here piggy

signs as 2jae things that happened within the FIRST week of never ever promotions

aries: it’s just a microphone guys pls 

taurus: i’d rather stare at you than this cake we’re supposed to be making

gemini: wHOOP wHOOP

cancer: he snatched my mic but instead of being anger let me just give him heart eyes and finger hearts

leo: wow that’s not part of the dance jaebum but okay ig

virgo: sTOP FLIRTING WE GET IT YOU GUYS ARE IN LOVE

libra: jaebum clinging onto youngjae as per- oh wait no now its youngjae clinging onto him hnNNGG OKAY

scorpio: WE LOVE A MAN WHO LOVES TO HOLD HIS BOYFRIEND 

sagittarius: youngjae’s aegyo attack which has jaebum a smiling mess (we’re all yugy in this situation)

capricorn:lets take pictures together for the first time in 2000 years to remind everyone we’re still the cutest

aquarius: lets take a photoshoot together for the first time in 200 years to remind everyone we’re still the hottest

pisces: “not to be repetitive but we really are the hottest boyfriends…we’re also vocal kings so there’s that

Overwatch Kissing Headcanons (Gentlemen)

Genji

  • Pre-cyborg Genji? All fucking over the place
    • French kisses, neck kisses, lots of groping, always in control
    • And most likely will be followed up by sex
  • But present Genji? Much different
  • To start, kisses from him will be rare since it requires him to remove his entire faceplate, and he’s still a little self-conscious of the scarred flesh beneath it
  • So if you ever did get a kiss from him, it would mean something—it would only be at the right time
  • His lips are soft, but also have a good amount of scarring on them
  • Favorite kind of kiss to receive would be a kiss on the eyelids
    • Because all he has to do is remove the one part of his face plate and close his eyes, then you can move in and carefully smooch him
  • Favorite kind of kisses to give…
    • With his mask, an eskimo kiss; doesn’t require him to remove his mask, all he has to do is nuzzle you
    • But with his mask off, probably single lip kisses
  • If it’s one of those meaningful kisses that he’s been holding out for, he’ll whisper a sweet nothing into your ear in Japanese (fuck yes!)
  • Ok, just one more thing: leave lipstick marks on his faceplate! He won’t notice and it’s hilarious to see other people’s reactions (especially Zenyatta’s!)

McCree

  • I hope you don’t mind the slight flavor of nicotine and tabacco
  • But as long as you don’t, things should be fine!
  • Favorite kiss to give is one right on the jawline or the cheek
    • Favorite to receive is when his s/o comes up behind him, wraps their arms around him, and kisses his neck or shoulder
  • And if you kiss him well and hard enough, you may even get him to swear (“Damn, darlin’”)
  • When he’s being a dork, sometimes he’ll sneak up on you, go “It’s hiiiiiigh noon” and surprise kiss you
  • A bit of a tease, as well

Reaper

  • He’s not too into the overly affectionate sides of relationships anymore
    • Especially since he has a mask now and hates showing his face
  • Isn’t too pleased if his partner tries to force any PDA on him
    • So don’t try to smooch him on the mask while he’s busy
  • But, if and only if you’re alone, he’ll occasionally indulge you and take off his mask
    • Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get to just kiss him; he always has to be in control
    • 90% of the time you’ll be up against the wall with your arms pinned (he’ll only get rougher if you try to get away)
  • But his s/o will have to initiate almost every kiss, he won’t actively seek one out even if he wants one…y’know cuz he’s edgy and stuff
  • Starts at the bottom, then trails his kisses down, down, down…
  • Definitely not for the faint of heart

