hilarious lines

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f-ck him to death, a vampire diaries fanfic | FanFiction

Because here’s the hilarious punch line; the Original Hybrid can’t be killed with white-oak stakes or infernal spells. Even if they could rope Elijah and the rest of the siblings into helping her weaken him, it still wouldn’t do the trick. The Hybrid can only be killed a witch, a Bennett witch to be precise. While fucking.

Sorry, she doesn’t mean to sound crude, but there’s no other way around it. The twenty-five Grimoires and occult volumes she consulted all broadly define it as the same thing: copulation.

Klaus Mikaelson has to be inside her when she rips his heart out. It’s the only way she can rip his heart out and definitely kill him.

Yes, she has to fuck him to death.

I was just randomly clicking through episodes and stumbled upon this scene and it’s actually quite underappreciated and very sweet

this obviously happens shortly after their stupid argument over the lost bag of nuts (rest in peace brave soldier) and it’s clear that they’re still a bit tense after that. But Yuuri makes an attempt to break the ice 

“What would you like for a gift?” can just as easily be translated to: “I’m not annoyed anymore and would like to put this behind us.” It’s a sweet peace offering, with Yuuri showing interest and care in something that he presumes is important to Viktor.

However

Viktor misinterprets what Yuuri is trying to say and, while answering truthfully, also accidentally dismiss the hand Yuuri reached out for him. It’s a good display of them facing a cultural gap, since Yuuri might have planned to get Viktor a gift in advance and Viktor shoots that wish down. It’s not on purpose! But, speaking from experience, sometimes cultural gaps cause misunderstandings between couples that might lead to hurt feelings

 As is also evidently displayed here; Yuuri tries to mend what was hurt in the previous scene, in his own way, and Viktor misunderstands and Yuuri is left feeling rejected and possibly anxious that Viktor is still mad at him

BUT THAT LEADS US TO THE MOST CRUCIAL MOMENT IN THIS SCENE

VIKTOR CLEARLY NOTICES THAT YUURI GETS HURT and immediately tries to make Yuuri feel better in a way that is just as sweet as Yuuri’s own

it’s a line of dialogue that is just as simple as Yuuri’s when he asks what Viktor wants as a gift. “Do you want some hot wine, too?” is basically Viktor reaching out to Yuuri and showing care for his well being and offering to share something of his own with him. It’s simple, it’s sweet and easily leads into the hilarious line about Yuuri not handling alcohol well, bUT IT’S JUST SO CUTE AND THOUGHTFUL

THIS SCENE IS SO GREAT BECAUSE EVEN AFTER AN ARGUMENT THEY TRY TO FIX WHAT WAS HURT BY SHOWING EACH OTHER CARE AND COMPASSION AND IT’S SOOOOO PURE THEY CARE SO MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP

Things I really loved about Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 in earnest

Spoilers!!!!!

1. Yondu’s “I’m Mary Poppins y'all!” after Peter says he’s cool. Because yes, it’s a hilarious line, but it’s also such a DAD thing. Like, who can’t say that their dad wouldn’t be so proud to be considered cool by their son and it’s so unexpectedly sweet because of it.

2. The fact that Baby Groot cries like an actual baby once. Because it’s like it’s stabbing you in the heart, but it’s so effective because you really forget that he really is a baby with all the things he can do until then, and that brings you right back.

3. The symmetry in Yondu’s redemption. Yondu is damned because he brings Ego’s children to Ego and his planet to be sacrificed, and he’s redeemed by sacrificing himself to save Ego’s child (who really is HIS child) and bring him away from Ego’s planet.

4. Drax’s interaction with Mantis, especially him holding her while he drowns in Ego’s planet. Because Drax is like this big murderous comic relief character, but his screen time with Mantis was this lovely way to remind the audience that Drax has this soft side and this tragic past without shoving it in your face. Drax might laugh at your pain, but he’d also try to save you even as he was drowning, and it’s a perfect way to frame his character.

