hey you know who's a virgo

The zodiacs favorite videos

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius:

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

The Signs as Middle-Aged White Moms

Aries: Jennifer // Super aggressive soccer-mom who always wears neon-colored tracksuites // Tries super hard to be the mom everybody likes // “That bitch Carol thinks her snicker-doodles are the best? Well she’s got another thing coming

Taurus: Barbara // All her instagram posts involve her watching Real Housewives with a glass of wine // Does not know how to properly use emojis and abbrevations when they text // “I’m not saying I’m always right, but you sure as hell aren’t either, Courtney" 

 Gemini: Bridgette // Won prom-queen when she was in highschool and won’t let anyone forget it // Really surprised and dismayed her sugar daddy 90-y/o husband hasn’t died yet // "I could buy all the counterfeit bags on the streets of New York and they still wouldn’t be as fake as you are, Jennifer”

Cancer: Beatrice // Cries after every time she watches Dirty Dancing // Attempts offering her new neighbors shitty homemade cookies // “Oh son, don’t hang out with Barbara’s kids you’ll end up a druggy”

Leo: Patricia // Sour as hell since 6th grade when she got 2nd place to Bridgette in a beauty pageant // Will walk into a Spanish restaurant and say “Bonjour, Bitches” // “Listen up honey, you better step up your dick game or I’m cheating on you with Veronica’s husband, Chad”

Virgo: Alice // Hosts ‘Vegan Wednesdays’ in her house // Has a ‘world’s best mom’ bumper sticker on her mini-van // “Oh hey Kids!  You know I’m the HIP mom who whips fleeks with the nae naes :)”

Libra:  Stephanie // Calls for her child from her room to fetch her something that’s literally right next to her // Hot Single mom who has like 12 sugar daddies on speed dial // “It’s Stephanie, pronounced as in Gwen Stefani”

Scorpio: Veronica // Forces their child to start playing the piano or violin by 3 // Has an emotional breakdown, absolutely confused as to why their child doesn’t tell them anything (when every time they do, she lectures them) // “I just don’t understand where i went wrong, how could his GPA sink from a 4.6 to a 4.57?”

Sagittarius: Caitlyn // Constantly reminds people that it’s “Caitlyn with a C” // Constantly wears Prada and Dolce & Gabbana to remind everyone she has more money than them // “I don’t give a fuck about what Alice thinks, she probably hasn’t had sex in such a long time cobwebs have formed in her vagina”

Capricorn: Courtney // The one who, instead of naming her child “Michaela”, names her “Michkaeighlaugh” instead // Adamantly believes that weed is still a drug // “I don’t care what Caitlyn is saying!  More than a ½ teaspoon of salt and this chicken will just be too spicy”

Aquarius:  Vicky // For some odd reason stopped aging after 25 // Super into witchcraft and tarot reading and astrology, uses it as a way to justify everything // “Wow my child’s being such an ass because apparently I’m ‘relating everything to astrology’.  Typical Capricorn Moon in 27 degrees to be a skeptic” 

Pisces: Tiffany // Impulse buyer and big spender, will “accidentally” spend 500$ in a single sitting // has a “Treat Yo-Self” day for doing the absolute bare minimum // “I only have money for either buying food for my kids or this really cute jacket … it’s ok they can starve for the week”

“Hey, it’s Valentine’s day in few days !”

Aries: Uh,, yeah *half confused, half doesn’t know what to say*

Taurus: yeS I KNOW LOOK WHAT HAVE I BOUGHT FOR MY DOG

Gemini: And here I am, lonely as shit ._.

Cancer: Yes ! :-) What are your plans ?? (will actually ask you out if you have no plans)

Leo: HAHAHAHAHAA no

Virgo: lmao i still have that chocolate from last year.

Libra: *sobbing* How the hell am i the only person single ?!?!

Scorpio: *sexy look*

Sagittarius: Yes, I know ! I’m curious to see how many valentine’s cards i’ll get. last year it was 32.

Capricorn: W-who ??… Isn’t that the guy from Yuri On Ice ???

Aquarius: i don’t care.

Pisces: *shy smile* Are you… are you like asking me out or something ??

