hes a cartoonist

anonymous asked:

If one hypothetically wanted to read your Eldritch Abomination Garfield fic, how would one go about finding it as directly searching for 'garfield' hypothetically does not include the fic?

“They bought it?” Lyman asked as Jon hung up the phone.

“I got the contract,” Jon confirmed, dazed. “I’m — I’m syndicated.”

“You did it, man!” Lyman said, clapping him on the back. Odie barked.

“They’re already thinking about merchandising deals,” Jon continued, staring into space.

“I told you things were going to turn around for you,” Lyman said with a nod. Odie continued barking, making it clear that he was not just trying to be supportive. “Hey, look, I’ve gotta take the dog for a walk. If the alarm goes off while I’m gone, can you take dinner out of the oven?”

“Yeah,” Jon said, with no real conception of what he was agreeing to. He still had not yet finished processing that phone call, the idea that he was going to be paid, consistently, that he was a working cartoonist, that his comics would be in papers. Merchandising deals. Merchandising.

It was not until he heard the door that Jon realized he was alone in the apartment.

Just him, and Garfield.

From the corner, it growled.

Jon’s heart spasmed; he hadn’t realized it was in the same room. “H—hey,” he said. It would have been a dumb thing to say if it was a normal cat. It was a dumber thing to say under the circumstances. Its eyes glowed red in the shadows. “How are you?” he asked, then winced as the cat growled again. “Heard the good news?” he asked weakly.


It rumbled through his brain like an earthquake, words without words. He covered his ears even though it wouldn’t help. “Yeah, thanks for—”


Jon’s heart spasmed again, overwhelmed with the sense of a hunger not his own. “Right, about that—”

YOU WILL FEED ME it said, words written in blood, thick and hot.

“—yes, I got that, I’m just not really sure what I’m supposed to—”

MEAT and the word throbbed, tore.

“Would chicken be okay?”

UNACCEPTABLE it said in broken bone and jellied marrow.

“I don’t want to stereotype you by assuming you want to eat my roommate—”

YES GIVE ME HIS HEART it said, pulsing, torn flesh.

“—but you can’t eat Lyman.”

I͇̤͜ ̭̩W̨͕̪̠͙I̧̫͍͕̤̥̥̥L̜̜̭͔̪͢L̡͉͍͍͓̣ ͇F̤̜E̤̱̼̩͙̺͢E̥̳̫D̯͚̰ͅ

The glowing eyes moved from the shadows, grew larger, taller. Hellfire, if fire could cast dark instead of light, orange and red, fire and blood. The indistinct shape that might have been a cat became an indistinct shape that might have been a man, large, always large. Jon shrank back as it stretched to fill the room, tried not to look directly at it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin, even though it couldn’t have been, because he was still wearing his jacket.

There was a chiming sound.


“Uh.” Jon swallowed, hard. “Dinner?”


“Yes,” Jon said, “but I don’t know if you can eat people food…”

Garfield sat in the middle of the floor, wide as it was tall. Its gaze was baleful.

“Right. You can eat whatever you want.” Slowly Jon inched around the cat to head toward the kitchen. “I don’t really know what it is, though. It might be… vegan.”

Garfield hissed, the sound of pain, and Jon fled toward the oven.


Jon stopped himself from telling the cat get off the counter. “I think it’s a casserole,” he said, removing the dish to set it on the stove. He gingerly removed the lid, his hands safely wrapped in oven mitts. “Oh. It’s lasagna.”


“It has to cool,” Jon said. Garfield hissed again, and the sound turned Jon’s blood to fiberglass. He backed away, and the cat leapt bodily and entirely into the baked pasta. It did not seem bothered by the fact that the pasta sauce was still bubbling, and Jon tried not to look at the void of its mouth. A black hole rimmed with fangs, an absence of all light, drawing in all that it touched to disappear within.

WHAT IS THIS it asked, and a hellfire paw batted at a stretchy piece of mozzarella.

“… cheese?”

The cat-shaped thing nodded, still sitting in the dish of lasagna.


“You don’t have cheese in hell?”

It nodded again.

“I guess that’s what makes it hell.” If Garfield appreciated this observation, it did not show it. It cracked open its maw again, more lasagna disappearing, and Jon looked away. “That lasagna was supposed to feed us for a week,” he sighed. “How much longer do I need to do this?” he asked.


“Until I’m satisfied?”


Realization dawned. “Wait, but — I thought this was a one-time thing.”


“If you leave, I get fired?”


“So I might still be able to make it on my own.”


Jon thought of the portfolio sitting in his room, and sagged. “… no.”

It grew, limbs stretching, claws turning to fingers and then claws again. It sat on the counter like a solid mirage, licking red from its hands.


Syndication and merchandising deals and maybe someday a cartoon on television. His signature in every newspaper in every house in the country. In the world, even. He raked his fingers through his curls and tried not to look at its claws.

“I guess I’m stuck with you, then,” Jon said.

It didn’t slide off the counter the way a man would, shifted off like drifting smoke or licking flames, stood and was no shorter. Tall and broad and solid, a weight to its presence as it moved closer. Jon shrank back again as it loomed, and this show of submission seemed to please it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin again, and he shivered.



A comiXologist recommends…


Ed Fielder is a 61-year-old scrivener at the palace of the Night Court. Ed is quite mortal, something that’s not a given in this world. Ed is so dedicated to his work that he barely notices when his most frequent client, Lucardo Von Gishaupt, one of the immortal and forever-young aristocrats, flirts with him. 

Lucardo is a handsome man with enticing eyes, and Ed wonders why such a man of high rank would ever want to be with him. But after Ed’s initial hesitation, their romance blossoms, which causes friction in Lucardo’s family, who are not too pleased to see their immortal son spending his time with a mortal. Especially a mortal nearing so close to his twilight years. And Ed has to overcome his feeling of inadequacy while being around people who have not only lived a life of luxury he cannot understand, but who also joke of drinking blood.

Letters for Lucardo is Noora Heikkilä’s first in a four-part series focusing on these star-crossed lovers of the Night Court. The book is masterfully illustrated and the characters are portrayed as real and vulnerable. The scenes in the Night Court, with veiled figures enshrouded by candlelight, are intriguing. But Heikkilä truly shines when it comes to how natural a simple laugh bursting out of Lucardo feels. Or how palpable the dawning horror becomes as we watch Ed realize he has woken up in the bed of Lucardo’s father, The Lord of the Night Court.

