hexed and vexed

how bangable are the members of vox machina

(+ a few other PC’s/NPC’s)

bc i’m bored and stressed and talks machina won’t be on i’m taking a page out of @taye-x‘s book and this is all her fault blame her i swear (anyways this totally seems like The Best Idea so let’s goooo)

Vax’ildan
oh dear Sarenrae this boy child,,,, you really would expect him to be fucking great at sex?? he’s got this rogue, thief, bad-boy thing going on that you’re pretty sure your parents wouldn’t approve of  and he constantly jokes about how kinky he is but let’s be real?? he’s super emotional and constantly monologuing and if y’all fucked he would probably wax shitty poetic about how the stars aligned for your very coupling and the world tilted on its axis when you came together?? probably ends up crying while y’all are together really good at fixing your hair afterwards though (not that it really got that messed up to be fair)
2/10

Vex’ahlia
she will literally rock your world?? probably knows more sex positions than you, is definitely into That Kind Of Stuff, usually a dom but is willing to switch like you would never want anyone else ever again and the life affirming sex is gr8 tbh probably disappears the next day though (taking off points for the daddy issues that she refuses to talk about)
9/10

Keyleth
just as bad as vax??? she is clumsy and awkward and doesn’t exactly know where to touch or what to do?? it would be endearing but like she’s just so unlucky and uncoordinated that she would probably end up breaking something of yours also the dirty talk is nonexistent and she will definitely end up talking about a tree that she went through one time and how it was the most amazing experience because she talked to the tree and he talked back (or will find a lava river to face plant into)
2/10

Pike
is actually a monstah like you would never really expect it from the angelic look of her and her gentle touch when she heals you but ooooh buddy she learned Lots of Things™ while she was at sea and she would love to use them on you and that strength is useful for a hell of a Lot of Things™ and all I’m saying is that after everything is said and done she’s probably totally up for cuddles and amazing aftercare
10/10

Grog
as much as i would love to hype up grog’s sexual prowess i’m pretty sure that he’s never seen a bath (like for real can we get a crit role stats tracking how many times he’s taken one) and his junk is Nasty he’s probably usually pretty good at the dirty (though that’s debatable bc the only time we’ve had confirmation of him doing the dirty is lady favors akak the real MVPs) but there’s probably still like Silas and Vorugal bits near there
-5/10

Percy
did you see the way that little self absorbed prick responded when vex showed up at the door naked?? he had probably had sex like once or twice previously bc he was too focused on revenge for his dead family he’s young and inexperienced and honestly a kind of a prick? totally prepped by asking his friends what to do and will probably be done so quickly (on the flip side though if he does eventually get enough practice he is a tinkerer that is really good with his hands so just stick with him he’ll get better in more ways than one eventually) if you’re lucky you might end up having interrupted bath sex and having to hold your breath underwater hiding from your twin brother who is also in the bath and is very naked
4/10

Scanlan
what to say about shorthalt on one hand you’ve got the fact that he’s been through most of Tal’Dorei so like he’s gotta be at least somewhat good (nevermind the magic side of that) but he’s been through most of Tal’Dorei so it’s like russian roulette on whether you want whatever magic STD that he most likely has and whether you want to be That Person going into the temple of Sarenrae to get Greater Restoration for it (just make sure to ask him about his mom that was killed by goblins before though just in case)
7/10

Lyra
will definitely call you Aldor the entire time
5/10

Kashaw
would be hot and great if immediately afterwards you wouldn’t have his evil dark goddess wife coming for you??
3/10

Zahra
around the same as Vex honestly it would be wonderful and there would definitely be some tail stuff and it would probably be one of the best experiences ever in your life but it would probably end up being a casual thing for one time only
9/10

Shaun
there are no words needed for this
∞/∞

Allura and Kima
let’s be real they’re totally a package deal and also no other words are necessary
∞/∞

Cassandra
a bit awkward and nervous but never to the extent of Keyleth not very experienced but super devoted to any task while she’s not that great in bed she makes up for it by being an amazing wonderful human being that deserves so much better than to have to pick up the pieces of Whitestone that is inevitably left behind everytime vox machina feels the need to dash through and listen alright she is struggling like what the nine hells do you want her to do with two aasimar children fucking bahamut percy you’re dead again what do you wANT FROM ME I AM TRYING SO HA-
6/10

Elixir drips from your lips -
words of enchanted chanting,
incantations - energy vibrations
flood my mudded, hypnotised mind.