5. Ego’s “For the first time, I am truly not ALONE!” and his alieness in general. Because don’t get me wrong, Ego is absolutely a non redeemable wonky bonkers genocidal jerk off, but he’s got this great alien quality to him that I feel this series really needed. It’s not in how he looks, but his motives and how he acts. Ego is a millennia old being; a god in a world of mortals. His view point of the world and his actions are so very true to that idea that we almost can’t relate because no one can imagine what it must be like to be that old or that powerful. But when he yells that one line out, we really get it. Ego, for all his power, is just like us; he just doesn’t want to be alone. Coupled with his god like alien superiority, his ego - get it? ;) - he sees the expansion as the way to answer that feeling. If everything is him, after all, then he can’t be alone, see? What makes him a great villain is that he actually had the real answer all along - love, family - but he chose to destroy it because he felt it was beneath him; because of his subconscious disgust at his own desire to be “just like the rest of them.”

6. Nebula’s “You wanted to win and I just wanted a sister!” And how it turns the tables on how we view her relationship with Gamora. Because Nebula is clearly set up to be the ‘bad sister’ to Gamora’s ‘good sister’ and that one line really throws that on its head and shows that neither one of them are good or bad. I also love how it’s Gamora that ends up apologizing to Nebula, after everything, and Gamora who finally returns Nebula’s offer of sisterhood after all of those years.

7. “You shouldn’t have killed my mom and squished my Walkman!” Like, this line right here; the essence of Peter Quill in 10 words. Perfection.

8. The batteries as they relate to the parallel of Yondu’s and Rocket. Because them as a parallel is basically smashed over our heads, but I liked the subtle batteries parallel in that Rocket steals batteries he doesn’t need and Yondu steals Peter, who is used as a battery by Ego. It’s just a little thing but I found it really neat.

9. Rocket’s “I can only afford to lose one friend today,” line and how although it’s clearly framed to be about Peter, it’s also possibly about Yondu. Because no matter what, Rocket is losing a friend and it’s a great line to add to his character development from a guy who started trying to push his friends away to a guy who can’t lose them.

10. The contrast between how Peter reacts to the death of Ego and Yondu. He holds both as they die but he’s just silent and unaffected by Ego and he’s distraught and trying desperately to save Yondu, trying to pull off the suit to give to Yondu and save him instead. Can you say tears?

11. Don’t even talk to me about the Ravager funeral.

12. That the movie really was truly about family. Drax and his family and Mantis, Gamora and Nebula, Rocket and the Guardians, everyone parenting Groot and Peter realizing that the dad he’d wanted all along was actually the one he’d had. Often these superhero movies pull the “we’re family” card and it doesn’t feel earned, but man it does in this one. This movie is like Marvel’s “The Fast and The Furious IN SPACE” and it’s just great.

“psst hey is your last name katsuki? because yuri-lly hot~”

//slapped// thanks to @happypersimmon for the pick-up line idea

SPEEDPAINT

extra:

he’s so done with him //but he still loves him

happy valentine’s day~

Also, cause I’m feeling nostalgic now, here are some Iconic™ asoue movie quotes from Olaf to consider:

- “Mr. Poe, I will raise these children as if they were actually wanted.”
- “My dear…” *looks at smudged writing on hand* “…Violet.”
- “The little udders are, uh, hard to locate…”
- “Puttanesca.” “What did you call me?
- “Children are, uh, strange and foreign to me. I never really was one.”
- “Hello. I am going on a perfectly innocent ride through the country with my kids. Whom I love.”
- “Beef, yes. Roast beef. It’s the Swedish term for beef that is roasted.”
- “I am Stephano. I am an Italian man.”
- “Who is this incredibly handsome Count Olaf I keep hearing about?”