Signs As Ryden Things
  • Aries: The Heart Rate Of A Mouse
  • Taurus: Pretty.Odd.
  • Gemini: The Salt in Doab and TWTLTRTD like whybren
  • Cancer: "They threw your photo up on stage and said you were a virgin now is that true?" Ry-"Not anymore"
  • Leo: WHEN THEY SLOW DANCED TO THE KILLERS YEAH ITS BEEN YEARS AND IM STILL CRYING
  • Virgo: "I`m falling asleep in your arms, Ryan."
  • Libra: the milk fic
  • Scorpio: JONS WEIRD ASS TWEETS ABOUT RYDEN LIKE BOY WHO THE FLIP FLOP DO YOU THINK YOURE FOOLING WE KNOW RYDEN WAS REAL. SPILL IT.
  • Sagittarius: Ryan sitting on the piano while bren played it in Nine in the Afternoon
  • Capricorn: I LEFT YOU IN CAPPPE TOWWWNN
  • Aquarius: "HEY Brendon You`re single, right?"
  • Pisces: honestly the whole Take A Vacation! album
NCT Horoscopes: Johnny confessing

How Johnny would confess to you based off your horoscope.

{REQUESTS OPEN}

Originally posted by unrealjohnny


Aries -  Johnny is confident and flirty, but he would want to ask you out in a romantic and old fashioned way. On a piece of paper, he’d confess how beautiful you are to him and how much he likes you. He’d ask one of the minis (probably Chenle) to give you an envelope with the note inside.

Taurus - Thinking that he was texting one of his members, he’d message you saying:                                                                                                            “y/n is so pretty”                                                                                          You’d be flustered, but would reply:                                                        “Thanks Johnny! You’re cute too”                                                                    He would realize then that he texted you. He’d be embarrassed but would take advantage of this moment to ask you on a date. 

Gemini - He would compliment you a lot to try to get you to realize that he has feelings for you. But being the naive (or not), you wouldn’t notice his efforts because you’d think he was just being nice. So in the end, he would confess by accident because he’d be frustrated that his efforts are being ignored. “Goddammit y/n, why can’t you see that I like you?”

Cancer - As you, Johnny, and the other members are watching movies, Johnny would use this to his advantage. Out of nowhere, Johnny would lean over to you and whisper in your ear:                                                                    “Wanna go out on a date tomorrow?”                                                          You’d be shocked and flustered but you would definitely agree. 

Leo - You, some of your girl friends and the NCT members were playing truth or dare. It’s Johnny’s turn and he chooses truth. Jaehyun, who knows about his little crush, asks Johnny if he likes anybody in the room and if so who. Johnny,without hesitation, answered: “Yes, y/n!”

Virgo - Haechan would accidentally spilled the beans about Johnny liking you. So you, being curious as to if this was true or not, would go directly to Johnny and asked him. Johnny would decide to tell you the truth by simply asking you out on a date.

Libra - Johnny would be a little jealous about you and Yuta since the two of you seemed to be close and hang out a lot. His jealousy would trigger him to confess his feelings.                                                                                      “Hey, y/n, even though I know you have a thing for Yuta, I just wanna let you know that I really like you”                                                                            You’d laugh and assure him he’s the one you have a thing for and that Yuta is just a close friend. 

ScorpioJohnny, being the confident type of guy he is, would interrupt you mid-sentence by kissing you because he just couldn’t hold back anymore. He’d straight up tell you that he likes you and ask you on a date. But as your relationship progresses, there wouldn’t be a day when he doesn’t remind you of how beautiful you are to him. 

Sagittarius - Jisung had overhear you talking to Taeyong about your big crush on Johnny, so he would be the one to tell Johnny about it. This would encourage Johnny to make the move. So on a random day, as you are working on something, he appears in front of you with a cup of Starbucks and a rose. He’d ask you to go on a date with him, which you definitely would agree to.

Capricorn - Both of you are already close, and he’s able to read you easily meaning he knows you having feelings for him. Since he shares mutual feelings, he wants to move out of the friend zone. With the help of his members, he is able to set up a nice romantic dinner for you. When you walk into the room you are staring at Johnny all dressed up hold a a bouquet of roses:          “So y/n, I like you”

Aquarius - Johnny knows that you have a strong liking for books, so for your birthday, he buys you a book. It takes you a week to finally get to the last paper. On the last page of the book, he had left a note stating all the things he likes about you as well as a note asking you out. You happily run to him and hug him telling him that you would love to go on a date with him. 