Soldier: 76

  • Such a fucking gentleman
    • He was even more so back when he was the Strike Commander
    • But those chivalrous instincts are still there, although he will be more hesitant to kiss simply because he doesn’t like showing his face
  • So first, you’ll have to get him comfortable enough with you to take off his mask
    • Ok, now move in!
    • Give him a lingering kiss right on the corner of his mouth, those are his favorite
  • If there’s no time for him to take his mask off, he’s ok with a forehead hiss, too
  • Favorite kiss to give would be a French kiss, but he likes it best when he’s holding you, letting you melt into his arms
    • If you’re shy or sensitive, he’ll check if you want him to stop
    • So flexible and careful with what his partner likes and doesn’t like. Again, he’s a gentleman

Hanzo

  • Like Reaper, he isn’t into PDA either
    • Finds it distasteful, so only try to kiss him when you’re alone
  • Oh, and it’ll take a while in the relationship before he’s even ready to begin physical contact
    • I’m so sorry, he’s so hard to smooch in the beginning!
    • So the first time you kiss him, he’ll be so stiff!
  • But once he gets used to it, he’ll take his partner’s chin gently and carefully place a kiss on their lips
  • Favorite kiss to get is the shoulder and back kiss
    • This guy is a sucker for massages at night (once he’s at that level with you, that is), so go ahead and smooch him on the back during those times
    • It’ll take him totally by surprise, and he may just quit the message all together to snog you

Junkrat

  • Oooooh, boy…so messy, sooo sloppy
  • I hope you know what you’re getting into with Jamison, he ain’t letting you go until he’s done with you
    • He’s clingy, and he loves his PDA
  • Making out with him will probably some of the loudest, wettest, sloppiest kissing you’ve ever had
    • He will leave soot smears all over your face when he’s done, and you’ll smell like explosives
    • “Hooly dooly!” (after making out with his partner)
  • Loves being on top of them during all this. He’s skinny, so he isn’t too heavy, don’t worry hon
  • Not one for the slow and sensual
    • If you try and take it slow, he’ll just speed it right up!
    • So his favorite kind of kiss to get would be out of nowhere, forceful (bruising lips), and full on
    • Loves it when his s/o can reciprocate the same kind of passionate force that he can
  • Sometimes, Junkrat will nibble your ear, too
    • Where did that Trashmouse get sharp teeth?!
    • So I suppose he’d leave bite marks, too. Gotta let people know you’re his.
    • Go ahead and bite him back. Again, loves it if you can reciprocate

Torbjorn

  • You can’t kiss Torbjorn because he’s too busy snogging a turret and his undeserved Play of the Game

Reinhardt

  • Sweet old man! Loves to give pure little pecks to the check and lips~
  • All the better if his s/o is short, that way he can scoop them up in his arms and smooch them
  • I don’t think he’d be up for total make outs, though, he likes classy and old fashioned kisses
    • Too old for the more hands on stuff
  • Great to give him a smooch right before a fight! He’ll get even more pumped up!
    • Just when you think he’s gonna give out, all his s/o needs to do is give him a peck and bing! He’s back in it!
  • Just don’t try leaving lipstick marks on his “Precision German Engineering” armor. He does not like that.

Roadhog

  • Getting an actual, real, involving-lips-kiss with Mako is rare
  • He constantly wears that mask which I think might even help him breathe
  • So most of the time, he’ll give you little eskimo kisses with the snout of his gas mask
    • Might go “oink, oink” as he does to make you giggle
  • Smooch his tummy, he loves that!
  • He isn’t too big on PDA except for holding hands. Oh God, whenever you’re out with him, you’ll always have a big, meaty hand around yours
  • But for the rare occasion he gives you a real kiss (and most of the time he only lifts up his mask enough to see his lips), It’ll only linger for a few seconds before he pulls away
  • Oh wait, almost forgot! He might surprise hook you on occasions and yank you right over just so he can give you one of his snout kisses!
    • “Here, little piggy” (Mako as he hooks you)
    • He will stop this if you’re not ok with it, pouting from behind his mask as you scold him

