I know sometimes you don’t want to heal. You don’t want to take deep breaths. You don’t feel like grabbing ice cubes or drawing. You don’t think it’ll help to tell an adult. You don’t feel comfortable with therapy. You think you’ve tried everything and nothing else can possibly work. You want the very thing that keeps hurting you because it’s what you know. You’re afraid of judgment because you have secrets. You’re afraid of not being ‘sick enough’. You’re afraid you’ll never heal. You’re tired of pushing everyone away and being reclusive. You blame yourself because you feel like it’s all your fault, or that it’s the right thing to do. You’re upset because you’re losing control over your own life-and you no longer know what’s exactly right or best for you. Trust me, I know.
But I also know that becoming a bit embarrassed is better than splitting migraines from crying myself to sleep every night. I know that people aren’t always against you. I know that when people really want to help you, they don’t judge. I know what I am and what I’m not-so regardless of judgement, I’ll be okay. I know that talking to someone saved my life. I know that letting go of the past was the best decision of my life. I know that loving yourself is a lifelong journey, and that it doesn’t have to happen overnight, or in a week, or in a month. I know that being patient with myself isn’t easy, but neither is constantly being hard on myself. I know that I am loved, and I know that people care about me. I know that caring about myself is better than having the world at my feet. I know that things will always get better, in time. I know that setting unrealistic expectations for myself results in unrealistic results. I know that pushing myself too far isn’t always the best thing for me. I know that I don’t know everything, and I am able to live peacefully within myself.
[credits to @monsiearts for the artwork // reposted bcos i accidentally deleted it ]
– “I promised Will. I promised him I won’t die.” he thought.
Unfortunately, Nico wasn’t that good at keeping his promises, especially those that concern his safety–and his life. He remembered last year, when he was busy going back and forth both camps. Nico had promised Will that he’d come back (and preferably alive and unscathed). True enough, he came back. He shadow-traveled, just a few meters away from the cabins, on the outskirts of camp and was staggering on his steps towards the infirmary where Will usually stayed, caring for sick demigods. He was sporting a bleeding forehead, a sprained ankle and a broken rib cage. Earlier today, Will was hesitant on letting him go on this journey but for all the right reasons. Of course Will knew that Nico had survived a lot of attempts on his life but he wouldn’t want to see his boyfriend hurt. Will had insisted that they would go together on this quest, but Nico was hell-bent on going alone.
“I can make it through.” he thought again.
He ran with all his might, using up every ounce of strength he had left in his body. It wasn’t much but it’s gonna do. He could already see the entrance, where the name “Camp Half-Blood” stood tall. His dislocated foot was slowing him down but he was confident that he could reach camp before he’d go out of gas (and before the unknown rogues that were following him could catch him). He couldn’t shadow-travel to camp, not without fading and becoming one of the shadows. Suddenly, the wind gushed behind him and he halted in his tracks, shock and fear shown in his face. He took one look on the arrow that pierced his torso and blood–his blood dripping. As his senses stopped completely and his visioned turned to black he thought, “I’m really sorry, Will.”