Done. - Bucky Barnes
request: prompt one 25 38 41 buckyyy @aweways
summary: One training session with Bucky turns nasty and soon your ready to hand in your resignation. But does Bucky really want to see you go so soon?
word count: 2.4k
warnings: angst / fluff / asshole!Bucky / fluffy!bucky /
“I just don’t see the point, Bucky!” Letting out a frustrated growl as the Soldier rolled his eyes again, I tucked my head behind my knees, trying to regain my vision and a healthy heart beat again.
For some reason today, Bucky was not letting me go down without a fight. Maybe it was the fact that I was his first ‘Trainee’ and he felt the need to get it right, or the fact that Steve supervised the training process and if I didn’t get better, he’d be disappointed. No one likes it when the Captain is disappointed, it felt as if you punched a kitten when I caused disappointment to gather in his baby blue eyes.
“Get it, now. I’m not kidding Charlie, now get up and keep going.” Embarrassment at my ass being kicked in our gym filled with all of us Avengers, training for the next deathly task we had to take.
The way he’d been kicking my ass, I was 90% sure my ass had vanished.
I had no ass to be kicked anymore, it had fallen off when he did his last move of literally kicking me in the ass so I’d stumble to the ground. I felt red flames on my cheeks, and the stare’s that were starting made me freeze.
I’d rather be smothered to death with a couch pillow than exerting any more energy in this session. I muttered to Bucky with my face hidden, my head was on my knees in pure shame.
“I’m sorry, what was that? I don’t think I heard you correctly!”
“I said, I can’t anymore…” A crack at the end gave my eyes the feeling to leak with salty drops of ‘weakness’. I didn’t want to become more pathetic than I already was, and crying was as pathetic as this moment could get for me.
“We don’t use ‘I can’t’ here. If you want to be an Avenger, then act like one, dammit!”
“I’m trying!” I cried out, finally looking up at the chocolate hair and glaring blue eyes that stared down at me with such intensity. Maybe I wasn’t good enough, maybe it was for the best if I left…
“What the hell is wrong with you? Dammit. Okay.. well, maybe it’s best if you throw in the damn towel now. Before you get yourself and the rest of us killed out on missions!”
Bucky’s words stung, but what stung more was that no one raised an objection. They just were in some silent agreement with Bucky.
“If that’s what you think is best, then by all means…” I turned around to see the twin doors open by FRIDAY listening to our conversation. What a cold hearted bitch, that AI was…
The gym was deadly silent now, Sam stopped punching the bag that Steve was effortlessly holding. Tony wasn’t spotting Clint anymore at the weights and so Barton laid there, with his head poking up to watch Bucky and I exchange our heated argument. Breathing in heavily like everyone else was. The gym air felt thick now, to me. It was thick with pity.
I was stumbling to my feet now, holding onto my knees as I got up on my feet. I felt like the wind just got knocked out of my chest, just from these small movements. It was painful enough to have the attention of everyone in the room, but to be this feeble and vulnerable…this felt like a whole new level of humiliation that I’ve unlocked in a very cruel video game.
I prayed for someone to at least look at me and see I needed some help! No one met my eyes that spun while I stood still, even with the room spinning, no movement was heard throughout the gym, nothing but Bucky’s invisible shoving at me to get the hell out of this gym.
I was on my own, just like before. I have always been on my own. Even after I had joined this group of misfits, I was the one looking in from the outside.
I somehow made it to the gym door, and grasped onto it, catching my dying breaths. I felt like I was going to be sick, and I wasn’t going to shame myself further by vomiting on my exit out of this gymnasium hell.
I gathered a steady balance and immediately set myself off to the bathroom down the hall. It was private so I could sob with no interruptions. Getting there was easy. Throwing up was easier. Coming to terms with the fact that I’d just unveiled my weakness in front of the people I called, ‘family’? A family that frowned on weakness, by the way. That was something by mind couldn’t conquer, or convey. How was I ever going to get off of this cold tile and make it to my room? What was going to happen next to me? Would I be kicked off? Or just sent into filing mission reports with the nerds in the basement who all had this weird look of fascination every time they saw me bring them the files that needed to be written up. It creeped me out, and I really didn’t want to leave Stark tower, too.
“FUCK!” I yelled to the audience of the vacant bathroom. I hated this damn world right now, nothing could get worse. I was absolutely sure nothing would be worse than right now.
Today, though, the lord was mad at something I’d done in the past, I believe. Because after splashing my face with cold water, washing out my mouth and smoothing down my unpleasant post-gym hair-frizz, I walked out of the bathroom, ready to bolt to the elevators and get to my room as fast as possible.
However, I was blocked by a 200 lb mass of muscle that had been lingering outside the door, anxiously waiting for the lock to turn and for me to emerge.
I yelped and felt my tired knees buckle but before I smashed my body onto the tiling, I was caught by two strong hands. Two strong, strangely different in texture and temperature, hands.
“Woah, sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” Opening my eyes I was met with eyes that we’re the summer sky’s afternoon colored blue. The midnight’s bewitching sky was the color of straight hair that framed the face that those eyes belonged to.
“S-s-sorry,” I muttered, feeling a weird mix of anger, fear, and embarrassment inside my chest. I stood up as fast as I could and shook myself out of those, surprisingly comfortable, arms. “I came here to just say that what happened in the gym today was complete-”
“Save it. What you said in there was all true. So don’t apologize for shoving my face in a pie of reality…” I tried to push my way past the mass of man but Bucky put an arm up against the doorframe, blocking me once again.
