hey b*tch

3

San Myshuno Central Hospital, December 2016

Remy: Hey hey pretty lady. Thought you’d be sleeping.

Lala happy: My love! No, I’m not as sleepy any more. Allison was here. She only just left. We talked about so much, Remy.

Remy wary: Ah. You talked. About what?

Lala: About her being my sister, silly, what do you think? She asked about Mami and my family. I felt so bad telling her the truth.

Remy: That your mom is a crazy b*tch? Hey…now I know where Allie gets it from.

Lala: Don’t you dare speak that way, Remy. Allison is my sister. You don’t like it. Why?

Remy: I don’t care no way, actually. I think it’s creepy as f*ck, but life is like that. But I don’t want to talk about it. Today is your sonogram, right?

Lala nods: Yes. And tomorrow is my transfusion and then one more week of observation and I’m out of here. I’m so glad.

Remy: I’m glad too. Once you get released, we look for our own place.

Lala frowns.

Lala softly: But I don’t want to leave the penthouse, Remy. I want to stay with Allison.

Remy firm: No. Not happening. We’re moving out.

HHw/SK The MAD TEA PARTY Ch.1 LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT DATE

Hazbin Hotel with Sinner’s Key: The Mad Tea Party

Chappie 1: Late for An Important Date

Inspired by Brandon Roger’s “Mad tea Party” youtube videos.

ALL CHARACTERS AND ELEMENTS OF HAZBIN HOTEL BELONGS TO VIVIENNE MEDRANO

Sinner’s fan-character concept belongs to me. Special thanks to @tremendousmiraclecherryblossom​ for co writing and editing!

(your Sinner wakes up in their bed, but finds themselves looking up at the sky instead of the ceiling of their room in the hotel. As they get up they find they are in a poorly taken care of field/garden, and they realize they’re no longer wearing their pjs, but an outfit similar to:

(Note; the colors and card suite can be whatever you want for your Sinner’s alice outfit. In case it isn’t that visible, left one is clubs and right one is hearts for the ref pic above.You can also change the shoes, sleeve length, style of the outfit etc X3 )

Sinner: why am I wearing this and where the f*ck are my pjs?

(as they’re looking around, they hear noises. Following them they find some familiar faces around a table…Angel, Husk, Vaggie, Niffty and Crymini to be precise, in weird looking costumes)

Sinner; …what’s everyone doing-? How’d they get the ENTIRE dining room table outside?! (they approach)

Angel: (shoots his head up….and grins) Well WELL!! G’MORNIN’ SLEEPIN’ BEAUTY!!

Niffty: heehee!! Wrong story Angel!

Sinner; what-? Why’re you guys all dressed like that?

Angel: …huh, I could aks you th’ same thing! (looks at a piece of paper) OY! HUSK!! We didn’t cast (Sinner’s name) did we?

Husk: ..this is our Alice, I dragged their bed out here and got them in the stupid dress/suit.

Sinner: (clutches self feeling violated) that only raises more questions.

Angel; th’ F*CK?! I thought CHARLIE was gonna be Alice?!

Husk: …it’s not? ….Wait. …that’s not Charlie? …f*ck (pours some tea)

Niffty; she was busy! but like Husk said, (Sinner’s name) was available!!

Vaggie: you mean “vulnerable”?

Niffty: Yeah that! :D

Angel; ….ah hell with it, kid looks better as Alice an’ makes a better Alice! Anyway, Grab a seat (Y/S’s nickname)

Sinner; … (sits) is this some sort of..cosplay?

Vaggie; More of a cult. before you ask, it was Angel’s idea.

Crymini: YEAH! He found this cool @$$ art book he showed us! Some f*cked up psycho version of Alice in Wonderland-

Vaggie: MY “Alice Madness Returns” art book you took from me TWO WEEKS AGO!?

Angel; …Well no sh*t how ELSE were we gonna get yeh to come?

Vaggie: … (takes a huge gulp of tea)

Angel; WELP!! (to Sinner) don’ know about th’ rest of these party poopers, but I’M having too much fun in “Wonderland,” whatta about y’alls? :D

Niffty: (singing) YEEEEEEESSS!

Sinner; uh…wait…what are you?

Niffty: I’M A SINGING FLOOOOWWEEERR!

