hide yo kids!

in only a week’s time we were stripped from the shining pride of third and cast down into the dark depths of fifth

the bears have awoken

their wrath cannot be quelled

THEY WILL SETTLE FOR LAST NO LONGER

THEIR LOYALTY TO THE BEAR FATHER IS MIGHTY, BUT DESPAIR NOT, FELLOW SNEKS. OUR LOVE FOR SNEK MOM WILL REDEEM US YET AND RESTORE US TO OUR PROPER PLACE

EXO 101: A Crash Course

Park Chanyeol 

Originally posted by megglesbagels

Soft baby by day, sexy mofo by night. Can do everything?? Sing, rap, dance, cook, act, write and produce music, play the guitar (classical, spanish, lead, and rhythm omg) and the piano and the drums, has the body of an elf king. He’s also AMAZING with children as shown [here - skip to 12:17 and WATCH you won’t regret it] and dogs too! All animals really. He’s Korean Snow White. With abs. And if Snow White was extra. 

Also the kindest soul ever. He’s always smiling, even when he’s down. He literally said, and I quote; “No matter how difficult something is, I will always be positive and smile like an idiot.” His then-girlfriend nicknamed him “Happy Virus.” Constantly buys his members gifts, is very tall (well over six feet), and he’s the most extroverted and sociable person - actually friends with everyone. 10/10 amazing human.  


Byun Baekhyun

Originally posted by junhyyo

Don’t let him fool you!!! He looks soft but he will fuck you up with his cheeky lil smile and pelvic sorcery and unearthly vocals and uGH. His wit is unparalleled like omg, so sassy and hilarious and sharp. Also a huge nerd when it comes to anime, manga, and video games. Once gave a picture of himself to another member as a gift, the lil shit.  

He’s incredibly passionate about his career and his members, and I think it was Kyungsoo who said that it’s Baek who keeps them all together at times. In summary: Byun Baekhyun is what happens when a demon and an angel do the do. 


D.O./Do Kyungsoo:

Originally posted by sehuntiful

Do Kyungsoo? More like Do Me, Kyungsoo. I’m sorry I’m so thirsty Ksoo…I don’t even know where to begin with this one. First of all, he single-handedly saved the human race from extinction with his voice. He’s savage af, so much so that he’s affectionately nicknamed “Satansoo” and he will smack a bitch. He’s also so soft and squishy at the same time, you’ll get whiplash. And his acTING. Lord in heaven. And I believe he didn’t even have acting lessons?? The nerve of him. He, too, is sex on legs, and he might be quieter than the others, but y’all best listen when he talks cause boy bout to spill the tea. 

He’s also very paternal in that he takes care of the other members a lot, like when Kai, his roommate, isn’t feeling well, he’ll care for him or go out to get food for him. And he can cook really well. I’m gonna stop now before I end up writing an entire dissertation ;’)


Lay/Zhang Yixing

Originally posted by glorious-soobooty

ALSO NOT PURE ABORT ABORT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Oh my god. Anyway. Zhang Yixing is the perfect contradiction. On the one hand, he’s an actual baby lamb - laugh and all. On the other hand, he’s the human embodiment of the NC-17 rating. Like, hide yo kids. Yixing is also one of the Chinese members of EXO, so he often leaves to promote his solo music which is in Chinese, and he works so incredibly hard and deserves all the success. He also writes the lyrics, and composes and arranges the music! 

And…his dancing. Proof that god exists. There is literally no part of his body that Yixing does not have absolute command over - and you can see it because he is so precise, confident, and sexy. :’) 


Suho/Kim Junmyeon

Originally posted by oohsehunnies

I actually had to cover his face while writing this because holy–

Yup. Moving on. 