The romance of Lucado works because Heikkilä has created an intriguing world and characters we come to adore. Any fan of romance, vampires, or court intrigue will find something to love here.

(This is an adult graphic novel. It contains adult situations and content, and is inappropriate for anyone under age 18.)

S.M. Vidaurri is a digital editor at comiXology. He is a cartoonist, a musician, a writer, and is the human subjugate of three beautiful cats. You can find his work in Adventure Time Marshall Lee Spectacular, a comiXology Original.

modern jack kelly fluff

♡ jack kelly?? more like Manhattan’s resident pretty boy

♡ so he asks you out in the fucking cutest way

♡ he draws this really beautiful drawing of you and in calligraphy he has “coffee?” writen with his phone number on the back

♡ you say yes and meet him that saturday at a little dinner where he buys you lunch

♡ after you eat you stay there talking for two hours (it lowkey drives the workers crazy but oh well)

♡ he calls you baby cakes

♡ he’s a great cook

♡ albert taught him to bake

♡ he fucking??? is so precious!!!

♡ he loves to paint on your back

♡ he loves work out dates if you’re into that

♡ he take you to cheesy movies every weekend

♡ he works as a cartoonist for the local paper

♡ he draws comics on his instagram too

♡ he does little doodles about you

♡ he writes you poems

♡ he draws your eyes

♡ he has a whole sketch book that’s just pictures of you and of you and him

♡ he lives for cuddling

♡ his favorite Christmas movie to watch with you is the last holiday

♡ that boy LOVES queen latifah

♡ he loves you more though

♡ he plays piano and sings to you

♡ he lets you do his makeup whenever you want

♡ if you like makeup he saves up and buys you the best brands

♡ he loves seeing you excited about things so he gets very involved with things you like

♡ painting? him too! soccer? he’ll learn! some tv show? he’ll watch it all in one night so you can talk about it together

♡ he does everything he can to keep you happy

♡ he’s a great listener and gives the BEST advice

♡ if you have any sort of illness or disability he does loads of research and does his best to understand and help you as best he can

♡ the best boyfriend™


so me and idestroyfeels came up with this really cool kidswap au where everyone is happy (except rose, at least until the end)

dad egbert gets dave, grandpa harley gets john, bro strider gets rose and mom lalonde gets jade

let me now explain to you in great detail why this is an amazing idea

  • dave grows up in a home with a loving father, who may be strange in his weird adult sort of way but just wants his son to be happy (and also manly but mostly happy). at age 4 dave draws his first picture of sweet bro and hella jeff. he is complimented on it by dad and told that if he keeps working, he’ll be great at it. dave keeps honing his art skills instead of focusing on keeping them shitty like in canon. fast forward to age 10, dave’s art is fucking amazing. he wants to go to art school.
  • john grows up on the road, with a grandparent who is always taking him on adventures instead of keeping him in a boring house. grandpa teaches john everything he knows. grandpa doesn’t die because john is more interested in hammers than guns, although he still heeds his grandpa’s advice to never leave home without a rifle. there’s also bec, who watches the island while they’re gone. it’s a very exciting life.
  • jade grows up with mom, and somehow railroads her into not being a shitty parent by not playing along with her passive-aggressive antics and instead connecting with her mom over her work in the science field. she’s the smartest kid in class, nay, the entire school. mom is very proud of her. she keeps telling her maybe one day she can work for skaianet. jade is always happy to hear that. it’s what she wants to do with her life. she ends up enrolling in middle school a year earlier.
  • rose grows up being abused by bro just like dave was in canon, and she endures it. very, very much endures. she hates her brother, and she hates his stupid puppets. but she plays along with his games because it’s the only way she can survive. she learns to fight from copying her bro and filling the gaps in with stuff from the internet. it’s going to be a long battle to the top.
  • fast forward to age 15. dave’s art is only getting better, he wants to become a cartoonist. his dad keeps going on blind dates and failing, so dave and jade set their parents up together. it works out very well. john and grandpa are now an established team of adventurers, and even though grandpa is “not as young as he used to be” and tends to lag behind, john is full of spirit and makes up for what his grandpa lacks in all areas. they’re practically unstoppable.
  • rose’s life is difficult as fuck. as she ages, physical confrontation with her brother becomes a more frequent and less avoidable occurence. bro’s unbreakable katana keeps burning through rose’s pile of very much breakable katanas she stole from him. she’s really good at swordfighting, and is well aware katanas are useless for it. she buys an “unbreakable rapier” from ebay. yes. finally a chance at defeating her stupid brother.
  • age 18. dave is off to art college, jade to science college. their parents are now married, and happy that they can be together even when their kids are leaving them alone. john keeps on exploring new areas, while his grandpa keeps skipping out on adventures and making excuses, so john has to man expeditions all by himself.
  • rose only keeps getting better. and closer to beating her brother in a fight. they’re evenly matched, she could win if it weren’t for that stupid puppet from hell. so one day, she gets rid of cal. just destroys him. slashes him into teeny tiny pieces. that evening, she finally defeats bro in battle. she now has his respect. she asks him to seek help. he does seek help. things seem to be looking up. but the past is there, and it’s very haunting. rose buys a bike online, packs up her rapier and one night just escapes. she enters a fencing competition somewhere, wins, and uses the prize money to buy herself a small apartment. she wants to pursue something she’s wanted to do her whole life but never really found the time to. she wants to be a writer.
  • age 25. dave and jade are out of college. their skills are very well known in high places. dave gets a job at disney as a cartoonist, jade gets a great position in skaianet. john’s grandpa has passed away, so he’s now completely taken up the mantle of billionaire adventurer explorer badass. after every adventure he hits up dave and tells him everything. dave is inspired to create an animated feature about john. he pitches “the greatest adventure of jake english” to the disney higher-ups. they like the idea and dave and his crew get to working.
  • rose isn’t doing so swell. her prize money is running out fast, her walls are covered in rough draft and she just can’t seem to get her book right no matter how hard she tries. and she knows if she can’t get more money soon, her life might actually be over. in a particularly low point in her life, she gets a call from dave. he offers her a writer position in his crew. he knows she’s a writer, he knows how good she is, he knows she needs the money. she puts down her rapier. she takes the job.
  • two years pass. the greatest adventure of jake english is a total success. dave and rose are rolling in profit. john keeps supplying stories, so they decide to make a cartoon series as a follow-up to the movie, in great disney tradition. jade is now the ceo of skaianet, and the company makes cutting-edge technology under her direction. everyone is doing what they love. everyone is happy.
  • no sburb because i do what i want

