hi ballers

10

Give me your hand. Don’t be afraid, Nasir. It feels good, right? Like silk.

Ignis Scientia

Okay so imagine you’re Ignis, right?

He works his ass off day and night helping the Crown Prince learn how to be an adult by…doing everything for him. He cleans his disgusting apartment, he attends meetings for him and takes sick annotated notes, drives him and his buddies around, and feeds him when he’s hungry. Like. Ignis’s job is to be Noct’s mom, basically.

ALL THE WHILE, he’s training his body on the regs, learning to fight with daggers, swords, and fucking polearms (presumably to protect the brat he works for or more likely for when he goes postal and massacres the royal line). On top of that, he’s apparently tailoring his clothes to hide his baller physique cos there’s already one cocky beefcake on this roadtrip and he’s the Guy With The Glasses so there’s no way he’s allowed to show that off more than once.

So imagine being Ignis and finally, finally finding common ground with this royal brat by making it his life’s fucking mission to recreate some Tenebraean dessert that the kid kind of remembers he had when he was 8.

Like, alright, Ignis, you’ve been trained in the culinary arts by masters.

How hard could it be?

You got this.

Wrong. He changes the sweeteners, the type of dough, and nothing, nothing turns out perfect enough for the prince. He has his pride. He’s not about to have Noct simply ask Luna what the dessert was.

No. Fuck that. He’s Ignis fucking Scientia and he can do this.

Years pass, and he still can’t get it right. His nightmares are plagued by ovens with hellfire. His dreams are pillowy piles of pie dough. But he is determined.

An indeterminable amount of time passes and during the Road Trip He Never Asked To Be On, he gets a real, actual clue on the dessert by some girl working at a fancy hotel. The boys pick up some Ulwaat berries and he knows. This is it. He finally gets to see what Noct’s fuss was about for years. Coctura comes out with the plate and he stares at it, confused.

This can’t be right. This isn’t even in the ballpark of what Noct has described:

It’s a cake. Its a piece of chocolate cake. Noct smells the dessert and he knows it’s all over. This is it. This is the dessert. A cake. A cake. Not a pastry. At no point in the probably decade of attempting this dessert did Noct let him know that it was just a fucking piece of cake, and not some complicated pastry.

How did Noct get it so fucking wrong. You’d think Noct would be like “Yeah, basically, it was just a real nice piece of chocolate cake” instead of “It was some complicated pastry with real flaky dough and some kind of filling. All I remember is the smell. Better luck next time.”

It’s batter instead of dough. Berries as accent instead of filling. One is a slice of a whole, while the other are individual servings. Noct was so bad at describing things that Perfectionist Ignis Scientia got the dessert wrong for nearly a decade.

Ignis’s nightmares are now of Noct, warning him of danger, but being incredibly and frustratingly vague about what, exactly, is coming for him.

So I was showing my super straight dude-bro of a brother a picture of Cas that I drew and he asked me to show him the reference I used so I googled ‘Misha Collins face’ to show him and this is literally what happened:

My Brother: …*stares*

My Brother:  *squints and leans closer to screen*

My Brother:….what’s his name again?

Me: Misha Collins…

My Brother: Huh…”keeps staring*

My Brother: *takes mouse* *clicks on another picture of Misha’s face*

My Brother: ….His eyes are fuckin’ baller, hey?

Me: *stares at my brother* …yeah.

My Brother: Whoa….*clicks on another picture*

My Brother: …he’s…I mean, if I was…he’s kinda, like…pretty, you know?  Like really…

My Brother: *awkwardly clears throat and stands up* Ok, I’ll see you later.

My Brother: *leaves*


I think my brother had a mild sexuality crisis because of Misha’s face.

OK let’s break down how much his accessories cost:

1. Gentle Monster: Black Sam 03 = US $600

2. Supreme X Playboy ring = US $395

3. Beats X MCM = US $600

4. Apple 42MM 18-KARAT YELLOW GOLD CASE WITH MIDNIGHT BLUE CLASSIC BUCKLE = US $15,000

4

CONGRATS 2 GetThe PumpFitness client Matt Forte#22 on signing wit the New York Jets looking forward 2 continuing his training #nfl #baller #boss #gymrat #trainer #phatty #boipussi #rawrida #goodbussi

8

barndonsaad:

arrow au: oliver queen as a professional baseball player (no island)

After getting drafted by the Toronto Blue Jays in the first round of the 2016 MLB Draft, Oliver Queen spent two short years working his way through the team’s farm system, moving up through the minors faster than any player drafted that year. On June 27, 2018 he was called up to join the team in Toronto. And on June 28th, he started in his first major league game. (written by smoakingbillionaires)

arrow arrow au love this and felicity could be a reporter sent to do a story on him who is less than impressed with rumors of his playboy ways she plans on writing a hard hitting article about the ridiculously self indulgent lifestyle baseball players live instead she finds a man who’s given back to his community and done tons of charity workcharmed she says yes when he asks her out to dinner and finds herself on the best date she’s ever had one thing leads to another and then they live happily ever after (via a-tangled-pineapple)

Watch on maedbymae.tumblr.com

Ok I know I’m late but can we just talk about how M.I.A. performed live at the Grammy’s on her due date.

With Kanye, Jay Z, T.I., and Lil Wayne. Like yeah their performance overall was pretty baller, but M.I.A. killing it while being pregnant is just on a whole other level of badass/boss. Like goddamn.

(Also her kid technically got to share the stage with rap greats before he was even born like what).