hilarious pick up lines

“psst hey is your last name katsuki? because yuri-lly hot~”

//slapped// thanks to @happypersimmon for the pick-up line idea



he’s so done with him //but he still loves him

happy valentine’s day~


Shaw’s Biggest Fan

Are You Going To Be An Overprotective Baby Brother?

Pairing: Steve x Henderson!reader 

Request:  Could you do a Steve Harrington imagine of being Dustin’s older sister and prior to the monsters you ignored Steve even though he always tried to flirt because you’re pretty and smart but you’re also snarky and friends with Nancy and Jonathan and BFFs with Dustin and all his friends love you and post monsters with Dustin and Steve’s bromance you start to be friends with him and Dustin notices he likes you and gives Steve a overprotective baby brother speech? You can decide if he makes a move  

Warnings: fluff, a few swear words

A/N: Omg I love this prompt so much! Also, I have a requested El x reader coming out sometime in the next few days :)

Keep reading

Some Things CAN Be Replaced.

Prompt by: @love-life-death-dd

When they got Matt back, everyone was joyous. Especially Pidge and Shiro.

A brother was returned to a smaller version of a family and everyone was happy as could be.

Pidge wasn’t as snappy, she got along better with everyone as she no longer had the burden of a missing brother.

Shiro wasn’t as stoic, and you heard his laugh more often. He’d even crack a joke or two, he was able to lighten up.

Keith of course was glad to have Shiro back, and even happier that Shiro returned in better shape than expected, all thanks to Matt.

Matt was a fantastic contributor to the team, and was a friend to all.

He tasted Hunks cooking, and loved to give him ideas on what the yellow paladin could whip up next.

Matt was always happy to listen to his little sister go on about her projects and modifications. He was proud of her intelligence.

He even became close with Coran and Allura, fascinated by their tech and stories of Altea and its past.

Shiro and the man were inseparable.

Then Matt was introduced to the Lions.

Lance hadn’t had a problem with Matt before, not a significant one at least. The guy was hilarious, and knew some of the best pick up lines.

But there were insignificant problems that the blue paladin had with the older Holt.

He was becoming Lances replacement.

In the past, Lance acted the way Matt did and was always brushed off, or received not as positive feedback.

Pidge was never interested in explaining her projects to Lance.

Keith and Shiro wouldn’t offer to train with him just for fun.

Hunk might ask for a taste tester here and there, but the Mice were requested more than he was.

Lance was fine.
It’s be fine.

It has only been a week and soon everything would be back to normal and Matt would just be another body in the castle.

Another person, just like everyone else.
But he only became more of a God as time went on.

When Matt met the lions, he had immediately been drawn to Blue.

Lance wasn’t sure why, the guy just was.
That made an uneasy feeling rise in his gut, and his blood slow in his veins.

“Yeah, this is my girl, Blue. Isn’t she a beauty?” Lance said proudly, putting a hand in the cool metal of her structure.

Matt adjusted his glasses with a sideways smile, “She sure is! Mind if I take a peek inside?”

Why couldn’t Matt have been interested in the Black lion? Or maybe even the Green lion?

Why did it have to be Blue?
LANCE’S lion?

“Uh, yeah sure, she might be a little protective though, ha ha.” Lance scratched the back of his neck and led Matt inside.

Why did Lance tell him yes?

After this entire week Lances dislike for Matt had only grown, and his dislike for himself only stronger.

Sure, Matt was better with his friends.
Sure, Matt trained better.

But Lance was one thing that Matt wasn’t, and that was the Blue Paladin of Voltron.

“Wow, the Blue lion looks different than the other lions.” Matt observed, making it to the cockpit and admiring her hardware.

Lance smiled a little, cautiously watching him. “Yeah, she’s meant for the water so I guess she does have a few quirks.”

Suddenly Matt sat down in the pilots seat, and Lance stiffened.

It was fine. It was fine.
Not like Matt could power her up anyway. Only the lions paladin could form that bond and—

“Woah!” Matt gasped.

Suddenly all of the lions screens turned on and lit up, the boys hands hovering over them.

Lances heart dropped.

“I think she likes me! Can you hear that Lance? It’s like it’s alive and purring, so weird!” Matt chuckled, and started testing buttons.

Lance didn’t like that.

Matt could take his friends.
Matt could take his friendships.

He could take his jokes and his lines and his personality and all of it.

But he wasn’t going to take his lion.
Lance couldn’t stand here and watch the boy iterate and touch his lions buttons and sit in that seat and—

“Woah, Lance, are you alright?”

The blue paladin shook his head, coming back to the present and looked down at Matt. He looked worried.

That disgusted the blue eyed boy.

“Wait, are you…crying?” Matt asked, face scrunching and he looked uncomfortable now.

Lance wiped his eyes, “Get out.”

Matt blinked, “What?”

“I said get out of my lion!!” He shouted, shoving Pidges brother. “Go train with Shiro! Cook with Hunk!”

Lance was suddenly crying harder and he just wanted Matt to go away. He was being rude and irrational and he’d be chewed out for it later but he didn’t care right now.