Inktober 014: Grumpy, confused, possibly embarrassed Keith 

Lance is probably doing something adorable and he feels conflicted

Tools: Zig Cartoonist Sumi Ink, a dip pen with a Manuscript Leonardt Drawing Nip (DP801), Strathmore Bristol Board

Garfield: Jon Arbuckle [ESFJ]


Extroverted Feeling (Fe): Jon is possibly the nicest guy ever, often too much for his own good. He is typically over-accommodating and naive, making him a doormat, subject to manipulation and abuse from others. case in point: Garfield. I mean, who else but Jon would have put up with such an unlikable cat for over 30 years? But not only does Jon actually like his orange, trouble-making furball, he lives for his pets and revels in their company at all times. He is constantly forced to play peacemaker between Garfield, Odie and Nermal, knowing full well that Garfield is the common denominator in all conflicts. 

Introverted Sensing (Si): Everything about Jon’s day to day life suggests that he seeks nothing more than peaceful routine. Family is very important to him and thus he will make regular trips to the farm to visit his parents and when he does, he has a tendency to want to recapture his childhood. After living with his pets for so long, Jon knows every little detail about them inside and out: their habits, quirks, likes/dislikes and so on…

Extroverted Intuition (Ne): He definitely has a more creative and zany side to him. He is a cartoonist after all, so Jon is very much in touch with his inner child. When it comes to dating women, he is definitely not afraid of taking risks, which usually ends up in him acting really weird and putting on ill-fated outfits that he thinks are novel, ultimately leading to rejection time and time again. But he still gets back up and tries again anyways, essentially being an eternal optimist. Jon loops a lot between his Fe/Ne as he fails to present his more genuine, reliable self to women (Si) and instead tries to wow them with weird, outlandish antics. He also has occasional, borderline existential crisis where he randomly wakes up one day and wants to change his entire lifestyle with crazy, short-lived ideas. 

Introverted Thinking (Ti): Naive and dim-witted, this is definitely the area Jon struggles the most with. He is outsmarted by his own pets of all things. He does however, have a tendency to snap when he’s had enough and can become quite harsh in dealing with Garfield. He sometimes tricks the latter into going to the vet and then takes that opportunity to score a date with Liz. 

More than You Bargained for

Eddsworld fic, 17,922 words, Edd/Matt, Tom/Tord (Eventual OT4; Edd/Matt/Tom/Tord)

Chapter 1/3: Fourteenth Floor

Ao3 Mirror

Edward Gold is looking for a place to stay as he grows restless of living with his parents. When a Craigslist Ad leads him to room with Matt Harvest, he’s convinced that he’s found the perfect place to live. But weird things are happening- weird things that can’t be explained- and it’s up to Edd to figure out why!


Edd Gold looks over the Craigslist Ad with interest, nonchalantly petting his cat as he does so. Ringo purrs in his owner’s lap, kneading the cartoonist’s jeans. “What do you think, Ringo?” Edd asks, smiling at his cat as he looks over the Ad. “Think we should see if this is the one?”

Ringo, for all he’s worth, just flicks an ear at his owner, not giving a vocal response. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Edd decides, scratching behind the feline’s ears.

Keep reading

A doodle by my father. At the opening of the exhibit that the “Kicking at the darkness” comic was produced for I was approached by a retired colleague of my fathers from the history department at UBC, Peter (I’m sorry I can’t remember how to spell his last name and I’ve lost the return address… anyone know?). He told me how much he respected and misses my father and revealed something about my dad I was not aware of. that he was, perhaps, a frustrated cartoonist! Here’s a doodle that Peter sent to me by my father of construction going on outside the meeting they were in. At UBC there’s always construction going on. The drawing was retrieved from a waste paper basket. I knew my father was interested in comics, I still have cartoon collections of his from World War 2, featuring great cartoonists like Giles and Low. He also was an early fan of Peanuts, collecting the daily strips by cutting them out of the newspaper and gluing them into an old phonebook. We also had the first book I ever saw on the history of comics, the Penguin Book Of Comics, which I studied. So, with “Kicking at the darkness” it felt a little like I had come full circle, bringing my comics to the world of history of my father’s.

Will Eisner and the modern comic

For @hansbekhart and other aficionados of Steve Rogers and history, how about a look at one of Steve’s historic contemporaries–Will Eisner, one of the essential men behind modern comics.

Eisner grew up in Brooklyn, and he was born March 6, 1917 (a few days before Bucky Barnes, for an amusing coincidence) and went to Dewitt Clinton High School, along with Bob Kane, of Batman fame. Then studied for a year at the Art Student League of New York, and then became a newspaper cartoonist, with a sideline in illustrations for pulp magazine stories at $10 a page (more economic background for Steve!). He did pass up a chance to draw Tijuana bibles for $3 a page. He and Jerry Iger then started a company which was one of the first comic book packagers. In late 1939 (he was 22) he was offered the deal that lead to his most famous creation, The Spirit. The rest is comics history.

Jack Kirby, whose name should be blessed by the fans of Captain America, was also born in 1917, on August 28. He bounced off both the art program at the Educational Alliance and the Pratt Institute. By 1936, he was working as a cartoonist for the Lincoln Newspaper Syndicate.

Bob Kane was born October 24, 1915, and went from DeWitt Clinton High School to Cooper Union, and then worked as an animator at the Max Fleischer Studios, and like Jack Kirby, later worked for Eisner and Iger.

It’s possible Steve Rogers became involved with more serious aspects of the 1930s New York art scene, or worked for the WPA art programs. But it would also be likely for him to know, and perhaps submit work to the same places as Eisner, Kane, Kirby, and his other contemporaries.

I suspect he’d have had the same inner struggle over the Tijuana bibles Eisner did.

