Kind of Crack-Ish 2p Thing But Hear Me Out
*Submission by @kittyreaper
Okay, so this is kind of crack-ish, but hear me out.
Imagine an AU in which the 1ps get stuck in the 2p!Verse, and find out everyone’s at war, b/c reasons. At some point, all the 2ps and 1ps set up this big confrontation to end the war, but probably in a very violent way. There are two groups in this confrontation: the Axis powers and the FACE family (2p!Russia and 2p!China having eventually left the Allied powers to deal with personal issues… Well, that, and they just didn’t want to be involved in this train wreck of a conflict anymore).
They’re all meeting in either a big building or an area that’s hard to easily escape from. They’re looking dramatic and trash talking each other. Then, Luciano (2p!Italy) says this:
“Hah! You think you’re so tough? Well, guess what?? Last night, I broke in here and planted bombs all over the building! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Ludwig and Lutz (2p!Germany): “You did wHAT?!”
Allen (2p!America) and Alfred share a knowing look.
Allen: “Pfffft, sorry to break the bad news to ya’, Mario, but-”
Alfred: “Last night, we broke in here and planted our own bombs!”
Arthur and Francois (2p!France): “You did wHAT?!”
Suddenly, the wall bursts inward to reveal the Russias and Chinas posing heroically, sunlight magnificently streaming in behind them.
Matt (2p!Canada): “Whoah, whoah, hold your maple a minute. Did you guys also plant bombs in here last night?”
Ivan, looking genuinely disappointed: “Aww, how’d you know? It was supposed to be a surprise!”
Kuro (2p!Japan): “So… what I’m getting out of this… is that all three of us planted bombs here in the middle of the night.”
Germany, with a resigned sigh and the thought, This is my life. This is what it’s become: “Yeah, it would seem so.” His eyes go wide. “Wait, if one person sets off their detonator, doesn’t that mean the others’ bombs will be triggered into blowing too??”
Matthew, panicked: “Oh god, no one set off your detonator!”
Everyone voices their agreement to that, concluding the best thing they can do is to not set off their detonators at all costs.
Then, La Macarena starts randomly playing. Gilbert pulls out his phone and gestures to give him a moment.
“Hey, Toni, what’s up? … Huh? … Oh, cool. … Eh, we’re not doing much. I’m sure no one will mind. … It’s fine, really! … Okay!”
He sets his phone to speaker. “Hey, guys, Antonio wants to share something supposedly awesome he found!”
No one’s really sure where this is heading, but they go with it.
Everyone says hi in their respective language.
Gilbert: “So, what’d you find?”
“Oh yeah, I found this really cool button thingy.”
Gilbert, curiously: “Oh?”
“Si! It’s big, and red, and says ‘DO NOT PRESS’ on it!”
This does not sound good.
Luciano, worried: “Quick, everyone check your detonators!”
He, Alfred, and Viktor (2p!Russia) shakily check their pockets, boots, etc. for their detonators, only to come up empty.
Santiago (2p!Spain) begins to speak from the other end:
“Alright, everybody shut up and listen, ‘cause I’m only going to say this once. We have the detonators. You’ve got one hour. If you don’t leave that building with a recorded verbal agreement to write and sign a peace treaty later, we’re pressing the buttons. All of them. Clock starts now.”
Luciano finds a neatly folded note in his jacket pocket. He opens it. Inside, written in pink, cursive Italian, is the following:
Dearest little brother,
You really need to find better places to hide important things. This only took me ten minutes!
your big brother <3
Luciano narrows his eyes and furiously growls out, “fratello.”