“I wish you were still stuck on that damned Galra ship!” The blue eyed boy shouted.

The cockpit fell silent.

Matt stood, bewildered for a moment, before his features softened. “Lance, I understand you’re upset. I’ll go, but I’m here for you if you need me.”

Lance remained stiff and quiet, minus sniffling, as Matt left the Blue lion.

The blue paladin gave it a few minutes, before shakily wiping his eyes and plopping down into Blues seat.


Matt was even calm in situations where Lance just flipped out and made a fool of himself.

He could t think about it any longer.
There would be a lecture later and Lance could wait until then to get these feelings out again.

For now, he slept.

+25 Best Science Pick Up Line

1) You are so hot, you denature my enzyme.

2) Hey baby, will a little more alcohol catalyse this reaction?

3) Me and you would undergo more energetic reaction than Potassium and water.

4) If you were oxygen, I would be an alkali metal so I could get in you and explode.

5) You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to fall power.

6) Girl are you solid, liquid or gas? Because you matter.

7) Excuse me, but I’m really attracted to you and according to Newton’s laws of gravitation, you’re attracted to me, too.

8) Are you made of Copper and Terrarium? Because you’re CuTe.

9) Are you made of Barium and Beryllium? Because you’re a total BaBe.

10) Do you have 11 protons cause you are Sodium Fine.

11) You must be tg e square root of -1 because you can’t be real.

12) Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine and Neon? Because you’re FINe.

13) I told a chemistry joke, there was no reaction.

14) Are you made of Beryllium, Gold and Titanium? Because you are BeAuTiFull.

15) Are you 2 or more atoms held together by a chemical bond because you’re a mole-cute.

16) You know why men are so much sexier than woman? Because you can’t spell sexy without ‘xy’.

17) You must be a red blood cell, because you take the oxygen away from my lungs and straight to my heart.

18) Lets F-U-C-K and make some chemistry.

19) What’s the suns favourite pick up line? “Hey babe, you look like you need some VITAMIN D”

20) Are you made of Nickle, Cesium, Arsenic and Sulfur? Because you’re got a NiCe AsS.

21) When I look at you, my body contains 207 bones.

22) Are you gravity? Because you’re are an attractive force.

23) Can I call you global warming? Because you heat this place up.

24) You must be asthma, because you take my break away.

25) Are you a scientific method? Because I have a reaction for you.

26) Are you a monomer of glucose? Because damn you are sweet.

27) Will you be the substrate to my enzyme?

28) Are you charged? Because I find you attractive.
N-Er-Dy ;)

anonymous asked:

26 43 80 with montgomery please 😂

Man oh man do I love that angry lil prick

26. I’m stuck! Help me!

43. Pick up lines only work when I’m drunk.

80. Nothing bad is going to happen, baby, I promise.

Clean up the sports utility closet coach said. It’ll be easy extra credit he said. What he didn’t say was that the door to the closet was old and janky. What he didn’t say was that the door had a habit of not opening once it had been shut. All she had to say was fuck the coach and fuck this goddamn door. 

“Hello?!” she yells, pounding on the door with both of her fists. Unfortunately the only shitty part of the door was the lock. The rest of it was strong as steel. 

“Y/N?” a voice asks, moving closer to the door.

“Monty?” she asks in surprise, pressing her ear against the door. This was just fantastic. Montgomery De La Cruz of all people. Her on-again-off-again on-the-down-low hook up of all people.

“What’re you doing?” he inquires, tapping on the door with his fingers.

I’m stuck! Help me!” she shouts, hitting the door with her fist. She reels back fast, the impact hurting a lot more than she thought it would.

“Why are you in there in the first place?” his voice rings through. He’s muffled because of the barrier, but she can still make out a mischievous undertone laced in his words.

“I didn’t do so great on the last test, so coach said he’d give me extra credit if I cleaned out the sports utility closet,” she sighs, kicking at the door this time to give her fists a break.

“Why didn’t you do so great? You’re smart, you always do well,” he smirks, knowing exactly why she didn’t do well.

“Because the only thing I was studying before that exam was your anatomy you ass hat!” she yells impulsively, instantly covering her mouth. She can’t see what’s going on outside. Half the baseball team could be there for all she knows, but thankfully the only laugh she hears is Monty’s, so he must be alone. “That means it’s half your fault that I’m stuck in here.”

“That’s fair,” he shrugs, “What do I get if I get you out?”

“I’m gonna slap that smirk off of your face,” she snaps.

“You really shouldn’t be getting temperamental with the person who can save your ass,” he tsks, jiggling the handle with his hand, “And you know, my lips won’t kiss themselves.”

Pick up lines only work when I’m drunk,” she rolls her eyes.

“Oh I remember,” he grins, unintentionally drawing his bottom lip between his teeth.