I really wish I could have gotten to know my granddad he was so cool. He was a freedom rider who worked with Martin Luther King during the civil rights movement in Alabama, and in WWII he smuggled people out of concentration camps in Germany. He met my grandmom at a Count Basie concert and he was also a cartoonist. He died when I was like 3 so I never really got to know him, I know we would have gotten along so well though. This was him

Full description of Seth’s interview with Howard Stern 6/22/15- from: marksfriggin.com

A friend of mine is uploading the audio and I should have it soon.

Seth MacFarlane Visits. 06/22/15. 8:55am

Howard said that Seth MacFarlane is there. He said that’s a genius right there. Howard asked how he’s doing. Seth said he’s good. He said it’s been like 20 years since he was there last. Howard said he has the new Ted 2 movie coming out. Howard said it looks even edgier. Seth thanked Robin for pumping his cowboy movie “A Million Ways to Die in the West.” Seth said he has to thank Robin for that. Howard said Seth made like $500 million with Ted. Howard asked if it’s hard because everyone expects it to happen again. Seth said that it was supposed to be a smaller film. He said that Ted had a budget of like $60 million. Howard asked if it’s that expensive because of the CGI. Seth said it is. He said that it was just 5 sets without the CGI.

Howard said Seth wanted the talking bear but he also wanted the technology that they have in these other movies like Avatar. Howard asked how he knows how to work all of that stuff when he’s a first time director. Seth said it wasn’t that challenging since he was in animation for more than 10 years already. He said the basic film making thing was new to him. Howard said it’s the same concept from cartoons. Seth said that it was the film 101 stuff that he had to learn. He said the bear stuff was the easy part for him.

Howard said Seth got a job at 9 at a local newspaper after drawing something for them. He said from that time until he went to college he held that job. Howard said he was the local cartoonist. Seth said it was called Walter Crouton. Howard said he had a cartoon called Pug when he was a kid but no one wanted that. He said that the U was the nose and the P and G were the eyes. He said no one was going to pick that up. Howard said Pug was a little boy. He didn’t know what a dog was.

Howard asked Seth how he got that job. Seth said it was a very small town of like 600 people. He said it was so small he was the only one who could draw. He said he grew up in Kent, Connecticut. Howard said his parents were hippies and they grew up in a log cabin. Seth said he did. He said his father built two homes and they built them with the techniques from 300 years ago. He said it seemed normal to him at the time.

Howard said Seth wrote a joke at 9 and it was so great for a 9 year old. He said that he wrote something about “Can I have fries with that” with a guy at the altar in a church. Howard said that’s great because it pissed off the local priest. Seth said he didn’t set out to piss anyone off. He said that’s just his sense of humor. Seth said that nothing his mother ever saw on Family Guy shocked her. He said that she told him a story that shocked him. Howard asked if she jerked off a dog. Seth said that he can’t tell that story on the air. He said that she told the story in front of a bunch of people at Thanksgiving. He said that she told them that it was a neighbor’s dog. Howard said that must rock his world. Seth said that was as shocking as anything she had ever said. He said that she had a vicious sense of humor so it wasn’t that shocking really. He said it must have been a dare she did. He said she just said “It was a different time…”

Howard said Seth gave them his Walter Crouton cartoon and they have it up on HowardStern.com. Howard said he got paid to do that at 9 too. Howard asked if it was a big thing to have a job at that age. Seth said it wasn’t that shocking. He said he’s never really done anything that gave him confidence. Howard said he’s done so much though. Howard said that he’s working with the CGI stuff in Ted and Ted 2. Howard said it must be difficult. Seth said that he’s able to articulate that stuff to a team of people and they can do their jobs better than he can do his job.

Howard said what they did with Ted was have them interact with Ted on a TV screen and he’d work Ted through a device. Seth said with most movies with CGI you have an actor on camera and then a voice actor and you don’t have that person there every day. Seth said they did it all live so they could improvise. He said you can only do that if you’re in the same room. Howard said that’s a smart way to do it. He said it’s more organic. Seth said he feels like they were the first to do that with a CG character. He said he was the one acting and they didn’t have to get a big star too.

Howard asked if they block everything out like on a cartoon storyboard. Seth said you don’t really need to do that. He said there is one scene where Ted is driving a car and you have to know exactly what’s going to happen. Howard asked if they ever forget to film something and don’t get coverage. Seth said they did that in a courtroom scene. He said they forgot to film the jury. Howard asked if he feels like an idiot when that happens. Seth said “Yep.” He said that there is something you’ll forget when you shoot those long days.

Howard asked Seth how long it took to shoot the film. Seth said it was like 65-70 days. Howard said that’s pretty long. Seth said maybe it is. He said he’s only made 3 films so he’s not sure.

Howard said that Mark Wahlberg must be working a lot so he must have to find time to do a film like that. Seth said he comes in and just does it. He said he’s great in it. Howard asked if he’s close to Mark. Seth said they will hang occasionally. Howard asked if it’s tough to hang with because he has so many kids. Seth said they have gone out for drinks a couple of times. He said when you see Mark in a scene without the bear there he’s really good. He said he’s talking to something.

Howard said he read that they shot Ted 2 in Boston and then Seth decides to move the production to L.A. Seth said part of that was that they did sound stage work from there on out. He said that you can do that anywhere. He said he had been going for about 3 years without a break and he needed to get that break. He just wanted to go home. He said it was fine in Boston but he wanted to be home. He said he had no break between the two movies. He said he was having a hard time with that psychologically.

Seth said he went close to 3 years without a break and he got sick. He said he passed out in an elevator. He said he had to find some balance. He said he saw it happening again so he didn’t want it to happen again.

Howard said Seth gets to do all of this stuff he wants to do and he forgets about his own physical fitness. Seth said you have to take care of yourself.

Seth said he went to do Ted 2 and he left Family Guy to his co-producers. He said that he trusts them to take care of that. He said he puts all of his attention into one thing at a time.

Howard asked if there was big satisfaction when Ted hit because FOX had turned it down for him. He said that FOX should have just green lit it. He said they rejected the script. Seth said he took it to Universal instead. He said they got it. Howard asked if FOX thought that they were assholes for turning it down. Seth said he doesn’t think so. Howard said that someone was fired for not getting Ted. Seth said he’s not sure why the guy was fired. He said he has no clue about why he was fired. Howard said that he’d be like “fuck those guys” if he was Seth. Seth said that it’s an R rated comedy about a talking bear. He said that it wasn’t like it was a crazy reason to pass. He said they weren’t jerks about it. Robin asked if the guy who was fired was the guy who said no. Seth said he believes so. Howard said that’s so great if he was fired over that. Seth said he has no idea what the politics were.

