hey steve!)))

another ‘Humans are Weird’ post

so, sorry if someone has mentioned this before, but i saw a post about how humans were apex predators a little while ago, and one of the points it mentioned was that it’s cause humans have such a wide diet you don’t find in a lot of other animals.  plus, we’re pretty poison resistant to things that would hurt/kill most other animals (we’re the only species that is lactose tolerant as the norm, chocolate isn’t poison to us, plus other things that surprised me and i wish i had kept the post :c)

what if most aliens have limited things they can eat?  the Susutians can only eat plant matter of a specific color, or Luttans can only eat certain meats from certain types of insects on their planet.  so, when they come to earth they’re all like ‘on so what do you eat?’ and they’re thrown through a loop at what choices we have!  and they find out that a LOT of the food we eat on the regular is super poisonous to a majority of the known universe!

like, “oh hey, human-steve, thank you for visiting my planet.  we’re about to eat the meal of the tirid sun, will you join us?”

“o yeah cool what’s the apple looking thing on that tree?”

“apple….. oh, you mean the highly poison and deadly Punnadix Fruit? those are a scourge of my peopl- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

“uh….. eating it?  it’s delicious?”

cue an alien having a heart attack, or whatever the equivalent is.  on top of all the other weird shit they’re known for, this makes then rise higher in the list of ‘creatures we are REALLY glad are on our side’.

4

i could do this all day. | bucky version.

deaf!steve modern au
  • steve’s not the best at lip reading as a kid, so bucky forces his parents to find someone who can teach the both of them ASL so bucky can communicate with steve when he doesn’t have his aids in
  • whenever steve stays the night, bucky makes sure he has a case on his bedside especially for steve’s hearing aids
  • he also makes sure he always falls asleep facing steve, so that when they wake up they can communicate immediately
  • when someone at school starts picking on steve for needing his aids, instead of helping him find more inconspicuous ones (’you shouldn’t be ashamed of ‘em, stevie’), he starts turning up with huge ear muffs on so people stop snickering at steve
  • fireworks sometimes hurt for steve to listen to, so every fourth of july he takes the hearing aids out and rests his head on bucky’s shoulder and watches all the colours explode; and bucky falls in love with him a little more each year
  • in high school, steve gets so tired of listening to tony ramble on about science or being his usual flamboyant self that he sometimes just slips his hearing aids out and literally tunes out - bucky thinks it’s the funniest thing on earth, but it takes tony years to figure it out
  • steve and clint like to fuck with their friends by pretending that they can’t hear what someone’s saying when they totally can
  • bucky insists that every single one of their friends learns at least some simple ASL not just for steve, but for clint too
  • to nobody’s surprise, natasha’s been learning since she was a kid
  • when bucky starts to play piano fluently, steve likes to place his hands on the side of it and feel the vibrations with his eyes closed instead of listening; bucky watches him the entire time with a smile on his face
  • after bucky kisses steve for the first time, he takes a step back and points to himself, crosses his forearms over the other and lets one of them drop, then points to steve with his palm up - signing ‘i love you’ with a timid smile on his face
  • (steve’s too overwhelmed to respond as such, and with tears in his eyes he just brings bucky in for another kiss)
  • at their wedding, they both recite their vows at the same time they sign them
  • and if they make up their own translation of ‘til the end of the line,’ that’s their business
Hey, Bartender (Rogers/Barnes x reader)

Request:  So I have this idea (because in my opinion there just isn’t enough protective Steve and Bucky) where they go into a bar one night. Both Steve and Bucky immediately get bad vibes. They watch as this bartender is getting treated like crap by all these different guys. Like cat calling and unwanted touching. They notice how she doesn’t do anything about their behavior so they ask her about it. She tells them that she can’t otherwise her boss will fire her. This outrages Steve and Bucky. They hear this one group of guys talking about jumping her once she’s done closing. Steve and Bucky walk her home that night, and every night after until she finds a new job.

“I don’t know, Steve, this place looks a little shady,” Bucky grimaced, taking a quick look around the bar, having to squint in the darkness despite his enhanced abilities.  There was a heavy haze in the air, a combined stench of old smoke, cheap cologne, and spilled alcohol stinging at his throat with a biting dryness that had him ready to leave before even taking his seat.  A deep groan escaped his throat when Steve clearly ignored his input and dropped onto the bar stool, leaving Bucky no choice but to join him.  “This place is nasty,” he continued, grabbing a napkin to wipe the cushion before sitting, “I have no idea why you keep coming in here.”