Zenyatta

  • Don’t say you can’t kiss an omnic, of course you can!
  • His favorite is when you’re so close to him that his orbs surround both of you (so it’s like you’re in perfect harmony~)
  • His favored kiss to receive is a lingering kiss right on his face (where his nose would be)
  • Despite his zen, calm exterior, he’s the most likely candidate to start giggling while you’re kissing
  • And since he can’t really reciprocate the kiss (no lips), he’ll find other ways too, such as running his fingers through your hair or massaging your palms or back while you smooch him
  • Unlike Genji, he’s more attentive to any lipstick marks you leave on his robotic face and will clean them off before seeing anyone else
    • Doesn’t mean he won’t notice a mark on one of his orbs
    • Genji might point out one day, “Master, you have something on your right orb.” “Which one?” “The one on the—oh, it’s behind you now.” “This one?” “No, over to the –” “Point to the one, please.” “The one with the lipstick on it.” “W-what?”
the signs as lord of the flies characters:

Ralph: Libra, Leo

Libras like to be around other people, they are all about partnerships and groups. They are happiest when other people are around and when other people are doing their work. Libras have potential of being a good leader with their diplomatic ways.

People are attracted to Leo’s zest for life and their warm spirit. They have the ability to lift up one’s spirits and provide encouragement when times are rough. Their enthusiasm attracts people,

   Jack: Aries, Scorpio

Aries tend to live adventurous lives and like to be the center of attention, but rightly so since they are natural, confident leaders. Aries are enthusiastic about their goals and enjoy the thrill of the hunt, “wanting is always better then getting” is a good way to sum it up. Aries are very impulsive and usually do not think before they act - or speak. 

Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won’t give up. They are perfectly suited to being on their own. They are not social butterflies like some other zodiac signs and some actually prefer to live on their own that way there is never any issue of who controls what at home, they like to be in control.

Piggy: Taurus, Gemini

Taurus is not the one who ventures out into the unknown and leads the way, Taurus is the one that will follow the leader and strengthen and build upon the discovered, in other words they are the one that will “dot the I’s and cross the T’s”. Taurus are down to earth, they do not like gaudy, flashy or over the top things.

They (Gemini) are brimming with energy and vitality, they are clever with words. They are intelligent and very adaptable to every situation and every person. Gemini are curious and always want to know what’s going on in the world around them

Simon: Pisces, Aquarius

Pisces have an intuitive and psychic ability more then any other zodiac signs. They trust their gut feelings and if they do not, they quickly learn to because they realize that their hunches are usually correct. They will help another person with their problems and like to do so because making others feel good in turn makes them feel good.

Aquarius is the sign of visionaries, unconventionality and intellectual independence. Aquarius are the people who deviate from the crowd and go their own way. They are always after intellectual stimulation, constantly discovering something new, forming new opinions and stubbornly traveling their way regardless of what other people think.

Roger: Sagittarius, Virgo

They (Sagittarius) are full of curiosity and they always look forward to the future, never dwelling on the past. Sagittarius are detached from emotions because emotions hold a person back, they do not like to talk about their feelings, they simply experience them and move on. Sagittarius can be reckless and irresponsible because they will jump at a suggestion of something new before they weigh the advantages and disadvantages.

To the world, Virgo presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking.

Maurice: Capricorn, Cancer

Capricorns have a very active mind and strong powers of concentration. Capricorns like being in control of their surroundings and everyone in their life. Capricorns are very cautious but this only to survey the situation before leaping in, they will never make a hasty jump in. They accept change but introduce it slowly so they can get used to it and incorporate it into their life.

Cancer is extremely loyal to those who appreciate and support them, they are the nurturer of the zodiac and will protect and cherish the person for a long time.

anonymous asked:

Request! The RFA + V and Saeran accidentally slapping/punching MC while they are having a fight!! Love your writing <3

ahh thank you so much and sorry for the delay!! I hope you like this~~

P.S. shameless self-promotion: I wrote a headcanon not so similar to this called Fight Me, where MC defends the RFA and stuff so take a look if you’re interested :D


first of all, let’s all say a prayer for MC’s reaction in all these scenarios:

“excuse me?”

