here i go having obi wan feels and doing depressing stuff

Vaderkin takes things to the next level...

@forcearama, @resistancepilots, I blame you guys for this nonsense, also tagging @aifsaath, @tygermama, and @asokatanos.

When Vader met the Obi Wan Kenobi of his universe, he’d really thought that that was it. Captain Kenobi was handsome, witty, and brave. Yes, he was an outlaw and criminal against the Empire. Yes, the ranting about boring stuff like ‘rule by the people, for the people’ and ‘sentient rights abuses’ and ‘war crimes’ got boring sometimes but Vader found his passion and devil may care approach to the rule of law extremely attractive. 

Running missions for his adoptive father, Palpatine had gone from boring and depressing (all the screaming and anger really gets to person after a while, just because Vader is a Sith Lord doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings), to exciting and fun. Here was an enemy who could keep up with him in a fight, who could beat him at his own game, and best of all, might make out with him at the end of it. Still there was something missing. 

Vader was no fool when it came to love. He’d watched all ten seasons of The Flower of Varykino. He could quote from memory Coruscant Nights. He’d watched Spring comes to Alderaan every year since he was thirteen. Where were the long walks through sunlight meadows or along beaches at sunset, the heated glances coupled with agonizing restraint, the long, slow courtship, the sweet nothings? Where was the handholding, the dates in upscale restaurants, the bouquets of flowers, and of course, that most important element, the bashful confession of love, sealed with a gentle kiss. 

Vader wanted Captain Kenobi, certainly, but he had no illusions. Captain Kenobi would never marry Vader in a beautiful ceremony that involved doves and rice and scattering of little white flower petals. He had little interest in exclusivity and no interest in marriage. And he would laugh himself sick if Vader ever called him ‘pearl of my heart’. Indeed, this knowledge had been slowly eating away at him when the will of the force (actually the will of forcearama but shhhh) brought a dozen shiny new Kenobis into his world.

Master Gardener Kenobi was restrained and bashful. He was a man of peace not a warrior. He blushed and exuded delight in the force when presented with flowers. He loved holding hands and walks through beautiful scenery and nights spent lying side by side, a proper three inches apart gazing at the stars, discussing dreams for the future. He was perfect. Vader wanted  to marry him. Of course, that was moving a little fast but Vader did know that it was time to take things to the next level. It was time for Obi Wan to meet his family.

Of course, this was a delicate proposition. Master Gardener Obi Wan was gentle man. What if Father Sidious threw another fit about consorting with lightsiders and scared Obi Wan off? What if Maul talked about the pacification of Toydaria at the table (talking about work over dinner is rude and uncivilized after all)? Vader had been forced to make some extremely nasty threats to various members of his family in order to secure their cooperation. 

Still, he’d made all the arrangements. He’d cleared the Sith artefacts from the main dining room over Sidious’ vocal objections (what eyesores, Obi Wan would hate them). He’d ordered the walls of the lower floor of the palace to be repainted from intense reds and blacks to tasteful ivories and pastels. He’d filled the rooms of the ground floor with flowers and selected just the right orchestral music to play on low throughout the evening. He’d planned the menu weeks in advance and now tonight was finally the night. Obi Wan would come over and meet his family at last.

Vader took one last glance at the mirror, checking over his appearance and walked downstairs. Not a hair out of place, perfect. Father was sitting in the receiving room, whiskey in hand, glaring at the newly lavender walls as if the force of his gaze might revert them back to their previous ominous oxblood colour. Maul was staring at the bouquets of lilacs scattered throughout the room, his lip curled in disgust.

“Smile!” Vader snapped. “You promised you’d smile!! Do you want to scare away the love of my life? Do you want me to die alone??!!” Maul muttered something about showing Vader “dying alone” but both rearranged their faces into the semblance of a smile. The result was terrifying. Vader beamed, considered hugging them both, and then in a rare fit of common sense, kept his distance.

“Thank you!!!! You’ll love him, I promise!!!!! This is going to be wonderful!!!” He said. Maul growled and then stopped when Vader pouted at him. Sidious slugged back his drink and immediately poured himself another. Tonight was going to be wonderful and tomorrow, tomorrow, if all went well, Vader was going to ask Obi Wan to go steady with him. Vader couldn’t wait.    

