hey-dad

  • Boruto: Hey Mom, is Dad a good kisser?
  • Hinata: What?
  • Boruto: Sarada and I were talking and we started wondering which of our dads is a better kisser so I thought I'd ask you.
  • Hinata: U-Uhm...
  • Sasuke: *walks past looking at documents* No.
  • Both: *turn to him*
  • Boruto: No, what?
  • Sasuke: Your father is a terrible kisser.

anonymous asked:

hey dad i had a dream that i went to jail 'cause an unknown number called my phone and i answered it with " 'sup fucks, what can i do ya for?" and it was the FBI (calling about a classmate) and they were not amused

Next time that happens, just astral project into my dream (which was about having to visit my mother, who lived in a bathtub in the woods, so that I could dump some goldfish in for her to eat) and I’ll come break you out of swearer’s jail.

anonymous asked:

Hey dad, so my sister has been really annoying me. Is there anything I should to to stop her?

Break a table in half with your bare fist, dance around your territory and scream at the same time to establish dominance 

anonymous asked:

Hey dad! Im in a bad place in life and.. i know you don't care about us but.. could you please give me some words of encouragement?

EAT PLENTY OF MILK AND STAY IN DRUGS.

       because i’m a trash can that never keeps up with his in the moment starter calls, have this: a permanent, all-inclusive, active until the end of time starter call. liking this will give me permission to throw random things at you, come plot with you, shove random headcanons in your direction and pretty much is you telling me “hey dad we’re best friends now, deal with it”. so, let the fun begin!
                                                   **please note that this is for mutuals only.

anonymous asked:

Hey, remember when Dad was having those nightmares and you helped sleep? Yeah. Do you know what you said to him just before falling asleep? "Love you too"

What no I didn’t *blush. trys to remember if he actually said that.* wait you are just messing with me I couldn’t have said love you too cause that would imply morality said it to me first. 

2

When we meet on a cloud I’ll be laughing out loud
I’ll be laughing with everyone I see
Can’t believe how strange it is to be anything at all.

It’s okay. It’s okay. 

Louis: Hey guys I am about to do this big performance
Liam: Hey guys I am a dad!!
Harry: Hey guys I am about to fuck shit up!!
Niall: GUYS I SEASONED THE CHICKEN!!!

anonymous asked:

Are you nonbinary?

yes I am genderfluid, been since forever but I really didn’t know genderfluidity was a thing until like 2011, so it took me a long long time to understand what the actual heck was going on

(also I’m pan if anyone cares)

8

Hey, dad. You son of a bitch. I never made one of these when you were still responding because I was so mad at you for leaving. And then when you went quiet, it… seemed like I should live with that decision. And I have. But today’s my birthday. And it’s a special one, because you told me… You once told me that when you came back, we might be the same age. And today I’m the same age you were when you left. So it would be a real good time for you to come back.

👶🏻 21 👶🏻
  • ALTERNATIVE TITLE: THE ONE WITH THE BLUE SCARF
  • : :
  • *outside Speedy's*
  • Molly: *approaching Mary* What's going on?
  • Mary: *grins* I found the father of your baby.
  • Molly: *wide-eyed* What? How...how do you even know who the father is?
  • Mary: *digging in her purse* I believe this belongs to the father of your baby *removes the scarf*
  • Molly: *groans* Oh God...he’s in there right now?
  • Mary: Yup.
  • Molly: *sighs* Let's get this over with.
  • Molly & Mary: *enter Speedy's*
  • Tom: *waving* Hi, Molls.
  • Molly: ...
  • Tom: *looking between them* So, what’s up?
  • Mary: *nudging her forwards* Well, Molly has something that she wants to tell you *gestures the scarf* while we're on the subject, I believe that this is your scarf.
  • Tom: No... *unzips his coat* this is my scarf.
  • Mary: ...
  • Mary: *looks at the scarf in her hand* Ah. Could I get anyone a coffee or...poison? No? Just for me? Okay *hurries off*
  • Tom: *concerned* What’s going on?
  • Molly: *sits opposite him* Nothing. Mary just... sort of made a mistake.
  • Tom: *smiles* I’m pleased Mary called. I know we broke up because you thought we weren't compatible. I was thinking...does that matter?
  • Molly: *hesitates* Tom...
  • Tom: We were perfect together *holds her hand*
  • Molly: I’m pregnant.
  • Tom: Oh. *drops her hand*
  • Tom: ...
  • Molly: ...
  • Molly: You can go.
  • Tom: Thank you *runs off*
  • LATER
  • *John & Mary's*
  • Sherlock: *staring at the baby*
  • John & Mary: *enter the flat*
  • Mary: *smiles* Hi. How was she?
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* Fine.
  • John: *lifts his daughter* There's my girl. Were you good for your Uncle?
  • Sherlock: *sighs*
  • Mary: *smirks* You love her really. You're a natural.
  • Sherlock: *rolls his eyes* I'm going to have to get used to it.
  • John: *nods* Yes, you are.
  • Sherlock: *winds the scarf around his neck; smiles a little*
  • Mary: *looks up; points* That's your scarf?
  • Sherlock: *frowns* Yeeeeeees.
  • Mary: ...
  • Sherlock: *shrugs on his coat* Goodnight *leaves*
  • Mary: *squeals with happiness*