Yoosung: 

  • NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
  • “I’M SORRY MC I;M SO SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME”
  • he’s so scared like shitshitshittt
  • this is why his mom told him to NEVER GET INTO FIGHTS
  • his clumsy ass doesn’t even know who tf he’s aiming at and he’S TRYNA FIGHT
  • WHO AM I FIGHTING AGAIN????
  • he can’t even say “fight me” louder than mouse tho 
  • how did he even get in a fight in the first place
  • oh
  • it was because someone bought the last ice cream bar at the convenience store
  • and he stuck out his tongue at that person
  • who then proceeded to stomp on Yoosung’s foot
  • so then he flinched and hit MC
  • also did i mention this “person” is
  • … 7 yrs old

Zen:

  • WHO’S THIS MOFO ATTACKING ME FROM BEHIND-
  • OH CRAP IT WAS MC
  • instantly drops?? the guy he had a headlock on and runs to MC’s “rescue”
  • is he rescuing MC from his own hit or what
  • so MC’s over there like rubbing her side because he ELBOWED her
  • and he’s just like “OMG PRINCESS R U OK” “I DIDN’T MEAN TO HIT YOU”
    • also you know those shows where it’s like the person is talking to someone but then is also being attacked from behind??
    • yea so that’s happening and he’s fending off those people while apologizing
  • “Zen can we just go”
  • ZEN THE KNIGHT mode activated
  • he’s turned into some Optimus Prime shit
  • bridal carries MC away and he actually looks bulletproof

Jaehee:

  • Jaehee was having a cat fight with some chick at the bar
  • y’know normally she was chill right
  • but GURL THIS TIME SHE COULDN’T HOLD BACK
  • so she was over there doin taekwondo moves with heels on
  • and MC was just like this is real bad
  • so she tries to intervene but ends up getting flipped instead
  • “OWWWW” her back was stinging
  • “OMG MC!! WHAT DID I DO?!”
  • now she was back to normal Jaehee and started to do some emergency procedures 
  • “I must begin a head-to-toe examination, please tell me if anything hurts”
  • “Jaehee…”
  • “I’m going to start with your head, don’t move”
  • “Jaehee.”
  • “Do you feel pain here?” 
  • “JAEHEE STOP PRESSING INTO MY SCALP”
  • at this point MC is so embarrassed she pulls Jaehee out of the bar with the speed of light
  • hazukashiidesu (〃´ノω`〃)

Jumin:

  • he didn’t even notice until TWO HOURS AFTER THE FACT
  • yes that’s how oblivious Mr. Corporate Heir is
  • “MC, what is that bruise on your arm?”
  • MC’s friendly reminder face:
  • ohhhh
  • “I apologize, I shall call my personal doctor immediately.”
  • “JUmin, it’s the miDDLE OF THE NIGHT”
  • “Your point?”
  • HOW MUCH MORE DENSE CAN HE GET AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • so he makes up for it!
  • “MC, I’m sorry, I’ll make up for it.”
  • BOI BETTER WEAR KITTY EARS FOR THE NIGHT YASSSSSSS
  • ;)

707: 

  • lol shit
  • oh no actually SHIT
  • now he doesn’t know what to do liek
  • MC’s got tears in her eyes because he kicked her in the shin
  • “01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101000 01100101 01100101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101001 01111010 01111010 01100001″
  • “Seven, I don’t speak binary”
  • “AJAJAJAJAJA sorry MC”
  • so he begins to make silly faces to make her laugh which only makes it worse because MC laughs so hard she bumps her shin INTO SOMETHING ELSE
  • “OUCH!!1!”
  • oopsie
  • “Here, sit on this pile of honey buddha chips it’ll make you feel better”
  • -_-

Saeran: 