Actually, back to his face (and the rest of him): Remember when Da Vinci was conceptualizing the Vitruvian Man (lol only 90′s kids will remember…1490′s kids, that is). You know that picture of the guy with another pair of arms and legs superimposed on him, inside a circle? The drawing theorizing the ideal proportions of the human body? Yup, true story: Junmyeon was Da Vinci’s muse. Suho’s face is so symmetrical, it inspired mathematicians to write the golden ratio. He is a genetic miracle, a statistical outlier, a national treasure–

Anyway *sweats*. ALSO. Let’s talk about his personality. Myeon is the mom of EXO, the leader, so he’s naturally very parental. He actually chose the stage name “Suho” because it means guardian. He always does his best to keep his kids the members together and doing what they need to be doing. Always pays for things ($Junmoney$), and is the person a lot of them confide in and go to for comfort or advice, especially Sehun. 

He’s such a dad too - like his dad joke ratings are off the charts. 10/10 would build you a tree house and tuck you in at night. 


Oh Sehun

Originally posted by sehurn

Maknae. Icon. Legend. Used to have a lisp. 

People sometimes think he’s cold or reserved because of his face, but as you can see in the gif, he’s literal sunshine. He once cried on stage because he was knocked on the head by a camera - but he wasn’t crying because the injury hurt, he was crying because he wasn’t allowed to perform because of it, and he felt like he was disappointing his fans. He also cried during a radio show when asked about his other members - he said every night before he falls asleep, he prays for them and he prays that they all stay together and are successful and happy. And now I’m crying. 

Everyone is in love with him

His dancing resurrected me from the dead, put my children through college, and ended world hunger because damn we are fed when that boy moves. 

Sehun was once invited to Paris for a Louis Vuitton fashion show and became king of France. I’m not kidding. All he did was show up, and there was a huge crowd already there to greet him as if he were royalty, and he was voted best dressed at the show by Vogue. He went to the Louvre, and people were studying and appreciating him, the actual art.  


Chen/Kim Jongdae

Originally posted by dayafterdae

Ah, little dino bby. He’s iconic for many reasons: 

1) His smile. It curls up at the corners like this :}

2) When he laughs, he literally goes HAHAHAHAHA like wow, amazing, I want this as my ringtone

3) He screams a lot. Nickelodeon once made a show about him called Jongdae: The Last Pterodactyl

4) HIS VOCALS. Un-freaking-believable. He’s the male version of Mariah Carey. 

5) Speaks really good Chinese! (He’s Korean) 

6) An amazing human?? He donates to charity so often and he doesn’t do it for publicity either. He takes good care of the other members too. 

Jongdae, let me put a ring on it. 


Xiumin/Kim Minseok

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

HERE WE GO. My precious boy :’)

Minseok. The eldest. Also known as the best person to ever exist. Like Kyungsoo, he doesn’t talk much because he’s a shy lil bean, but once he warms up to you, the things that come out of his mouth are so deep and cute and funny and wowow I want ten of him

Is the least likely to cry

Was chubby (and so adorable!!) as a little kid, and now he has a six pack. Because of his weight as a kid though, he has spoken many times about the issue of body shaming and how people’s perceptions of a person shift based on how they look. He once said these words that made my cold, dead heart beat again: “I don’t have an ideal type. If our hearts match well, then she will look pretty to me.” 

Has the strongest arms in EXO. They all arm wrestled and he won and it was the funniest thing ever. 

Is not only an idol, he’s also getting his Ph.D. Dr. Kim. I can’t believe….

Wants to open his own coffee shop, and I don’t drink coffee, but I would chug any dish-water-coffee-grinds-filth that he would serve me because damn I love him. 


Kai/Kim Jongin

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

R00D MOTHERF*CKER. 

The Bias Wrecker. Or just your bias, plain and simple 

Kim Jongin is one of nature’s greatest accomplishments. His gams are the eighth wonder of the world - and he puts them to use when he dances, like please kick me in the face with those omfg 

His laugh. Astounding. Also don’t stand too close when he laughs because he will hit you. It’s just what he does lmao

He’s basically a hip young old man - so hot but so sleepy. He’ll sleep at any given opportunity. 

Very fond of fried chicken. And dogs. But not in terms of eating, for the latter

Learned ballet for ten years and it shows, and I just wANT TO SEE HIM IN A LEOTARD DAMMIT

He has darker skin than the other members which people used to make fun of him for and still do comment on, but he says he loves it and he is proud of his body :’) we are too bby!!