Pisces - You and Johnny are hanging out in the streets of Seoul. He takes you to buy some ice cream at a small shop owned by a cute old lady. As he is paying for your ice cream, the little lady compliments you guys for being such a cute couple. You blush and correct her, but Johnny just says:                       “She doesn’t like me back, so we can’t be a couple”                                             You stare at him flustered but manage to tell him you like him too by replying:   “Maybe because I didn’t know you liked me back!”

(sorry this isn’t that good but I hope you liked it. Coming up with twelve different ways to confess isn’t that easy lol)

the signs as paranatural quotes
  • Aries: "On a scale of yes to no. Yes"
  • Taurus: "Is it aggressive? Are you being aggressed?"
  • Gemini: "Hey. I'm fishing for information. Open that can, I need those worms."
  • Cancer: "How are you doing? I'm doing angry"
  • Leo: "Hello, cops police!? Some pasty fooligans are lifting my shop. I don't know how, they must be really strong."
  • Virgo: "A little birdy told me you liked cool things. And by little birdy I mean my years of experience as a friend who loves you."
  • Libra: "No, but you don't have to not punch bears, either."
  • Scorpio: "Golfers are notoriously mortal."
  • Sagittarius: "A life without passion is like a fish without a bicycle in a parallel universe where fish ride bicycles."
  • Capricorn: "Do you think it's cool that he levitates?"
  • Aquarius: "Words before murds, bro."
  • Pisces: "I possess a plethora of popularity prerequisites. A natural aloofness. Good taste in music. A lack of interest in school clubs."
Play: Signs at New Years 🎊

Fire Signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Air Signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Water Signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Earth Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn


5:30 pm:
Aries: “Hey guys and gals, who is ready to pah-ty today!?”

•SILENCE•

Virgo: “Haha, no one answered!”

*Sagittarius does not like seeing the silence and breaks it*

Sagittarius: “Oh Aries, sure we can have a party, but who are you going to invite?”

Virgo: “Please don’t invite the rowdy and talkative people, ahem, the ‘Air Signs’. ”

Aries: “Oh you mean Gemini, Libra and Aquarius, oh hell no, we are inviting them whether ya like it or not Virgo!”

Virgo: “😑”


7:00 pm:

*doorbell rings two times*

Gemini: “AYYYYEEEEEEE FAM, who is ready to party!!!”

Libra: *very nervous for no reason* “Okay, Gem, did you get your stuff from the trunk of the car? Aqua? You guys, I am not the maid here.”

Aquarius: “Ya I got it Miss ActLikeAMommy, calm and chill. It is a PARTY.”

*Gemini and Aquarius scream in happiness*

Virgo: *secretly leaves the loft and goes to their room*

Aries: “Who is ready to invite everyone?”

All Air Signs and Sagittarius: “ME!!”


9:16 pm

•Taurus, Capricorn, Leo and Water Signs walk in the house and gets surprised•

*door bell rings one time*

Aries, Sagittarius, Air Signs: “SURPRISE!”

Leo: “What a surprise everyone!” *Hugs the Fire Signs*

Scorpio: “Oh Libra, why are you so nervous?”

Libra: “Well, clearly, I do not want to hear fireworks, because, I had a bad history with them.”

Scorpio: “Oh okay, well if you hear one just cover your ears.”

Libra: “I will try.”

Sagittarius: “Ok guys, we are in Virgo’s house, and we have to keep it clean because ya know how he is.”

Cancer: “True, true, alright, I will start cooking! Who wants steak for tonight?”

EVERYONE: “MEH!!”

Pisces: “Hey Virgo, I see that you are talking to somebody on your phone.”

Virgo: “Can you please leave me alone, Pisces.”

Pisces: “Fine. 😏”

Taurus: “Cap, can you help me fix the dinner table?”

Capricorn: “Sure!”

•Air Signs all talking to each other•


10:24 pm

Cancer: “Steak is ready! Gather up everyone!”

*everyone gathers up to the table*


Taurus: “Let us first say the grace.”

*after saying the grace*

Capricorn: “Alright! Stuff your bellies!”

