hi josh if you're reading this

thelarrylover  asked:

hi, sorry to disturb. there's this fic called "cause you're in my head (even if you want me dead)" and as I read it I got concerned. each day tyler literally beats the living shit out of josh. for six years. the living shit. full on. and at the end, tyler breaks down and just apologises and everything's okay. is that okay in a relationship??? I thought it wasn't, but the writer makes it seem like it's okay?? I'm so confused. Is that okay?

No this is absolutely not okay babe. And I’m sure the author doesn’t actually believe it’s okay either they’re just telling a story. A relationship like that is never okay and should never be romanticized but the writer could be writing it as a vent fic to help them cope -Madi

Cards Against Humanity Banter (Number I Forget)
  • So my laptop decided to be a little bitch while in the middle of the original and completely deleted it...so I've restarted! Enjoy! Feel free to reblog with some of your favorites from the latest Cards Against Humanity video that I might have missed!
  • "VikkStarInMyPussy123" is worse than Adolf Hitler because "stop talking with your gay mouth you fuck."
  • "Getting your dick stuck in a child and not being able to get it out in time. I'm looking at you Vikk." is worse than Adolf Hitler because "*card removed due to copyright from the cunt duo TheFineBros*"
  • Ethan: Josh has got dick on the brain.
  • Josh: You got dick in your mouth.
  • Ethan: No I don't. I got facecam on Josh I don't.
  • Simon: Thanks for clearing that up.
  • Ethan: Where is the behzfinger? Is this something you made up while-
  • Josh: It's on your hand!
  • "Ethan, channeling his anger by making a sexhole in his desk."
  • Ethan: I don't have sexholes in my desk.
  • JJ: Lies! Lies!
  • Simon: They're called girlfriends.
  • Vikk: If you're six and watching this click off.
  • Josh: What? Hey, come to my channel! We don't have pedophiles over here!
  • After Josh rang the 'Ring for sex' bell, Fangirls tried-
  • "British cunt."
  • "Go monkey man!" -FIFAMonstah
  • Why Josh won't release illuminate-
  • "Josh deep throating a fangirl when she has been a bad girl."
  • "Josh has millions of daughters trying to caress his pussy juice beard."
  • JJ: The thing is, you know Josh has had pussy on his beard, and it just lingered. That's why he showers all the time.
  • Simon: No, that's 'cuz he has hygeine. You should try it sometime.
  • The __ are back.
  • Simon: Mine makes sense.
  • JJ: I swear if it's niggers.
  • "Fangirls shouting "YOU DA MAN DADDY" when meeting Josh."
  • Simon woke up to find-
  • Ethan: I'm so sorry Vik.
  • "Vikk, changing his name from Vikkstar123 to Vikk1-9 because he only likes 1-9 year olds."
  • "JJ's big black dick as opposed to Tobi's successful youtube career."
  • JJ: What do you think we do when we're sleeping?
  • Simon: Sleep?
  • JJ: Naw, you gotta put your dick in something.
  • Ethan: You put it in your pillow!
  • JJ: Naw, I'm past that stage man. What you guys never fucked your pillow?
  • Collectively: No!
  • JJ: Fuck you guys you've never lived.
  • "KSI naming his girlfirend Melony coz melon."
  • "Vikk going to a playground and going down a slide hoping to end up in Madeleine McCann's DM's"
  • Hi, my name is-
  • "WroeToNotRecording"
  • "Creepy Uncle Zerkaa"
  • "Calcuntface"
  • "KSI"
  • "JJ's EP - Sweep Up"
  • Bitch you got me "That's not me."
  • "Thquirrel, Roth Royth, and ahh...annn...annthrop....anthrop...thropolo....Fuck it you're not picking this card."
  • "JJ moving out of the house just live next door to Seana."
  • JJ: "Simon likes AJ3Scouser." Who the fuck is that?
  • "JJ thinking his fashion sense is sick, but actually looking like a bed sheet."
  • "Vik naming his child MySon456."
  • How does one become a member of the Sidemen? "You don't do them ting round here rudeboy."
  • "Negasonic Teenage Warhead"
  • "Vikk's pedophilic thoughts"