“They have the only bartender in town who gets my drink right every time,” Steve smirked, watching you approach.  “Hi, (Y/N),” Steve greeted you enthusiastically, “how’s business tonight?”

Keep reading

Rest

Uhh so this was in my drafts which I havent checked in weeks and totally forgot about? Anyway seeing as the fic I was supposed to be posting today got deleted,,, yall can have this one from like 5 months ago instead lmao.


Tony really should have noticed sooner.


On the surface, nothing seemed wrong. Steve was fine. A little ragged, maybe, but fine. He acted in the same way, smiled at Tony no differently, scolded Clint no less.

Fine.

(Beware the read more, mobile users!)

Keep reading

Meddling

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

“PETER! OPEN THE HELL UP!”

Steve and Tony looked at each other and tried not to smile at the sound of a frantic Wade yelling for his boyfriend.

Ugh. Wade. Peter could do so much better. Peter is an honor student, he’s top of his class, he has a bright future full of opportunity, and he’s Tony’s son, dammit. And Tony doesn’t want his beautiful, perfect child in a relationship with a mercenary. Is that so wrong? Wouldn’t Peter rather date someone with more potential? A doctor maybe? No matter, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. As of now, Tony is just going to watch as his brilliant plan folds out.

Steve answers the door and narrowly misses getting punched in the face by Wade’s aggressive knocking.

“Oh, hi, Wade, it’s nice to see you today,” Steve feigned innocence, “Peter is in his room. Can I get you a snack or something to drink?”

“I’m good, Mr. Captain. Thanks.”, Wade grumbled as he walked past Steve and straight into Peter’s room, slamming the door behind him.

Steve and Tony froze and looked at each other in anticipation then scrambled to press an ear to Peter’s door when they heard muffled yelling.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, baby!”, Peter yelled back, sounding confused and exasperated.

“Oh, don’t ‘baby’ me! You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about! HASHTAG SINGLE?!?! THAT’S how you’re gonna break up with me?!”

“Wade, I haven’t even posted in, like, a week. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“OH! SO YOU’RE TELLING ME. YOU DIDN’T POST THIS FUCKBOY MIRROR SELFIE. AND YOU DIDN’T CAPTION IT WITH A ‘HMU’ ‘EGGPLANT EMOJI’ ‘HASH.TAG. SINGLE.’”

“NO, BABY, I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT POST, I PROMISE-“

“GO TO HELL, PETER! WE’RE THROUGH.”

Steve and Tony ran across the room and tried to look like they’ve been busy in the kitchen this whole time as Wade stormed out of Peter’s room and out of the tower. They decided to wait a few minutes before checking on Peter. So far, everything has gone according to plan and Tony is very happy about it.

After about 5 minutes, Steve gently knocked on Peter’s door,

“Hey hun, can I come in?”

Steve opened the door upon hearing Peter’s automatic lock slide open and found him curled up on the bed, furiously wiping his eyes. Steve smiled sympathetically and sat down on the edge of the bed,

“Hey, big guy. What happened?”

Peter tried not to cry as he rehashed the conversation he had with Wade while Steve pretended he wasn’t listening at the door and heard every word.

“I just don’t understand,” Peter said tearfully, “I never posted that picture. That picture isn’t even of me, that’s not even our bathroom! But Wade wouldn’t listen so now the love of my life hates me.”

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”, Steve chuckled and Peter couldn’t help but crack a half smile at his dad. Steve tried his best to cheer Peter up, but he couldn’t shake the guilt he was feeling. Peter wouldn’t need cheering up if it wasn’t for him. Sure, Wade is a jackass but he’s Peter’s jackass. If Wade makes Peter happy, who is he to keep them apart? He’s gotta talk to Tony about this, Steve can’t stand lying to his son.

                             ~                                                          ~                                                          ~

“Absolutely not.”

“But Tony-“

“Steve. Honey. If we tell Peter then we’re the bad guys. Peter will never trust us again! Let him be sad for now, he’ll bounce back soon enough and it’s like it never happened. It’s for his own good.”

Steve sighed thoughtfully as Tony continued tinkering with whatever the heck he was working on at the moment.

“Look, Tony, I know how much you dislike-“

“I hate him.”

“…I know you have strong feelings towards Wade, but I can’t live with myself after what we did to Peter!”

“Wait. What?”, Steve flinched when he heard Peter behind him.

Tony shut his eyes tight and cursed under his breath before dropping his tools and turning around to face his son.

“What did you do to Peter?”, Peter asked, narrowing his eyes at his parents.

“Nobody did anything to Peter. Go to your room.”, Tony snapped.

Peter turned his attention to Steve, “Pops, what did you guys do?”