Howard said Seth has a lot of fans and you’d think that the executives would get that. Seth said that it was around the time Old School and Knocked Up were out. He said it was all PG-13 movies and R rated movies weren’t making money. He said things were just starting to change around then. Seth said that it was a bit much for them to take.

Howard asked if he obsesses over box office. Seth said not really. He said the thing that gets under his skin is when something does good and they don’t say it did good. He said the western made money. He said they did well for what they spent. He said that he wanted to make something different with that and that’s what he did. Howard asked if it takes him a long time to get over the fact that the story wasn’t told correctly. Seth said that he had a great time making that movie. He said it was one of the best interactions he’s had performance wise with Charlize Theron. He said he went into it inexperienced. He said it’s very exciting to do it and knowing that it can fail is invigorating. Seth said if you’re with someone who is so experienced you can feed off of that.

Howard said Charlize Theron said that she will remember working with Seth on her death bed. Howard said the rumor is that they were romantic. Seth said she’s a gorgeous woman and a fantastic hang. Howard asked if she is a former girlfriend of his. Seth said no. He said they’re just close friends. Seth said that they met in a project. Howard said you can fall in love doing that. Seth said you don’t want to be the director who falls for the cast though. Howard said she’s fantastic though. Seth said she can do better. Howard said that’s an honest appraisal.

Howard said he did Private Parts with Betty Thomas and he loved her. Howard said he was in love with her. He said she was teaching him so much and you cant help but have feelings for someone like that. Seth said that in that situation it was beyond that. He said that he’s going to be friends with her for life.

Howard said Seth hosted the Oscar’s and he thought he did a good job. Howard said the rule is that you can’t make fun of those people on their big night. Howard said Seth did. Robin said he did the song about seeing the boobs and things like that. Howard said if they hire a guy like Seth who is known for that stuff they should expect it. Howard asked if it was a mistake to do it. Seth said no. He said he’d do it again. He said he had a great time doing it and they were great afterward. He said that he had a few drinks before going out there so he was fine and not nervous.

Howard said that when he does a cartoon he’s hidden. Howard said to go out in front of a crowd he’d think he’d shit his pants. Seth said the western was more scary than the Oscars. He said you do have to be on your toes a bit. Howard asked if he has a group of writers in the back helping him out. Seth said he did. He said he doesn’t care about the backlash after it. He said it all seems to come from the press. Seth said everyone had a great time and they were all cool with it.

Howard asked Seth about his life now and if he’s dating. Seth said he works like 90 hours a week so he doesn’t have a lot of time. Howard said that he holds great parties at his house though. Howard read about some of the people who come to his parties. Howard mentioned that Ryan Seacrest was there. Seth said he doesn’t know how these people get in. He said that if Howard showed up he’d be in too. Seth said he does them a couple of times a year. He said they’re fun for a number of reasons. Howard said he read that his house was transformed into a winter wonderland. He said they had an ice bar and winter coats for people to wear. He said that Seth performed show tunes with Charlize conducting an orchestra. Howard asked what that costs. Seth said that he’d have to ask his accountant.

Seth said that when you work this many hours it all ends up being bundled into two nights a year. He said that it’s good for people to hear an orchestra. He said that doesn’t happen so much anymore. Seth said it’s good to bring people to a place where they can hear that.

Howard said Seth can hear a song once and sing it or play it back. Seth said it depends on the song. Howard asked about doing Sinatra songs. Seth said he does that. Howard said he’s doing a real concert and real songs. Seth said yeah. Howard said that’s crazy to him with so many other things going on. Howard said he’s on tour now. Seth said he goes out and does that. He said what he does is guest perform with symphony orchestras around the country. He said that he has old MGM charts that you can only play with an orchestra.

Howard said when he grew up rock music was his life. Howard said Seth was into big bands. He asked if people found that odd. Seth said he went through his top 40 phase. He said there’s a complexity and a richness in it and he got spoiled by that.

Howard asked Seth about getting into drawing and how that all came about. Seth said he would draw at the age of 2. He said they were crude but that’s what he was doing. Howard asked about bringing back the Flintstones and what happened with that. Seth said that they didn’t think it was working. He said that he thought it would work but once they started doing it then it wasn’t working. He said that he figured that Fred Flintstone was Peter Griffin so he’s already doing that. He said that he tried to change Fred into an Archie Bunker and it didn’t work. He said that they ended up shelving it.

Howard asked if it’s true he can recite the lines from Star Trek like Jason Alexander said he can. Seth said he can’t do them all but he knows some of it. Howard said that’s a special skill. Howard said he can’t do that. Seth said he must have been out getting laid. Howard said that’s the thing, he wasn’t getting laid. He said he probably saw every Star Trek episode 50 times. Howard asked Seth to do a line from the Tribble episode. Seth ran through a couple of Kirk lines that he was paraphrasing.

Howard asked if it was a thrill for him to work with Shatner on the Oscars. Seth said it was. He said his dad loved Star Trek too. He said his dad took him to some conventions in high school and college.

Howard said that Seth went to the Rhode Island School of Design and that’s a really good school. Howard asked if he’d like to have kids of his own some day. Seth said he would. Howard said he read that he’s afraid of running over his own kids in the driveway. Seth said he inherited his father’s absentmindedness. Seth said his dad once spent the better part of an afternoon putting up a screen door and he saw someone stealing rocks off of their front yard and he ran right through the screen door.

Howard asked Seth if he built a Star Trek replica out of cardboard in his room. Seth said he seems to remember doing that. He said that may have been like 2 weeks ago.

Howard asked Seth about going to art school and how they teach you how to draw Disney cartoons. Seth said they do teach styles like that. Howard asked if he didn’t want to work for Disney because he heard they were working like slaves. Seth said that the Simpson’s had just come out around that time and they were doing things differently. He said he was laughing at that stuff.

Seth said he went to work for Hanna Barbera when he got out of school. He said that they let him do short films over there. He said it was fantastic. He said he was doing that and getting paid like $600 a week. Seth said so much of his career has been luck. He said it just falls into place.

Howard asked if it’s true that Seth disguises his voice when he orders food just in case they recognize him and don’t like him. Howard said he does the same thing when he does anything. Howard said you never know who isn’t going to like you. Seth said he doesn’t want to upset anyone who is making his food.