Other random facts

EXO originally had 12 members but 3 left and we’re not going to talk about it okay? okay

- Chen and Xiumin are married best friends. Xiumin actually said in an interview that Chen is “like my wife” 

- Sehun is now officially Lord Oh Sehun of Glencoe, Scotland because his fans are the most Extra and purchased the estate for his birthday :’) 

- Chanyeol once folded one hundred paper cranes for his girlfriend as a gift, but in the middle of doing this, she called him and broke up with him

- Baekhyun can’t cook for shit but at least he’s pretty 

- Kai dated F(X)’s Krystal 

- Kyungsoo once said to the camera that he is “not pure” 

- Yixing starred in a gay sci-fi movie where he and this other dude have a baby

- Suho is a health nut. Just like how girls always have pads and tampons on them, Suho has multivitamins 


For @the-porcelain-doll-xo because I’m the friend that wants to drag you into hell with me, and I can’t wait for you to get into EXO ahhhhh ily <33

It̺̥̟̗͖ ̦̞̹͈į̲̬s̙̤̕ ̥̰C̡͓̝̬̟͇̹o̝̯̝̣͟m̹͇̥̼ͅi̷̦̩̳ng͕̫.̳̰͇̼.̥̦̟̯̠͘.̫̮̟̖͓̙

We all know its coming.. February 14. Yep. So hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Hide yo Spys because its coming.

And we know what it all horrifyingly means for all of us.

A Guide To Greek Gods and Heroes:
  • Apollo: trash
  • Jason: trash
  • Medea: dubiously evil queen of my heart
  • Agamemnon: dead trash
  • Clytemnestra: takes out the trash
  • Zeus: walk of shame incarnate
  • Hermes: little shit
  • Hestia: literally no one talks about her
  • Artemis: #misandry
  • Hera: woman, scorned
  • Hades: goth wannabe shit baby
  • Persephone: Per-Step-On-Me
  • Ares: God Of War ™
  • Aphrodite: Walk Walk Fashion Baby
  • Cronus: hide yo kids, hide yo wife
  • Athena: i feel like she plays baseball probably
  • Achilles: I Love My Dead Gay Son
  • Patroclus: “Geez Achilles find your chill.” 
  • Orpheus: Gay
  • Hephaestus: allll byyyy myyyyseeEEEeelf
  • Heracles: why does no one talk about him mucking out those stables?
  • Odysseus: total piece of shit
  • Chiron: tired of everyone’s shit
  • Hecate: my wife

    EDITED TO ADD THE FOLLOWING
  • Patroclus (alt.): Oh look at that. I’ve been impaled.
  • Poseidon: I think you mean Broseidon, bro to the fishes and ponies
  • Dionysus: ambiguously queer and perpetually sloshed
  • Oedipus: the loser of every ‘yo momma’ battle
  • Ajax: Stronger than Grease ™ <-soap reference in case it’s too obscure
  • Circe: basically that scene in Monty Python where all the evil ladies wanna bang
  • Tiresias: Bet he didn’t see that one coming.
  • Cassandra: got the short end of every stick
  • Antigone: that play from high school english that everyone sparknoted
  • Cerberus: whozagoodboyden
  • Hyacinth: what kind of asshole gets killed by a discus?
  • Hippolytus: a fedora sporting MRA
  • Romulus: moon
  • Remus: moon
  • Narcissus: Treat Yo Self
The Devil’s Subordinates.
  1. Gordon RAMsey 
  • This be Envi, AKA the newest addition to the horrible people club.
  • Good with any child that isn’t Satanick’s.
  • Only capable of laughing when he’s drunk.(Same tbh….)
  • Has the personality that of a twelve year old boy ranting on YouTube.
  • Has a keris but murdering people with umbrellas is a lot more fun, amirite?