  • JJ: Why don't you stop mollesting kids?
  • Vik: No, yeah, sure, yeah, sounds great.
  • Ethan: Some things are hard to give up JJ. Bad habits never die.
  • Simon: Ethan, Lent's coming up soon.
  • Ethan: Oh, I've got to give up being gay?
  • Simon: No, not you.
  • Josh let JJ do __ to his beard.
  • "Dhinchak dhin dhinchak dhinchak"
  • "Another one"
  • "The many group chats dedicated to go to an event that the Sidemen are going to just to drag one of them in private and suck their dick."
  • Ethan: People are actually trying to put us in prison this is a problem.
  • JJ: If you're eighteen and up it's cool.
  • Simon: Rah...
  • JJ: What do you mean "rah?"
  • Vikk: It didn't specify a gender there.
  • JJ: I wouldn't like a male...not that I don't like gays...
  • Simon: It's cool he has a gay uncle!
  • JJ: Yeah I have a gay uncle!
  • Simon: Stop talking about your guncle.
  • "__ U smart."
  • The only thing worse than Behz's twitter is "Vikk's amazon buying history of Chloroform and duct tape."
  • Simon: Yo Primark is sick!
  • Ethan: Going there and shopping gives me herpes.
  • "That video of Tobjizzle where he doesn't have a hat on."
  • Josh: Does that even exist?
  • Ethan: Yeah! Vikk's the chloroform man! That sounds like a superhero!
  • Ethan: When I wait for people to put answers in I just look at snapchat stories.
  • Simon: You have the shortest attention span. Actually, no JJ is up there as well.
  • JJ: I'm touching my dick right now so...
  • "Stephen Hawking being a better goalkeeper than Josh."
  • Josh: He has a machine to help him.
  • Collectively: How did that win? "Who's boobs are better CAN YOU KEEP UP?"
  • Ethan: Does anyone still have the GIF of JJ flexing his boob?"
  • Simon: Alright "Vikk Likkes__(NO 12 year olds)"
  • Ethan: Can we keep it as "likkes?"
  • Simon: That's all I'm saying.
  • Ethan: Josh is really enjoying that.
  • Josh: *giggling* What the fuck is that??
  • "Simon once tweeted about trying out Minecraft because he secretly has kids gasping for breath in his car."
  • Ethan: That's why Simon hasn't done a car video!
  • "Tobi dressing as a pink power ranger and fingerng a dogs red rocket til it cums piss."
  • "Whilst Vik is getting down with the 12 year olds, Josh likes to__"
  • Vikk: I almost want to say Josh likkes to.
  • Josh: *giggling* I don't know what I'm laughing at!
  • "Seana sucking off JJ's dad thinking it was him."
  • JJ: I don't know why everyone calls me jeed 'cuz its jide.
  • Jide screaming "__!" into the night, but nobody can tell where it's coming from because they can't see him.
  • "Bronze Beasts"
  • "I'm gonna fuck your fucking fanny off you twat."
  • "Calfuckmehardinmymothafuckingclut"
  • Simon: What the fuck is a clut?
  • Ethan: You can't fuck a clit team!
  • Simon: That's not even a clit!
  • Ethan: Fuck my clut!
  • Simon: My motha fuckin clut!
  • JJ: Fuck my clut yo!
  • Ethan: JJ cam you go red?
  • Simon: No, it's Greta going red.
  • Ethan: OH...
  • Josh: You being racist Ethan?
  • Ethan: NO I was just pondering if he could go red...
  • "Behzinga the minger fingerer"
  • "The semen from Simon's dick slowly enters __s mouth."
  • Ethan: I don't like this.
  • Vikk: This game is getting really weird.
  • Josh: Its taken a weird twist at the end!
  • JJ: I feel like this is too descriptive...I can imagine it as well 'cuz I've seen his dick.
  • Ethan: What?
  • Simon: You're actually imagining my dick right now.
  • Josh: The semen slowly coming out of it...
  • Simon: Now Josh is imagining it.
  • Josh: I'm Dr.Pepper.
  • "Son Zerk"
  • "JJ misreading lyrics and singing 'Jail' by Awolnation."
  • Ethan: *say quietly* Jail. *giggles*
  • "I don't fuck with you, you little stupid ass bitch, I ain't fucking with__"
  • Josh: You need to read this properly!
  • "When Behz claims he's committing to YouTube."
  • "Vikk being a slow fuck and being told to curry up."
  • "Willypoo." (Josh's card)
  • Simon: A for effort.