HA OKAY well that post got a few likes that I assume mean “sure, post your ramble,” so I shall do that. Here’s the wall of text that supplements this doodledump. I did not edit it at all, so it’s really stream-of-consciousness-y and probably doesn’t explain itself well because it’s me talking to myself and I know what I mean by things. Also I just flat-out make stuff up a few times. Also also, sentence structure completely disintegrates by the end.

But anyway. Deep apologies to mobile users because mobile sucks and often ignores readmores.

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*wakes up hungover and still kind of pissed off/delighted about the trenchcoat of true love thing from last episode*

It’s just… the timing of it. I’ve spent what feels like the whole season talking myself down from being too optimistic about them going down the true-love-fixes-everything route and a reverse Crypt Scene has been a pipe dream (and now like half the comments I’ve seen on this episode have been people sitting there wide eyed saying It may actually happen). The rest of the time I’ve been quietly accepting the whole combined love of everyone (like, Charlie, Sam, Cas, probably Kevin’s ghost standing in the background like Obi Wan at the end of Star Wars…) inspires Dean to find his inner strength and stop, blah blah. And yeah, I still think they’re not going to sideline Sam in all this or anything, but… 

Every episode since 10x09 has offered a suggestion of a solution or attempt at one, in a way. 10x10 wasn’t very helpful but set up some big main plot arc stuff and set Cas off finding Cain, along with Sam ticking off the “can you just try stopping?” thing from the Colette list of ways to fix it… 10x11 had all the stuff about needing to find balance between your dark and light sides, Dean trying the healthy abstinence route, Charlie making a huge point of the forgiveness thing from the Colette speech… 10x12 had Dean making positive character growth, casually admitting his alcoholism and coming to terms with himself by taking back his grown up body with the Mark, while witchcraft was dragged into the mix along with a Rowena name drop, suggesting another big main plot angle of attack. FINE. None of this is Destiel, none of this is a bad approach (except maybe the witchcraft thing, y'know), all of it will probably still feed together in some way because there’s got to be more than just one random moment of whatever that will fix it - there’s got to be long-term effects and recovery for Dean or this story just won’t have been worth the effort, and all of THAT development works perfectly for it. THAT’S COOL, I NEED ALL OF THAT TO HAPPEN TOO NOT JUST SOME SPECIAL DESTIEL MOMENT. 

And then 10x13 has Dean backslide on most of his positive character development, back to the over-eating like in 10x09 and I’m not mentioning the college girls, then there was his pep talk about whiskey and denial, and fatalistic speech at the end about going down swinging (that helps no one Dean - dying is a double edged sword for you if you’d somehow forgotten). The most optimistic angle was Dean empathising with a vengeful ghost that got put to rest and talking about finding his own peace as a result of that, though clearly aware it was one more way of coping until it was over, his exhaustion with the whole thing clear. On the surface it’s depressing and doesn’t offer any real textual advice on how we’re meant to fix Dean permanently…

But then there’s the fucking unsubtle subtext of the episode, the big unspoken thing that’s been lying over us since Cain first told us about Colette - that the only force stronger than the Mark so far has been love (Hey Cas and your line about an extremely powerful force). And we have never ever gone back to that idea. It’s seemed off the board all season to the point where some of us were speculating about this silence being them choosing a different route and regretting ever inserting the story. Dean hasn’t coughed up a word on how Cain stopped, except for possibly rationalising his clean living in 10x11 as doing as Cain did - but without the most important step in between. You can’t go from Father of Murder to beekeeper overnight. (Side note from my frazzled brain: if Cain is the Father of Murder, has Dean inherited a cool title? He’s like the Great Great Great Great [etc] Grandson of Murder. Doesn’t look so good on a business card.)

There’s a massive empty space in the story here, and when we get back to Cain chances are he may be pissed he broke his word to Colette and say so but we may not get much more than that on the background love story, because they’ve been backing off massively on everything from mentions of Colette to the mere existence of Cas and it may be still too early to fix Dean, so… 

I think after all our flailing about the original little story from Cain, and all our meta and speculation and so on since, it’s probably important to remind ourselves that not only has Colette not been mentioned again since, but that while the connection to Cas felt pretty obvious at the time it’s not, like… I dunno, the story happened once a year ago, and aside from the whopping great parallel that until now intentionally hasn’t been followed up properly, obviously it’s all still subtext (and some unnamed groups who like ignoring that sort of thing are leaning on Sam literally being the Colette here so there was clearly not enough heavy-handed insertion of Cas-reminders in the original dialogue to make it unequivocal no matter how much it’s a part of the wait what the fuck are they doing that dragged me from casual viewer to whatever this mess is…). 

