hey it's my couch

dump him ・ a playlist for when an abusive slave owner manipulates you into a relationship via spotify

free broods yer killin’ me remo drive dirty ickes sorority noisesunday morning no doubtadvice kehlanidickhead kate nashi don’t need a man the pussycat dollsgo screw yourse (gsy) averyfuck you lily allendon’t want you ella maifuqboi hey violetwhat kind of man florence + the machine

Malec Headcanon
  • Magnus: Jace- can you hold the baby?
  • Jace: *A little uneasy* Uh... Sure I guess.
  • *Magnus gently hands the child to Jace*
  • Alec: *Comes sweeping in* No, no, no, no- heck no. Give me my child.
  • *Jace hands over the kid extremely willingly*
  • Magnus: Wait, what's wrong?
  • Alec: Are you kidding me? Do you remember the last time Jace was over?
  • Magnus: *Realization crossing his face* Oh...
  • Jace: *Shrugs* Hey, it's not my fault the couch caught on fire. I didn't know he wasn't allowed to play with matches, you never told me.
  • Alec: I shouldn't have to tell you!
  • Jace: Fair enough.

banana-bus-fem  asked:

Hey vanoss it's del um here's my colors for you...*hides behind couch* Deep Red, Red, Pink, Blue, Rose, Purple, Plum ,Violet.

Deep Red - I’m in love with you.
Red - I love you.
Pink - I think you’re cute.
Blue - You’re amazing.
Rose - You’re pretty.
Purple - You’re hot.
Plum - I would fuck you.
Violet - I would date you.

  • Me: //piles a bunch of fried leftovers onto a plate and warms it up
  • Kevin: //opens fridge "Hey you need to eat this other stuff in the tupperware your dad left, it's older."
  • Me: "NO IT'S ALL VEGETABLES."
  • (Sitting on couch)
  • Me: "Hey can you watch my food really quick I decided I want to take a shower first."
  • Kevin: "Ok."
  • Me: //returns from shower, reaches for plate
  • //plate is all vegetables
  • "KEVIN WHERE'D YOU PUT MY FOOD??"
  • Kevin: "That is your food. I didn't touch it."
  • Me: :'( "Kevin..."
  • Kevin: "Eat your food."
  • Me: :'(
  • Kevin: (ಡ艸ಡ)