hilda pin up

Having curves in a seemingly uncurvy world

My whole life I have struggled with my weight.  Since I was a child- as young as 7, I remember one of my fellow classmates asking me if I was pregnant during volleyball in gym class, because I wasn’t quite as tiny as the other 7 year old girls, as vividly as if it happened an hour ago, with the embarrassment and confusion that came along with it. By 9 or 10, I can remember clearly getting a calorie counter dictionary that was to be my dietary bible, trying out things like slim fast shake meal replacements, apple cider vinegar pills that were supposed to aid in fat loss, and doing exercise videos with my older sisters and mother.

It’s not like our house was full of junk either.  We grew most of our fruits and veggies in our garden, and things like candy and soda were strictly monitored as well as rarely available. Besides the fact that around this time (10 years old) our household had to go gluten free (Before it was trendy and widely available), so our house was relatively carb Free.  All of this helped me lose exactly Zero pounds, but did help me gain a very skewed, unhealthy body image, and a heaping amount of shame for simply being me. Why, if I was eating so healthily, was I struggling to find kids’ and then juniors’ clothing in my size? Clearly nobody wanted me to look the way I did, so why should I be proud of what I looked like?

It amazes me to this day that I did not develop an eating disorder.  For this I am eternally thankful to my younger self- for a) liking food too much to not want to go without, b) Hating the act of throwing up (still do) too much to even consider the binge and purge lifestyle, and c) for just wanting to be a kid, and not getting too caught up in having to be super fit and exercising myself to death.

To keep this semi-brief, it has taken me a very long time to accept the physical part of myself. My personality? no problem, my spirituality, cool. Me as a physical chunk of matter that takes up space in the universe? Not so much. Weirdly enough, tumblr, and a particular pin up character have helped me and my body image.  Curve Appeal on tumblr is one of the most fantastic blogs- it is all female posts, text or photos of themselves, and their journeys to accepting their body shapes, whatever they may be.  Having this daily dose of visual confirmation that Everyone thinks their body is weird, and really we’re not all That different has been awesome.The other is Hilda.  

This vivacious redhead is Hilda.  She is a pin up character created in the 1950’s. That’s right. the 50’s! In a time period when women were “supposed” to be dainty, petite hourglasses, Hilda is a beautifully pear shaped, full figured woman.  To see that this shape was deemed beautiful, and *gasp* desirable was a big eye opener for me. I never would have thought that I would see someone with my shape and size donning a Bikini! (Yes I know it’s a rendering, but still.) Look at her.

She’s beautiful. Carefree, happy go lucky, artistic, funny, and sassy beyond belief, Her set of prints is truly an inspiration. I see a lot of myself in her, and yet at the same time wish that I could be more like her. 

So Ladies (and fellas too), Yes, you should be healthy; but out of love for your body and for wanting to take care of yourself so that you can live a full, happy life: not to try to make our thighs look like toothpicks. If that’s your natural shape, then Great, you’re gorgeous! But if you’re Pear shaped, Apple shaped, or Hourglass, and have a bit more “meat on your bones,” then Great! You’re gorgeous too! Learn to appreciate the skin that you’re living in, and recognize what a God given natural beauty you are.  Our outer appearance might not be the most important thing about us, but how we feel about how we look affects every part of who we are. Take care of yourselves (all 5 of you that follow me on here) :)

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Personal (Small) Aesthetic. I’m so overwhelmed! Thank you for tagging me, janishari! Bless you, you lovely person. My computer is still down, so I had to wing it with pictures that aren’t mine. Tried my best. Was surprisingly difficult for me. Rule: Make your personal Aesthetic based off of your interests and personality with pictures from your own device. You cannot search the Internet or download anything until you are done!  I tag: bunny-in-a-cashmere-sweater and blueeyedspitfire. And anyone else who wants to do this but is never tagged. This is a sign. Do the thing. Tis fun. Go. ♥