Clouded by your magic, brain shrouded -
I can’t seem to figure out whether
you bewitch with white light -
charms with intent for goodness,
like those cast with sage and stones
under the glow of a full moon?
Or if your exotic eloquence is just another
curse, full of malicious malediction -
some mind melting voodoo type hex?
I’m vexed, I can’t place the source of your sorcery,
the cult of your occult has me perplexed;

—  I guess I am under your spell // © @rarasworldbro

Laura’s answer. *swoon*

When did Percy and Vex first realized they cared for the other?
-Talks Machina

EDIT:

Sorry, I couldn’t pull Talesin’s clip, @percahliia​ and @dainesanddaffodils, but he said something like:

“Percy figured out he had a thing ages and ages ago, but also realized that he was really really unhealthy and that would end really really poorly, and so just put it away…now that he’s not in that pit, [I kinda] am like having this, like, “OH, this is [available].” It’s just sort of realizing that you’re healthy enough to maybe be a human being. [smiles] We’ll see how that goes.”
-Talesin

Also after my clip:

Laura: She’s actually at a place finally where she’s working through it, but realizing that she can actually be a good person, as opposed to that self-doubt that she’s been suffering through.
Talesin: *grin* We’ll drag each other down. It’ll be great.

and (regarding tinkering = flirting):

Laura: You made a saddle for a broom. Like, come on, man!
Talesin: *smile* Yeah there was a lot.
Laura: That was great! That was clutch.


If you subscribe to Geek & Sundry on Twitch, you can find the question starts around 01:03:00
https://www.twitch.tv/geekandsundry/v/104259683

okay so I’m re watching The Perc'ahlia Episode and during twin talk Taliesin keeps whispering over to Marisha and Sam and can we please just all agree that that’s actually Percival being a nervous little shit and planning with Scanlan and Keyleth what he should do about the Vex Situation and like getting advice and all that jazz and literally that’s why no one has commented on the new status of their relationship

Also just… Imagine Keyleth being on both sides not being able to openly tell the other that they’re into the other because they both made her swear to keep secret (and godsdamnit her word is her bond but really they deserve one another) but if she can’t tell them then at least she can push them together with the Exandria equivalent of The Parent Trap damn it

But all of that planning and careful strategy goes out the window per Vox Machina style when he sees her in those woods in her natural element and she’s talking to him about forgiveness and all he can think about is how she’s the pinnacle of it all since he was literally the reason that she died (and no he still hasn’t forgiven himself for that one and maybe he never will but for her he’ll work on it like he always does for her) and she’s smiling at him and talking about forgiveness like he didn’t see her almost die once for his sake in his idiotic quest and then die because of his idiotic impulses and she’s just so damn beautiful that it actually hurts him sometimes and when she stops talking he’s not sure if she can hear his heart thumping in his chest as he makes up his mind and just kisses her and y'all I just really love my idiot tinkerer So Damn Much

All I want from the blossoming Perc'ahlia romance, is Trinket to like Percy better than Vex. Not permanently or for reals, I just want Vex or someone to worry that Trinket will get jealous of the time Vex spends with Percy. And have Percy discover Trinket’s debilitating love of peanut butter or a certain spot on his head that Percy is just good at scratching. Cuz that would be hilarious.

Like a Bell Through the Night

Three in the morning never quite looked as good on anyone else. I sat there hexed, vexed, trying to figure out just what was that kept me coming back. It was dangerous, I knew that much, but sitting on the hood of my car, staring out at the stars shimmering on the surface of the lake, I can’t say that I was afraid. She purred pet names like sinister little incantations, the words rolling off the tip of her tongue and burying themselves in every nerve ending. I had lost my will the moment her breath hit my neck, certain that a stray hair had found its way to some hidden doll in her pocket.

She made an altar out of the hood of my old Lincoln, and I was a willing sacrifice. The cold air snapped at my skin, the only warmth from the connection between us, her rhythmic rocking back and forth, my hands gripping her hips out of desperation. And when I finally gave in, watching that satisfied smirk stretch across her face, the only thing I had to fear was her disappearance. I was certain that if I looked away she’d fly off, carried into the night on the sharp wings of her eyeliner. Instead, I drove home, her head on my lap, silently humming along with Stevie Nicks.

Monster Analysis: Cobalt Golem

Thanks to @jessejlarson for the art!