  • no bb
  • he was fighting because some guys tried hit her up and he was not going to take any of that BS
  • “HEY BRO YOU WANNA GO?!”
  • right so they’re fighting fighting fighting… what else is new
  • AND THEN BAM
  • MC gets hurt
  • how???
  • well, ya boy Saeran went a little overboard and ended up moving too close to MC and so when he flung at the dude he ended up smacking MC instead
  • oh no
  • this bb suddenly loses all his strength and power and he’s just staggering backwards because he hurt someone he loves :(
  • “MC! MC! PLEASE BE OKAY I DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT YOU!”
  • he was shaking her so violently she thought her head would fall off
  • “It’s okay, let’s get out of here”
  • CINNAMON BUN piggy-back-rides MC home apologizing non-stop

V:

  • V doesn’t fight period.
  • ALL RIGHT GUYS THANKS FOR READING THAT’S IT FOR V-

  • fine.
  • just beCAUSE HE’S A PEACEMAKER doesn’t mean this man doesn’t get angry
    • um but he can’t see???
    • SHHHH
  • anyway so he’s like tryna get this guy to back the f up
  • throwing punches and slaps in every direction possible but suddenly he feels something soft and squishy
  • was that MC’s … cheek?
    • y’all nasty if you thought he hit her t…
  • “AH!”
  • omg no it really was her!
  • so he’s super sorry like bb don’t cry you weren’t even the one who got hit
  • but he’s so apologetic he literally swears that he’s never going to fight again like
  • “MC pls forgive my horrible heart and soul”

it’s not like you gotta but i suggest you translate Seven’s binary numbers

~Cherry L.


Masterpost: click here

Askbox/Requests: click here

7

Update on Bumble, our special needs pig. 🌺

Bumble joined our caviary a couple of months ago. Her family wanted to give her a chance at a pet life. Bumble was born with three non functioning legs. She was a very happy and energetic little girl though. She did not let her disabilities slow her down. 🌺

Two months later and she is still doing well. She gets around well in her own way and is very speedy. She walks on knees and elbows. She lives on fleece, a nice soft bedding for her. She lives with a herd of females and has a lot of fun. She loves her hay and her veggies and life in general.

Animals are amazing and can often bounce back from adversity. I believe she does not realize she is different. She does everything the other pigs do, although sometimes in her own way. 😍

Bumble will live her piggie life here with us. We are continuing to monitor her to be sure she is happy. As she gets into adulthood we may have to look at some wheels for her to move around, but right now she is doing just great.

Show Bumble some love and encouragement . 🌺🌺

Some Twinks Like Twinkies: Chapter 2

Click here to read Chapter 1

“Eat my fat ass like it’s the last doughnut in the box you pig,” Dylan purred as his co-worker, Jared, slammed him against the wall of the office bathroom.

 "Trust me, I’ll get there,“ Jared said as the two locked lips. 

Their hands traversed each other’s fleshy bodies, pulling skin-tight work shirts out from tailored pants to reveal doughy stomachs. Jared’s mouth traveled from Dylan’s sugary red lips to his scruffy neck and then down his chest. 

“Looks like all those early morning pastries have been sticking to your ribs, huh?” Jared said and licked Dylan’s nipple. 

“If it’s not my ribs it’s my gut,” Dylan managed to say between heavy breaths. 

Jared worked his mouth down to Dylan’s hairy and puffed out midsection. Dylan gripped the back of Jared’s head with his palm and sunk the man’s face deep into his paunchy abdomen. Jared moaned slightly and frantically freed his hard on from chinos that were wet with pre-cum. Waves of pleasure shot through his body as he stroked his cock, face still planted firmly in his coworker’s burgeoning spare tire. Dylan loosened his grip and Jared responded by pressing his face in further. He shook his head vigorously causing Dylan’s extra weight to undulate and bounce. 

“Fuck you’ve really packed it on fat boy,” Jared said coming up for air. “What’s that twink boyfriend of yours think now? Huh fatty?" 