“Steve, don’t do it. Be strong.”, Tony murmured.

But contrary to popular belief, Steve was not strong. At least when it came to Peter, that is. His son could give him that look with the puppy dog eyes that say “I trusted you and you betrayed me” and it’s all over. Any willpower Steve has will just vanish.

“We. Um. We sort of… shopped? For your photo?”

“Photoshop, Steve.”, Tony said as he rubbed his temples. He loves his husband and son but man, could they give him a headache.

“Yes, photoshopped. We photoshopped your face to another person’s body. Well, Tony did. And then we… hacked?”

“Yes, Steve.”

“We ‘hacked’ into your account and posted the picture for Wade to see. Well, Tony did. And we made sure the words under the picture would make Wade mad so he you guys would get in a fight… Well, Tony did.”

“Steve. We get the picture, dammit.”

Peter looked at his feet and took a second to process this. His own parents were trying to sabotage his relationship?

“Why? Why would you guys do that?”, he asked.

“We’re really sorry sweetheart”, Steve placed a hand on the side of Peter’s face, “We thought it was for the best. I think now we see that we were wrong, don’t we Tony?”

“Hm? Oh. Uh… yeah. Totally wrong. Won’t try this again anytime soon.”

“You mean that, Dad?”, Peter asked Tony.

“…Sure.”

Peter smirked. He had his Dad in a box right now and they both knew it. He might as well take advantage of this opportunity and embarrass him.

“Then would you mind calling Wade for me and explaining all of this to him? I’d like my boyfriend back.”

~request a prompt~

‘’Why is she wearing my hoodie?’’

A/N: Here is just another fluff bomb for you all, hope you it! Please let me know what you think. Please note that english is not my first language so there might be grammar mistakes

Pairings: Bucky X Reader

Prompt: Bucky tries to figure out the reason behind his missing hoodie one day, relishing in the idea that might be a win-win situation for both of you.. but what might that lead to? 

Warnings: Fluff overload

Word count: 3745

Originally posted by snowfox934

It all started out innocently enough, on a monday evening after a return home from a particularly difficult mission. Your feet brushed against the cold kitchen tiles, a shiver trailing through your body as you made your way to the fridge for a late night snack. You grabbed a plate of brownies, showing the fridge close with your elbow before making your way to the television room.

You were surprised to find it empty, smiling to yourself as you relished in the idea of being able to pick a movie for once as you planted yourself on the couch. You placed the plate on the sofa table, bringing a brownie to your mouth as you browsed through the selection available on Netflix until you found something of your liking. Another shiver trailed down your spine, your body being tired and drained of energy from the mission and you reached over to the blanket at and brought it over your legs. Your eyes landed on a grey hoodie, figuring it was Steve’s you contently threw it over your shoulders and enjoyed the warmth and smell of the large garment that covered your figure.

Keep reading

Dirty Minded Cap*

Pairing Steve Rogers x Reader
Rating: Explicit - 18+ only
Prompt: Hi there! I loved resolution! Can I request one where the reader usually wears contacts, but runs out and wears her glasses and Steve realizes he has a thing for the naughty librarian look? Total smut. (requested by @ballerinafairyprincess)
Word Count: 2.1k
Genre: NSFW/SMUT
Warnings: Oral sex (female receiving) and unprotected sex. [Sex is safer with a wrapper. Use condoms, folks.]
Author’s Note: I don’t take requests for the moment, but this one has been sent to me after I’ve started posting on this blog, so I thought I could write it and I actually like the prompt. Hope you like it too, though. xx

    You dragged your feet to the kitchen of the Avengers compound, setting a pile of files and books on the counter. Sighing, you reached for the coffee pot and poured yourself a mug. You hummed a long soft moan as you swallowed the hot drink and you leaned against the fridge, looking down and drinking until a certain famous Russian redhead came in.

    “I didn’t know you wore glasses,” Natasha smiled and she poured herself a cup of coffee.

    “I woke up late and I didn’t have time to put in contacts.” You whined, clinging to the rest of the steaming hot liquid and you breathed it in.

    “You know what they say about men loving women wearing glasses,” she obviously quipped and you rolled your eyes playfully.

    “Yeah, of course. Everybody likes the nerd, right?” You chuckled and Steve walked in, joining Natasha behind the counter. “Hi, Steve,” you greeted, watching as his body tensed up when he heard your voice.

    “Y/N,” his smile faded away as he noticed the device perching on the top of the bridge of your nose. “Glasses? You told me you hate them.”