  • Armor Class 21
  • Speed 30 ft
  • Immune to poison, psychic, fire, and nonmagical, non-adamantine physical damage
  • Immune to charmed, exhaustion, frightened, paralyzed, petrified, and poisoned
  • Suggested Average, max HP (Iron Golem): 210, 300
  • 233 taken before Grog kicked it out the window (HDYWTDT)

The Cobalt Golem, a mindless entity at the beck and call of J’Mon Sa Ord, was one of many that guards the Cerulean Palace. The constructs are a strong demonstration of Ank’Harel’s might, forming an impressive guard for a palace whose kingdom is guarded by an ancient brass dragon.

The emperor enlisted the golem to provide a test of Vox Machina’s ability, to demonstrate that the party members were more than strong-willed humanoids running into a fool’s errand. While not nearly as formidable as the Chroma Conclave, the golem did provide an adequate challenge.

Keep reading

8- Gaining Games, Breakfast sweets, cupcakes& cookies

(( Double update! Silly skeleton brothers ahead, and Muffet’s back with a vengeance. Read chapter 7, Walls Between Us, before this chapter! That way you stay in order chronologically.

You can find the compilation of Sans’ Sin Quest chapters linked in the sidebar of this blog under “Masterpost”! Also, our ko-fi donation widget is there too, just in case you want to feed an irl skele with your love & money. ♥

Spit warning (for those hyper sensitive to vomit), not-really-consensual belly touching/feeding, and mild vore warnings apply this chapter. Wait, vore? Yes, because revenge is sweet.

Brother cuddles are not tilted to be fontcest, so please be respectful and do not contact me or reblog it with shipping connotations! Thank you!

Other’s work mention- Cinnamon Cafe mention by @here-comes-the-sinmobile and Kari-Anne the mail carrier is an OC of @cwinter6 ! Thanks guys, I’ll let you know if I use them again!))

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anonymous asked:

Hunter's Hex(aka Vex&Percy) trading weapons and seeing how it goes

“I’m going to make you something lovely”

Well it was a lovely idea at least. Try as she might, Vex must not have been able to keep her thoughts from flashing across her face, because Percy’s lofty grin slipped a few notches.

“You don’t like it?” He asked, reaching to take back the arrow he’d just presented with a flourish. His eyes were already glazed over with recalculations, his head a mess of turning cogs trying to figure out where he went wrong.

“No, darling of course I do!” Vex defended a split second too late. She pulled the arrow out of his grasp instinctively, making a show of admiring the craftsmanship. Which was excellent, no doubt about it. She knew without having to check that it was perfectly balanced, the fletching was delicate and exquisite. If she took it down to the archery range now it would likely fly true and do exactly what it was made to do… whatever that was. But it wasn’t often one fought in an archery range.

Percy looked at her with his knowing gaze, the one that always went right through her. He cocked an eyebrow, a clear plea to dispense with the act. Let’s not make fools of us both with this charade, he seemed to chide her. Vex sighed, biting her lip for a second as she contemplated how to approach the topic.

“It’s just… well with all the mechanisms and the… it’s not very practical-”

“It’s entirely aerodynamic,” Percy shot back, “I’ve done the calculations, if anything it’ll optimise the rotation-”

“You’ve never actually used a bow, have you?” Vex interrupted.

Percy blinked a little indignantly, clearly taken aback by the unexpected challenge.

“Of course I have. I know how to shoot, all noble children take archery lessons, it’s practically a rite of passage…”

Vex wondered if he was deliberately puffing his chest out like a startled bird, or if that was his unknowing reaction to the injury of his noble pride. His voice had taken on the slightly haughty quality it always had when he talked about his upbringing among the gentry, usually when he was lecturing Keyleth on matters of leadership and responsibility. It was weird to have it directed at her this time around.

“- Yes, darling, I’m sure you know how to shoot,” she cut in, “you’re an excellent marksman. But there is a difference between a gun and a bow, especially in the heat of battle. It’s not just a matter of aiming and firing,” she noticed Percy growing hot under the collar at her flippantly mimed gun impression and quickly backtracked to keep the peace, “I mean, I’m sure there are a lot of intricacies involved and all, I’m just saying with archery there is a sort of finesse, so much relies on the feel of it, you just can’t…”

She trailed off as she noticed Percy leaning his weight on his back foot, arms crossed defensively. At first she thought she’d managed to really offend him but then she caught the tiny smirk hiding on the corner of his lips.