"He shoots condescending looks at my gut when I over eat… which is always.” “Fuck yeah, prove what a true piggy you are.” Jared’s tongue followed Dylan’s happy trail to his groin. Dylan’s pubic hair was trimmed down to display a recently formed fat pad puffing out around his uncut cock. Jared explored the new chub with his tongue, sucking on mouthfuls of musky fat. The fattened twink’s rock hard and engorged member tapped against Jared’s scruffy cheeks.  

“Tell me how much fatter you’ve gotten since we met,” Jared muttered before wrapping his mouth around Dylan’s pulsating cock. 

Between slight moans Dylan managed to say, “So much. You’ve turned me into a prize hog. My… oh fuck… my belly has never been so fat." 

"Numbers, give me numbers,” Jared responded. 

“Christ, I uh… oh god… um about thirty. Thirty pounds of lard in two months." 

This admission spurred Dylan to face fuck Jared. With each thrust, Jared’s forehead smashed against a plump fat pad and underbelly while Dylan’s balls slapped his chin. Jared clutched Dylan’s bouncing swollen ass cheeks so tightly that pink bulges of fat formed between his fingers. Both men were grunting and moaning in pleasure when Jared abruptly stood and flipped Dylan around. He dropped to his knees and parted Dylan’s fattened posterior. He proceeded as instructed, devouring the man’s rump as though it were the last morsel of food in the building. After a few minutes of rimming, slapping, and biting Dylan’s fleshy behind, Jared stood and began to insert his lengthy cock. Dylan let out a moan to which Jared quickly responded by gripping his paw over the other mans face. 

"Shh, we can’t let anyone know there’s two dirty piggies in here, can we?" 

Jared slowly began to pump his cock into Dylan. His arousal was so immense that in seconds he was vigorously pounding the man, relishing how their sweaty overweight bodies jiggled in unison. Only a few minutes after entering his bloated coworker Jared was ready to bust his nut. 

"Fuck I’m close." 

"Me too, oh god." 

"Oh fuck… you want my load?" 

"Uh huh…" 

"Every Twinkie needs its cream filling huh dough boy?" 

The men orgasmed in unison and slumped onto the floor. 

"Fuck that was hot,” Jared said. 

They collected themselves and straightened their clothes before exiting the bathroom separately. It was the end of the work day and most of their coworkers had left, but the two chubs-in-training were playing it safe. Jared went home for the day and Dylan plopped down at his desk to finish up a few things. He was still lustful for Jared’s soft form. Dylan had turned into a gluttonous hog in the two months since that night he jerked off in the McDonald’s parking lot. Ever since his gut was perpetually stuffed with delicious foods. At first he was alarmed by how intimately his appetite and libido seemed to be linked, but this changed after one fateful night out with his coworker. After a drunken tryst, Jared made a startling confession to Dylan. He was a self-professed “gainer” who longed to fatten himself and others up for sexual pleasure. For the first time Dylan was exposed to an exotic and titillating sexual subculture. His mind told him it was crazy, but his cock said otherwise. After that night, Dylan and Jared began a secret relationship of mutual gaining. 

Dylan opened the drawer to his desk to discover a gift from Jared; a hefty slice of cheesecake. He consumed the treat in a few bites and was left with a hankering for more. Overcome with a lust for food and Jared’s softening form, he snuck out of the office early to grab some pizza. Dylan consumed two large and greasy slices of pepperoni, arriving home with a bloated belly that was ready for more. He wasn’t surprised to find Andrew had prepared a vegetarian soup for dinner. Andrew was increasingly passive aggressive about Dylan’s weight. The pantry was always bare, healthy meals became the norm, and Andrew was constantly mentioning how he was “so full” after only a few bites of food. Ironically, Andrew’s weight was dropping as Dylan’s waistline ballooned. 

“I bought you a little something, if you wanna head to the bedroom,” Andrew suggested after dinner. 