*everyone eats*

11:30 pm

Virgo: “Guys, in the news I heard someone was killed because of Fire works!”

Libra: “Oh no, no, no, no, no! I need to go back home, please excuse me everyone. NOT TODAY.”

*Libra exits the door crying*

Leo: “Hahaha, what is up with her?”

Scorpio: “Eh, I will tell you later.”

Pisces: “Who told you? Your girlfriend?”

*everyone laughs*

Virgo: “Look I don’t have time for this, we have to put away all the Fire crackers or any fire hazardous things in here, you all got it?”

*everyone nods*

Virgo: “Cool.”

Gemini: “OMG, it is almost New Years!!!”

Aquarius: “Yay! What are your New Year’s Resolution guys?”

Scorpio: “Oh, haha I have a lot.”

Capricorn: “Hey y'all, who wants classy, traditional music?”

Cancer: “ME!”

Capricorn: “Anyone else? Okay I will play it.”

Aries: *opens tv and sees fireworks there instead* “Aww, I wish we could light up some fireworks, this isn’t fair.”

Leo: “I know right.”

Sagittarius: “This isn’t fun anymore.”

Aquarius: “Yeah, Virgo.”

Gemini: “I feel like the New Year’s Vibe is now lost.”

Virgo: *gives the Fire and Air Signs a bad look* “Guys, die or pie?”

*Fire and Air Signs look at each other*

Gemini: “You’re right, we should just enjoy the time and relax!”

Virgo: “Uh, Pisces, can I talk to you outside for a minute?”

Pisces: “Um, sure?”


12:00 AM 🍰🍻🎂📸🎉💝

•EVERYONE PARTYING INSIDE•

Virgo: “I..I.”

Pisces: “You.. Like me. Huh?”

Virgo: *blushes*

Pisces: “…”

*Pisces hugs Virgo*

Pisces whispers: “I like you too. But wait, who were you talking to earlier?”

Virgo: “Well, I was asking my friend how to ask you out.”

Pisces: “Awwww!!” *Pisces kisses Virgo*

Virgo: 😵😍


And they all had a HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

The end.

New Kid (Dylan)

Length: 1000 words

Trigger warning: None

Dylan caught the eye of the new girl who moved in next to him.


Dylan looked over out the window, hearing the moving vans outside. He squinted, looking at the girl standing on the sidewalk, probably the daughter of the couple that was moving in. She stood there, arms crossed with sunglasses and a scarf over her mouth hiding her facial expression, although her body language definitely came off as angry.

For a moment she looked up, locking eye contact with Dylan. He swallowed, to panicked to duck down and hide himself, but she pulled her sunglasses down, looking at him clearer. Then she pulled her hand, waving at him and turned around to look back at the moving vans.

Dylan was oddly enamored by this girl he had never met, he wanted to get to know her better. He was going to be her neighbor now, so he felt as though it might happen naturally, but he made a pact within himself to do something, to go ask her to get dinner or something. Distracted, he didn’t notice her walk into her new house, and when he looked out, he was disappointed to see she was gone.

Keep reading

The Signs as Horror Clichés

Originally posted by dark-recesses-of-the-soul

Aries: When the car doesn’t start and the character mutters “come on, come on”

Taurus: When the chaser is approaching really slowly but the person running away trips so much that he catches up

Gemini: “Let’s split up”

Cancer: *jump scare* *its just a cat* “Oh, hey kitty… you scared me” *hears another sound*

Leo: Screaming “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??”

Virgo: The one that is made fun of for taking the ouija board seriously

Libra: *hears a noise* “Hello??? Who is this???”

Scorpio: When a ball comes rolling out of a dark corner but it wasn’t the child/animal who was playing with it

Sagittarius: *hears a sound* “Ha-ha, very funny, Bobby! I know it’s you!” *is actually the killer*

Capricorn: "I never told anyone… but.. I hear them too..”

Aquarius: The one takes out a voice recorder and says “can you hear us? what’s your name?”