2. Shingen Kishitani

  • This strange man is Yagi.
  • His name means “goat.” In other words he’s a moose.
  • Likes smoking cigars, drinking alcohol, and doing everything else he can to forget the responsibilities that come with being a father and husband.
  • Has the doki-doki for Sullivan.
  • He wears a gas mask constantly and taking a look at the man in charge, I can’t blame him.

3. Back alley Doctor

  • This not suspicious figure is Lec Hijohshiki.
  • He’s really good at curing illnesses and injuries!
  • But that’s for noobs, so it’s back to spreading the plague and pushing old ladies down stairs.
  • Has a brother (We’ll get to him later…) He’s the better of the two, actually.
  • Like any normal pair of siblings, he’s either calming his brother down or eating his internal organs.

4. UGGGGHHHH

  • I don’t want to say his name…but I kind of have to so this everyone, is Roc Hijohshiki.
  • Trash.
  • His hobbies include: lynching angels, starting shit with random people, and the most notorious…abusing innocent, adorable lobsters.
  • He actually has these really weird mouths on his hands. Fuckin Deidara wannabe.
  • “YOU CAN’T ARREST ME, I AM THE POLICE!”

5. He’s Beauty, He’s Grace, If you Ain’t Wearing Gucci GTFO His Face.

  • This is Benihotaru!
  • A derivation of his name is “lipstick” Wonderful.
  • Amongst all his fellow comrades he appears fairly stable, probably why he gets no screen time.
  • A hysterical clean freak who looks oddly serene.

6. Invader Zim

  • This is Edabane (feat. Zigzag’s hand)
  • Move over Licorice, this guy is a literal man baby. 
  • Deeply committed to his wife, Zigzag. (See hand for more info)
  • Not much of a talker, apparently.
  • I like his hat.

7. ‘Film’ Producer

  • This is Hidou….yeeeah.
  • He enjoys watching movies. I’m not talking Lion King though, 
  • He has great footage of Karma biting Roc in the ass.
  • Despite this please do not approach this man.
  • Look what happened to the angel nurse, she didn’t even make it long enough to get a name.

8. Aconita’s Husbando

  • Tis be Kyou.
  • Don’t be afraid of him, guys. He just wants your heart~
  • Nah but he likes collecting angel hearts.
  • A pervert with headsweat issues.
  • Faithful to his wife. (Presumably Aconita.)

9. Sinnamon Roll

  • Is his name Kan or Hitoki? Whatever he’s a tiny sinner.
  • Enjoys feigning innocence (because we know how innocent the Pitch Black World is.)
  • Will attack you in your sleep and then make you wonder how he got into your home.
  • Has some crazy fucking morals. 
  • Depraved and weird.

10. SLAYER, SLAYER, SLAYER

  • This creepy dude is Dokugai.
  • He (as you can see) has lots of piercings but if you thought his no-no bits were clean then boy have I got news for you.
  • He loves little boys.
  • Probably isn’t allowed within 500 feet of a school.
  • Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband.
GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS GUYS

Hide yo wife hide yo kids…
Oh yes
IT’S THINGS WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT

The Summer trailer is here…

Nope.

How about noPE

The costume department decide to buy George a new shirt…

Dyllo has a moment in the mens toilets…

Ethan confronts Douchebag of the Year and things get craycray

Grace decides it’s perhaps time to be less of a lil bitch

Shady’s back, tell a friend

They call me Mr. Boombastic

Ethan tries his best

Dr. Sam Strachan Dresses Down In Shapeless Turquoise V-Neck 

and Lily abandons her ridged Five-Year plan to actually have a life and be happy. Good on you gurl. 

How the fandom sees Samurai Jack:

XCI: show gets darker
Fandom: It could still be for kids

XCIV: shows blood and death
Fandom: Naaah, it could still be for kids

XCVII: “He looked like a talking penis.”
Fandom: YOOOOOO HIDE YO KIDS HIDE YO WIFE AND YO HUSBANDS

Support group for Gotham parents with black haired, blue eyed children– Batman could strike at any time. Your child could be next. Keep them away from dark alleys and team sports at all costs.