hetalia ancient

7

Made for my embassy duties with @hetaliafandomhub and because I keep seeing “Antonio Carriedo” in stories, RP threads, tags, posts, etc. 

Guys, use Fernández or give him a VERY good and emotionally traumatic reason (such as an Grade A asshole dad) to avoid his first surname. 

Specially because I think Hima mentioned that Fernández was chosen in this case after king Ferdinand, so like… the feels

I love the concept of ancient immortal beings being so completely done with life and all its bullshit that they just don’t care about anything anymore. Like, they could fuck you up a thousand times over but they’re more interested in seeing if they could drive backwards while making a margarita to care

  • Ancient Rome: (Pulling a coffin out of his car) Hey, give me a hand with this coffin, will ya? I'm doin' a memorial service for the marble statue of me. Something small, but classy.
  • North Italy: Sorry, Grandpa Rome, but we've got a big break in the case!
  • Seborga: Break in the case!
  • South Italy: We're heading to the town right now to interrogate the murderer.
  • Seborga: We have an axe! [chainsaw noise] REE, REE, REE!
  • Ancient Rome: Hm, it seem like the kind of thing that a responsible parent wouldn't want you to do... Good thing I'm a grandpa. Avenge me, kids! AVENGE MEEE!!
Ancients Sleeping Headcanons:

*Submission by the enchanting @kittyreaper

I really, really like the idea that all the ancients are super light sleepers, experts in the art of feigning sleep, and also keep some sort of weapon under their mattresses. A lot of them can also recognize people by their footsteps.

I think this headcanon works, as the ancients probably lived very dangerous lives. War are violence are still things in modern times, but back then… it was different. Instead of GPS, all you had were your instincts, prior knowledge of the area, and maybe a compass if you were far enough on the timeline. I believe it stands to reason that the ancients would each pick up at least one of these things.

I also believe it stands to reason that these things could lead to some pretty funny scenarios.

For example, some ideas for ancients visiting their kids/grandkids. It’s modern times and has been so long since they last visited that they can no longer recognize their kids’/grandkids’ footsteps.

Germania accidentally pulling a sword on Germany:

Germania: Um… I can explain this.

Germany: ?!

Germania: Okay, I actually can’t. I just said that to calm you down. Clearly, I failed.

Rome accidentally pulling a sword on Romano and Veneziano:

Romano: WHAT THE FUCK, NONO?!

Veneziano: AHHHHH I’M SO SORRY I’M LOUD AND CRAZY AND MAKE TOO MUCH PASTA AAAAAAHHHHHHH NONO PLEASE DON’T KILL ME I DON’T WANT TO DIE WHYYYYYYY AHHHHHHH IS THIS DIVINE PUNISHMENT FOR HAVING SEX WITH GERMANY?!

Romano: YOU DID WHAT?!

Rome: … //distressed grandpa

Germania intentionally pulling a sword on Rome:

Germania: Oh, sorry, didn’t know it was you.

Rome: … We live with each other, the fuq you didn’t-

Chibi! Italy: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset.

APH Ancient Rome: Feli, Feli, honey, sit down sweetheart, tell us all about it. Lovi, would you get Feli some water?

Chibi! Romano: What is he going to do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say: ‘Thank God, the water’s here’? Call me when dinner is ready.

ROMAN PUNISHMENT
  • Rome: Do you know the punishment for a slave who strikes a Roman citizen?
  • Germania, Chibi Prussia, Chibitalia and Chibimano: *raise their hands*
  • Rome: OK, you, you had your hand up first.
  • Germania: Death by torture!
  • Rome: Nooo. You?
  • Prussia: Crucifixion!
  • Rome: Wrong! You?
  • Romano: They shove a living snake up your arse!
  • Rome: Whew, ahh. No, but that's very creative!
  • Germania: They send you to the lions!
  • Rome: Right!
  • Italy: No!
  • Rome: Whaddaya mean, no? He was right! They send you to the lions!