Howard went through a list of people who Seth has been linked to. Howard named a couple of women who weren’t so famous. Howard said that he used to date the Khaleesi. Howard said he loves her. Seth said she is one of the finest people on the planet. Howard asked why he wouldn’t stay with her. Seth said that long distance is very hard. Howard said that’s convenient too. He said you can blame it on the long distance if you don’t like the person. Howard said Seth alludes to the fact that he was kind of geeky and didn’t get laid. Seth said he didn’t get laid that much. He said he lost his virginity around 20. Howard said he’s shocked by that. Howard said Seth is the ultimate nerd. Howard said Clay Aiken is a big fan of Seth’s. Seth said his life would be so much easier if he were gay.

Howard asked Seth about some of the other women that he’s dated. Howard said that he thinks he should have dated Charlize. Howard said that Mila Kunis didn’t appear in Ted 2. Seth said that the first version of Ted 2 was Ted and John shipping pot across the country. He said then We’re the Millers came out and they had to change the story. He said they threw out the story and came up with something new. He said it’s completely different than the first one. Seth said that Ted is trying to prove his person hood in the movie. He said that he wants to get married and he has to prove that he’s a person.

Howard asked Seth if it comes to mind that the first one made 500 million and he has to make it so the new one will do that. Seth said that he loves slapstick as much as the next guy and he likes the smaller conversations. Howard said in one scene Mark Wahlberg knocks over all of the sperm in a sperm bank. Seth said that’s a metaphor.

Howard said when a movie hits 500 million what happens in his life. Howard asked who calls him to tell him they’re on track to make that kind of money. Seth said it’s his agent Ari Emanuel. Howard asked if he tells him that his life has changed. Seth said there are certain practical things that you do. He said you get a nicer house, car and maybe avoided the airports. Howard said it must be a relief that he’s pulled this off and he can make more movies. Seth said that the financial victory is that people wanted to see it. He said that’s what satisfies you.

Howard asked if he bought a screen door for his dad after that. Seth laughed. Howard said he must get some big benefit when he owns a piece of the movie. Seth said that it is a shared pot. Howard said Ari must know how to get a good deal. He asked if the money trickles in. Seth said it does. Seth said he doesn’t exactly know how much he got from that movie. He said he’d imagine that it’s in the ballpark of maybe 30 million. Howard said that’s a disappointment. Seth said he’s not sure about that. Howard said Ari has to work harder for him. Seth said he really has no clue.

Howard said the movie Ted 2 is coming out on June 26th. Howard said Seth won’t be sitting by the phone waiting for the box office results though. Seth said that’s correct. He said he gets these long emails explaining the breakdown of what they’re tracking for but at the end of the email they say that you really can’t predict this stuff.

Robin asked if he goes and watches with the audience. Seth said it can be fun to do that. He said no one knows you’re there. He said that you see how people are reacting. Howard said he’d take chicks with him. Seth asked if it’s all about scoring. Howard said it is at the end of the day. He said he’s not sure what else there is to life.

Howard asked Seth what he’s doing next. Seth said he doesn’t have anything lined up right now. Howard asked if he’ll have something just come to him while he’s in the shower. Seth said they do. He said while he should be jacking off in the shower something funny will come to him. Howard asked Seth if he goes through the funny ideas and he comes up with the one funny thing that he thinks will work does he write it down. Seth said he does. He said sometimes he’ll go to someone with that idea. He said the most basic things can be done. He said it can be Ted or Howard the Duck. He said that show Last Man on Earth is something that has been tried but they’re usually terrible. He said this show is being done successfully. Howard said he has read ton of scripts that start out great but then they turn terrible halfway through. Howard asked how the script writing thing works. Seth told Howard how they do that and how you write sample scripts and wait for them to be approved.

Robin asked if Seth works a schedule. Seth said his whole day is shifted. He said he starts late and works late.

Howard said he has a whole movie worked out in his head based on a guy who banged the Khaleesi. Howard said Seth is Ted in Ted 2. Howard said it opens on June 26th everywhere. Howard said he will be dating Clay Aiken soon. Seth said that he may just say screw it and get himself a handful of Clay. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.


He is Cartoonist, Carlos Latuff. He draws cartoons of anti-Zionism, anti-globalization, anti-capitalism, and anti-US military intervention. These would not be published by magazines who were screaming antisemitism-despite Arabs are Semites as well. Leave it to the wonderful Glen Greenwald to write about the double standard. So here is Freedom of speech. The point is not the cartoons themselves. The point is if we are screaming FREEDOM OF SPEECH for everything, then everything could be published no matter how much you think the cartoon is wrong. 

anonymous asked:

Modern AU where Jack is one of the painters Katherine hires while refurnishing her new apartment

Katherine’s father offered to pay for it; then again, Katherine’s father offered to pay for a lot of things and at this point, it was practically tradition to refuse him. 

Katherine loved her new apartment; she loved the ridiculously high ceilings and the arched windows, she loved how the early morning and late afternoon filled it with the best kind of golden light. She loved exposed brick walls in her kitchen and the fact she could sit at her tiny table with a cup of tea and a plate of breakfast and look at the window and see New York below her.

She did not love the current color of the living room and hallway; a sickly looking green that might’ve been mint at one time, but now looked two steps away from looking like vomit. And Katherine’s father had offered to pay for the painters when Katherine refused to let him pay half the lease, the utilities bill or the rent. It was Medda Larkin, one of Katherine’s contacts at the newspaper for the entertainment and social section who solved the problem.

“My godson, Jack Kelly, he’s a fine painter,” she told Katherine. “Not too bad a handyman, either. I’ll call him and set everything up.” She gave Katherine a sly wink. “Pretty easy on the eyes, too. And he’ll work for cheap.”   

To be truthful, Katherine was more interested in the cheap part of description, but, on one fine Monday morning (insofar as any Monday morning could be described as fine), Jack Kelly arrived. 

Medda hadn’t exaggerated. Jack Kelly was easy on the eyes, tall and broad shouldered, unruly dark hair and hazel eyes somewhere between green and gold. He had a troublemaker’s charm to his face, a quirky mouth and a strong jaw, and alright yes, Katherine had a thing for troublemakers. But she could multitask. 