chevxllier  asked:

Idk if u do josh dun but can u do a josh x reader where u get ur wisdom teeth taken out and ur loopy so he takes care of you?😊

One shot
Josh Dun X Reader
Requested by: @phanimagines004
Warnings: Reference to Needles, Wisdom Teeth Removal, Laughing Gas, Mouth Bleeding
A/N: of course I do Josh! He’s my baby 😍 thank you for requesting this! I have been wanting to do a Josh One Shot but I have been looking for a reason to. Feel free to send me more requests 😬 I hope you enjoy it!

Great it was the Twenty Third. The day that you have been trying to avoid for the past month. It is the day that you have been scheduled to get your wisdom teeth out. You were usually good at the Dentist but Needles were a big no for you and knowing that you were going to be put under while they poke around in your mouth was not a very comforting thought to you. It honestly scared you and made you nervous. You wake up and look at the clock.

“Finally you are up.” You hear the familiar voice of your boyfriend Josh say. “I thought I was going to have to wake the sleeping beast.” He jokes, getting dressed by the dresser.

“Haha very funny.” You say sitting up a little, yawning. Your hair was sticking up in different directions with some of it falling in your face.

He grins walking over sitting on the edge of the bed pulling on his shoes. “I’m serious you get mean when you get woken up” he says with a smile on his face.

“What can I say, I hate mornings.” You say pulling your hair up into a bun so it is out of your face.

“Well Miss ‘I hate mornings’ it’s time to get ready we don’t want to miss your appointment.” He says and you groan.

“Yeah that would be tragic. Can’t I just reschedule it?” You ask pulling off the blankets.

“No you can’t now get uppp.” He says pulling you up out of the bed.

“ Why nottt?” You whine giving him puppy dog eyes.

“Because it’s time to get them out, we don’t want your jaw to get hurt now do we? It’s too pretty for that.” He says kissing your lips lightly with a smile. You pout and look up at him.

“Why do you always have to be right?” You ask and he laughs a little.

“Because I’m awesome, that’s why.” He states while leading you over to the closet. “Now get ready while I go make you coffee” he says skipping out of the room making you giggle. He always made things better, no matter how bad they were.

-At appointment-

You sit in the waiting room with Josh fidgeting with a small string on your shirt. He looks over and holds your hand making you look at him. “It will be fine. I will be there the whole time.” He says making you smile a little your nerves going down a little.

After you had been waiting for over five minutes a nurse came out.
“Y/N?” She says and you stand up with Josh still holding your hand. Both of you head to the back where they got you to sit down in the chair as they started prepping everything. By now you were super nervous but glad that you had Josh there to help you through it. After another few minutes they gave you laughing gas and started taking them out.

-One hour later-

Once they were done they let you sit for a while so you weren’t so dizzy. You were really out of it and your head was very fuzzy. You felt like you were on a cloud. I know cliche but it’s how you were feeling. Once they gave you the go ahead to head home Josh helped you to the car as he got into the drivers side. He was pretty amused by how you were acting but he was ready to take care of you.

Once you were on the road with your mouth full of gauges you started to talk. “C-can we get ice cream?” You ask your speech very slurred and muffles. Josh smiled a little and looked over a little.

“You have ice cream. Right there.” He motions to the small tub of ice cream that the dentist had given you. You look down confused and pick it up looking at the words on the container.

“B-Ben…A-And…..Jerry’s..” You say reading the container the best you could. “C-Chocolate m-moose…” You say tearing up.

Josh looks over at you confused. “Y/N what’s wrong?” He asks worried,driving.

“T-they killed a moose…” You say crying now. He holds in a laugh and tries not to smile. He though it was funny but sad at how drugged you were.

“No no sweetie that’s just a Dessert it’s just the name.” He says trying to calm you down.

“B-but t-they killed and moose and they want me to eat it..” You say very upset. He is trying so hard not to laugh at you but is kinda failing.

“No it’s okay, it’s just a name it’s not a actual moose. If you want you don’t have to eat it, we have ice cream at home. Cherry your favourite.” He says and you sniffle and nod. He pulls up to your house and he helps you out and inside. He gets you to sit on the couch as he gets you an ice pack, and blankets. He covers you up and sits down next to you.

You start to feel your mouth when Josh grabs your hand. “Don’t do that, it won’t feel good.” He says. You look down and see blood on your fingers and your eyes widen. He looks down and wipes your fingers with a towel he got just in case. “We have to change your gauges okay?” He asks and you nod really out of it. He slowly takes the old ones out being careful and puts in the new ones. Once he was done you cuddles close too him, starting to get tired.

“ ’m sorry.” You say yawning a little. He strokes your hair holding you close.

“Why?” He asks and you play with his ring on his free hand.

“For being a pain.” You say getting really tired. He chuckles lightly.

“I don’t care if you are a pain. That’s what makes you interesting. If you weren’t a pain I would never be surprised by you.” He says with a smile. “Now get some sleep doll” he says holding you close. You nod and drift off to sleep in his lap, there was no where else you would rather be.

Best of Arnold's mum reactions in Please like me:
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b></b> *to Josh and the wedding ring* You're funny. You look like you're stuck, uh?<p/><b></b> *to Arnold being gay* I knew, I read your diary<p/><b></b> *to her husband being a whiny homophobic baby* Oh for fucksakes Bruce! Why did you slap his croquembouche?<p/><b></b> *to her husband throwing Arnold out* I'll give you some money. Go stay at Josh's for a while. Be as gay as you like. Shower yourself in dick and glitter<p/></p><p/></p>

azmeans23  asked:

Drabble: Hmmm. Okay, Woody walking in on Josh and Jen in a compromising position.