    “I do, but I had no choice. Nat will explain… Sorry, guys, I’ve got a lot of work waiting,” you took back your papers, walking past him with a smile. “See you later, Captain.”

    Keep reading

    • Steve: i hate the stupid outfit, i am a glorified puppet, i am a dancing monkey, and i am wearing tights, couldn't even give me a nice cotton/nylon blend for pants
    • Bucky: hey, steve babe, ur umm, ur gonna be keeping that outfit right?
    • Steve: i have always loved the outfit, i wouldn't want any other outfit, i'll wear the tights all the time, i don't even need other clothes
    Innuendos + Bonus Chat

    Pairing: Steve x Reader

    Request:

    A Steve x reader where Tony makes really bad innuendos and Steve and the reader are to innocent to know what they mean


    Tony has created a chatroom.

    Tony has invited Bruce, Y/N, Steve, Scott, T'Challa, Rhodey, Peter.

    Tony: Dinner tonight, all of us? I can make reservations at Rhodey’s favorite restaurant.

    Scott: The one that spins?!

    Tony: Yes, Scott. The one that spins.

    Scott: I love that one! The waiting list is booked,  it would take months before we can eat there!

    Tony: Oh, honey. When you’re a billionaire, you don’t need to wait.

    T'Challa: And if they make us wait, I will just buy the restaurant. #RicherThanStark

    Tony: … Who uses hashtags in a chat?!

    T'Challa: #ObviouslyNotYou

    Peter: I would love to come but… I have to study for a test tomorrow.

    Tony: Aw c'mon kid, we haven’t seen each other in weeks! T'Challa just got back from Wakanda, Scott is finally free, and Steve and Y/N just returned from their 4 week long mission.

    Bruce: Yeah, we miss you all!

    Tony: Just one night! You’re smart, Peter. You’ll do fine in your test.

    Peter: I guess…

    Rhodey: #BadDad

    T'Challa: #TonySucksAtParenting

    Keep reading

    The Ballad of Steve the Barbarian

    We had a new player once. He decided “Hey cool, barbarians sound awesome. I want to be a barbarian trapper. I shall regale you with his antics :

    1. Upon entering a dense forest in search of some Kobolds who were preparing to attack a nearby town, Steve rolls perception and spies a deer. He’s bringing up the rear and veers away from the party. We find him later, playing checkers with a band of Pixies in a clearing. Apparently he had rolled a Nat 20 for animal handling and the deer led him here. The deer is nearby just watching. Everyone in the circle turns to look at the party.

    Steve : Oh hey guys. These are my friends.

    The rest of the party : *Bewildered stare*

    Steve : We can’t really talk to each other. But I’ve named them. This little guy is Peter. That one is Vicky. And that little bugger over there is Steve Jr. I’ve always wanted a Steve Jr.

    Tiefling rogue : Uh… Steve… We have a mission.

    Steve : Oh! Right! *looks at the pixies* Bye guys! We’ll catch up later.

    Dwarf Cleric : You sure you’re not a druid?

    2. Steve was with the party in a goblin cave. He’s a bit ahead scouting as a meatshield/warning bell. After a few moments we no longer hear him moving ahead of us. We stop, the rogue stealths ahead to find Steve in a side store room sitting at a table with a few goblins. They’re playing some form of poker on a rickety table of explosive powder. Steve is smoking a pipe we’ve never seen before. The rogue brings the party up.

    Steve : (in goblin) Oh don’t mind them. Those are my friends. (To the party) Hey guys! Check it out. These dudes are super cool!

    The goblins smile and wave.

    Tiefling Rogue : Steve… We need to have a chat.

    Steve : Sure. What’s up?

    Tiefling Rogue : Okay first of all, We think you have a wandering problem. And a gaming problem. Where the hell did you get that pipe? And you -DO- realize we’ve been paid to kill these goblins right?

    Steve : Aww… But these dudes are super cool! See? We’re playing poker.

    Rogue : Steve. We have to kill them.

    Steve : Shame… *turns to the goblins while unlimbering his great axe, aptly named The Axe of Steve* Look fellas. I’m really sorry about this.

    3. After arriving at a local farming community and meeting some locals, Steve wanders off to set some traps to check in the morning. The farmers have agreed to purchase anything he catches. It’s been a rough harvest season. The next morning he goes to check the traps. Alone. And finds an owl bear.

    Steve : Oh man. Check you out! What a magnificent beautiful bastard you are! (ooc) I’d like to roll animal handling to see if we can be friends. *rolls a Nat 1*

    There is a cairn stone in the clearing where we found him with the Pixies. Steve died that day. The owl bear proved to be too much for his gentle nature.