hetalia s. italy

  • America: 9:01! Germany is officially late for the first time ever. All right let's do this, who's got theories?
  • Japan: Uh... his alarm didn't go off.
  • America: All three alarms? All with battery back up? Come on, who wants to take this seriously?
  • Russia: Ooh, he was taken in his sleep.
  • America: That's what I'm talking about. Super dark, Russia, but way more plausible than Japan's idiotic alarm clock theory.
  • Italy: I bet he tucked himself into bed too tight and got stuck.
  • Romano: Hmm, maybe he fell into another dimension where he’s interesting?
  • [Britain sees the group huddled around the door.]
  • Britain: It's 9:00 AM, why hasn’t the world meeting started?
  • America: Germany is a few minutes late, and we're all trying to guess why.
  • Britain: I'd like to play. I'd say he’s... in line at the bank. This is fun.
  • America: It is fun. But you're all wrong. He clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man.
  • [Germany runs into the room.]
  • America: There he is! Germany! Where have you been? We've been worried sick, do you care to explain yourself?
  • Germany: I'm just 70 seconds late. It's not a big deal, don't worry about it.
  • Britain: Germany, you will tell us, and you will tell us now.
  • Germany: …There was a problem at the bank.
  • Britain: *claps his hands together* HOT DAMN!
5

L: DID YOU HAVE TO USE SOMETHING RED WITH MEAT CHUNKS?!!!

F: lol idk but wasn’t that funny?? :D

L: *shook* IT WAS NOT. JFC FELI. WHY.

F: aw heck!! I knew I shoulda used lasagna!!

L: NEIN THAT’S WORSE.

The signs as hetalia quotes

♈ Aries: “Looks like someone needs a spanking.”

♉ Taurus: “That was my mother’s cup you fool!”

♊ Gemini: “I guess Germany’s asshole isn’t all that cozy.”

♋ Cancer: “Magic metal pipe of pain!”

♌ Leo: “Suck ball! I knew fortune cookie was bad luck!“ 

♍ Virgo: "No rikey.”

♎ Libra: “Its a matter of gay or death.”

♏ Scorpio: “What the crapola happened here?!”

♐ Sagittarius: “Japan digs my sexy cat ears.”

♑ Capricorn: “I want to pet cats.”

♒ Aquarius: “You stop that potty talk this instant!”

♓ Pisces: “Fuck that spoon!”

anonymous asked:

why the fuck did you do this? Southern Italy already exists, this is dumb

((R R A N T.

I coiuld have brushed this off as anon hate (but I don’t really think it is, idk), but I will use this as an occasion to explain my point of view about Hima’s Romano.

First of all, the name!

Lovino is NOT an actual italian name, it is a butchering of the italian verb ‘Rovino’, ‘I ruin’ or (this idea is a little joke of mine, an italian confused as you about it), the archaic form 'Lo vino’, “The Wine”.
My Southern Italy’s name is Romano, an actual name with its origin on the Roman Empire’s age.
It comes from Romanus “citizien of Rome”, and many Byzantine emperors and rulers had this name, including the modern poltician Romano Prodi. Vargas is ok, since it is a surname that is widely used in all of the peninsula, from Milan to Palermo.
I would like to give him a second name, now I am set on Ferdinando (widely used in the Kingdom of Naples, the Two Sicilies and modern Naples itself), Enea (Aeneas, the mythological hero) or Achille.

Second point: Family.


Hima sets North Italy as his brother and Grandpa Rome as his, well, grandpa, but I am not too sure about it, nor is the Italian-Hetalia Rp fandom (most of us are history nerds, including me).
First of all, the last time Italy was unified properly before the Risorgimento, was before the fall of Western Rome and during the Kingdom of Ostrogoths/Odoacer, so how can they be brothers, if not under the good ol’ Roman Empire? I am a proud classicist, so I support the idea of them being Rome’s sons like pretty much everyone in the italian fandom.
Who is the mother? There are two: Romano is son to Rome and Ancient Greece, making it Greece’s brother, since Southern Italy’s name itself, Magna Graecia (widely used nowadays, too!), comes from the time when Greek colonies were founded along pretty much all of S. Italy’s coasts, but I will talk more about this next time, N. Italy’s mother may probably be Gallia Cisalpina, so they are 50% brothers.
In the end, according to me, Romano’s family is:
Rome (Dad★), N. Italy, Spain, Portugal, Romania, France, the Italian Regions and Greece (a lot of brothers, yeah?).
He is not 100% Feliciano’s brother, but he loves him anyways.

Third point: looking and acting.

