You're not a terf right? I assume you aren't but I wanna be sure.
No, I think feminism necessarily includes struggling for the emancipation of trans women as a group that is especially subject to sexual violence, housing discrimination, job discrimination, etc specifically under patriarchy and I think if “man” as a term includes a group of people who can’t walk down the street without fear of being murdered for gender noncompliance and refusing to behave the right way and call themselves the right thing, then it’s a pretty useless term for understanding gendered hierarchy. I have major disagreements with a lot of popular gender politics on here but I think that term is a serious accusation of bigotry, and not a term that should be used for disagreements over how gender works.
For instance I don’t buy the idea that there’s some natural distinction that exists within every person that marks the difference between an afab nb person and myself rather than just a different term and different way of conceiving yourself; I don’t buy that afab nb people oppress women somehow or benefit from misogyny when they’re read as women every day when they walk down the street and I myself utilized the framework of nonbinary identity to understand myself at one point and at that point not even self-iidentification separated me from them even though nothing materially changed for me; I think there’s a lot of weird pressure for cis women to not talk about our bodies as connected to gender at all when for instance many women’s first understandings of what gender is going to be like for them start in childhood whether you call that socialization or some other, less loaded term, and cis women can’t separate their bodies from gender because it doesn’t work that way and the body is often both created by gender socially and then marked by it; I think making fun of period art or calling it necessarily transphobic when women are still shamed to this day for having menstrual cycles is cruel and unreasonable when many women struggle with really significant distress around their genitalia and regular bodily functions; frankly to a certain extent when I see things about how terrible afab nb people are I understand them as having serious ramifications for people like myself, for whom the difference between being cis and not being cis is a self declaration, and not some set of material conditions- I feel directly harmed and implicated as a cis woman by a lot of what I see on here about how anyone who is afab and doesn’t call themselves a woman is automatically a man, specifically because I have had a very long period of time where I did not call myself a woman and still have no gender identity, just an understanding of my placement and what the word is for that placement.
But I don’t think trans women are men and I don’t think it’s fine to outright misgender people for the sake of putting long term political goals (like gender abolition) ahead of the mental health of trans people who are oppressed for their transgressions against gender. I don’t have a whole framework worked out for this but I increasingly think of transphobia, misogyny, homophobia, and punishment for gender noncompliance as parts of the same nexus of oppression (“gender” works as shorthand here but I’m trying to flesh the idea out at some point more fully) which people interact with in different ways but which marginalize gnc and trans people in often very similar ways.