high school was dumb

Something that happened at my school today, but also imagine your OTP
  • Teacher: Compare answers with friends around you.
  • Boy: what if you don't have any friends?
  • Teacher: Then compare answers with your nemesis.
  • Boy; *sighs and turns towards the guy next to him WHO IS actually his friend* What did you get?
  • Guy next to him: *pushes the boys paper off the desk without looking up from his phone*
  • Boy: GOD DAMN IT
Your secret is safe with me

“Blaise,” Draco fumed, storming into the living room, “what happened to the chest of drawers in my room?”

Blaise looked up from the paper he was reading and grinned at Draco.

“Do you like the new one? You’ve been whining about it so much, I thought I’d just replace that awful old-timer.”

“What did you do with that old-timer?”

“I sold it,” Blaise shrugged.

“You sold it,” Draco repeated flatly.

“Yes.”

“Who did you sell it to?” Draco asked frantically.

“No idea,” Blaise said. “I didn’t get a name. Two people came by to pick it up. I think they were Muggles.”

Draco felt like he was about to faint.

“Did you take everything out beforehand?”

Blaise snorted.

“Of course! What do you take me for?”

“Everything?” Draco insisted.

Blaise raised an eyebrow at Draco’s tone and studied him.

“Yes, everything.”

Draco took a step closer and narrowed his eyes.

“Even what was under the secret false bottom in the second drawer, nobody but me knows about?”

Blaise paled and his mouth opened.

“Oh,” he simply said.

“Yes, oh,” Draco growled. “Great, now I have to hunt it down. You’re a lousy flatmate.”

“Hey, I just wanted to do you a favour,” Blaise said defensively.

“You better hope they haven’t found what’s inside it, or I’m going to kill you.”

Doing the locator spell was easy enough. Draco had feared it wouldn’t work, but it seemed there were no wards guarding the flat the chest of drawers had ended up in. Draco apparated to the flat, his heart hammering as he knocked.

When the door opened, Draco was sure he had to be dreaming. Of all the people in the world. Of course. Of course.

“Malfoy?” Potter seemed stunned. He was holding a toothbrush and was only dressed in a green t-shirt and pants. “How did you find me?”

Draco shook his head, willing his mind to work properly again.

“You have something of mine,” he said curtly.

“And what might that be?” Potter responded, a grin beginning to form on his lips. It took Draco off guard for a moment.

“Can I just come in and check something?”

Potter stepped aside and gestured for Draco to come in. Draco wasted no time and quickly found the chest of drawers in the corner of Potter’s bedroom. He opened the second drawer and took out the little book he had been so desperate to get back.

“What’s that?” Potter asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Nothing of your concern. It shouldn’t have been in there,” Draco huffed.

“Hmmm,” Potter hummed. “You know, I never would have thought you kept a diary.”

Draco blushed, quickly hiding his hands behind his back.

“It’s not a diary,” he said lamely.

Potter nodded, but he had a mischievous smile on his face.

“You want a drink?” he asked, turning around and heading back into the living room. Draco blinked and tried to find his voice again.

“Um, no thank you. You were obviously getting ready for bed. I won’t disturb you any longer,” he said hastily.

“You sure? It might be a great opportunity,” Potter grinned. Draco gave him a quizzical look.

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Potter shrugged, “after two Firewhiskeys you might get the chance to run your hands through my incredibly infuriating, magnificent head of hair.” Potter tried to keep a straight face, but couldn’t suppress a snicker. “I might even let you touch my strong and marvellous jawline.”

Never had Draco wished more the ground would open and swallow him up.

“You read it,” he said through gritted teeth. “You had no right.”

“True,” Potter replied, nonchalant. “I’d let you read mine in return, but I don’t keep a diary.” He stepped closer to Draco, studying his face intently.

“You look rather cute when you’re flushed.”

Draco made a sound that was something between a weird gurgle and a high-pitched squeak. Whatever it was, it was highly embarrassing.

Potter chuckled, coming to a halt right in front of Draco.

“I mean, I could just show you what kind of fantasies I’d be writing in that diary,” he said in a low whisper.

Draco gulped, not quite grasping what Potter was saying.

“Like what?” he breathed.

“Hmmm.” Potter’s eyes flickered down to Draco’s lips. “Like how I want to grab you right now and kiss you until you can’t breathe.”

Draco’s mouth opened involuntarily. Breathing was already hard with Potter standing so close to him.

