it is easier than you would think, to love someone and doubt them
(it is harder too, but that is the way of love)
here is the trick with doubt: it is a creeping thing
she knows; she has known it all her life; she has lived with it and made it her own so that it makes its home within her, a clawing thing around her heart that speaks with her father’s voice, and she has never been able to wholly drown out its whispers
she wonders, sometimes, if her brother feels it too
(she thinks he must)
(she hopes he does, so that she will not be alone)
she does not mean it. (she does not mean many things, but they still are; she is no great warrior or mage to shape and change the world)
(that is what she does, that is what she is, but vex is not her, vex cannot be her, vex is––)
vex, she said once, I’m kinda getting mixed signals here
don’t worry about it, darling, vex replied, and gifted a smile and a wink, and while she crowed her joy to the heavens vex left, sought out solitude and certainty and found neither, sat with only the churning circle of her thoughts for company
(they are too similar, she thinks, round and round in circles, a mantra, and she presses her hand to her ears but still she thinks it, too similar too similar too similar)
vex sees all she is, and all she is not, and one is love and the other is please and the chasm of what is and what could be eats away at her
mixed signals is certainly one word for it
here is the paradox of doubt: you do not believe, and you are built of faith
prove me wrong, she pleads, and she waits, and she hopes. and she swallows her doubt until it chokes her, vines around words unvoiced, because she drowns already in her own hopelessness and vex cannot add to that, will not add to that
it is so hard, so damn hard, to be mired in the past and to strain towards the uncertain future
(it is harder to watch her do the same and not know how to help)
here is the gift of doubt: she succeeds, and it is the cracking stone, the parting clouds, the fading storm
doubt, you see, is opportunity: success is all the sweeter for the uncertainty
most gifts come with a price; vex knows this. but her heart is not such a terrible price to pay, is it? not when her touch is the sun, burning away the disease, coaxing it forth like a spring bloom
(vex has always loved the wilderness of the world. this is not so different)
I’m sorry, vex tell her afterwards, when the shame burns hot and low in her stomach and drives her to speak
(who would she be, without the tightness in her chest, without the shame and the uncertainty and the––)
you don’t need to be sorry, says keyleth, and she coaxes the heat away, and vex does not deserve this, cannot deserve this, will never deserve this
(keyleth has always been a wild thing. nature does not care about who deserves what)
she kisses like the sun too, bright and blinding, and she burns away the doubt until vex is filled through with sunlight
it is harder than you would think, to doubt someone and love them
How to remove your gel nail polish when they look like shit.
What You Will Need:
1. Buff nail polish layer until it appears matte.
2. Soak cotton ball in acetone.
3. Wrap each nail with foil and cotton ball inside.
4. Set 15 mins.
5. Use towel to catch the excess polish that should peal right off.
FaceTime 🍋 Baking powder + lemon + honey= treats acne and scaring 1tblsp baking powder 1tblsp honey and lemon juice. After it foams let it sit and apply to face with cotton balls, 20 min set. Save the rest in the refrigerator!
My “shampoo” for those who don’t use shampoo or if you just wanna try it. Braggs ACV, Honey & Water = the cleanest scalp in life. Does not strip the hair, dandruff control, and moisturizing. Dilute with water and deep condition to get rid of the smell✊
* 1 egg (remove yoke)
* Squeezed lemon juice
* Apply to face w/ cotton ball
* Cut tissue or paper towel pieces
* Apply to face
* Let dry
* Rinse & Cleanse
Egg whites contain protein as well as collagen to help even texture, skin tone and soften your skin lines and overall elasticity of the skin. While the lemon juice is acidic in helping to brighten, fade dark spots and heal acne.