Pisces: "It’s a message… the ghost is trying to help us!”

the signs as quotes by fantastic
  • Aries: That big knob there makes a crazy noise. Sparks come out of that slot if you put stuff in it. And I'm learning more every day.
  • Taurus: Guess who got promoted to goddamn dam god? The cream always rises to the top, and Fantastic always rises to the top of the cream.
  • Gemini: What's it look like, man? I'm fucking king of the NCR. Caesar's Legion has Caesar, the NCR's got Fantastic. It's Fantastic's NCR now.
  • Cancer: Got the whole NCR suckling my teats, and it feels so good.
  • Leo: Fuck, man. Everything. I push buttons. I turn dials. I read numbers. Sometimes I make up little stories in my head about what the numbers mean.
  • Virgo: They asked me how well I understood theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical degree in physics. They said welcome aboard.
  • Libra: No, man. I know exactly what I'm doing. I just don't know what effect it's going to have.
  • Scorpio: Like, hey Fantastic, who gets to keep this doodad we found? Or, yo, Fantastic, when will you accept that you're the father of my child? It's crazy.
  • Sagittarius: But the mirrors outside aren't aimed right, so we're running at one percent efficiency. And I guess that just isn't good enough for some assholes.
  • Capricorn: Here, you'll want this. It's the password to one of the terminals outside. Found it written on one of the stalls in the bathroom.
  • Aquarius: Man, what aren't my responsibilities? Dam overflow, dam underflow. Dam leakage. Sometimes the dam gets too big and I have to shrink it down.
  • Pisces: Hey man, when in Rome.
THE SIGNS AS TYPES OF MISTLETOE KISSES
  • Aries: The kiss you get when your Great Aunt Betty walks in with freshly applied neon coral lipstick and leaves a pigmented, drool stain on your cheek
  • Taurus: The kiss you get seeing your ex at a holiday party and they mumble an apology after leaving cheap sugar cookie sprinkles on your forehead
  • Gemini: The kiss you get when two beautiful women kiss you on either cheek, and then you realize you're just daydreaming
  • Cancer: The kiss you get from your mom getting sentimental and teary eyed when she sees you again. The last time you saw her was Thanksgiving. Of this year.
  • Leo: The kiss you get in public when your lover holds a random mistletoe over your head and they swear it's a mistletoe even though it's obviously poison ivy
  • Virgo: The kiss you get from that person you've been pining over and they finally get the courage to kiss you - then you realize you're daydreaming, again
  • Libra: The kiss your best friend gives you on the cheek whenever some creep says "Hey girls, know what you're supposed to do under the mistletoe?"
  • Scorpio: The kiss you get when your lover hangs a mistletoe over the headboard of your bed
  • Sagittarius: The kiss from a stranger when you go to the Christmas party your friends dragged you to
  • Capricorn: The kiss you get from an annoying younger relative who insists on kissing them
  • Aquarius: The kiss you get from the cute geek that works at your office, but not before explaining the history behind the mistletoe
  • Pisces: The kiss you get from the person you love the most on Christmas Eve
THE SIGNS AS LADY GAGA SONGS (JOANNE)
  • Aries: Diamond Heart - Girl's playin' bad 'cause it doesn't pay to be good
  • Taurus: Grigio Girls - Pour your heart out, watch your blues turn gold
  • Gemini: Sinner's Prayer - I don't wanna break the heart of any other man but you
  • Cancer: Come to Mama - Come to Mama, tell me who hurt ya
  • Leo: Perfect Illusion - I still feel the blow, but at least now I know it wasn't love
  • Virgo: Angel Down - I'm a believer, it's chaos, where are our leaders?
  • Libra: Hey Girl - We can make it easy if we lift each other
  • Scorpio: Dancin' In Circles - Dancin' in circles, feels good to be lonely
  • Sagittarius: John Wayne - So here I go to the eye of the storm just to feel your love
  • Capricorn: Just Another Day - We both know I could learn a thing or two about behaving
  • Aquarius: A-Yo - Light me up and breathe in, mirror on the ceiling
  • Pisces: Million Reasons - I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but baby I just need one good one to stay

anonymous asked:

HEY SHAYNE, DO YOU GOT ANY TEA ON THESE PARTICULAR PLACEMENTS⁉️ Capricorn Mars Virgo Venus, Cancer Venus Cancer Moon, Libra Moon

