“I just- we don’t do anything” I say, struggling to explain my thoughts.

“We do lots of stuff” Pete argues, looking mildly offended.

“No we do, like three things, we just do them a lot. I take pictures, and you guys have your band- which is great” I quickly add as they all look slightly offended, “We hang out on the weekends, and we go to school. But that’s it”

“Well what do you wanna do?” Andy asks, looking at me intently.

“I don’t know, I just. I wanna do stupid teenager things, and stay up too late, and go to parties, and just have fun.”

“Are you on drugs?” Pete asks, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes.

“Forget it” I say with a sigh, “I’ll see you guys after school”. I grab my stuff and walk away from the table, feeling partly bad for bringing it up and partly frustrated that they didn’t get it.

“She does have a point” I hear Andy say quietly as I walk away.

——————–

Later That Night

“I’m bored” I proclaim from my position, lying in the middle of Patrick’s bedroom floor.

“Me too” Joe adds, from right next to me.

“Me three” Patrick adds from his bed.

“Ugh Trick that joke was bad ten years ago” I say with a laugh.

“Everyone get up” Pete suddenly demands, jumping up from his chair.

“Why?” Joe says with a groan.

“We’re going out” he explains, “and if you guys aren’t in my car in five minutes i’m leaving you here”

Pete runs out of the room and the rest of us look at one another, confused.

“I guess we should go” I say, accepting Andy’s hand as he pulls me up from the ground.

“There’s like a fifteen percent chance one of us is about to die” Joe says as we walk through the door.

“Yeah if we’re lucky” Andy mumbles, sending us into a fit of laughter as we all pile into Pete’s car.

Ten minutes later, Pete pulls into a Walmart parking lot.

“Are you serious” I say as he parks, “Patrick’s gross bedroom floor was better than this”

“Hey!” Patrick injects from the front seat.

“Patrick, I love ya, but we all know you are not a clean person” I say raising my brows.

“That’s fair” Patrick says nodding.

“I’ll be back in five minutes, everyone chill” Pete explains, running out of the car.

“What’s in the bag?” Joe asks as Pete plops into the driver’s seat.

“None of your business, Trohman” he retorts, moving the car into park and pulling out of his spot.

Pete refuses to say anything else until we get to our destination.

“Why are we at a park?” Joe asks.

“You realize it’s 2:30 in the morning” Andy adds.

“Hey!”Pete yells, silencing everyone’s comments. “The girl” he says, gesturing to me, “said we never do anything fun or cool. So get out of the god damn car, and come with me!”

“Oh wow okay” Patrick says, following him out of the car. The rest of us follow Pete up a grassy hill. He stands at the top, grinning at us. Before we have a chance to ask, he drops to the ground and rolls down the hill, hollering the whole time.

“What are you doing!?” I yell, laughing as he rolls down.

“I’m living! What are you doing?” he responds, throwing his arms in the air as he stands up.

With a laugh and a shrug at the others, I lie down and roll down the hill, screaming the whole way. Shaking with laughter by the time I roll to a stop, I stand up to see Pete taking boxes of sparklers out of the bag. Grinning, I hurriedly run to the car, grabbing my camera out of the back. I get back just in time to snap a picture of Patrick, Pete, and Andy laughing as they stand up for their roll down the hill. Then, with music blasting and sparklers being handed out, we party in the middle of the park. I snap a picture of the guys drawing or writing in the air with their sparklers. And yeah, Joe and Pete drew a penis, but I still loved the picture.

——————————-

*Two Weeks Later*

“Get in bitch we’re going shopping” Pete yells out of his window as I walk down the front path to his car.

“Did you just quote Mean Girls?” I ask with a laugh as I pull open the door and squish into the seat next to Andy.

“Yes I did and I have no regrets” he responds, pulling the car away from the curb.

“So, what’s the plan tonight?” Patrick asks.

“I wasn’t kidding, we’re going shopping” Pete says.

“What? Why?” Joe says in disgust.

“Sorry, I told my mom I would go to Home Depot for her”

Joe heaves a heavy sigh, so Pete leans forward and cranks the music up.

“Push me, Hurley” I say, sitting cross legged in a cart.

“How old are you?” He says with a laugh, pushing me into the store anyway.

“Physically? 17. Mentally? Somewhere between 8 and 12”

“Points for honesty” Joe says with a chuckle.