Sinner: Ok…

Vaggie; yeah, she’s a flower, Angel’s running this as the Mad hatter, I’m the cheshire cat…

Angel: we “Purrsuaded” Husky here to be our March Hare ;)

Husk: free drinks. That’s all I’m sayin’

Angel: (bends over, floofs chest, and wiggles hips) along with other benefits.

Husk: … (continues drinking)

Sinner; (looks over to Crymini) ..what the hell are you?

Crymini: I’m A MUTHER F*CKIN’ JABBERWOCK!! >:D

Angel; an’ with the intros outta th’ way and FINALLY findin’ an Alice, here’s to havin’ more children fallin’ through our rabbit holes. (raises cup).

Niffty: YYYAAAAYYYYY!!! (splashes tea all over the place)

Husk: stoppit Niff, yer waistin’ all the booze!! (Tea splashes on husks face, he remains silent and licks it off)

Sinner; So wait, this isn’t tea?!

Vaggie; it is, some of it’s just spiked.

Angel: NIFFTY’S CLEANED CUP! EVERYBODY CLEAN CUPS, MOVE YER @$$ES!

(they all shove each other into new chairs. Niffty dances away as Sinner accidentally ends up in Husk’s lap)

Sinner; O.o uh-

Angel: awwww I wanted Alice t’sit on MY lap!

Husk; Well they’re on MY lap, and I’m too lazy to get em’ up (burps)

Sinner; Ew >^<

Angel; Oh YEH!? Well it’s MY party, MY RULES! An’ I want em’ on MY lap!

Husk: Nope. too lazy.

Angel; YES! Gimmie Alice!

Husk: Nope

Sinner; Uh, do I get a say in-?

Angel/Husk: NOPE.

Husk: grab a drink an’ have a smoke kid, it’s gonna be a long one.

Sinner; I don’t smoke OR drink! ..isn’t there anything to eat?

Niffty: COOKIES!

Sinner; Oh good-

Vaggie; they have drugs in them

Sinner; …which ones-?

Angel: ALL O’ THEM! O3O

Sinner; (crawls off Husk’s lap under the table, hoping to get away…and into Niffty’s empty seat, as she’s rolling around the ground) ok, NOW I think I’ll have that drink…

Vaggie: Welcome to the club (pours sinner a cup) Angel and Niffty are hogging all the cookies anyway. (looks over at Angel) How’s the “special K” Hat-hole?

Angel: Ugh, f*ckin cookies don’t taste strong enough, puttin’ me in a bad mood (looks at Husk) …whut th’ f*ck you lookin’ at hare?

Husk; what?

Angel: ..yer ears look like a f*ckin’ bat did em’

Husk: You’re the one who shoved me into this hat.

Sinner; (takes a big sip of tea…only to spit it back out) YUCK!!! What kind of tea is this?! It’s NASTY!

Vaggie; it’s herbal, there was NO WAY I was letting these ADDICTS spike up caffeinated tea

Angel: Kid, when you have this tea, CREAM AN’ SUGAR DON’T DO SH*T! YOU GOTTA SCOTCH IT UP! ..also I blame Vaggie

Vaggie; THEN NEXT TIME YOU GET THE DAMN TEA!

Husk: Well if he HAD gotten it, we wouldn’t be stuck with THIS CRAP

Angel: You callin’ me LAZY?!

Crymini: (to Niffty, who’s still on the ground rolling around) NIFFTY STOP PHOTOSYNTHESIZING AT THE TABLE!!

Niffty: I NEED TO LIIIIVE!!!

Husk/Vaggie; STOP SCREAMING!

Angel; y’know whut? You wanna be the damn Cheshire Hatter or some sh*t? FINE!! YER PARTY NOW! (plops the hat onto her head, beginning to march off)

Husk: (Clearly intoxicated) HEY B*TCH! TAKE YER *HIC* DAMN CHAIR WITH YOU! (throws chair at Angel, which hits him in the leg)

Angel; OW!! YOU MOTHA’-!!

Vaggie: What the hell Husk!?

Husk: B*tch thinks she can just walk out and leave me here with her f*ckin’ mess?!

Crymini:*awkward cough*

Niffty: ….is that what happened to Husk’s last Sweetie?

Sinner: Uh oh-!