Virgo Venus ain’t shit dude I’m so mad
FIRST OFF MY VIRGO VENUS BOY STILL ISNT TALKING TO ME
and second because y'all are those assholes who are like
“Oh, she doesnt deserve me.” (bc y'all think you’re shitty) and then LEAVE
and like ???? why is it you always leave the ones with abandonment issues ????
Y'all make me SO mad rn like you don’t even KNOW
im so upset

the signs as types of drunks

aries: HEY MAN, DARE ME TO DO A BACKFLIP OFF OF THE ROOF!?

taurus: probably crying 

gemini: i cannot believe how drunk i am right now. did i just say something offensive? i cannot believe how much i also do not care right now 

cancer: is always touching someone, even if its in a subtle way. or crying 

leo: i hate myself. i hate myself so much. you know who i hate? surprise it is me. but you know who is also really hot ? surprise it is also me 

virgo: my life is great 

libra: trying to kiss everyone 

scorpio: getting in multiple fights  

sagittarius: doing karaoke and hitting on anything that moves 

capricorn: i am not sober enough to function please hold me 

aquarius: where am i 

pisces: trying to surf off of the same roof the aries just backflipped off of 

Zodiac SQUAD: Capricorn, Virgo, Leo & Pisces
  • Capricorn, walking past the court yard near their dormitory, sees a couple of friends & waves:
  • Capricorn, heads over to the dining hall to meet up with Leo, Virgo and Pisces, sees Leo talking nervously on the phone:
  • Leo, in a hushed tone, kinda: But Mom- No, I'm not doing drugs- what do you mean I'm lame?! You told me not to! I'm not a loser! You know what Mom, I'll call you later. Heeeeeeey Capricorn!
  • Capricorn, chuckles as they get scanned in and walk over to Leo: Save it. You are your mom's baby.
  • Leo, scoffs as they point behind them: At least I still have my youth, unlike that train wreck behind you
  • Capricorn, turns to see Scorpio take out plastic baggies and stuffs food into them: Smart.
  • Leo, laughs while they shake their head: It's wild, man
  • Virgo, walks over with Pisces who is complaining about a project they have to do with Cancer: Hey guys!
  • Pisces, pouting: Hey everyone...
  • Leo, fixes their hair: Hey Virgo, and hello there, little baby
  • Pisces, glares: Just like your pe-
  • Capricorn, claps hands: So! Anyone have any updates or anything to talk about?
  • Pisces, taking a fry off of Leo's plate: How about Leo's crush on Virgo?
  • Leo, stares at Pisces:
  • Virgo, wide-eyed and embarrassed, looking down at into their lap:
  • Capricorn, gives Pisces a look: Dude, what the fuck
  • Pisces, gets up to get some food: They are taking too long, and I'm getting tired of hear Virgo gush to me about how they like Leo. So there
  • Capricorn, shakes head and gets up after Pisces: You two should talk
  • Leo, glances over at Virgo: Is that true? That you like me, too?
  • Virgo, nods head: I didn't think I saw you in that light but after a while of thinking and failing to push away my feelings- I came to that.
  • Leo, smiles brightly: Well that's great! Would you like to go out some time?
  • Virgo, smiles at them: I would love to..
The Signs as Flowers/Florida quotes:
  • Aries: Men, your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step, and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your commanding officer, I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug, and make you call me Daddy.
  • Taurus: I'll tell you who your enemy is, gentleman. Apathy. Passivity. Indifference. And yes, uh, also, those red guys.
  • Gemini: Now I know you're worried about our mission. But I can tell you this. There's nothing, more important to me, than the safety, and well-being, of my men. Or my name, isn't Captain Butch Flowers.
  • Cancer: Hey there little guy. I've been waiting a very, very long time to meet you. Muhuhuhuha, muhohohoho, muahahahahaaa.
  • Leo: Sir, Tucker... I told you to call me Captain, or Cappy, er... I don't want silly things like rank to interfere with our team dynamic.
  • Virgo: Good question, Private Tucker. It'll have to wait for another day, some of us need our beauty sleep. Not everyone has your striking metrosexual good looks.
  • Libra: I don't understand anything you just said, and I've only known you for a short time. But go ahead and inject me, Private Church.
  • Scorpio: That medication, it didn't have... ungh... Aspirin in it, did it? I'm allergic to... Aspirin.
  • Sagittarius: Huh, and now to go to sleep, standing up with my eyes open, as is my custom.
  • Capricorn: I think I'm commanding the finest army, in all of Blood Gulch.
  • Aquarius: Hmm... that doesn't sound like me. I'm a team player.
  • Pisces: Ready for duty, Sir. And, might I say, pleased as punch you picked me.
How the signs answer the phone
  • Aries: Hey
  • Taurus: Hello? Who is this? Do I know you?
  • Gemini: This is... Speaking, please state your business quickly or hang up
  • Cancer: ...this isn't a prank call, is it
  • Leo: What's up?
  • Virgo: Who is this
  • Libra: Hello, may I ask who is speaking?
  • Scorpio: what do you want
  • Sagittarius: My name is... What is yours?
  • Capricorn: How did you find this number
  • Aquarius: *silence*
  • Pisces: *pretending to be the answering machine*
The signs as pairings I ship or shipped :