“So, what you’re saying is that I’d be useless with a bow in battle? That it’s just too complicated for my tiny brain to handle?” His nobility-bred flare for the dramatic was out in full force, and Vex couldn’t help herself- she had to rise to the occasion.

“Well, yes, although not in so many words. Wouldn’t want to confuse that tiny brain of yours…” Her posture shifted to mirror his, though she didn’t try to hide her smirk.

“Guess there’s only one way to find out,” he furthered the challenge, flicking his eyes up at the bow slung across her back. Not one to back down, Vex swiftly drew the bow and handed it to Percy’s outstretched hand in one fluid motion.

As his hand closed around it, feeling its weight with a bounce, his other hand drew his pistol, swinging it around to pass it, grip first, to a startled Vex.

“Oh this ship sails both ways, darling,” he provoked, noting her surprise, the blatant use of her favoured epithet a clear indication of goodwill. “After all, if all I have to do is… aim and fire?” he quoted her questioningly, “then it should be a breeze for an expert marksman such as yourself.”

A heady tension surrounded the two of them, each holding the other’s weapon, neither willing to break the gaze first. Vex would be lying if she said she didn’t find something intoxicating in the amicable antagonism between them.

“Just you wait, darling,” she winked at him, now smiling in earnest.

Percy let out a breathless, involuntary chuckle. “Oh believe me, I’ll be thrilled to see how this turns out,” he drawled, pseudo arrogance radiating off him like a child about to win a schoolyard wager.

“Guess I’ll see you on the battlefield,” Vex half-whispered, a promise and a challenge. She took two steps forward, pushing the shaft of the arrow flat against Percy’s chest. His fingers came up to grip it instinctively, and if she took a split second to relish the brush of his skin against hers, well, she didn’t let it show.

Instead she smiled coyly, looking up at him endearingly but with a sarcastic glint to her eyes. “Let me know when you’ve figured it out,” she breathed hotly against his ear, giving another shove of the arrow against his chest to make her point clear. “I’ll be happy to give my notes.”

Not giving him time to respond, she brushed her shoulder past him pointedly and kept walking, fighting the smile creeping across her face. Somehow things with Percy always turned out so… unexpected. Her fingers caressing the smooth barrel of the gun, she thought, for the first time in a while she didn’t mind that word so very much.

((Sorry this took forever, writer’s block has been kicking my ass))

Blogrates/ Promos

because I’m really really bored

  • must be following Clara Oswald
  • rebloggity to spread the word
  • tell me whether you want a blograte or a promo and which blograte you want (GoT/HP/Super Detailed)
  • promos will be done in groups of 5, but it may change depending on the notes
  • this post must reach 20 notes or I will be very sad and delete this
  • I’ll start doing them when I get back home 

Rates will look like:

Keep reading

HP Blogrates just because.

Hey, so it’s a wonderful day and so we’re doing blogrates bc why not :D

Rules:

mbf: hugvvarts & pronqsdoe
Reblog this!
Send us your favourite quote


Rates will look like this:

Your House:
Your Best Subject: 
Your Best Friend:  
Your Enemy: 

URL: Bartender at the Three Broomsticks | Knight Bus Conductor | Curse Breaker | Wandmaker | Auror | Minister of Magic
Icon: Acromantula | Owl | Hippogriff | Thestral | Unicorn | Dragon 
Theme: Avada Kedavra | Sectumsempra | Lumos | Wingardium LevioSAH | Expelliarmus | Expecto Patronum
Navigation (if any): The Standar Book of Spells | Easy Spells to Fool Muggles | Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed | Jinxed for the Jinxed | Counter-Curse Handbook | Book of Spells
Posts: Keeper | Bludger | Quaffle | Seeker | Snitch | Chaser
Overall: Troll | Dreadful | Poor | Acceptable | Exceeds Expectations | Outstanding
Will I plan mischief with you? (do I follow?): no, but you are awesome | I am now | yes | into the forbidden forest
Comment/Advice (if any): 

Wanton women with pence for eyes
And hips of infinity.
Lips that curl about centimeter syllables in rose symmetry.
Teasing at the heel, whorl your ankle beneath jersey cotton and men stare.
Nested hands breech and clap sound. You ask do they dare…
Witchy woman full bountied and ripe wolf men bay at your sight.
Hexing sway
Vexing way
The power of night.