“And then,” Potter continued, deliberately breathing on Draco’s lips, “I’d want your hands on the most delicious and perfect arse you have ever seen in your life.”

Draco groaned loudly. This was just too much. But then again, Potter really seemed to be teasing him in a rather flirtatious way. Trying to conceal his nervousness, he raised his chin and fixed Potter with a glare.

“These better not just be empty promises,” Draco said haughtily.

“Oh, they’re not,” Potter smirked, his eyes gleaming as he started pouring their drinks.

TAZ Characters as Dumb Shit I Did In High School

Magnus: Smuggled my 60-lbs coonhound into school for no reason. Twice.

Taako: Broke into the culinary arts room and took the microwave right off the counter because we needed it in spanish class

Merle: Stole an aloe plant from an antique shop on a school field trip by ripping it out of the dirt and sticking it up my jacket sleeve

Lucretia: Procrastinated on my AP Bio work until the last day of class and pulled an all-nighter to finish the 92 pages of work i had due, dropped it off in the classroom, then left school and went directly to South Carolina

Lup: Told my teacher I was going to the bathroom and went to McDonald’s instead; came back to class 15 minutes before the bell with a 10-piece nugget meal

Davenport: Got lost on a very narrow mountain road with no cell service and 4 freshmen in the car with me, repeatedly yelled “WE’RE NOT LOST, WE’RE JUST GEOGRAPHICALLY MISPLACED” until we ended up at a state park 30 minutes from where we were supposed to be

Barry: Told that “avogadro’s number/avocado’s number ‘how many guacas are in guacamole’” joke in chemistry and laughed so hard at my own joke that the teacher made me sit outside until I could calm down. No one else laughed.

Things You’d Never Know Without Fanfics...

(WARNING: Strongly advise you not to read/comment/reply if you’re easily offended as this is full of heavy sarcasm. If you do not get sarcasm, DO NOT READ.)

(Updated: 7/27/17… starts at #36)

1. Eyes are not called eyes. They are orbs. And usually the color of chocolate.

2. A woman will begin experiencing pregnancy symptoms less than 24 hours after sex. In some cases, there will even be a small bump.

3. It doesn’t matter if you’re a minor, you can still miss 12 days of school without any repercussions.

4. All female protagonists must have ridiculously complicated names or names that generally are associated with boys because they’re “not like all the other girls”.

5. Love triangles are completely original ideas.

Keep reading

The Hosts as “Going back to school” archetypes.

Ok so this wasn’t a request, but after going back to school today I felt the need for this. Humor me please. (Yes, these are all people that I saw today!) ^.^

Tamaki: “Talks about how excited he is to be back and how great the year is going to be until the teacher hands him the first assignment and basically kills someone.”  

Kyoya: “Literally looks like he never stopped going to school from last year”

Hikaru: “Actual zombie”

Kaoru: “The poor person helping the actual zombie to not fall in the middle of the hallway”

Mori: “Are you sure they didn’t move?!” “I’m right here.” “OH.”

Hani: “Was so excited about going back to school that they got no sleep and is now asleep on their desk”

Haruhi: “Done with everyone and its only first hour.” (See also “No I did NOT stop by Subway before coming here! *Takes bite of Subway sandwich*)

anonymous asked:

idk why but I love teenage cliche otayuri??? like, yurio is the hbic even tho he's only sophomore and yet people part for him in the hallways like the Red Sea... so no one wants to be his friend and he convinces himself he's fine that way (like the true emperor he is) until "bad boy" outcast and upperclassman (junior?? Senior??) beka breaks through the ice. they become friends then bfs then the power couple that everyone imagines doing illegal juvenile stuff (1/2)

(2/2) when actually they’re just chillin and hanging out, making each other laugh w/ dumb jokes, sharing headphones to listen to music togethe, and trying to beat each other at video games. at one point, someone spots them at the mall or wherever and at first they couldn’t recognize the two bc wtf plisetsky is smiling??? Altin has other expressions than constipation or murder??? sighs just cliche teen ota/yuri

oh ym gOD YES

another cliche is when a new kid shows up in school and everyones like “oh be on the lookout for yuri plisetsky, hes only a sophomore but hes 100% capable of ruining ur life if u mess with him” and “be careful around otabek altin i mean no one has actually SEEN him do anything but the tattoos??? the fucking motorcycle??? he has to be up to some illegal shit”