Sagittarius : Wolfstar (Harry Potter)
Capricorn : Malec (Shadowhunters)
Gemini : Dransy (Harry Potter)
Cancer : Everlark (Hunger Games)
Scorpio : Belladolphus (Harry Potter)
Pisces : Prory (Hunger Games.For those who don’t know it’s Prim/Rory, Gale’s brother)
Leo : Sizzy (Shadowhunters, The Mortal Instrumensts)
Aries : Haleb (Pretty Little Liars)
Libra : Christina/Will (Divergent)
Virgo : Spoby (Pretty Little Liars)
Taurus : Ron/chicken (Harry Potter.Please, don’t kill me, AHAHAHAHAH)
Aquarius : Druna (Draco/Luna.Harry Potter)

Sorry, I haven’t been posting for like one week, but hey, I still love you (?)

celestialscorpio  asked:

How would the signs introduce themselves? Like would they say "Hi how are you." or "name's *inset name here*". friendly handshake or immediately asks "will you be my friend?".

(also look to your rising/ascendant for this!) 

Aries introducing themselves: “Hi I’m so-and-so. Who are you?” or just “Hey, who are you?”

Taurus introducing themselves: “How are you doing? I’m *insert name*, do you know what this is/where this is?”

Gemini introducing themselves: “Hey I’m bla, bla, bla. Don’t I know you from *whatever*” or “Hey aren’t you so-and-so’s friend?”

Cancer introducing themselves: *Waits for someone else to introduce themselves* or with a basic “hello”.

Leo introducing themselves: *Barges into the room and announces who they are* or “Hey what’s up? I’m so-and-so.”

Virgo introducing themselves: “Hello, I’m *name*” then waits for the other person to introduce themselves. Smiles and makes good eye contact.

Libra introducing themselves: *Waits for someone else to introduce them* or “Hi, I’m so-and-so, what’s your name? Want to hangout?”

Scorpio introducing themselves: “Why yes I am *name*” or “Hey how you doin’ I’m *name*” with intense eye contact.

Sagittarius introducing themselves: “Hey you!” or “My name is so-and-so can you….?”

Capricorn introducing themselves: Does it formally with a strong handshake.

Aquarius introducing themselves: “Sup?”, “I’m Batman”, or “Heeeeey”.

Pisces introducing themselves: “Oh hey! I’m bla, bla, bla, what is your name, what do you like, how long have you worked here, etc.”

The signs as chapter titles from The Sword of Summer
  • Aries: Pleased to Meet You. I Will Now Crush Your Windpipe
  • Taurus: Let the Crafting of Decorative Metal Waterfowl Begin
  • Gemini: Let's Play Frisbee with Bladed Weapons!
  • Cancer: Junior Wins a Bag of Tears
  • Leo: Freya Is Pretty! She Has Cats!
  • Virgo: We Are Subjected to the PowerPoint of Doom
  • Libra: Hey, I Know You're Dead, But Call Me Maybe
  • Scorpio: A Lovely Homicidal Sunset Cruise
  • Sagittarius: Why You Should Not Use a Steak Knife as a Diving Board
  • Capricorn: I Psychoanalyze a Goat
  • Aquarius: My Sword Almost Ends Up on eBay
  • Pisces: Hearthstone Passes Out Even More Than Jason Grace (Though I Have No Idea Who That Is)