Bucky’s face was drowning in confusion and frustration. He knew why I was so pissed and wanted to run, but he didn’t understand the words I let fall from my lips so freely.
“No! That not what I came to say-”
“What! More insults! Fine, then… bring it on. I’m dead inside already, you’re just trying to kill a corpse now, Barnes.”
Bucky felt devastated, did I really think that low of him? He sure made it easy to make it so I did, but he always believed I held onto a bit of light for him.
“You think I came to insult you-”
“Why else would you speak to me!”
“Let me fucking finish a goddamn sentence and you’ll find out! Fuck! Why does everything turn into a fight with you!”
“Because you make it one, Bucky! I can never satisfy you in the gym. You never even glance at me anytime we pass each other. I don’t even remember a thank you after I saved you from that sniper you missed!”
“I didn’t miss him! I knew he was there, I was gonna knock his ass out!” I bellowed a fake laugh at Bucky’s attempt to gain himself some sort of manliness just because I let him live…men.
“Were you going to knock him on his ass before or after he released the trigger you wouldn’t even hear, letting a bullet hit you right in the pulmonary artery. I like to call that shot instant death… so when would it be, James!”
“Don’t talk to me like that and use my name as if we’re friends.”
Bucky sneered down at me. I had nothing left to lose. So, why not take a few verbal swings at the man who dashed my dreams of helping the world just one more time?
“What are you gonna do? Kill me? Hit me? Take me to Fury? Go ahead, do all three, I have nothing left, Bucky! In 24 hours I’m going to be homeless and you’ll be here, sleeping in night terrors that we all fuckin’ hear at night. So go ahead and hurt me. Hurt me like you did not even an hour ago in front of my used-to-be family…” I had tears running down my cheeks that were just two ripe tomatoes. I was breathless from my rant, making my chest rising up and down.
“I just wanted to fucking tell you that I’m sorry! I was a dick in there and I’ve been one since I met you. I wanted to clean our slate because you are an amazing fighter. One of the damn best, counting Romanoff and Barton. Look,”
Bucky absentmindedly tucked a tuft of hair that had fallen from my loosened braid, behind my ear. Leave his hand lingering near my cheek, wiping my tears away. This was no Bucky that I’d ever known, this was a new one, one that I thought I was going to meet two years ago, but I was met with passive aggressive Bucky. This… this was James Buchanan Barnes. Not Bucky, Barnes, Winter Soldier… just James B. Barnes.
“Then why tell me to leave? Why kick my ass in front of everyone, telling them I should leave?”
“Because! I- I was trying to save face… but like always, I went too far.”
There was a pregnant pause before I heard a mutter come from Buck, “Punk read my diary…”
I couldn’t help the giggle that released from my tense chest, letting the steam that lingered in there, die down. I had no tears threatening to fall, and I had no shake in my voice. I felt… safe? No… I think I felt comfort, with Bucky right now. That was a first.
Bucky’s shoulders fell with no more tension tightening them. His face brightened, illuminating his usually flat, creamy, pale skin.
”I’m so sorry I hurt you. Verbally and physically… that the last thing I’d ever want to do to you… all I want is to protect you, give you a happy life. I don’t know where my head has been these last two years but seeing you walk out those doors… made me finally accept that I can’t be without you. You’re a chatterbox, an amazing midnight sandwich chef, a terrible dancer, a loving, kind person…”
Our bodies we’re moving closer to each word Bucky spoke, his metal hand now slithered it’s way to the small of my back, bringing me finally nose to nose with the man who kicked my ass an hour ago. Now confessing his feelings for me…
Bucky Barnes was not one to be subtle, I guess.
“What are you asking me, James?” I was dipping my foot into the pool again, testing my waters with him. This time, though, when I said his real name, a broad smile appeared, and the hold on me just got tighter, and stronger with a sense of desire awaiting in his grasp.
“I’m asking you, to forgive my horrible, facade, and accept me telling you that I’m crazy about you doll…” I let out a breathless laugh, almost astounded to hear such words come from his lips.
“What can I do to make it up to you? I’ll do anything, Even if it’s going to China and back for a chocolate bar… what can I give you? Do for you?” A smile on my face brought a laugh, I brought my hand to cup his worried face, stroking it to calm the pounding in his heart. “Just… kiss me where it hurts,”
Bucky’s tentative eyes almost frantically started looking me up and down, trying to find a spot of pain. “Where does it hurt, doll?”
“Right here…” I whispered. With a dip of my head and nudge of my nose on his cheek, I kissed him. Feeling no longer like I was being held in his embrace, I was now, just floating in thin air. His arm didn’t weigh me down it lifted me up. His lips didn’t hurt my heart, they made it pump in a thrilling manner. His eyes didn’t frantically search the room around us whenever they made a connection with mine, now they just stayed staring at me. Never leaving my big and bright, loving eyes that looked into his with desire.
I no longer felt lost, like I had no family. Like I was on my own. With Bucky, now, I had a home. And that home traveled with me when I left those blue eyes. My home only felt more secure when I was finally laying in these arms, talking about my day, the things that happened. The good and the bad.
I guess I had been looking for a home for so long I’d forgotten what home felt like…
My home was never a place, but a feeling. One that only your soulmate could ever give you. I’ve realized, now, that your soulmate can be that one person you’d thought hated with a passion.
I guess soulmates have a good way of hiding behind smoke and mirrors until the time is right, though.
a/n: Let me know your thoughts! I hope this one is a bit different then the normal asshole bucky suddenly becomes sweet!Bucky. I always love hearing from you guys! Never be afraid to hit me up!!
my last imagine: Keep Holding On