Bitty wakes up in Jack’s arms and is promptly terrified.
Oh, dear. Oh, Lord. He did it. He actually did it.
He let go of all his carefully calibrated self-control and let Jack
in. Found his way into Jack’s bed. He’d sworn to himself to take it
slow, and in a way it has been slow – it’s been a whole month, which
surely counts as slow in this day and age – but last night he’d been so
enveloped in warm feelings, joy at being part of Jack’s family, heady
happiness from the wine and the smiles and laughter, incandescent from
Jack’s presence next to him – and everything had seemed perfect. Too
good to be true, even. And now as he lies here, his heart still singing,
he wonders if it really is too good to be true. If, when he turns over
and looks at Jack, he’ll see some truth that the camaraderie and the
wine masked last night.
@picarexque liked for a starter in her Phantom Thief verse
❛ I didn’t expect this when I called for your aid. It’s strange that I’m now like you. You all who were nothing but enigmas to me just a few days ago. ❜
Hiyori eyes the transfer student carefully for but a moment before allowing an amused grin to form on her lips. Who could have possibly known that the one surrounded by all the rumors was someone everyone actually knew nothing about.
❛ The supposed delinquent turns out to be a hero, hm? ❜
There were very few times over the course of her stay here that Hiyori had even seen the other—usually in the halls. They called her “No-Show Mio” apparently, but here she was, sitting in the school’s library all by herself. According to the rumors Hiyori had heard even in her own grade, she wasn’t someone to be trifled with. So, in truth, she’s unsure of why she risks it. It wasn’t as if they knew each other.
Still, she wondered where her friends were. She did have friends, right?
❛ Why are you alone? Isn’t an empty library a bit unsettling? ❜
Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect the shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind. We might expect that we will be prostrate, inconsolable, crazy with loss. We do not expect to be literally crazy… In the version of grief we imagine, the model will be “healing.” A certain forward movement will prevail. The worst days will be the earliest days. We imagine that the moment to most severely test us will be the funeral, after which this hypothetical healing will take place. When we anticipate the funeral we wonder about failing to “get through it,” rise to the occasion, exhibit the “strength” that invariably gets mentioned as the correct response to death. We anticipate needing to steel ourselves the for the moment: will I be able to greet people, will I be able to leave the scene, will I be able even to get dressed that day? We have no way of knowing that this will not be the issue. We have no way of knowing that the funeral itself will be anodyne, a kind of narcotic regression in which we are wrapped in the care of others and the gravity and meaning of the occasion. Nor can we know ahead of the fact (and here lies the heart of the difference between grief as we imagine it and grief as it is) the unending absence that follows, the void, the very opposite of meaning, the relentless succession of moments during which we will confront the experience of meaninglessness itself.
How different it would have been to say “Is everything ok? Your eyes do not tell”.
Than the sharp, bitter respite: “you live to indulge, lo and behold”.
How then would the bird sing, or the wolf howl?
I’d rather have taken a lended hand of genuine care then to feel the sharp bite of bitterness.
I’d rather have admitted plain and simply, then, the poison wrapped around my heart than to be drug like a leper through gilded commune.
Fingers point to open wounds and voices say “here lies the problem”.
And the wounds still drip and gush with freshness.
You call out to the symptom of my misery and set it atop a pedestal and cry “here lies the heart of darkness”.
Yet you ignore what causes that heart to beat.
Now offer yourself your own helping hand.
Save the bitterness, now, for me.
And lift yourself up to gilded station, with cheering and wonderful glee.
So let my own hands wrestle and fumble with the beating heart, deep and dark, existing forever with me.
And should I wander again into blistering cold, do not say you were there for me.
Eva Le Gallienne (11 January 1899 – 3 June 1991) was an English theatrical actress, producer and director during the first half of the 20th century.
Le Gallienne was born in London to an English poet of French descent, Richard Le Gallienne, and a Danish journalist, Julie Norregard. After Eva’s parents separated when she was three years old, she spent her childhood shuttling back and forth between Paris and Britain. She made her stage debut at the age of 15 in a 1914 production of Maurice Maeterlinck‘s Monna Vanna.
The next year Le Gallienne sailed for New York, and then on to Arizona and California where she performed in several theatre productions. After travelling in Europe for a period of time, she returned to New York and became a Broadway star in several plays including Arthur Richman's Not So Long Ago (1920) and Ferenc Molnár's Liliom (1921).
Disillusioned by the state of commercial theatre in the 1920s, Le Gallienne founded the Civic Repertory Theatre in the former Fourteenth Street Theatre in Manhattan, New York. She was backed by the financial support of one of her lovers, Alice DeLamar, a wealthy Colorado gold mine heiress, whose support was instrumental in the success of the repertory theatre movement in the U.S.. In 1928 she earned a great success with her performance in Ibsen's Hedda Gabler. As head of the Civic Repertory Theatre, she is known to have rejected the admission of Bette Davis, whose attitude she described as “insincere” and “frivolous”. The Civic Rep disbanded at the height of the Depression in 1934.
Le Gallienne never hid her lesbianism inside the acting community, but reportedly was never comfortable with her sexuality, struggling privately with it.