“Miss Plumber?” he asked, a sharp New York accent rounding out his words. 

“Katherine,” she corrected him easily. “And you must be Jack Kelly.”

Dear Lord, that grin could be a weapon. “That’s me. Medda said you might have some work for me?”

“I do,” she said, letting the door swing open wider. “Come on in.”

He moved with a casual grace of a native New Yorker, who knew how to walk like he belonged wherever he went. His eyes went wide as he took in her apartment. “Coffee? Water?” Katherine offered, but he shook his head, looking around, taking everything in. 

“This is a great space,” he said sincerely. “Honestly, I’m kinda jealous.” He eyed the walls. “Except for that color. Peter on the cross, that is an awful color.”

“I know,” Katherine sighed, giving the walls her own displeased look. “I’m hoping you can help. I’m not really the artistic type.” 

“Everyone’s the artistic type,” Jack Kelly said firmly. “When it comes to knowing what you like.”

Katherine stole a glance at him, bathed in the favorite light of artist’s, northern light. This could end badly, some cool part of her brain noted, but Jack was more focused on her apartment than her for the moment. “So,” said Katherine, regaining his attention, “any ideas?”

He grinned, wide and delighted. “So many,” he promised. “We’re gonna have some fun with this.”

* * *

Physical labor wasn’t necessarily Katherine’s idea of fun, but having Jack around made it a lot more bearable. Even enjoyable, on a certain level. She and Jack argued good-naturedly about colors, before finally deciding on a warm sunshine yellow for her living room and a cool green (much nicer than the original color) for the halls. Jack even brought a bunch of his friends to help paint and one of them brought pizza for everyone. They were a rowdy, goodhearted bunch of boys, playfully ribbing Jack and sarcastically calling him “Captain” and shy around Katherine until she painted a streak of yellow paint down the back of Jack’s shirt. After that, they accepted her. 

The whole job took around three weeks. By that time, Katherine found herself wishing there was more of her apartment to paint. Jack was funny, a strange combination of self-deprecating and cocky, far too charming for his own good, and dear Lord, he could banter. About anything and everything. He was a political cartoonist and stage-manager at Medda’s theater in downtown Manhattan; he paid the bills with painting. He spoke fondly of his parents who lived in Brooklyn and told outrageous and outlandish tales of the shenanigans he and his friends got into. She wasn’t sure if she had more fun poking holes in his stories or hearing them; but she never got tired of listening to him. 

At the end, her apartment was more beautiful still, the warm yellow walls making the air glow. She and Jack stood side by side, admiring it together. “It feels like home now,” Katherine said, feeling drunk with light. “Thank you so much for everything.”

Jack smiled at her, much softer and more open one than his usual charming grin. “It was my pleasure, Katherine.” His voice seemed to be an extension of the light, warm and gentle. A fine flush went up Katherine’s cheeks, but she ignored it. 

“So,” she said with somewhat forced levity, “I know we discussed payment…” 

“How about I take you out to dinner,” Jack said. “That’ll be my payment.”

Katherine’s heart jumped in her chest like hare. “I thought it was a bad idea to date clients.”

Now he gave her his troublemaker grin. “I’m done with the walls,” he said, with the devil in his eyes. “But I don’t feel like being done with you yet.” 

That’s a loaded offer,” Katherine retorted, feeling her blood fizz like champagne.  

He had callouses on his hands, paint on his fingers. They were warm around hers. “I’ll figure I’ll risk it.”           

To him, your eyes were like the galaxy, a bunch of bright stars exploding piece by piece in tiny little pieces. Every single time you showed yourself, it was like a new universe was born, taking shape as a new, fresh world – a world he would live forever in. Gerard could never forget the day he saw that collision for the first time. It was on a rainy and noisy Tuesday. By the moment the door closed behind your back, the raindrops were still telling him, in a bittersweet whisper, to go back to sleep. But Mikey was away that day, so he had to open the store by himself. No way out.

He’s always liked to have a comics’ store. Seriously. He loved being a cartoonist and he couldn’t see himself doing something else. He was happy, finally. He was used to see people and to let people see him as well. He was used to the strong smell of coffee in the first minutes of morning, when he had to open the store his brother and him kept together. He was used to recommend comics and books and etc., and he loved when people payed detailed attention to what he was saying. Even more, he simply adored when people seemed to appreciate what he recommended them. The first time you asked for his recommendations, Gerard gave you Fables. The second time, he stuttered – red burning cheeks and dry tongue –, pretending not to be completely captivated by your smile and the strawberry smell on your hair. That day, you left the store holding a pair of Hellblazer editions. Sandman, Watchman, Maus… A bunch of Marjane Satrapi’s works and some old drawings he had decided to give you. You went to his store day after day, and he couldn’t help but imagine you would spend your nights awake, reading comics. The comics he has told you to read. Gerard imagined you reading in your bed, and how sexy you would be in those moments, wearing socks and t-shirts or old fucking pajamas, biting your lips while your hair was made into a messy bun. Every time he got to see you those days, he forced himself not to think too much: his mind would always take him to places where you were his and he was yours. That was kind of a torture.

Sometimes, he wished he could tear your body apart just to give you his.

 You were always hungry for recommendations, showing your interest by staying with him until late talking about comics, even when the store was supposed to be closed. He didn’t mind it. In fact, you two got closer, always talking around. You knew every single shelf of the place, and sometimes he would let you hang around to discover your own treasures, so you ended up discovering his comics. Gerard never thought you’d pay much attention to his art, but when you got to his stuff, he was actually surprised by your reactions.

“You write like a crazy, drunk and dreamy cab driver”, you said, your soft voice filling the empty space in his ears comfortably. “I can never know where you are taking me.”

“How do you like that?” he asked, concentrating in the way your smile was taking shape. It was the most beautiful smile in the world, although it could be pretty mischievous as well.

“A little bit too much. Also, your drawing is perfect. It fits just right to my eyes. It was like I was born to take a look at it.”

“Don’t exaggerate, Y/N.”

“Don’t tell me I’m exaggerating. You could never prove it, okay?”

