hide yo kids!

It̺̥̟̗͖ ̦̞̹͈į̲̬s̙̤̕ ̥̰C̡͓̝̬̟͇̹o̝̯̝̣͟m̹͇̥̼ͅi̷̦̩̳ng͕̫.̳̰͇̼.̥̦̟̯̠͘.̫̮̟̖͓̙

We all know its coming.. February 14. Yep. So hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Hide yo Spys because its coming.

And we know what it all horrifyingly means for all of us.

A Guide To Greek Gods and Heroes:
  • Apollo: trash
  • Jason: trash
  • Medea: dubiously evil queen of my heart
  • Agamemnon: dead trash
  • Clytemnestra: takes out the trash
  • Zeus: walk of shame incarnate
  • Hermes: little shit
  • Hestia: literally no one talks about her
  • Artemis: #misandry
  • Hera: woman, scorned
  • Hades: goth wannabe shit baby
  • Persephone: Per-Step-On-Me
  • Ares: God Of War ™
  • Aphrodite: Walk Walk Fashion Baby
  • Cronus: hide yo kids, hide yo wife
  • Athena: i feel like she plays baseball probably
  • Achilles: I Love My Dead Gay Son
  • Patroclus: “Geez Achilles find your chill.” 
  • Orpheus: Gay
  • Hephaestus: allll byyyy myyyyseeEEEeelf
  • Heracles: why does no one talk about him mucking out those stables?
  • Odysseus: total piece of shit
  • Chiron: tired of everyone’s shit
  • Hecate: my wife

    EDITED TO ADD THE FOLLOWING
  • Patroclus (alt.): Oh look at that. I’ve been impaled.
  • Poseidon: I think you mean Broseidon, bro to the fishes and ponies
  • Dionysus: ambiguously queer and perpetually sloshed
  • Oedipus: the loser of every ‘yo momma’ battle
  • Ajax: Stronger than Grease ™ <-soap reference in case it’s too obscure
  • Circe: basically that scene in Monty Python where all the evil ladies wanna bang
  • Tiresias: Bet he didn’t see that one coming.
  • Cassandra: got the short end of every stick
  • Antigone: that play from high school english that everyone sparknoted
  • Cerberus: whozagoodboyden
  • Hyacinth: what kind of asshole gets killed by a discus?
  • Hippolytus: a fedora sporting MRA
  • Romulus: moon
  • Remus: moon
  • Narcissus: Treat Yo Self

Support group for Gotham parents with black haired, blue eyed children– Batman could strike at any time. Your child could be next. Keep them away from dark alleys and team sports at all costs.