“Hey Pat take a picture” I say, handing my camera to Patrick. He walks to the front of the cart. I raise both of my hands up in peace signs as Andy grins at the camera.

“You guys are ridiculous” Pete says a few minutes later as we roam the aisles, me still in the cart.

“You’re just mad because you have to walk and I don't” I say sticking my tongue out.

“You guys are going so slow it might actually be faster to walk” Patrick says sassily.

“Is that a challenge?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

“What- no, I” Patrick frantically backtracks

“Sounds like a challenge to me! What do you think Hurley?” I twist in the cart, looking up at Andy.

“Oh definitely”

“It wasn’t a challenge!” Patrick yells, immediately cringing when a man nearby glares at us.

“Fine,” I say leaning forward “Then I make it a challenge. I bet you and Pete couldn’t beat Andy and I in a cart race”

“You’re. On” Patrick says. Pete runs off to grab a cart, and Andy and I set up at the front of an aisle.

“You’re going down” Pete says, clambering into the cart. Joe runs to the end of the large aisle, waiting to judge the winner.

“Prepare to lose Stump” Andy says, getting into a running position.

“We’ll be waiting for you at the finish line” Patrick throws back, copying his stance.

From the end of the aisle Joe starts yelling. “THREE. TWO. ONE. GO!!!”

Andy and Patrick take off, pushing us as fast as possible. Pete immediately starts laughing, and I’m caught somewhere between laughing and screaming, between joy and terror.

All of a sudden,we’re only ten feet from the finish line,and from behind us comes a loud shout.

“HEY! STOP IT!”

Patrick, surprised from the yell, immediately slows, while Andy ignores it all together and passes the line first.

“Whoo! We win!” I yell happily, only to turn around to see a very angry Home Depot employee glaring at us.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave” The man says angrily.

“Why?” I ask innocently.

“Because you’re disrupting our store and the customers with your stupid teenage shenanigans!” the man says bitterly.

Despite the mood, we all crack up at the use of the word shenanigans.

“This isnt a joke! Get out or I call the cops!”

The words sober us up, and Andy reaches up to help me out of the cart as Pete gets out of his.

“Can we still buy these?” Joe asks, holding up the two items Pete had gotten.

“OUT!” the guy yells.

We all duck our heads like little kids getting in trouble and walk quicky out of the store. It isnt until we’re halfway to the car that I let out another laugh. Soon we’re all clutching our stomach and laughing so hard we can’t breathe.

“We just kicked out of a fucking Home Depot” Joe says, leaning on Patrick’s shoulder.

“That was crazy” Patrick says, red in the face from laughing.

“No, that was awesome!” Pete and I say at the same time.

“Everyone pose for a picture!” I demand, making them all stand in a line below the Home Depot sign.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m exhausted now” Andy says with a grin.

“I think that’s enough “shenanigans” for one night” Pete says, using air quotes, and causing us all to laugh again.

“Seriously though. Anyone up for a movie night at my place?” I ask, wiping away tears of laughter.

“I’m in” Andy says immediately, followed up by agreements from everyone else.

So we once again pile into Pete’s car, heading into the night.

———————————————–

*A Month Later*

“I want pancakes” Joe says.

“Shut up dude” Pete groans from a few feet away.

“I’m not kidding.” Joe replies offended.

“Whatever”

“Guys will you shut up?” I mumble from the bed. The guys were all crashing on my bedroom floor, since none of us were really good to drive after the night’s activities.

“I want pancakes” Joe repeats.

No one responds.

“I. Want. Pancaaaakeeeeeees” he says again.

“If you don’t shut the fuck up, I will crawl over there and strangle you” Patrick mumbles angrily.

“Just think about it. Warm Pancakes with syrup over the top. Hashbrowns-” Joe’s description is cut off by his loud grunt. Probably from Patrick’s fist hitting his stomach.

“It’s 3:30 in the morning Joe” I argue.

“Pleeeeaaaasssseeee” he says.

I groan and get up, attempting to avoid the guys as I walk to the light switch.

“Get up assholes, we’re going for pancakes” I say loudly. Pete and Patrick both squint at the light and immediately flip me off.

“Come on,” I say nudging Patrick with my toes, “You know you love pancakes.”

