hermes fries

the birth of dionysos, v1
  • [Zeus disguised as a mortal again]
  • Zeus: “wanna bang”
  • Semele: “yeah okay”
  • Zeus: “nice. Never ask me to show you my true self.”
  • Semele: [pregnant]
  • Hera: “what the fuck, Zeus”
  • Hera: [disguised as an old lady] “hey Semele if your lover truly loved you he’d show you his true self” [crosses fingers]
  • Semele: “damn you’re right hey mystery lover if you truly loved me you’d swear this oath okay swear on the Styx”
  • Hades: “Zeus no—“
  • Zeus: “sure”
  • Semele: “swell okay reveal your full self to me”
  • Zeus: “… fuck” [does so]
  • Semele: [fried]
  • Zeus: “HERMES HELP”
  • Hermes: “SHIT”
  • Hades: [grumbles into his palm]
  • Hermes: “QUICK MAN WE GOTTA PUT THIS BABY IN YOUR THIGH”
  • Apollo: “that’s not how medicine wor—“
  • Hermes: “NO TIME” [sews the baby into Zeus’ thigh]
  • Hades: “how the fuck have you all lived this long my god”