What I hate about heteronormativity is that you will get the most mind-blowing, realistic, palpable chemistry between two characters of the same gender in a show and the writer/cast will bend over backwards to pretend it’s in the fans heads or make out it’s some amusing and impossible joke, yet you’ll get the dullest, most rubbish, forced, stilted ‘romance’ shoved in your face and be expected to just go with it because hey, it’s a man and a lady who are white and moderately attractive, of course it’s true love. Of bloody course. 

today in french we were doing an exercise on adjective forms and some of the sentences said things like “boys prefer pretty girls,” “girls prefer muscular boys,” etc. and my 40 yr old straight married professor makes an awkward face and says “ok, wow these just got weirdly heteronormative. how about you fill in the blank with whatever noun-adjective combination you want, as long as it follows correct grammar”

and the answers that we came up with were amazing.

  • girls don’t prefer boys, girls prefer (fast) cars and money 
  • boys prefer beautiful barbecues
  • girls prefer annoying cats
  • boys prefer 75 large plastic dinosaurs
  • and of course: pretty girls prefer pretty girls 

so remember kids, heteronormativity doesn’t belong in the classroom but 75 large plastic dinosaurs do.

  • Destroy the idea that bisexuals are attention seeking
  • Destroy the idea that pansexuals are greedy
  • Destroy the idea that asexuals are broken
  • Destroy the idea that transgender people are confused
  • Destroy the idea that gender-fluid people are just indecisive
  • Destroy the idea that anything outside of heterosexual or cisgender is abnormal or fake

It just bothers me that significant pre-colonial societies had relatively loose notions of gender, sexuality, and heteronormativity and it was the imposition of Western colonial systems that informed strict binaries in those spheres, but now… now when post-colonial societies are still stuck in their previously forced yet regressive dichotic norms and the West has only recently begun shedding its entrenched ignorance in the name of social progression, it has also somehow simultaneously become the champion of forward-thinking beliefs. And that’s just bullshit on so many levels.

I think the biggest misconception of all is that queer people are in the closet because we are too scared to be out and went looking for a place to hide. That’s not how we got there. The closet was being built around us before we even experienced sexual attraction: with bricks of hetero- and cisnormativity and bi-erasure, held together by the mortar of prejudice and stereotype, and reinforced with severe homo-, bi- and transphobia.

what im here for:
little girls being allowed to cut their hair short and wear comfortable clothes so they can roll around and play. little girls never being asked about their theoretical “boyfriends” and not having the idea of having a boyfriend thrust on them. little girls having crushes on their best friend whos a girl and being able to be open about it. little girls being allowed to be themselves and be comfortable and be little kids.

‘straight passing privilege’ and 'cis passing privilege’ don’t exist. What’s happening is called erasure, it’s not privilege, it’s part of oppression and a result of heteronormativity and cisnormativity. It isn’t privilege to have your orientation and gender constantly assumed wrongly, it isn’t a privilege to be erased and treated like you don’t exist.

Coming Out Day

On this Coming Out Day, I am thinking of those who can’t come out.

Employees who would lose much-needed jobs.

Kids whose parents would disown them.

People living under repressive regimes that criminalize their identities.

Anyone who has been so harmed by the brainwashing of a cissupremacist, heterosupremacist society that they are still far from self-acceptance.

You are brave heroes, and I salute you.