A Day At Disney’s Secret “Gay Subtext Department,” Part 2
Songwriter (not from Gay Subtext Department): Mr. Ortega, I have a love song that would be perfect for your movie! It’s all about two people from different worlds who come together, and the feelings they have for each other despite knowing that it isn’t meant to be.
Kenny Ortega: *reading the lyrics* Oh, wonderful! This’ll be perfect for Mal and Evie.
Songwriter: Mal and…Evie?
Various GSD employees standing behind Kenny Ortega: *make frantic “cut it out” gestures at Songwriter*
Kenny Ortega: Problem?
Songwriter: I mean…it doesn’t really make sense for them, because they’re not really from different worlds. And, um, they’re not really the main couple, or, um, a couple at all, since they’re, um, both girls. Shouldn’t Mal and Ben have a song?
Various GSD employees: *wince*
Kenny Ortega: Listen. Andrew. My sawed-off Sondheim. How much money did the High School Musical movies make?
Songwriter: Two hundred and fifty-three million dollars?
Kenny Ortega: And what is Newsies now?
Songwriter: A hit Broadway musical?
Kenny Ortega: And how many times has Disney slipped your compositions into one of their movies?
Songwriter: This would be the first.
Kenny Ortega: Which tells us what?
Songwriter: That I need to write Harry Hook more solos?
Kenny Ortega: No. It tells us that you do not offer direction, suggestion, or commentary. And you should be thankful that I am here to lift your music out of its current obscurity. Are we clear?
Songwriter: Yes sir. I mean, Kenny.
Kenny Ortega: Have a nice day! *exits, swishing his enormous black cape, which is now covered in sequins*