During the early days of her career she often was in the company of outspoken and bisexual actress Tallulah Bankhead, and actresses Estelle Winwood and Blyth Daly, with the four of them being dubbed “The Four Horsemen of the Algonquin”, referring to the Algonquin Round Table.
In 1918, while in Hollywood, she began an affair with the great actress Alla Nazimova, who was at her height of fame, and who at that time wielded much power in the acting community. The affair ended reportedly due to Nazimova’s jealousy. Nonetheless, Nazimova liked Le Gallienne greatly, and assisted in her being introduced to many influential people of the day. It was Nazimova who coined the phrase “sewing circles”, to describe the intricate and secret lesbian relationships lived by many actresses of the day. Le Gallienne was also involved for some time with actresses Tallulah Bankhead, Beatrice Lillie and Laurette Taylor during that time. Her only known heterosexual affair was with actor Basil Rathbone.
In 1920, she became involved with poet, novelist and playwright Mercedes de Acosta about whom she was passionate for several years. She and de Acosta began their romance shortly after de Acosta’s marriage to Abram Poole which strained their relationship. Still, they vacationed and travelled together often, at times visiting the salon of famed writer and socialite Natalie Barney. De Acosta wrote two plays for Eva during that time, Sandro Botticelli and Jehanne de Arc. Neither was successful. They ended their relationship after five years.
In 1960, when de Acosta was seriously ill with a brain tumour and in need of money, she published her memoir, Here Lies the Heart. The reviews were positive and many close friends praised the book. But its allusions to homosexuality resulted in the severance of several friendships who felt she had betrayed their sexuality. Le Gallienne in particular was furious, denouncing de Acosta as a liar and stating that she invented the stories for fame. This assessment is inaccurate, however, since many of her affairs, including that with Le Gallienne, are confirmed in personal correspondence.
By early 1927, Le Gallienne was involved with married actress Josephine Hutchinson. Hutchinson’s husband started divorce proceedings and named Le Gallienne in the divorce proceedings as “co-respondent”. The press began accusations that named Josephine Hutchinson as a “shadow actress”, which at the time meant lesbian. Five months later, Le Gallienne performed in the daring play about Emily Dickinson, titled Alison’s House. The play won a Pulitzer Prize.
For a time after the Hutchinson scandal, Le Gallienne drank heavily. According to biographer Robert Schanke, Le Gallienne’s anxiety over being lesbian haunted her terribly during this time. One cold winter’s night, drunk, she wandered over to a female neighbour’s house. During the conversation that followed, she told her neighbour “If you have any thoughts about being a lesbian, don’t do it. Your life will be nothing but tragedy.”
Another biographer, Helen Sheehy, has rejected Schanke’s portrait of the actress as a self-hating lesbian. Sheehy quotes Le Gallienne’s words of advice to her close friend May Sarton, who was also a lesbian: “People hate what they don’t understand and try to destroy it. Only try to keep yourself clear and don’t allow that destructive force to spoil something that to you is simple, natural, and beautiful.” Similarly, Le Gallienne told her heterosexual friend, Eloise Armen, that love between women was “the most beautiful thing in the world.”
Eva Le Gallienne starred as Peter Pan in a revival that opened on 6 November 1928, and presented the lead character full of elan and boyish charm. The flying effects were superbly designed, and for the first time Peter flew out over the heads of the audience. The critics loved “LeG”, as she became known, and more than a few compared her favourably with the great actress Maude Adams, who had originated the role. The Civic Repertory Theatre presented Peter Pan a total of 129 times.
In late 1929, just after the great stock market crash, Le Gallienne was on the cover of TIME. During the Great Depression that followed, she was offered directorship of the National Theatre Division of the Works Progress Administration by President Franklin D. Roosevelt. She declined on the grounds that she preferred working with “true talent” rather than nurturing jobs for struggling actors and actresses. She was instrumental in the early career of Uta Hagen, whom she cast as Ophelia opposite her own portrayal of Shakespeare’s Prince Hamlet.
In the late 1930s Le Gallienne became involved in a relationship with theatre director Margaret Webster. She, Webster, and producer Cheryl Crawford later co-founded the American Repertory Theater, which operated from 1946 to 1948. In the following years she lived with her companion Marion Evensen. In the late 1950s she enjoyed great success playing the role of Queen Elizabeth in Mary Stuart, an off-Broadway production.
In 1964, Le Gallienne was presented with a special Tony Award in recognition of her 50th year as an actress and in honour of her work with the National Repertory Theatre. The National Endowment for the Arts also recognised her with the National Medal of Arts in 1986. Le Gallienne was a naturalised United States citizen.
Although known primarily for her theatre work, she has also appeared in films and television productions. She earned an Oscar nomination for her work in Resurrection, for which she gained the honour of being the oldest Oscar nominee up to that time (1980) until Gloria Stuart in 1997; and won an Emmy Award for a televised version of The Royal Family after having starred in a Broadway theatre revival of that play in 1976. She made a rare guest appearance in a 1984 episode of St. Elsewhere, appearing with Brenda Vaccaro and Blythe Danner as three women sharing a hospital room.
On 3 June 1991, Le Gallienne died at her home in Connecticut of natural causes, at the age of 92.