Thoughts on OITNB Season 5

The Good:

  • This season was a lot of fun. I never felt bored, and the pacing was just right. They made roughly four days (I think?) last 13 episodes, but I don’t feel as though anything was dragged out.
  • Red on speed was fucking hilarious. So many great lines out of her this season. “In Russia, we don’t have proverbs. We have vodka and misery.”
  • Young Red back story!
  • Soso’s memorial to Poussey.
  • The subtle social commentary/anti-gun message in the premiere, where every time someone asked/talked about the gunfire a different American mass shooting was referenced. Needless to say, there was a lot.
  • Taystee taking the fucking microphone from Judy King. 
  • Taystee repeating Poussey’s name over and over. Punching Caputo in the face for not doing so. A+
  • Taystee as a whole was pretty amazing this season, even if she eventually screwed everything up.
  • Linda becoming Boo’s girlfriend for five minutes but then ultimately getting completely fucked over.
  • Piper and Alex sticking mostly to mundane couple issues. Nothing hugely earth-shattering between the two of them. I was sick of the constant forced drama.
  • I feel like Piper made actual progress with her mother, and the fact that particular conversation lead to her impromptu proposal was awesome.
  • Nicky was clean, hilarious, and hot as hell. Couldn’t get enough of her this season, and loved seeing the real depths of her feelings for Lorna. The brief role reversal with her and Red was a fun trip as well.
  • Red and Blanca friendship was an unexpected treat.
  • FRIEDA
  • I could not love Gloria Mendoza more if I tried.
  • Alison was fleshed out, and I’m really starting to love her as a character.
  • Piper being a Slytherin, headcanon confirmed. 
  • Caputo being a badass in his negotiations with Fig. 
  • Chang peacing out. 
  • Ending the season with The Cinematic Orchestra’s “To Build a Home” – a better song choice doesn’t exist. I have always associated that song with this show. Bravo. The last five minutes gave me chills.
  • Cindy singing Suzanne to sleep, then later Cindy hugging Suzanne, apologizing, crying. I loved it.

The Bad:

  • I feel like the overall message with Suzanne was scattered and poorly handled, and while Uzo did an amazing job with what she was given, I feel like the writing wasn’t necessarily realistic in that it hasn’t been tackled what exactly Suzanne’s mental illness is, purely so the writers can twist her symptoms to fit the plot.
  • Unlike most people I’m not mad about the Piscatella back-story, but it felt incomplete to me. I feel like there is not enough explanation there. What happened to Wes? It seemed like given some of what Piscatella said that there must have been some kind of betrayal there. Given that he’s dead, we’ll probably never find out, but I just felt like there were pieces missing to his story.
  • I feel like Daya fell flat this season. Her characterization was all over the place until she gave herself up and quietly disappeared. 
  • Vinnie and Lorna are, as always, the cringiest. I guess that’s sort of the point, though.
  • I’m not sure what they were trying to do with the Nazis/Sankey? I don’t know if they were trying to endear us to them, but it felt…weird. Like their racism was purely situational and just seemed to disappear when it was convenient. I feel uncomfortable that they were played in a way that I wanted to like them, then felt horrified because Jesus, they’re FUCKING NAZIS
  • Black Lattes Matter would never be a meme
  • Sophia disappearing halfway through the season. Seriously? Her helping in medical was awesome. I would’ve loved to have seen more of that.

The Ugly:

  • Coates x Pennsatucky makes my fucking skin crawl. How can this be a thing? Why is this a thing? WHY IS SHE PAIRED WITH HER RAPIST AND WHY IS IT PORTRAYED AS CUTE?
  • The general rapeyness of how most of the male hostages were treated, mainly Stratman, Josh, and Luschyek. It dehumanized a lot of the girls for me and made me really uncomfortable.
  • Adding onto that: Angie and Leanne have become way too much. “I’ve raped guys before, and I could tell that was genuine.” What the fuck? Why did this need to be in there? I don’t understand how we are ever supposed to have any sympathy for these two ever again. Which is a shame with Leanne, because she has one of the more interesting back stories on the show.
  • Watching the guy who raped Wes Driscoll get burned alive was something I could’ve done without seeing. Hearing his screams would’ve been enough to get the point across.
  • Humps was creepy when he was alive, creepy when he was dying, and creepy upon death. Not sad to see him go. 
  • Piscatella torturing Red in front of her girls…Alex’s arm getting snapped…that whole episode was amazingly handled, but it was still really difficult to watch.
  • Caputo getting trapped in the POO for so long was really gross and disturbing. The man was literally locked in a piss/shit/puke filled porta-potty for days in what I’m pretty sure is summer or early autumn. 
  • Seriously, all of those guards are going to be permanently traumatized. What they were put through is sick.