and the new kids like ??? bc he’s been here for one (1) day and he hasnt seen any of these two so people provide him with pics and is just “STAY AWAY FROM THEM” and hes like “ok chill damn”

but after school he stops by a cafe and sees yuri and otabek themselves, and wtf, yuri’s smiling as he’s chatting animatedly with otabek who’s wearing a blue fucking sweater and the fondest smile the new kid has ever fucking seen

he snaps a pic and the next day hes like “??? r u sure ur talking abt the same people” and shows the pic and everyone is sh00K

back to school au list
  1. “it’s the first day back and i’m walking to school and i see you running after the bus and i start laughing then you get mad at me but like dude the school is a block away just walk. what. sure we can walk together why not” au
  2. “you’re in literally all my classes let’s be friends” au
  3. “you were staring at me while i changed in the locker room that’s creepy pls stop” au
  4. “it’s only the first week of school and we got caught making out in the bathroom shit” au
  5. “class hasn’t started yet so i started talking to the person next to me and i say how i hate (class subject) but whoops it turns out you’re the teacher how do you look so damn young omg” au
  6. “you’re fluent in the foreign language we’re taking and you’re always laughing at my wrong answers fuck you why are you even in this class” au
  7. “i’m fluent in foreign language so i took this class because it’d be easy and one of the students is always trying their best but ends up saying something weird that makes no sense like ‘a backyard is on the fireplace’ and its really funny and cute actually but also you suck” au
  8. “you’re always quoting lizzie mcguire please stop i can’t take this the rest of the year” au
  9. “i joined band but i don’t actually know how to play an instrument so im just awkwardly in the corner” au
  10. “every year on the first day you go all out and dress up really nice then the next day you come in wearing sweats and a hoodie” au
  11. “i’m pretty sure you’re stalking one of the upperclassmen and i think you know i know and i’m terrified” au
  12. “we have to share a locker” au
  13. “you made the cheerleading squad and i didn’t /sobs” au
  14. “you’re acting like one of those stereotypical popular girls when you get shoved into the lockers and i see and start laughing so hard” au
  15. “i’m at my locker and i feel something poking me so i turn around and see you and oh my god you’re like 4′8 you’re so adorable” au
  16. “someone is standing in the way of my locker so i poke them and when they see me they gush about how cute i am and yeah yeah im used to this just move please” au
  17. “you proceed to pour coffee, mountain dew, and a five hour energy drink into one cup and down it before saying ‘i’m gonna die’ and are you okay” au
  18. “there are too many students and not enough rooms so i have to room with two other people and oh god they’re datING AND ALWAYS FUCKING AND IT’S THE FIRST WEEK HELP can we switch rooms” au
  19. “on the first day a student goes into the principal’s office and proceeds to play hardcore metal music and you’re that student” au
  20. “thIS CLASSROOM HAS A PET TURTLE AWWWWWWWW stop laughing dont pretend its not adorable awwWWWWW” au
TAZ Characters as Dumb Shit I Did In High School Part 2

Since yall liked the first one so much here’s another round

Magnus: Skipped class and bummed some money from my teacher to go to Petsmart and buy some goldfish, brought them back to school, then safety-pinned the bag to the carpeted wall of a classroom “so I didn’t lose track of them”

Taako: Didn’t want to eat the school lunch so I left during my lunch break and got a whole rotisserie chicken from the grocery store to eat

Merle: Got picked up from school early by my dad and taken to the warehouse he worked at because a goat had wandered onto the property and was eating the shrubbery and he needed me to catch it. I got to keep her, her name was Ladybug.

Lucretia: Gave a presentation on Hamlet but the slides were exclusively in comic sans and called also him “a punk-ass bitch” in front of my teacher and the whole class

Lup: Told a Lieutenant at the National Guard armory that he didn’t have to worry about unlocking the gate for me because I could slip under the fence to get to my car; when he called bullshit I said “No I’ve done it before watch” and proceeded to slide under the very narrow gap in the gate, threw him a peace sign, got in my car, and left.

Davenport: For a week every time any freshmen approached me in class I would stand in a chair before answering them so i would be taller than them and sufficiently intimidating. EDIT: Actually Davenport is: Went exploring in the mysterious tunnels under the school with 3 other kids and found a “Promises and Prayers” book and also a lot of cardboard and a secret room full of dirt with no lights in it, took a selfie, and crawled back out

Barry: Brought in a roadkill fox that I found on the way to school under the impression that my science teacher would let me keep it in her fridge til the end of the day. I was mistaken.