God… If you only knew… Gerard spent his nights awake trying to draw something that wasn’t you, but the first time the pencil scratched the paper, it was your fucking galaxy eyes he was outlining. And he couldn’t stop. Your lips, your neck, your collarbones, your waist… He delineated every single part of your body he could think of, his mind blurred, dazed and confused; he started salivating to the simple thought of you, of your incredibly white teeth, the lines in your small hands, the curve of your breasts… Damn, you were so fucking attractive… His bed was cold, the sheets’ emptiness would be filled perfectly by your presence… He couldn’t have you, so he had to fake it. Gerard was fucked up, fearing he could not face you properly on the next day after memorizing all the details of his perverted dreams, remembering the lickerish imagination allowing him to touch and kiss you everywhere he could reach. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He was drowning in those frustrating thoughts when you opened the door. It was almost time to close the store, but of course you were an exception and you knew that. You smiled at him, warm and beautiful, and walked the path until you were in front of him. You could feel his hot breath barely containing itself. Somewhere deep in your mind, you knew what that meant.

“So, what do you have for me today, Mr. Way?”

His eyes darkened. There was no way for you to know, but his mind immediately replied into the silence: Illustrations of you naked and ready for me. Oh, fuck. Control yourself, Gerard!

“I’m working on something new”, he said.

“Really? C’mon, show me. I’m curious.”

Yeah, you always were.

He did as you said. Gerard showed you his new project: some drawings he designed the day before, right before bedtime. Your hands touched as you reached for the paper. He got distracted by the nape of your neck perfectly exposed to him by the high ponytail you were wearing. His lips suddenly dried and trembled, willing to kiss you there.

“…don’t you think?”, you questioned, lifting your eyes to stare his face. God, you loved his cheekbones and his quite expressive eyes. His mouth was shaking a little, he seemed carried away.


“You’re not even listening to me, Gerard.”

“Sorry, Y/N… What were you sayi…”


His lips were like the galaxy edge. When you stood on your tiptoes to kiss him, you felt the taste of coffee and cigarettes, and the way his soft lips vacillated on yours couldn’t be sweeter. Suddenly, all of the drawings he was showing you were on the floor, catatonic. Gerard moaned against your mouth as you deepened the kiss, meeting his tongue and delighting yourself in his bittersweet taste. To him, you tasted like fresh strawberries, and when he realized you wanted him, his hands met your back, caressing you upon your black silk dress.

You lost yourself in his mouth, and shortly after he started to slide his lips down your neck, tracing a road of long kisses and hot breaths. You felt his hands pulling your ponytail, exposing the sensitive skin of your neck. Soon, your ponytail was unmade and your collarbones were being sedated with desperate, delicious hungry kisses. You’d never imagine how much Gerard craved that if it wasn’t for the smoldering need he showed through his touch. You, then, proceeded to guide his hands down your waist, allowing his fingers to hold up your thighs. Gerard pulled you up to the store counter, spreading your legs and kissing you again. The contact got hotter and more delirious, and he seemed surprise when you moved away for a few seconds to unzip your dress and slowly take it off.


“I want you, Gerard… Down here…”


“You want me too, don’t you? You want me to take care of you, right?” you whispered between kisses and low moans against his neck, straight up to his ear. Gerard trembled as you nibbled his skin. “Take me.”

He grabbed your thighs as a groan escaped from his lips, his eyes fixed on you, dark and dangerous. You both knew exactly where you were and what was going to happen, so he unexpectedly lifted you up, putting you on his lap, legs around his waist as he walked to the shelves, pinning you against the comics. Your fingers played with his belt before unbelting it, and Gerard helped you pull his jeans down, giving him enough access to rub his boner against the wet fabric of your black lace panties. He rubbed faster, growing harder, his tongue painting circles in your mouth, you swallowing your saliva – and his, you noticed, while your moans started to fill the silence. His hard member teased you until your body writhed and quivered, and you had to search for some spot on the shelf at your back to hold on. His hands traveled down your waist, drawing circles around your sweet spot before he pulled your panties aside, fingering your pussy. “You’re so wet, sugar” he whispered, eyebrows raised. “Is it me who makes you this soaked?” You nodded affirmatively, eyes lost in his, your mouth feeling the soft touch of his lips as he spoke.

“I’ve been wanting you for so long”, you mumbled, biting your lip as one of his long fingers slammed into you, going back and forth tortuously, sliding into your pussy so easily you whined in pleasure. Gerard moaned as he felt your warmth, his cock throbbing and going so hard it ached. He pumped his finger faster, rubbing your clit with his thumb seconds before he added a second finger, feeling you tightening. “God… I need you, Gerard.”

“Tell me where, babe girl. Just tell me and I swear I’ll pleasure you the way you deserve it.” You could see his blushed cheeks, his tongue moistening his lips as he asked more from you, pumping in and out just right. You were everything he desired, and even if he had drawn you a thousand times, he would never have guessed how hot you were, how sweet your lips tasted. And he indeed did amazing drawings, but nothing compared to the real you, the sensation that filled him with no doubt while you moved your hips to fuck yourself in his fingers. “C’mon, princess. Tell me.”

“I need you inside me” you managed to mutter, your eyes proving him the aching truth behind your words. Suddenly, the fingers that penetrated you were in the front of your mouth, and you did nothing but open it to taste them, sucking and licking as an obedient kitten. A long and loud moan slipped out your throat as Gerard thrusted into you, making sure you could feel every inch of it sliding gently, adjusting perfectly to your core. “Tight”, you heard him say against your neck, as aroused as you, trying not to melt by the sloppy delicious sensation that shaped between your legs. You tightened around his length, feeling his bite on your shoulder right after. “Fuck, Y/N… Do that again.” You pleased him, again and again, and you two reached the right rhythm as he penetrated you, getting harder and sloppier, crying your name out as the shelf behind you shook. Some books dropped. Your moans and groans shuffled, you felt your juices sliding down your thighs, holding back the desire to scream his name as he thrusted over and over. Gerard lost control of his hips, holding yours, closing his eyes, open-mouthed, so noisy and adorable. You already wanted him again.

You two came together after some short seconds, riding the sweet aftershocks as he gave your neck a bunch of lovely bites and licks, humping into you slowly. You took a look around both of you, staring all of the books on the floor. Gerard lifted his face to eye you, contemplating the captivating shade of red in your cheeks and your lips swollen from kissing, rubbing and biting. His charming smile carried you away as he bent to steal a kiss from you. “You’re better than everything I’ve ever had”, he whispered, and you had to hide your smile away. It was the very first time of many you’ve made each other the happiest.