“Oh?” Dylan was surprised by the flirty tone in his boyfriends voice. “What could it be?" 

Dylan opened the small gift box sitting on the bed to find a red leather cock ring. He grinned and leaned in for a kiss. Before long the couple’s nude bodies, one concave and one convex, were intertwined. They both had considerable hard ons as Dylan reached for the cock ring. He struggled to fasten it around junk, noticing that the smallest setting highlighted his freshly formed FUPA. 

"You do it,” Dylan motioned to Andrew. 

He wanted to see Andrew’s bony twink fingers next to his own bloated form. Andrew grabbed the cock ring and paused before strapping it on. 

“What the fuck, Dylan?" 

"Huh?" 

"Why do you have someone else’s come in your pubes?" 

Dylan’s heart dropped, "Baby, that’s my own jizz. I beat off at work." 

Andrew sniffed his boyfriend’s cock before replying, "No fucking way. I can’t believe you. Here I am buying gifts for your fat ass." 

"Hey!" 

"I’m honestly shocked right now. Here I am thinking you’re gaining weight because you’re depressed or some shit. But no, you’re just a lazy prick. So who the fuck is it? Huh?" 

"Andrew, there is no one else." 

"Bullshit! I can smell him on you Dylan! I’m so done with this relationship! I mean look at you, I’m not even attracted to you anymore. You know you have stretch marks on the back of your thighs?" 

"You know maybe I enjoy having some extra weight you superficial cunt!" 

"Oh congratulations on your body positivity Mr. Former Twink, I really could not give a fuck. Please just get the fuck out of this apartment. I don’t wanna look at you." 

"Seriously?" 

"Yeah! Get out!" 

"And go where exactly?”  

“Maybe the dude you’re fucking will take you in.“ 

"You’re a real shitty human Andrew, you know that?" 

"At least I don’t look like Ronald McDonald’s kept boy." 

"You know what?! I have been fucking someone else! And he’s even fatter than I am, and let me tell you- it’s the best goddamn sex of my life you brainwashed little zombie." 

"That’s cool. Does your fat fuck buddy have a bed you can crash in?" 

The two stared at each other in silence for a moment. 

"I regret moving in here. I’ll pack a bag and leave.”

anonymous asked:

Victuuri piggy back rides! Or hair stroking :)

viktuuri hair stroking is answered here :) 

touch prompts // 6. piggy back rides

It probably goes without saying that Victor Nikiforov is heavy. He’s a lean, mean, ice-skating machine. His muscles are no joke, and they weigh heavily against Yuuri’s back, around Yuuri’s shoulders. 

“My knight in shining armor,” Victor sighs against the back of his neck. He pauses. Yuuri feels a finger prod at his sweater. “Er… I mean, my knight in dull heather grey. Hey, is this new?” 

“Yeah, Mila took me downtown the other day.” Yuuri heaves and readjusts his hold where they’re hooked under Victor’s knees. So muscular. Yuuri has always believed his favorite place was between Victor’s thighs, but like this, he’s not so sure anymore. “We’re throwing out those shoes.” 

Those shoes are Salvatore Ferragamo,” Victor tells him. He huffs, as if he were the one hauling 75 kg of Russian living legend. “They were six hundred euros.” 

“Well, tell Mr. Ferragamo he makes shitty tight shoes,” Yuuri says. He tries to blow air at a piece of hair that had flown into the space between his glasses and his eyes. Victor ends up reaching forward to tuck the strand back for him. 

“Beauty is pain, solnyshko.”

“Who’s pain?” Yuuri mumbles under his breath. Still, he continues forward, his feet somehow carrying them down two more blocks of cobblestoned sidewalk and up three flights of stairs. 

“You’ve saved Russia! National hero!” Victor cries happily when he hops off of his back and tumbles into their couch. He kicks off his shoes and stretches, frowns at the fresh bruises blooming around the joints of his toes. 

Yuuri already has the pot of ointment ready.