It went so freaking good.
Mom was super nice and very upbeat. It may have all been fake, but if so she was a great actress. I gave her the pictures I took. We talked a lot about how Matt gets into everything and Mia is not your typical newborn. She thanked me for keeping them together and was just generally postive about everything.
It was a little awkward on my part because I didn’t want to overstep, but I also didn’t feel right expecting her to take care of all the kids at once. It was hard to find a balance between helping her, but not parenting them. I suppose that’s to be expected though.
I learned a lot more about the case. Specifically why the kids came into care, what happened with the relatives (the kids were taken from them, not given up), where dad is in all this (currently not in the picture) and most importantly about the case plan.
Mom has so much stuff she has to do before she gets the kids back. So much. But from my understanding she could have been working on some of this in the past few months while Matt and Macy have been in care. So while I have some degree of sympathy, I also think they are very reasonable expectations. Apparently having Mia taken really made mom decide to step up.
And that’s great! I’m really rooting for her. She has a lot of stuff against her and it’s gonna be a while even if she stays at it. But if she can maintain the attitude she brought to the table today…..I think she can do it.
Probably the only negative aspect of the whole thing was how she dealt with Matt and Macy. Macy craves attention and she will throw the worst tantrums to get it. Mom even talked about how in her house Macy in 100% doted on by her dad/grandparents and that’s why she acts that way.
I personally don’t pacify her. My biggest thing with her behavior is to get her to stop correlating tears/hysterics with attention. So when she acts like that I ignore her. I let her cry herself out and then when she calms down I give her some level of attention. But I also try to make her understand that she has to share with her siblings. It’s an uphill battle of course, but to watch mom just give in was very frustrating.
Similar situation with Matt. He is annoying as fuck. He gets into everything, will not listen and just generally makes you want to scream. So instead of dealing with that, mom just fed him the entire time we were there to keep him occupied so she didn’t actually have to parent him. And that right there is why Matt has an unhealthy obsession with food, something else I’m working on.
I definitely passed some judgement while all this was going on. I kept it internal, because it’s hardly my place to parent the parent. Especially considering the CW’s were in the room. Then again, looking at it from her perspective, she sees her kids 4 hours a month. That’s it. (For Mia it will be 8 hours a month.) Disciplining is hard. It makes the kids upset and mad at you. Why does she want to spend the few hours she gets with them doing something that isn’t fun and causes them to not want to love on her? I can understand that.
I’m really trying to put myself in her shoes at much as possible. It’s kind of hard because a lot of the stuff she’s going through I have no idea what that feels like. I’ve never been an addict or in a really unhealthy relationship or trying to operate without a support system. But I’m doing my best.
We exchanged numbers and I promised to keep her updated with the kiddos. I’m really hoping today was the start of a beautiful relationship. Maybe I have on my rose-colored glasses, but I’ll take it.