“I love sleep more” he groans, burying his face in the pillow.

“I’ll buy” I offer.

Immediately, Patrick,Pete and Andy start getting up. And twenty five minutes later, we’re sitting in a booth at Denny’s.

“I think I’m drunk and hungover at the same time” Pete says groaning, “Is that even possible?”

“Oh stop complaining, we all feel like shit” I grumble.

“No, I feel perfectly fine” Andy says with a big grin. It doesn’t leave his face, even as we all turn to glare at him.

“Anyway, are you happy now?” I turn to Joe, raising my eyebrows.

“Definitely” he says, smiling around a mouthful of pancake. I raise my camera up and snap a picture of him, mouth stuffed with pancake and him grinning like an idiot.

“Good, because we’re doing something I want to do now.” I say with a grin.

“Which is…?” Patrick probes.

“Eh, it’s a surprise.” I respond with a secretive grin.

They all try to figure it out, but by the time we leave the diner a half hour later, they still don’t know. I get the waitress to snap a picture of the five of us crammed into the small booth, and then we leave.

A Half hour later, I pull into the front row spot near the Lake.

“Why are we here?” Andy asks as we all get out of the car and I lead them towards the lake.

“Yeah, it’s so dark we can’t even see the water” Joe says, confused.

“Well that’s okay” I say, walking backwards down the dock. “Because we’re not here to look at it. We’re here to swim” I grin at them.

“What?” Patrick responds, shocked.

“We don’t have swimsuits” Joe says, looking around with a small smile.

“Who needs suits?” I say teasingly, pulling my t shirt off over my head. Patrick and Andy immediately looks away, while Pete shakes his head with a laugh.

“Oh please, you guys have all seen me in a bikini, it’s basically the same thing” I say, rolling my eyes as I pull my jeans down and kick them off. “So who’s in?”

“Oh i’m so in” pete says, tugging his shirt off over his head, as Joe and Andy do the same.

“Come on Patrick” I say, pouting.

“I, I don’t think we’re supposed to be here this late” Patrick says, looking uncomfortable.

“Look, you don’t have to get in if you don’t want to” i say, “But i would really love it if you did”

I look at him with my pouting face for a few more seconds.

“You are going to be the death of us, (Y/N)” he says, grudgingly taking his shirt off.

I grin and turn around, running and jumping into the water, coming up gasping for air as I starts laughing. The guy follow me one by one, and soon we’re all splashing and laughing in the dark water. We stay there for hours, playing and splashing and living. We stay there until sunrise, when the sun starts to paint the sky in pastel purples, oranges, and pinks.

We all get out, cold and wet, sharing the one small towel I had in the back of my car. I get a picture of the four of them, wet and crowding around the trunk of my car. None of them notice Im taking the picture, except for Pete, who grins at me over Joe’s shoulder. The whole ride home we’re damp and tired, but we’re happy.

By the time we finally collapse in my room to go back to sleep, it’s 6:30 in the morning and the light creeps in my window as we all find our pillows and blankets, settling down for some sleep.

I feel my eyes drooping shut, but I’m still smiling.

“I love you guys” I say to the room.

They all immediately shush me, so I fall quiet in response. But after a few more seconds come their responses, said by each one of them, but all at the same time.

“We love you too, (Y/N)”

Chris Offutt Reveals A Family Secret In ‘My Father, The Pornographer’

Chris Offutt  is the author of a forthcoming memoir called My Father, The Pornographer, which was excerpted in early February in the New York Times Magazine.  Chris Offutt is known for his fiction and literary memoirs.  His father was known by his 17 pen names, under which he wrote nearly 375 porn books. He also wrote two science fiction and 24 fantasy novels.  His first porn book was published in 1968, and in 1970 he shut down his small insurance agency, thinking porn would be more profitable. The timing was right, with the sexual revolution expanding the market.  His readers probably wouldn’t have guessed that he wrote from his home in Kentucky, in what Chris Offutt describes as “a hill and holler community—a zip code with a creek.“ While Chris was growing up there, the source of his father’s income was a family secret.  In 2013, when Chris was 54, his father died and left Chris with the  inheritance of thousands of letters and tens of thousands of novel pages. Chris moved back to his childhood home for several months, to sort the papers and assemble a bibliography.  


Photo by William Mebane for The New York Times