hes face is beautiful i go gay for him

Who Should You Fight: Ezra Miller Edition

Kevin: do it. fight the little fucker. he’s a scrawny, megalomaniacal dickface, it’ll be easy. punch him right in the face, his family will thank you. (just make sure he can’t get his hands on a bow and some arrows because your chances of winning decrease dramatically in that event) 10/10

Elliot: 100% go for it. destroy this whiny mofo. u could blow on him and knock him over, he doesn’t stand a chance. 8/10

Patrick: I mean, you could fight Patrick. you’d probably win, too. but why would you he’s beautiful and gay and very sad. also Charlie will probably beat your ass. 0/10 would not recommend.

Daniel: this hippie probably weighs 15 whole pounds soaking wet, and he has sideburns. yeah, you could fight him, but consider this- hasn’t he suffered enough? 2/10 just leave him alone with his tears.

Leon Dupuis: sure, he’s distractingly pretty, but his name is Leon. 9/10 fight him.

Credence Barebone: there are 2 reasons why fighting this tiny child will be the worst mistake of ur life. reason #1 he’ll cry probably, and then you’ll feel like a monster, and reason #2 he can literally destroy you. -1000/10 do not fight this precious boy.

Barry Allen: 10/10 FIGHT THIS NERD!!!! you won’t win, he’s very fast, but fight him anyway.

Please help me or I'm going to rip my hair out.

Does anyone know any John-centric fics where John is loved, taken care of and not sacrificed on the alter of gay baby Sherlock? Where he’s not dogged and the author isn’t low-key (but not really) constantly calling him unattractive in the face of Sherlock’s “ethereal beauty”? And I swear to God, I will die if I have to read another fic where John is made out to be some kind of unemotional dick while Sherlock is patron saint of the gays.