high school me would have been pumped

so an update on me!

i saw my psychiatrist on monday. now ive never mentioned this but because of my severe anxiety, i have an awful medical issue (which, i would love to elaborate on but its way too tmi for my comfort)……………… so ive been prescribed a fourth medication, buspar (generic is busperone). wow sure love being pumped up with Chemicals lmao

but yeah i start that on saturday, reason i didnt start it already is because i take the second half of my high school equivalency exam tomorrow!! wish me the best of luck because im terrified :’) 

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“High School Me Would Have Been Pumped” at the Hipster House in Rockford, IL, on August 10th, 2014.  Filmed by our friend Bryan Nambo.

high school me would have been pumped
Joie De Vivre
high school me would have been pumped

“I think that I’m outgrowing being in a band: For all the trouble and time I’ve spent singing about the Midwest, shaking hands, and wasting hours driving. Could I do better? I think I can. I know I have. I will.”

To this day, I still don’t believe I’m completely over it. In 2010, I had a falling out with a group of individuals that I played music with in a band. Most would deem this as no big deal, and sometimes I tell myself that as well but then there are days where I struggle with the very reality of the situation. Bands can be a dime a dozen some would argue and for the better part of my life, that has been the truth. They’ve all had moments of significance but this one was different. I accomplished personal milestones with this one. I’ve played a sold out show in NYC of 600+ people at the Gramercy Theatre, I’ve played at Metlife Stadium as a part of the Bamboozle festival. For the first time in my life, my parents were truly proud of me and more importantly, I was proud of myself. 

Since that day, I’ve struggled with my passion for playing music. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving music but I also don’t know if I’ll ever feel the same way about it again. It’s been 4 years since the falling out and I haven’t spoken to any of them since that day we sat down to talk in my parents basement to go our separate ways.

I was shoveling my driveway the other day while listening to this record as snowfall seems to continue to rain down on NY. I’ve listened to this album in its entirety more times than I can probably count but this song in particular hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m beginning to accept the fact that I’ll never accomplish the goals I set out for myself when I was a teenager. I’m beginning to make strides into my adult life and taking things like work and school more seriously. It just saddens me to see something I used to feel so much for, have such a little effect on my life at this point in time. I guess change is a funny thing. It happens and sometimes it takes you years to realize that it even happened. I’m still working on being okay with that.