“Holy fucking shit Jennifer, you can’t be serious.” All of Josh’s protest instantly vanished as Jen let her robe fall to the ground. “You know the lock isn’t working…” But he couldn’t help but keep on staring at her nude form in front of him.

With a half-smirk on her face, she took one step in his direction and Josh could feel his pants tightening at the way her breasts jiggled with each of her movements. She still wasn’t talking to him, but the look she gave him made Josh curse under his breath. “Holy fuck, woman.”

Jennifer’s face broke into a huge smile and when she was standing merely a foot away from him. She put her hands on either side of his face and tilted it lightly. Her gaze flickered to his lips and she licked hers before dragging her tongue along his jaw, stopping briefly to suck on his skin.

With her being so close to him, he couldn’t stand it any longer and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her body flush against his. He loved the way her breasts felt pressed against his chest and her body instantly melted against his, them fitting together perfectly.

Jennifer moved along to his neck and up to his ear. “Are you still worried, Joshua?” A shiver ran down his spine as Jennifer bit down on his earlobe. “You’re a good boy.” Josh couldn’t stop a loud moan from escaping his mouth, it was all way too much for him. Her lips against his skin and the length of her body pressed against his.

Out of an impulse, Josh turned them around and pushed Jennifer down on his bed, taking in the woman who was lying bare in front of him. Once again she licked her lips and Josh couldn’t wait any minute longer to be away from her, so he climbed on the bed and covered her body with his.

The hushed whisper of her voice reached his ear. “You’re overdressed.”

While she began unbuttoning his flannel shirt, Josh continued placing kisses all over her face and throat, earning a deep moan from her which brought a broad smirk on his face. He loved the way she reacted to him and squirmed whenever he stopped for only a few seconds.

When he was finally naked too, he just kept staring at her in front of him without saying or doing anything. The impatient look on Jennifer’s face nearly made him laugh. “Patience is the key to happiness, my love.”

Jennifer let out a frustrated grunt, but Josh instantly slanted his mouth over hers to silence any further protests from her side. Her hands immediately buried themselves in Josh’s hair to pull him closer to her and she ran her tongue along his bottom lip before opening her mouth to him and granting him access to explore her mouth. Resting on his forearms, Josh tried not to rest too much of his weight on Jennifer’s body, but as they continued on, Jennifer pushed him off her and crawled up his body, snuggling safely against him.

When their mouths met again, Jennifer could feel his hand making its way to where she was needing him the most. He started caressing her tights and a deep moan escaped her lips when he didn’t go any further.

She pressed her body even tighter against his to show him where exactly she needed his hands to be when a wisp of cold air hit her back and sent a shiver running down her spine. Caught in the moment, she didn’t think anything of it until she felt Josh tense beneath her and saw him furiously trying to shield her from whatever was behind her.

Turning her head around, the last thing she could see was a mop of blond hair vanishing through the trailer door followed by a “Looks like you are preparing well for you last scene, kids!” 

anonymous asked:

If you're still doing prompts, how about some omc flirting with Josh and Josh is into it bc he figures he'll never have Chris bc he's straight, but then Chris get jealous and kinda shows Josh who he really belongs with? Points if Chris is kinda mad

Anon, I had so much fun writing this. I hope you have even half as much reading it!

(Trigger warning for references of past suicide attempts)

(Also on AO3)

He probably shouldn’t, but Josh can’t help but flirt with the barista at the Starbucks nearest his apartment.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

First saw your blog yesterday thru the Liam and surfing photo from a couple of weeks ago. I see you're into Jen and Josh together, which I'm not, but I like them individually. I also like Liam. I see you appreciate his finer qualities, too? Most blogs I read say mean things about him, which I don't understand. Why not like Josh without hating on Liam? I've only looked through a little of your archive so far. Maybe you're an exception? I like your message of being positive and not spreading hate.

I mean, how could I not! I definitely appreciate the fineness that is Liam Hemsworth. Besides his finer outer qualities he has a pretty sharp and funny dry wit. He sorta has to in order to keep up with his older brothers. His interviews with Woody are some of my favorite. And I love his relationship with Jen and Josh, they are a great trio. I have reblogged a few Spongebob, Patrick, & Squidward comparisons (which was once misconstrued as dislike of Liam) but he kinda does have to put up with their antics. Is it bad that I see him like this big brother bear who’s protective of his friends? I like to think he’s a real sweetie. 

Oh, and I have a total thing for surfers.

This also gives me an excuse to post this picture (which I love!):

And one of my other favorite pictures: