so, sorry if someone has mentioned this before, but i saw a post about how humans were apex predators a little while ago, and one of the points it mentioned was that it’s cause humans have such a wide diet you don’t find in a lot of other animals. plus, we’re pretty poison resistant to things that would hurt/kill most other animals (we’re the only species that is lactose tolerant as the norm, chocolate isn’t poison to us, plus other things that surprised me and i wish i had kept the post :c)
what if most aliens have limited things they can eat? the Susutians can only eat plant matter of a specific color, or Luttans can only eat certain meats from certain types of insects on their planet. so, when they come to earth they’re all like ‘on so what do you eat?’ and they’re thrown through a loop at what choices we have! and they find out that a LOT of the food we eat on the regular is super poisonous to a majority of the known universe!
like, “oh hey, human-steve, thank you for visiting my planet. we’re about to eat the meal of the tirid sun, will you join us?”
“o yeah cool what’s the apple looking thing on that tree?”
“apple….. oh, you mean the highly poison and deadly Punnadix Fruit? those are a scourge of my peopl- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
“uh….. eating it? it’s delicious?”
cue an alien having a heart attack, or whatever the equivalent is. on top of all the other weird shit they’re known for, this makes then rise higher in the list of ‘creatures we are REALLY glad are on our side’.
steve’s not the best at lip reading as a kid, so bucky forces his parents to find someone who can teach the both of them ASL so bucky can communicate with steve when he doesn’t have his aids in
whenever steve stays the night, bucky makes sure he has a case on his bedside especially for steve’s hearing aids
he also makes sure he always falls asleep facing steve, so that when they wake up they can communicate immediately
when someone at school starts picking on steve for needing his aids, instead of helping him find more inconspicuous ones (’you shouldn’t be ashamed of ‘em, stevie’), he starts turning up with huge ear muffs on so people stop snickering at steve
fireworks sometimes hurt for steve to listen to, so every fourth of july he takes the hearing aids out and rests his head on bucky’s shoulder and watches all the colours explode; and bucky falls in love with him a little more each year
in high school, steve gets so tired of listening to tony ramble on about science or being his usual flamboyant self that he sometimes just slips his hearing aids out and literally tunes out - bucky thinks it’s the funniest thing on earth, but it takes tony years to figure it out
steve and clint like to fuck with their friends by pretending that they can’t hear what someone’s saying when they totally can
bucky insists that every single one of their friends learns at least some simple ASL not just for steve, but for clint too
to nobody’s surprise, natasha’s been learning since she was a kid
when bucky starts to play piano fluently, steve likes to place his hands on the side of it and feel the vibrations with his eyes closed instead of listening; bucky watches him the entire time with a smile on his face
after bucky kisses steve for the first time, he takes a step back and points to himself, crosses his forearms over the other and lets one of them drop, then points to steve with his palm up - signing ‘i love you’ with a timid smile on his face
(steve’s too overwhelmed to respond as such, and with tears in his eyes he just brings bucky in for another kiss)
at their wedding, they both recite their vows at the same time they sign them
and if they make up their own translation of ‘til the end of the line,’ that’s their business
Request: So I have this idea
(because in my opinion there just isn’t enough protective Steve and Bucky)
where they go into a bar one night. Both Steve and Bucky immediately get bad
vibes. They watch as this bartender is getting treated like crap by all these
different guys. Like cat calling and unwanted touching. They notice how she
doesn’t do anything about their behavior so they ask her about it. She tells
them that she can’t otherwise her boss will fire her. This outrages Steve and
Bucky. They hear this one group of guys talking about jumping her once she’s
done closing. Steve and Bucky walk her home that night, and every night after
until she finds a new job.
“I don’t know, Steve, this place looks a little shady,” Bucky
grimaced, taking a quick look around the bar, having to squint in the darkness
despite his enhanced abilities. There
was a heavy haze in the air, a combined stench of old smoke, cheap cologne, and
spilled alcohol stinging at his throat with a biting dryness that had him ready
to leave before even taking his seat. A
deep groan escaped his throat when Steve clearly ignored his input and dropped
onto the bar stool, leaving Bucky no choice but to join him. “This place is nasty,” he continued, grabbing
a napkin to wipe the cushion before sitting, “I have no idea why you keep
coming in here.”
“They have the only bartender in town who gets my drink
right every time,” Steve smirked, watching you approach. “Hi, (Y/N),” Steve greeted you
enthusiastically, “how’s business tonight?”
Uhh so this was in my drafts which I havent checked in weeks and totally forgot about? Anyway seeing as the fic I was supposed to be posting today got deleted,,, yall can have this one from like 5 months ago instead lmao.
Tony really should have noticed sooner.
On the surface, nothing seemed wrong. Steve was fine. A little ragged, maybe, but fine. He acted in the same way, smiled at Tony no differently, scolded Clint no less.
Steve and Tony looked at each other and tried not to smile
at the sound of a frantic Wade yelling for his boyfriend.
Ugh. Wade. Peter could do so much better. Peter
is an honor student, he’s top of his class, he has a bright future full of
opportunity, and he’s Tony’s son, dammit. And Tony doesn’t want his beautiful,
perfect child in a relationship with a mercenary. Is that so wrong? Wouldn’t
Peter rather date someone with more potential? A doctor maybe? No matter, we’ll
cross that bridge when we get to it. As of now, Tony is just going to watch as
his brilliant plan folds out.
Steve answers the door and narrowly misses getting punched
in the face by Wade’s aggressive knocking.
“Oh, hi, Wade, it’s nice to see you today,” Steve feigned
innocence, “Peter is in his room. Can I get you a snack or something to drink?”
“I’m good, Mr. Captain. Thanks.”, Wade grumbled as he walked
past Steve and straight into Peter’s room, slamming the door behind him.
Steve and Tony froze and looked at each other in
anticipation then scrambled to press an ear to Peter’s door when they heard
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, baby!”, Peter
yelled back, sounding confused and exasperated.
“Oh, don’t ‘baby’ me! You know EXACTLY what I’m talking
about! HASHTAG SINGLE?!?! THAT’S how you’re gonna break up with me?!”
“Wade, I haven’t even posted in, like, a week. I have no
idea what you’re talking about.”
“OH! SO YOU’RE TELLING ME. YOU DIDN’T POST THIS FUCKBOY MIRROR
SELFIE. AND YOU DIDN’T CAPTION IT WITH A ‘HMU’ ‘EGGPLANT EMOJI’ ‘HASH.TAG.
“NO, BABY, I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT POST, I
“GO TO HELL, PETER! WE’RE THROUGH.”
Steve and Tony ran across the room and tried to look like
they’ve been busy in the kitchen this whole time as Wade stormed out of Peter’s
room and out of the tower. They decided to wait a few minutes before checking
on Peter. So far, everything has gone according to plan and Tony is very happy
After about 5 minutes, Steve gently knocked on Peter’s door,
“Hey hun, can I come in?”
Steve opened the door upon hearing Peter’s automatic lock
slide open and found him curled up on the bed, furiously wiping his eyes. Steve
smiled sympathetically and sat down on the edge of the bed,
“Hey, big guy. What happened?”
Peter tried not to cry as he rehashed the conversation he
had with Wade while Steve pretended he wasn’t listening at the door and heard
“I just don’t understand,” Peter said tearfully, “I never
posted that picture. That picture isn’t even of me, that’s not even our
bathroom! But Wade wouldn’t listen so now the love of my life hates me.”
“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”, Steve chuckled
and Peter couldn’t help but crack a half smile at his dad. Steve tried his best
to cheer Peter up, but he couldn’t shake the guilt he was feeling. Peter
wouldn’t need cheering up if it wasn’t for him. Sure, Wade is a jackass but
he’s Peter’s jackass. If Wade makes Peter happy, who is he to keep them apart?
He’s gotta talk to Tony about this, Steve can’t stand lying to his son.
~ ~ ~
“Steve. Honey. If we tell Peter then we’re the bad guys. Peter will never trust us again! Let him be sad
for now, he’ll bounce back soon enough and it’s like it never happened. It’s
for his own good.”
Steve sighed thoughtfully as Tony continued tinkering with
whatever the heck he was working on at the moment.
“Look, Tony, I know how
much you dislike-“
“I hate him.”
“…I know you have strong feelings towards Wade, but I can’t
live with myself after what we did to Peter!”
“Wait. What?”, Steve flinched when he heard Peter behind
Tony shut his eyes tight and cursed under his breath before
dropping his tools and turning around to face his son.
“What did you do to Peter?”, Peter asked, narrowing his eyes
at his parents.
“Nobody did anything to Peter. Go to your room.”, Tony
Peter turned his attention to Steve, “Pops, what did you
“Steve, don’t do it. Be strong.”, Tony murmured.
But contrary to popular belief, Steve was not strong. At
least when it came to Peter, that is. His son could give him that look with the
puppy dog eyes that say “I trusted you and you betrayed me” and it’s all over. Any
willpower Steve has will just vanish.
“We. Um. We sort of… shopped? For your photo?”
“Photoshop, Steve.”, Tony said as he rubbed his temples. He
loves his husband and son but man, could they give him a headache.
“Yes, photoshopped. We photoshopped your face to another
person’s body. Well, Tony did. And then we… hacked?”
“We ‘hacked’ into your account and posted the picture for
Wade to see. Well, Tony did. And we made sure the words under the picture would
make Wade mad so he you guys would get in a fight… Well, Tony did.”
“Steve. We get the picture, dammit.”
Peter looked at his feet and took a second to process this.
His own parents were trying to sabotage his relationship?
“Why? Why would you guys do that?”, he asked.
“We’re really sorry sweetheart”, Steve placed a hand on the
side of Peter’s face, “We thought it was for the best. I think now we see that
we were wrong, don’t we Tony?”
“Hm? Oh. Uh… yeah. Totally wrong. Won’t try this again
“You mean that, Dad?”, Peter asked Tony.
Peter smirked. He had his Dad in a box right now and they
both knew it. He might as well take advantage of this opportunity and embarrass
“Then would you mind calling Wade for me and explaining all of this to him? I’d like my
A/N: Here is just another fluff bomb for you all, hope you it! Please let me know what you think. Please note that english is not my first language so there might be grammar mistakes
Pairings: Bucky X Reader
Prompt: Bucky tries to figure out the reason behind his missing hoodie one day, relishing in the idea that might be a win-win situation for both of you.. but what might that lead to?
Warnings: Fluff overload
Word count: 3745
It all started out innocently enough, on a monday evening after a return home from a particularly difficult mission. Your feet brushed against the cold kitchen tiles, a shiver trailing through your body as you made your way to the fridge for a late night snack. You grabbed a plate of brownies, showing the fridge close with your elbow before making your way to the television room.
You were surprised to find it empty, smiling to yourself as you relished in the idea of being able to pick a movie for once as you planted yourself on the couch. You placed the plate on the sofa table, bringing a brownie to your mouth as you browsed through the selection available on Netflix until you found something of your liking. Another shiver trailed down your spine, your body being tired and drained of energy from the mission and you reached over to the blanket at and brought it over your legs. Your eyes landed on a grey hoodie, figuring it was Steve’s you contently threw it over your shoulders and enjoyed the warmth and smell of the large garment that covered your figure.
Pairing Steve Rogers x Reader Rating: Explicit - 18+ only Prompt: Hi there! I loved resolution! Can I request one where the reader usually wears contacts, but runs out and wears her glasses and Steve realizes he has a thing for the naughty librarian look? Total smut. (requestedby @ballerinafairyprincess) WordCount: 2.1k Genre: NSFW/SMUT Warnings: Oral sex (female receiving) and unprotected sex. [Sex is safer with a wrapper. Use condoms, folks.] Author’sNote: I don’t take requests for the moment, but this one has been sent to me after I’ve started posting on this blog, so I thought I could write it and I actually like the prompt. Hope you like it too, though. xx
You dragged your feet to the kitchen of the Avengers compound, setting a pile of files and books on the counter. Sighing, you reached for the coffee pot and poured yourself a mug. You hummed a long soft moan as you swallowed the hot drink and you leaned against the fridge, looking down and drinking until a certain famous Russian redhead came in.
“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” Natasha smiled and she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“I woke up late and I didn’t have time to put in contacts.” You whined, clinging to the rest of the steaming hot liquid and you breathed it in.
“You know what they say about men loving women wearing glasses,” she obviously quipped and you rolled your eyes playfully.
“Yeah, of course. Everybody likes the nerd, right?” You chuckled and Steve walked in, joining Natasha behind the counter. “Hi, Steve,” you greeted, watching as his body tensed up when he heard your voice.
“Y/N,” his smile faded away as he noticed the device perching on the top of the bridge of your nose. “Glasses? You told me you hate them.”
“I do, but I had no choice. Nat will explain… Sorry, guys, I’ve got a lot of work waiting,” you took back your papers, walking past him with a smile. “See you later, Captain.”
We had a new player once. He decided “Hey cool, barbarians sound awesome. I want to be a barbarian trapper. I shall regale you with his antics :
1. Upon entering a dense forest in search of some Kobolds who were preparing to attack a nearby town, Steve rolls perception and spies a deer. He’s bringing up the rear and veers away from the party. We find him later, playing checkers with a band of Pixies in a clearing. Apparently he had rolled a Nat 20 for animal handling and the deer led him here. The deer is nearby just watching. Everyone in the circle turns to look at the party.
Steve : Oh hey guys. These are my friends.
The rest of the party : *Bewildered stare*
Steve : We can’t really talk to each other. But I’ve named them. This little guy is Peter. That one is Vicky. And that little bugger over there is Steve Jr. I’ve always wanted a Steve Jr.
Tiefling rogue : Uh… Steve… We have a mission.
Steve : Oh! Right! *looks at the pixies* Bye guys! We’ll catch up later.
Dwarf Cleric : You sure you’re not a druid?
2. Steve was with the party in a goblin cave. He’s a bit ahead scouting as a meatshield/warning bell. After a few moments we no longer hear him moving ahead of us. We stop, the rogue stealths ahead to find Steve in a side store room sitting at a table with a few goblins. They’re playing some form of poker on a rickety table of explosive powder. Steve is smoking a pipe we’ve never seen before. The rogue brings the party up.
Steve : (in goblin) Oh don’t mind them. Those are my friends. (To the party) Hey guys! Check it out. These dudes are super cool!
The goblins smile and wave.
Tiefling Rogue : Steve… We need to have a chat.
Steve : Sure. What’s up?
Tiefling Rogue : Okay first of all, We think you have a wandering problem. And a gaming problem. Where the hell did you get that pipe? And you -DO- realize we’ve been paid to kill these goblins right?
Steve : Aww… But these dudes are super cool! See? We’re playing poker.
Rogue : Steve. We have to kill them.
Steve : Shame… *turns to the goblins while unlimbering his great axe, aptly named The Axe of Steve* Look fellas. I’m really sorry about this.
3. After arriving at a local farming community and meeting some locals, Steve wanders off to set some traps to check in the morning. The farmers have agreed to purchase anything he catches. It’s been a rough harvest season. The next morning he goes to check the traps. Alone. And finds an owl bear.
Steve : Oh man. Check you out! What a magnificent beautiful bastard you are! (ooc) I’d like to roll animal handling to see if we can be friends. *rolls a Nat 1*
There is a cairn stone in the clearing where we found him with the Pixies. Steve died that day. The owl bear proved to be too much for his gentle nature.