So what’s so amazing about this stupid parallel is that after all the radio silence on the Colette front, literally the last episode before Cain comes back, while they still won’t tell us the final missing ingredient to the fix, they threw in an angry rage-filled ghost and had him talked back to peace by his trenchcoated wife. It’s one of the heaviest Dean/Cas parallels we’ve seen in ages what with there being a heavy-subtext blackout on that too for ages, and this time it’s mirroring for Dean and Cas something that hasn’t happened yet, or has only happened in speculation, something that still only may happen. It mirrors Cain stopping and gives us a reminder of his Colette, except that the Colette here was wearing a stylish version of Cas’s coat. That may also be just subtext, but they made the emphasis on Dean relating to the ghost strong enough that at the very least everyone in the audience could see that Dean was getting something from this interaction that related to his own development even if the comments from him at the end are still negatively inclined. I’m not sure how else to talk around the trenchcoat thing to suggest how much it might not have meant, considering one of the few other trenchcoat-wearing peeps recently was one member of the party that completely stole the dialogue from 6x20 to have an overtly romantic argument in the episode none of us would remember if not for that… (side note: how likely would we be to remember 10x13 in a few months if not for this fucking trenchcoat thing? :P)

Like, I know I’m probably not saying anything literally anyone who’s already on board with this hasn’t already thought, but I can’t get over the positioning of this moment as the reminder of the last un-tried solution right before the story finally changes up again - the one solution we’ve been quietly or not so quietly hoping for the entire time, being waved in front of our eyes again. And not only waved in front of our eyes, but with the totally unnecessary addition of a trenchcoat to the mix, it’s added in this other element which was even more unspoken that the way we’ve had a We Don’t Talk About Colette gag order lying over the whole season. This is strike two to say, that Colette thing didn’t just sound like a reflection of Cas and Dean’s relationship… Here’s actual subtextual support for not just the return of the story in general terms of how such a thing might be important for fixing Dean, but the importance of it being Cas.

I suppose what I’m so annoyed/happy about is that the one and only time they give us a really solid parallel to this unspoken way to pull back an angry rage monster from the edge, they give it to us as more than just a reminder that it can happen, but give us a who for free. And with the timing, it’s after a whole pile of not-quite-fixes, offered as only a suggestion in the background of what might work, since Dean’s refusing to comment on Colette and her role in helping Cain stop… Its timing as just before the big main plot episode which this has all been leading to… And comes after a considerable erasure of Cas from the story.

littlehollyleaf was giggling about how Dean went from talking about finding peace or whatever it was to Sam heavily reminding him how Cas was close… Through this season I’ve been keeping an extremely informal tally of the number of times Dean’s brought up Cas unprompted or ever talked about him at all in any way shape or form. I say informal because there has literally been not one fucking thing to write down. I am actually kind of impressed at how thoroughly they’ve sliced Cas from Dean’s point of view (I wrote a thing about their POV usage with this story a while back and called that Dean wasn’t going to have much to say about Cas circa 10x04 but I never would have guessed we’d get this deep into the season without him concerning himself with Cas once.)

So… yeah, this timely reminder is not just important for backing up our Destiel-based fixing Dean meta, but though we talk constantly about Dean and his Colette, whoever that may be, there are a hell of a lot of elements that have been shoved right out of the story, to the point of such total blackout on them having ever existed as far as Dean is concerned (sorry Cas, he’ll remember you exist eventually) that…

Well, I was totally ready to roll with whatever happened this season. I was going to be a chill shipper who could say, “yeah it’s fine there’s other ways and all the little things still mean something in the end” if we didn’t get things off the wish list like Reverse Crypt Scene or The Power of Love Saves The Day or all that junk. I was ready to roll over and be lame and say that they might wriggle out of the big bold path towards Destiel it could take in many ways and accept more subtle ways this parallel could sneak in (I’ve, as I now realise, wasted a lot of ink on that moderate viewpoint) while we’ve still got to survive season 11 and all the pitfalls towards Destiel.

But yeah, as of this week I’m back on the “they’ve written us a huge cheque and now all we can do is wait and see if it bounces or not” train. I literally don’t know how to cope with this without getting my hopes unreasonably high against all my better judgement.

So fuck it, are we all in for this stupid story going exactly where we all hoped as of now?