(Angel snarls, eyes flashing pink before he picks up the chair and races towards Husk)

Husk: Oh Sh*t-! (flies off, Angel chasing him around)

Angel: COME BACK HERE AN’ CALL ME A B*TCH AGAIN Y’LAZY @$$ HERBAL SH*T DRINKING PIECE OF CRAP!!

Niffty: YAY FREE CHAIR!! (sits Husk’s chair as Angel chases Husk around. She takes a sip of Husk’s extra-spiked tea)

Vaggie; NIFFTY DON’T-!

(Niffty gets a blank expression then falls out of said chair)

Sinner; Niffty?!

Vaggie; Niffty! Are you ok?! Niffty-?!?!

Angel: (As he and Husk stop their chase) ooooo… …that’s not good.

Crymini:; Sh*t….we shouldn’t have let her eat those damn cookies!

Vaggie: sure dress the PSYCHO-DOLL like a character from an acid trip film and offer her drugs. I couldn’t POSSIBLY see that ending badly.

Sinner:: Uh, Vaggie? Y’sure she’s-?

(Niffty suddenly opens her eye, which is dilated and red, and gets up hissing!)

Sinner; WTF?!!

Angel: OH SH*T TH’ F*CKIN” FLOWER’S POSSESSED!

Crymini: RUN!

Niffty: (demonic screeching, starts chasing random misfits around the table. Vaggie hides under the table with Cry only to have Niffty flip it over. Vaggie hisses at her, trying to calm her down…but Niffty continues chasing)

Husk: (getting chased) F*CKIN’ SPOOK B*TCH! (he and Angel set up a table while Niffty chases Cry and Vaggie)

Angel: ALICE DO SOMETHIN’!

Sinner; ME!??!?

Angel; YER ALICE! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAVE WONDER-F*CK!! (Niffty grabs chair and throws it into the table) SAVE US ALICE WAAAGH!

(Sinner-Alice charges at Niffty, grabbing her and spinning her around, trying to pin her, tackle her etc. eventually Niffty, mid chase/struggle, knocks Sinner off, and they find themselves falling…falling…)

??: (Your Sinner’s Name)? Wake up!!

(Your Sinner wakes up in their own bed!)

Sinner: Wh-?! What-!?

Charlie: (leaning over them) Are you alright?! You were kicking all over the place!

Sinner; er…yeah..I had this weird dream* ….nevermind. Um, why are you in my room?

Charlie; OH!! Well, actually, I wouldn’t have come in if I hadn’t heard you thrashing…but I wa going to slip this under the door (hands them a piece of paper)

Sinner; ….”Come to Angel Hatter’s-*” ….Wonderland…tea-party?

Charlie: originally the invite was for me, but something came up..which is a shame, because I was going to be Alice!

Sinner; Like…this party is a cosplay or role play?

Charlie; yeah! But since I’m busy, I told them that maybe YOU could take my place! Niffty even made out a costume for you! (Holds up (Sinner’s fave color) outfit like the one from the dream) What you think?

Sinner; ….will the tea be spiked?

Charlie; knowing Husk will be there? Most likely…personally, I’m hoping that will be the only thing Angel’s planned for this party. This sounds dangerously less destructive than his usual antics.

(As Sinner is looking over their outfit, they notice something tucked in the pocket of their apron…an EMPTY mini liquor bottle with a sticker on it that says “Drink me <3” In Angel’s handwriting)

Sinner; …’I think I’ll need that drink

TBC?!?

SO!! What did you guys think of this crazy Wonderland-esqu Hazbin Hotel fan script?! Thanks to @tremendousmiraclecherryblossom for co-writing with me, and of course fanart and your own spin/ideas on this little fan concoet are welcome! X3

Chappie two coming soon! ..what/ You think this was the only one? X3 (Giggles evilly, sipping some peppermint tea…only to immediately spit it out) ANGEL!!!! DID YOU SPIKE MY TEA?!?

Angel: HUSK DIDIT! X3

  • Customer before me: is rude and thankless to the cashier before walking away
  • Cashier to me: hi how are u
  • Me: Hey B*tch🏄🏽‍♀️do you really really really w

so i was walking down the hall, mindin’ my own fucking business when out of nowhere i get punched in the face. apparently the kid was trying to swing at his friend and i was “in the way”. i swear if it wasn’t on school property i probably would’ve beat his ass. now i have a black eye.