“Yes, losing your heart’s desire is tragic, but gaining your heart’s desire? That’s all you can hope for. This year I wished for love … to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted and if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy because I wouldn’t give it back for the world.”
Trimming your writing has the benefit of getting your point across to readers without using stuffy sentences and filler phrases. Those are the training wheels of beginning writers, but seasoned professionals can pick them out easily.
One such weakness to cut from your writing so it sounds more professional is the word “give.” Here are some examples taken from my own writing.
Original - She gives me an appraising look as I enter the room.
Revision - She appraises me as I enter the room.
Original - She gives a long tired sigh, but smiles at the
end of it.
Revision - Her
tired sigh ends with a smile.
The meaning stays the same, but less time is needed to read and understand the sentence when that awkward “give” is taken out. Unfortunately for me, both of these examples came from the same scene, making a scene that should last only a few seconds take longer than that to read through.
“The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first. And in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace.”
you do a Deanxreader: the boys go on a hunt where there are victims
from different kinds of monsters. They find a toddler (reader)
talking about a witch has been summoning monsters to kill her. They
bring her to Bobby who recognizes her and tells the boys she should
be the same age as Dean. While
the brothers go to kill the witch, the spell wears off and she leaves
before they get back. After a few weeks she ends up rescuing them and
Dean ask her to join them because he is falling for her? (Slightly altered towards the end)
“Alright sweetheart-” Dean smiled down at you as he tucked you inside the car, a blanket wrapped around you “You’re gonna wait here while I go find the moose and we will be right back, ok?”
“N-no” you whined slightly, not letting go of him; looking up at him with tears in your eyes.
“Sweetheart” he said in a soft tone “My brother’s in there fighting those nutjobs. He needs my help.” Dean placed a hand on top of your head as you whimpered slightly.
“But- but the witch-” you stuttered “The witch will get you.” you were on the verge of crying, holding desperately ontothe man.
Dean’s green eyes filled with sorrow, there were a few things that could break him and one of those was a little girl begging for him to not leave her. And if it wasn’t for his brother being in there he really would have stayed by your side.
“No” you whimpered “No- I don’t want her to get you.” yor lower lip trembled as you shut your eyes and wrapped your small arms around his neck. He brought you a sense of comfort and peace, like you were at home and someone could finally take care of you. Like you could finally be put to rest in his arms.