The first time they hooked up was over the summer at a bonfire Zach was hosting. She was buzzed off straw-ber-ritas and thought that everything was absolutely hilarious. Even Monty’s stupid pick up lines. The flirty banter was playful and enticing, so much so that when she sobered up and could think clearly again she still wanted to be with him. Maybe it was the way he smiled when he spoke, or the way his fingers danced over her leg while they talked. Whatever it was got her hooked, and even now she is still drawn to him.

“What’re you thinking about?” Monty presses, noticing the silence. She can hear the smirk in his voice.

“How much I want out of this fucking closet,” she snaps back to the present moment, “I’m starting to get claustrophobic.”

Nothing bad is going to happen, baby, I promise,” he assures. 

“Not your ‘baby’,” she retorts.

“Aren’t you though?” he presses, “or do you only like the sound of that when it comes out in a moan?”

Montgomery!”Her cheeks heat up and suddenly she’s oh-so-grateful for the door that’s separating them so he can’t see the look on her face, or the blotchy, pink stains on her cheeks. They never really talked about the things that happened that nobody else knew about. Especially not in broad daylight.

“I’m just saying,” he chuckles, yanking on the door handle. It doesn’t budge. He grabs the baseball bat he leaned against the door when he started talking to her. Good time to have baseball practice.

The clashing of metal on metal causes her to jump back. If she had to guess, she would say that Monty used something to knock the handle off the door, and her suspicion is confirmed when the door opens and Monty is standing there with his baseball in his hand the door knob laying on the ground in defeat.

“Got it,” he smiles proudly, walking into the closet.

“Monty,” she gasps, “You can’t do that. You broke the fucking door!”

“It was already broken,” he shrugs casually, “And besides, I rescued you. That’s what you wanted right?”

“I wanted someone to get me out of here. Not you specifically. Just someone,” she crosses her arms across her chest. Although she has to admit, the post-practice sweaty shimmer, and tousled hair is a good look for him.

“Well, I’m glad it was me,” he’s standing right in front of her now, trailing his hand down her tricep to test the waters. Much to his delight, she uncrosses her arms, letting them fall to her sides. He grabs both of her wrists and places them on his shoulders to which she instinctively moves her hands behind his head while he rests his forehead against hers mumbling in a near inaudible voice, “Kiss please?”

She complies without protest, tilting her head up to connect their lips. His mouth feels warmer than usual, probably from baseball practice and working up a sweat. He grips the middle of her thighs, instructing her to “jump”. She’s placed on a stack of crates so they’re more eye-level now and she wraps her legs around his waist as his hands move up and down her legs.

“Monty,” she breathes, “thanks for saving me.”

“Anytime,” he moves his mouth to her ear, “babe.”

anonymous asked:

ChikaYou headcanons?

I hope this is to your liking, anon! 

  • You considers herself a fairly affectionate person, both physically and emotionally, but my god. Chika has to be the most oblivious person she has ever met. It pains her, it really does.
  • She still loves Chika though! Her dense personality is just another thing she loves about her!
  • But whenever You tries to be all romantic and lovey dovey, it’s usually her that ends up in a flustered, blushing mess.
  • Chika doesn’t really understand, but she thinks it’s adorable!
  • Both of them adore pick up lines and think that they’re hilarious. They will literally be happy to spend a weekend just looking up pick up lines on the Internet. Everyone else in Aqours – Mari excluded, naturally – hates it.
  • Chika has always felt guilty about You’s decision to join Aqours. She already has so much on her plate! Aqours wouldn’t be Aqours if You wasn’t there, but still.
  • She shows up to You’s swim meets. Every. Single. One. 
  • Chika’s tried to attend as many as she could in the past, but she insists on cheering You on all the time now. She doesn’t care how much studying she has, she will attend the swim meet. After all, if You can do it, so can she!
  • You’s pretty embarrassed by this. Chika’s the only person ever cheering on the sidelines, so it’s become some what of a recurring joke with her friends in the swim team.
  • She’s super happy about it though! She’s elated that Chika puts away so much of her time on just cheering her on! 
  • After they start dating, Chika tries her hardest to observe You and read her emotions, like You does for her.
  • You is very, very pleased by this!
  • They can basically read each other’s minds now. It’s adorable.
  • Because they’re childhood friends, their families are very well acquainted with each other. The rest of Aqours likes to joke that they’re already a married couple.
  • Sometimes, the two like to curl up on the couch and read idol magazines together, fawning over the cute outfits (and girls). Now they’re subscribed to so many idol magazines, it’s unbelievable. They like to talk to Ruby about it at CYaRon! practices, since Ruby also loves idol magazines.
  • Chika and You are pretty normal with physical affection. They love casual hugs and cuddles. They can’t last a day without hugging, seriously. 
  • They also like to play footsie underneath the table.
  • They don’t kiss a lot. You almost always initiates, which is really embarrassing for her.
  • On the few times Chika does initiate, You gets even more embarrassed.
  • Getting kissed by Chika is always embarrassing. Always!
  • Chika’s really cool when she kisses, since she’s never flustered about it.
  • It’s like all her embarrassment transfers to You…
  • You can’t tell if she loves or hates it.