hilary texting

The telltale Marauder’s Map

Imagine Harry dragging the Marauder’s Map everywhere with him, just so he can keep an eye on Malfoy at all times. (Yeah okay, you don’t really have to imagine this part, because it happened.) Ron and Hermione are so fed up with him, because Harry is so absorbed in his map, they can’t even have a normal conversation with him.

The only time Harry isn’t staring at the map, is when his eyes are fixed on the actual Malfoy, walking past him. Hermione jumps at the chance and grabs the map. She’s not planning on hiding it or anything. She knows all too well she would never get away with it. Harry would probably even threaten to hex her if she didn’t give it back. She instead doodles something on it and grins, when the little heart she made around Malfoy’s dot sticks and moves along with it.

As soon as Malfoy is out of sight, Harry’s gaze wanders back to the map.

“Guys, I really think he’s up to- What is that?” Harry exclaims. Ron looks over his shoulder and snickers.

“Well, I think Hermione nailed it, mate.”

After that, Harry blushes every time he looks at the map. He’s so flustered, he doesn’t even realize the heart-framed dot is approaching him rapidly, even though he’s staring at it.

“What is it with you lately, Potter?” Malfoy drawls, startling Harry. He’s standing right in front of him and Harry is so surprised, he’s too slow to react when Malfoy grabs the Marauder’s Map out of his fingers. “Are you turning into a bookworm? Wherever you go, your nose is always buried in… some… parchment…”

Malfoy frowns as he looks at the map.

“What is this?”

Harry doesn’t answer. He’s beginning to sweat and his heart is beating rapidly.

“Give it back, Malfoy,” he grumbles and snatches it from him.

But judging from Malfoy’s incredulous look, he already saw… it. Bloody hell! Why did Hermione have to do that?

“Dear Merlin, what are you, Potter, five?” Malfoy sneers. But it hasn’t escaped Harry that his cheeks have turned pink and his voice is a bit shaky.

“Would you rather I kissed your dot goodnight before I go to sleep?” Harry counters. But… wait…

Malfoy opens his mouth, but doesn’t say anything. He just stares at Harry.

“Wow, um… I really don’t know why I said that,” Harry murmurs sheepishly.

“Do you do that?” Malfoy asks in a high-pitched voice.

“No?” Harry doesn’t know why his answer sounds like a question, because it’s the truth. He has never done that, nor would he ever do it.

Okay, so he stared at the heart-framed dot, wondering if Hermione might actually be on to something. Maybe he even imagined what Malfoy’s hair would feel like if he ran his hands through it, what Malfoy would do if Harry pushed him against a wall, what his lips would feel like on Harry’s, what sounds he would make while Harry sucked on his neck…

They stare at each other some more until a sound at the end of the corridor startles them. Malfoy looks over his shoulder and when his eyes land on Harry again, his expression is determined. He grabs Harry’s arm and drags him into the next broom closet.

Originally posted by nerdreamer

Warden: and these are my new recruits, a psychotic murdering Dalish who tried to make a tree eat me, this bloke who killed several of our troops while trying to rob the keep, a drunken dwarf outcast, an apostate who probably didn’t murder any Templars, this other dwarf who gets really excited when you suggest she’ll likely be eviscerated by darkspawn, aaaaand a possessed corpse.

Other Wardens: um.  ser

Warden: what

Other Wardens: maybe, uh… are you sure this…

Warden: I KILLED THE ARCHDEMON I DO WHAT I WANT

high school teachers act like college professors are gonna be all serious and tough but one time my history professor showed up to class 10 minutes late on a rainy day looking 500% done and he just stopped in the middle of the room and sighed really loudly and was like
“guys, you know, I had to stop by my car on the way here to get something and I realized….I realized I could literally just get in my car and drive away. I could drive all the way home and sit on my couch and drink a beer. But I came here for you guys. FOR YOU. I love you guys, and when I go home I’m drinking a beer then taking a nap, and then maybe I’ll grade your papers”
and another time in the same class the classroom technology wasn’t working (it rarely ever did) and he was like “well, looks like I’m just going to have to go outside and set this ipad on fire and while I’m at it might as well set myself on fire too”
And one time we spent a whole class talking about those creepy clowns in the news and he somehow managed to connect it to the societal hierarchy of colonial america

getting married on Halloween would be great because
1) never have to worry about forgetting the anniversary
2) forget formal wear, guests should arrive in costumes
3) pumpkin pie wedding cake???
4) also I’d want to toss a pumpkin instead of a bouquet. just a whole pumpkin. just freakin launch that sucker behind my head. get wrecked

[1st attempt]

Peter: Hey, dad can we do this thing that you probably won’t approve of? 

Bucky: Ask your other dads. 

[2nd attempt]

Gwen: Hey, pop? Can we do this thing you most certainly won’t approve of? 

Steve: Ask your other dads. 

[3rd attempt]

Miles: Baba? Can we do this thing? 

T’Challa: Ask your other fathers.

[4th attempt]

Gwen, Peter & Miles: *collected the trio in frustration* Can we please do this? 

Steve, Bucky & T’Challa: Ask your mother. 

[final attempt]

Gwen, Peter & Miles: *surrendering* Can we -

Tony: No.

  • Jefferson: We all know I can't spend as much money on ads as my opponent, but I printed out 10,000 "Don't" stickers and 10,000 question mark stickers.
  • Madison: Why don't you just put the "Don't" in front of "Elect Burr"?
  • Jefferson: (looking at a sign that says "Elect Burr? DON'T")
  • Jefferson: Yep, that's a much better idea.
  • Hamilton: Can I have these question mark stickers?
  • Jefferson: Why?
  • Hamilton: (running out of the room) I want to put them on stop signs!
  • Jefferson: Alex, no!

So, I have an American friend named Jane who married this English guy about 7 years ago. They live in Sussex together (god rest their souls), and they had a little boy pretty much right after they got married. As he grew up, they figured he would have a mix of their accents with a heavy lean towards English (because he’d go to school with English kids and teachers and the like.)

That’s not how it fucking worked out at all though. Instead, he says individual words with either an American or an English accent. Like, one second he’ll be like, “Daddy, I’m knackered” and the next he’ll be like, “AY YO MA WHERE YOU AT???” Every time they send me a video I just fucking piss myself listening to this kid.