The relapse starts before you even pick up the drug. All you can think about is getting your fix. It’s all mind consuming. You can’t think about anything else beside getting high. It takes over all your senses. You’ll do anything and everything to get what you want. You’ll lie, steal, and disregard your well being to get it. There is nothing else going through your mind but the high you’re about to get. You feel a rush of adrenaline when you finally go and pick up. Nothing else matters. You don’t care how it will affect your family, friends, and loved ones. You only care about you and getting what you want. The disease of addiction is a completely selfish and horrible way of life. You feel like you can’t go on unless you get your high. You don’t care about how much clean time you have. You don’t care that it can kill you. You just want that high, and nothing else.
“Choose your future. Choose life, but why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?”