TL;DR: This has been one of my favorite seasons yet, fun and brilliant, even if there’s an unfortunate amount of it I desperately wish I could un-see, and I feel some of it should have been handled differently. 

“So tell me, MERlin, what exactly did you get up to these past centuries whilst i was in slumber?” Arthur rested his feet on the edge of the table, ignoring the frown that his mage did give his dirtied feet.

“I waited..”

“Merlin, after all this time, hundred upon hundreds of years and you waited? I knew you were loyal, my dear old friend, but this is a new level. Gods Merlin, didn’t you go out exploring the world, teaching magic to youngens and protecting innocent lives? I know i am quite the chamer but you must have lived Merlin, just once, please tell me that, tell me you didn’t act like some lovestrucked girl who waited upon the shores for your knight in shining amour to come and rescue your from the cold,” Arthur finished, Merlin was staring at him as though he was a talking wyvern.

Arthur picked up a stick from the dusty table and poked the taller boy in front of him. 

“Mer-”

“I waited. on tables, you prat”


that ending I’m cackling thank you for this gift, bae

Class on BBC America

ok so if youre following me and haven’t watched class already, i wouldn’t blame you if you just looked away from the title lmao, i am quite forceful when it comes to this

ANYWAY, as most of you probably know already, the new series of doctor who premieres on bbc america tonight at 9/8c (if you’re in the small minority who doesn’t just download it illegally when it comes out in the uk), and that’s awesome!! but before you’re tempted to switch off your tv immediately and scream on social media - there is a new show starting straight after, and you should really watch it

class is a spin-off of doctor who set at coal hill school, with a torchwood-like premise in that there is a tear in space and time which attracts a bunch of aliens. the cast is HUGELY diverse - there’s a black girl who is super intelligent and skipped two school years, but is still vulnerable and cares deeply about her family (and calls out another character on his alien racist attitudes); a sikh boy who talks about his religion, and loses a leg in the first episode and has to get used to using a prosthetic, and a gay polish character who deals with homophobia, but that isn’t his entire character. the only two white males are in a gay relationship, and there are two interracial relationships as well.
THERE’S NOT A SINGLE STRAIGHT WHITE MALE IN THE MAIN CAST!!

also it’s not written by moffat if that helps - its written by YA author patrick ness who’s written stuff like a monster calls, more than this, the rest of us just live here, etc.

HOWEVER, at the moment, due to lack of advertising from the bbc, only being shown online and being given a shitty time slot when it actually was shown on bbc one, it is very low on viewing figures, and in danger of not being renewed for a second season. at the moment, the bbc haven’t made a decision, and it entirely depends on how well it does in america - so it’s crucial that you watch it!! even if you don’t want to actually watch the show, at least leave your tv on after dw, to boost the viewing figures. posting about in online, specifically twitter and instagram since those are the only ones the bbc care about, would also help a lot, and signing the petition for season two (that i can’t link right now as im on mobile)

(the characters i didn’t mention are brilliant as well - there’s a girl who seems like a typical hufflepuff at the start but then becomes probably the second most badass character in the show, gay alien prince who’s socially awkward and adorable but also super morally grey and pretty much a slave owner, and although he doesn’t think so he gets called out on it a lot, and an alien freedom-fighter physics teacher who has hilarious lines but also a really complex personality and backstory and gets a shit ton of character development. she’s my fave. i love her a lot.)

tl;dr: class is on bbc america tonight at 10/9c (after dw), its really good, watch it or it won’t get a second season and i’ll cry

The Ten Types of Supernatural Episode:  an Illustrated Guide.

