Step 1) When the Lord of Light’s ancient tinder brings you a match, swipe right and send a raven to invite him over to your place for some solid knee bending action.
Step 2) Casually drop the kind of dirty talk that works for him, like how you have all the resources to kill White Walkers just lying there on Dragonstone.
Step 3) A fabulous entrance: Shine like a diamond with your perfected Dragon Queen persona. You are the most powerful woman in the world after all.
Step 4) No matter how thick he is, gracefully lay it on him that if he wants to take things slow, at some point in this relationship, there’s going to be some solid knee bending action required on his behalf.
Step 6) If your dad did something super crazy to his family, like maybe gruesomely murder a relative or two, be the bigger person and apologise.
Step 7) Honesty is the key to every successful relationship. Tell him about life experience, your troubles, your issues and your dreams but also be intimidating AF about it.
Step 8) If he still doesn’t get it, offer him a royal suite, a warm bath & supper. He deserves to be pampered like a King.
Step 9) Give him meaningful gifts which are precious to him without expecting anything in return. He’s not your average gold digger, he’s a Drogonglass digger! So just casually give him all your dragonglass mines.
But also be super chill & Queenly about it… Like you aren’t even thinking about checking him out as he walks away.
Step 11) Get to know him. Take interest in his hobbies and interests - dragonglass, caves, ice zombies, fighting & ancient cave paintings featuring those interests. He might be a weirdo, but he’s your weirdo now!
Step 12) Now that he’s shown you some proof of these ice zombies he keeps raving about and he’s looking at you with those big brown direwolf puppy eyes, promise to protect him and his people.
Step 13) But close the distance, speak in a low sultry voice and hope that in this intimate dimly lit setup, he finally understands that now it’s his turn to bend the knee & explore your cave.
Step 14) Stop messing around and call him a ‘King’ in your sexiest voice.
Step 15) Casually invite him into your inner circle, when diplomats are failing you, seek your King’s counsel. #Power Couples Rule
Step 16) Introduce your kids to him now that you are getting serious about him to check if he fares well with children.
Step 17) Subtly try to ask him to take his shirt off. You know, for science, or whatever…nothing fishy here, you’re just curious about how he survived a knife to the heart.
Step 18) Make him jealous when he’s playing too hard to get. You have options, he needs to know that!
Step 19) Shit, jealousy backfired! You didn’t expect him to be this suicidal and competitive. Quick, find the words to express your heartfelt concern for his safety. Whatever you do Dany, don’t say something Queenly…
Step 20) Now that you don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, look at him longingly & let the Queenly mask fall. Come on sweetie, feelings aren’t that hard.
Step 21) When bae needs you, strap on your prettiest coat, get on your dragon and it’s ride or die to save his suicidal ass.
Step 22) You not only lost your child but also your future husband. What’s even the point of anything anymore? Stare into the abyss of the snow covered white waste hoping by some miracle he comes back to you.
Step 23) He returned from the dead & after seeing his sexy scars, you know he’s quite literally done that too. You love & admire him, stop fighting it & take your time sailing back to stay by his bedside as he recovers instead of flying.
Step 24) Now that he evoked your greatest kink & called you his queen, make the move, but in a totally chill & ladylike way.
Step 25) Oh he wants to bone? Right now? This escalated quickly! Since he’s a King in a world obsessed with producing heirs, be completely honest about the future and leave him to decide what he wants when he’s less horny.
Step 26) Now that you’re less angry & more turned on by his public declaration of loyalty for you at the worst possible moment, drop some sexy Valarian quotes on him & show him what a worldly & unburnt last dragon you are!
Step 27) After this magically undead man challenged the legitimacy of your birth control curse, give him a chance to help you make an heir.
Step 28) Make up a totally lame reason to once again take slow transit with him instead of flying so that you can get this “military alliance” successfully up and running, if you know what I mean ;)
Congratulations, the knee is finally bent in the way you wanted it!
sherlock: it’s not like it is in the movies. there’s no big spurt of blood and you go flying backwards
mary: big spurt of blood and she goes flying backwards
a character called the abominable bride introduced in the episode immediately after john’s new bride shoots the hero in the chest: “shoots” herself (and subsequently gets shot by some helper) and then haunts dudes via spectre while singing “do not forget me”
mary: gets shot by someone and then haunts john via spectre
also mary: i’m probably dead
also mary: when i’m gone, if i’m gone
me: alex i’ll take foreshadowing for a thousand please
one day i will write something that doesn’t need a cut. today is not that day.
Yuuri alternates between stress sleeping and stress insomnia. No one ever knows where he’s going to be because his scheduled is so ~unpredictable~
EXCEPT WAIT. There are food deliveries? Every time he’s innocently sucking on his pen cap in the Science Library? and Beautiful Senior and Yuuri’s French TA Victor Nikiforov is having weird, supremely worrying hand spasms that seem vaguely aimed in Yuuri’s direction? That can’t be right.
(Yuuri only took that class for Victor.)
(Victor wishes he was that pen cap.)
Seemingly unrelated, someone keeps making sure there are always fresh, piping hot, vaguely-fish-like sandwiches waiting for Yuuri whenever he can drag himself out of bed to face the Existential Pit of Despair that is studying for midterms. He’s very familiar with that Pit of Despair. He lives one pit over in the Pit of Existential Discontent. The view from the Pit of Despair is much nicer.
The final 3 in my Mermay Met Gala Mashup! Serving up some fishy fabulousness here are Fei Fei Sun in Alberta Ferretti Limited Edition, Nicki Minaj in H&M, and Stella Maxwell in custom H&M! Check out the full set here as well as a few progress vids.
I’ve been having these marathons every week where I just collect as much fanfics as I can. The result? Folders full of bookmarks. Like, not the AO3 bookmarks, but I made actual Chrome folders with bookmarks and… you get the point.
This is unnecessary, but if you’re a beginner in the bts-fanfic-world, I think this list might help you?
These are strongly recommended fics from me. Various ships. All gay, obviously… all on AO3. Most of these, you probably know.
I don’t own any of them! I just think they’re wonderful…
If any of you need more fic recs (I take any ship, I haven’t done all ships but I have some for underrated ships, so), just go on and send me an ask, I guess. And if you’ve read all of these, go send me an ask if you’d like. (I got tons of Namjin)
I also rec sin, though my folder for sin isn’t very organized so it’ll take a while.
If you want a small (very small) list of sad fics, just ask.
Okay, here it is!
[M] Beta Tau Sigma by bazooka pairing: namjin (college/university au, frat au) summary: A collection of events occurring within (and without) the walls of the Beta Tau Sigma fraternity house. At Beta Tau Sigma, there are only a few rules: 1) have a declared major in the College of Music; 2) keep your GPA above a 3.4; 3) don’t let Taehyung into the liquor cabinet; 4) don’t fuck up with Kim Seokjin. The rest is all fine print. me: i cried when it finished. need i say more? fucking amazing. love it. cry with me.