Romano’s design is fine, I’d expect him to be pretty more tanned, and his hair should be curlier, but I am not complaining at all.
I think of him as older, pretty much at Spain’s age, tho.
Acting, here comes the real problem.
Romano is shown to be a stressed, whiny kid who depends on Spain and gets angry for ANYTHING, plus the “Potato Bastard” thing, ugh.
By stereotypes and a good 50% of truth, Southern Italians are more similar to Feliciano rather than being close to Romano. We are, and trust me we actually ARE, more welcoming, open minded and generally always happy about life, go lucky people. By stereotypes, we could say Hima is right on us being very flirty with tourists (I have a lot of friends who only date tourists and random foreigners, fml), pretty much hot headed, and lazy (yes, I won’t lie to myself, most of us are very lazy).
Also, the fact about him and his relationships–
They are pretty fucked up. We do joke a lot about Germany, but we like them! The greatest king Southern Italy had was Holy Roman Emperor of a German Dinasty (Frederick II of Swabia, google it) (i am using this to say something Germano related will come very soon ;)) ), and they invade us in summer with their precious tourists, bringing us money, so yes, WE LOVE YOU GERMANY.
Also Chigi in Italian is not an actual word, it is the name of a roman family and one of the italian government’s palaces in Rome but not anything really-

I will talk more about this another time, anyways! Please, PLEASE SUPPORT NON CANON VERSIONS OF CANON CHARACTERS!


nobody will probably will read this, but I had to))

  • Italy: I think he'll be fine. You know, it's, it's Germany. He's of the level head.
  • Romano: Well, those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. Responsible types.
  • Italy: Right, he might go crazy and start alphabetizing everything.
How Extra™ Hetalians and their 2ps are

N. Italy: slightly above average extra. increases when doing his infamous seizure dance 6/10
2p N. Italy: very extra, somebody stop him 8/10

Germany: not extra at all, a very straightforward boy. unless he’s proposing to feli 1/10
2p Germany: a good soft boy, occasional extra 4/10

Japan: don’t let his calm demeanor fool you, he is an Extra Boy 5/10
2p Japan: so extra, yet…so subtle about it 10/10

S. Italy: smidge more extra than his lil bro 7/10
2p S. Italy: the Queen of Extra himself. the ruler of the extraworld. You will not find another quite as extra as this one 11/10

Prussia: *puts on sunglasses* brace yaself for extra 10/10
2p Prussia: a good Soft Boy™, extra rating nonexistent 0/10

America: tone it down a bit alfred 8/10
2p America: a tame boy, only extra around crushes or his friends 3/10
edit: i have seen the error of my ways: vegans are always so fukin extra and 2p america constantly acts like he’s had 15 red bulls 8/10

France: calm your shit francis 10/10
2p France: haha nope not this lazy fucker 0/10

England: he’s got the magic thing going on which is kinda extra tbh 6/10
2p England: a soft boy, very extra sometimes 7/10

China: this senile old man,,,, so extra 9/10
2p China: 4000 years and still hoeing 9/10

Russia: kinda extra with the whole “i’m going to kill you but with a pipe” like lmfao just use a gun or something 5/10
2p Russia: cease this tomfoolery at once 0/10

  • Germany: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?
  • America: Yes.
  • Germany: I was hula-hooping. Italy and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.
  • America: Oh my god!
  • Germany: I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.
  • America: Why are you telling me all this?
  • Germany: Because no one will ever believe you.
  • America: You sick, sick son of a bitch!

unoriginal human au in which the beilschmidt brothers are personal bodyguards for the wealthy vargas brothers, who live with their weird sexy grandfather (he owns several wineries or something idk). for the sake of comedy, feli probably gets kidnapped all the time and ludwig has to rescue him. basically it’s like mario and princess peach switch nationalities.

even more for the sake of comedy, lovino and feliciano aren’t always together and each has to always have a bodyguard. which means either ludwig or gilbert have to endure many insult-filled hours with the combative and irritable lovino.

definite gerita, potential prumano. however if you’re like me, you prefer an aromantic gil and like the relationship lovi has with the vargas family’s dopey and smiley gardener

anonymous asked:

Home life headcanons for 2p Itay's s/o who hasn't escaped before?

Luciano Vargas’s Spouse’s Home Life Headcanons

- You aren’t allowed to leave you room
>Tbh you wouldn’t want to cause it’s perfect for you
- Pamper. Inc
>Seriously tho you gets special treatment
- You’re always relaxed
- You eat healthy foods to maintain beauty
- If you were to ask enough, he would let you wander
- Security is tight tho so no doubt you know all the guards
> “Hey Pablo how’s the family”
- This man comes home and it doesn’t matter what his condition is he will cook for you
> He could have a broken arm and you will still get perfectly cooked pasta.
- After tough days at work he’ll cuddle
You
- Toys around with your body when he’s bored.
-Never you tells you how his day but expects you to tell him