1.  The Generic:

This is the kind of episode fandom veterans fondly refer to as “Old School Supernatural.”  Features a 70s rock soundtrack, a classic (yet in hindsight, relatively nonthreatening) ghost or monster, comically bad special effects, and body horror.  Probably from season one. 

Examples:  “Wendigo,” “Bloody Mary,” “Bugs.”    

2.  The Classic:

Not to be confused with the Generic, the Classic is the kind of episode that everybody remembers and everybody loves.  It’s infinitely quotable, carefully toes the line between hilarious and absurd, and is still frequently blogged about even if it came out 7+ years ago.  Almost definitely features Gabriel. 

Examples:  “Tall Tales,” “Mystery Spot,” “Changing Channels.”

3.  The Life Changer:

Once you see this episode, you will never be the same.  Whether it introduces a beloved character, kills them, or raises them from the dead, the Life Changer is the episode that either sends you into a downward spiral of unhealthy obsession, or merely accelerates it.

Examples:  “Lazarus Rising,” “Abandon All Hope,” “Lucifer Rising.”

4.  The Black Comedy:

Though much of Supernatural revolves around a unique cocktail of horror and humor, the Black Comedy is almost impossible to miss.  From famine-induced cannibalism, to a would-be antichrist, to a killer pagan Santa Clause, the humor of these episodes is darker than Batman’s worst nightmares and probably at least twice as depressing, yet manages to be oddly magical all the same.

Examples:  “Yellow Fever,” “My Bloody Valentine,” “A Very Supernatural Christmas.”

5.  The Crack Fic: 

These are the episodes whose only real purpose is to make you wonder if Supernatural is some kind of elaborate fever dream.  Neither advance the plot nor provide much further insight into its characters, but still entertaining in terms of pure absurdity. 

Examples:  “Man’s Best Friend with Benefits,” “It’s a Dog Dean Afternoon,” most of season seven.  

6.  The WELL-WRITTEN Crack Fic:

Despite having the same brand surreal absurdity of the Crack Fic, the WELL-WRITTEN Crack Fic not only serves to further character development, but will also tug at your heartstrings, make you laugh, and very likely make you cry. 

Examples:  “Monster Movie,” “Sam, Interrupted,” “Hunteri Heroici.”

7.  The Meta Fiction: 

Some shows break the fourth wall, but this one comes at it with a sledgehammer.  From directly addressing the fandom and its terminology to the show itself, the Meta Fiction episode is usually surprisingly enjoyable and well-done, if you can get past the sheer mindfuck of it.

Examples:  “Fanfiction,” “The French Mistake,” “Don’t Call me Shurley.” 

8.  The Tearjerker: 

This one specializes in one thing and one thing only, and that is emotionally destroying you.  May disguise itself as other kinds of episodes, like the Crack Fic and the Meta Fiction, before swiftly and efficiently moving in for the kill.

Examples:  “the Rapture,” “After School Special,” “the Man Who Would be King.”   

9.  The Tragedy Porn:

Do you enjoy watching your favorite characters suffer and die horribly for no particular reason?  No?  Well in that case, you picked the wrong show, my friend.  From the heart wrenching pain of Dean being forced to kick a newly-human Cas out of the bunker, to the soul-destroying injustices that were Kevin and Charlie, the Tragedy Porn is an episode that exists for no other reason than to make you want to crawl into a hole and die.

Examples:  “I’m No Angel,” “Dark Dynasty,” “Rock and a Hard Place.”

10.  The Grand Finale: 

The Tearjerker, made ten times worse with the addition of “Carry on my Wayward Son” and a cliffhanger ending.  Specializes in metaphorically ripping your heart out, making you sob like a pre-adolescent girl, and psyching you up for the next season, no matter how emotionally exhausted you may already be.

 Examples:  “No Rest For the Wicked,” “The Man Who Knew Too Much,” “Swan Song.”