hide yo kids hide yo wifes

It̺̥̟̗͖ ̦̞̹͈į̲̬s̙̤̕ ̥̰C̡͓̝̬̟͇̹o̝̯̝̣͟m̹͇̥̼ͅi̷̦̩̳ng͕̫.̳̰͇̼.̥̦̟̯̠͘.̫̮̟̖͓̙

We all know its coming.. February 14. Yep. So hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Hide yo Spys because its coming.

And we know what it all horrifyingly means for all of us.

A Guide To Greek Gods and Heroes:
  • Apollo: trash
  • Jason: trash
  • Medea: dubiously evil queen of my heart
  • Agamemnon: dead trash
  • Clytemnestra: takes out the trash
  • Zeus: walk of shame incarnate
  • Hermes: little shit
  • Hestia: literally no one talks about her
  • Artemis: #misandry
  • Hera: woman, scorned
  • Hades: goth wannabe shit baby
  • Persephone: Per-Step-On-Me
  • Ares: God Of War ™
  • Aphrodite: Walk Walk Fashion Baby
  • Cronus: hide yo kids, hide yo wife
  • Athena: i feel like she plays baseball probably
  • Achilles: I Love My Dead Gay Son
  • Patroclus: “Geez Achilles find your chill.” 
  • Orpheus: Gay
  • Hephaestus: allll byyyy myyyyseeEEEeelf
  • Heracles: why does no one talk about him mucking out those stables?
  • Odysseus: total piece of shit
  • Chiron: tired of everyone’s shit
  • Hecate: my wife

    EDITED TO ADD THE FOLLOWING
  • Patroclus (alt.): Oh look at that. I’ve been impaled.
  • Poseidon: I think you mean Broseidon, bro to the fishes and ponies
  • Dionysus: ambiguously queer and perpetually sloshed
  • Oedipus: the loser of every ‘yo momma’ battle
  • Ajax: Stronger than Grease ™ <-soap reference in case it’s too obscure
  • Circe: basically that scene in Monty Python where all the evil ladies wanna bang
  • Tiresias: Bet he didn’t see that one coming.
  • Cassandra: got the short end of every stick
  • Antigone: that play from high school english that everyone sparknoted
  • Cerberus: whozagoodboyden
  • Hyacinth: what kind of asshole gets killed by a discus?
  • Hippolytus: a fedora sporting MRA
  • Romulus: moon
  • Remus: moon
  • Narcissus: Treat Yo Self

Support group for Gotham parents with black haired, blue eyed children– Batman could strike at any time. Your child could be next. Keep them away from dark alleys and team sports at all costs.

A little Sherlolly fluff

(I said I’d try writing some just to see if I could, and here it is. Hope you enjoy.)

It was when he first awakened that Sherlock Holmes was most human. Not in sleep, for there he was a sculpture, sublime and still—or perhaps some angel newly fallen from heaven and curled in his lonely nest. Molly smiled at her own silly poetry, for if she happened to wake in time to watch Sherlock crack his eyes open, she always found herself struck by his normality. By the way he sighed and scrunched his nose against the intruding light, and the way he puffed and rumbled at her if she offered him the affront of a cheerful “Good morning.” The way he would struggle free of the covers, then sit to stretch and carefully crack his neck exactly as any other man might. And if Molly leaned over for a kiss before he loped off to the bathroom, she would be met with a thoroughly ordinary case of morning breath.

The glimpse was always fleeting, because the first thing Sherlock always did was close the bathroom door between them. Later—sometimes much later—he’d emerge scrubbed, shaven, and styled to a fearful degree, smelling of a tastefully fine mist of cologne as he crossed to his wardrobe to contemplate which variant of charcoal suit he’d wear today. From that moment it was Extraordinary Sherlock before her, more or less masked and armoured—except for the few seconds after putting on his tall dress socks and before donning his trousers. A man in stocking feet was always faintly ridiculous, a fact of which he was well aware; Molly hid her giggle for his dignity’s sake.

Yes, Sherlock was very human, for all that he strove to present himself as otherworldly, invulnerable. Only Molly truly understood how much effort it cost him to maintain that front, and how much time it took to create himself anew each morning. Molly had learnt not to intrude on his ablutions, so unless she rose early and beat him to the bathroom, she must wait, drowsing in the bed. Often it was well worth the time, for Sherlock sometimes sang in the shower—another ordinary thing he did, though instead of Eighties ballads about small-town girls and city boys, Sherlock sang the baritone parts of Bach choral pieces, or so he had told her when she inquired.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention that to anyone,” he’d added in his stiff way. “Might get back to Mycroft.”

“I’ll add it to the list,” Molly replied; in truth, she took a certain tender pleasure in keeping such details locked in her heart, something for her alone to know about him. He crafted his persona with care to keep the world at arm’s length, but with her he felt safe enough to show who he really was—human indeed, in the end. He’d let her in at last. And although she never told him in so many words, Molly loved him best in these early moments—tousled and warm from sleep.

3

“My son, why do you hide your face in fear?”
“Father, do you not see the Elfking?
The Elfking with crown and cape?”

Doodling Immortals!Erlking Balor was fun, I’m not gonna lie. Initially, he started out as some sort of Unseelie, but Crow called him the Erlking, lord of the Wild Hunt therefore it shall stick. 
Hide yo kids hide yo wife hide yo kids hide yo wife

Also PAC Immortals!Puck Adrian Neville, exactly the sidewise, squirreling jackass Crow imagined him to be hopefully! 

Also a redesign of Immortals!Pan Daniel Bryan because I wasn’t satisfied with the original ie. could have had more work in it, so here he is with 50% moar goat and a less obnoxious YES! integrated into his armor instead. 

The Fae subclass (which they belong to) in this Immortals AU tends to be amoral or lacking the general human sense of right or wrong, ranging from mostly good like Daniel, purely mischievous like Adrian, or wantonly murderous like Finn.
It’s also pretty vast and covers other mythological beings such as Ban Sidhes (Becky Lynch), Kitsunes (Hideo Itami) and Dryads (Alexa Bliss). They’re much stronger than none-fae (standard humans with certain gifts such as Seth or Dean) and have the unique ability to sense the presence of other Immortals which they tend to gravitate to (Or hunt, in Erlking Balor’s case). 
However, they’ve got a massive problem dealing with iron. Cold-forged iron specifically, a weakness non-Fae happen to be pretty good at wielding, so consider the playing field leveled :“DD