her mama

I have so many things to say!

But I’m not allowed to say them!

So here are some things I can say:

1.) I got to celebrate my baby’s birthday (early) and help someone have a baby of their own on the same day!

2.) People who give birth are fucking warriors and I will not hear another word about it.

3.) After everything was over and the room was calm again and this warrior mama had her new baby in her arms, she looked at me, smiled the happiest smile I’ve ever seen and said “Thank you” and I pretty much turned into a pile of goo and died right there in that hospital room.

4.) There was a student midwife (H) last night. I was NERVOUS AF and I knew it was obvious so I told her it was my first birth. She told me she was a doula for years and she would keep my new-ness in mind and try to be in the room as much as possible, and then she showed me some massage/pressure techniques and how to use them and it was amazing and so helpful to be welcomed into the space and supported that way. She “doula"ed me through it. Afterwards she took me on a tour of the placenta (which was a lot smaller than I imagined! I didn’t get to see mine so this was really cool. Placentas are fucking magical.) Then she told me if I wanted to stick around until after she did some aftercare for the client, she would decompress with me and give me a chance to ask questions - which I totally spaced on. She said that was fine and gave me her cellphone number in case I thought of any. That is so kind and honestly, above and beyond what I would have expected of anyone there. Then she told me that once I was able to relax myself a little I did a really great job, and I had a really calm energy about me that really made a difference. I needed to hear that so badly, from a person who knows. I’m so thankful for her.

5.) After my chat with H, I stepped back in the room to say goodbye to the client and her family. They all thanked me for my support, and I thanked them for the opportunity. I told them it was my first birth as a doula - and all their jaws dropped. They all said they couldn’t believe it, and that I was so helpful, and they wanted to know if there was some kind of comment card or recommendation they could write for me, which was, again, exactly what I needed to hear in that moment - not to mention incredibly kind. I kicked myself on the way home for not asking them to go on my Facebook page and leave a review, but I will try to remember for next time. This was also the push (see what I did there) I needed to finally order business cards, even though I don’t have a website or a real logo or anything yet - the are still cute and easier than trying to locate paper and a pen and hand writing everything.

So, basically, babies are awesome, people who give birth are awesome, kind people exist in the world and for today all of that is enough.

tavros-paidi  asked:

25 (why does this generator love 25 so much geez) and 11

25: How would your OC process the grief caused by the death of a loved one?

this is really really hard actually. aud has a weird relationship with/concept of death (which, like. her best/only friends growing up were the skeletons of small children and a suspiciously long-lived chicken. so. it’s a shitshow.) tbh she’s even reblogged a few jokey ominous textposts like “none of us will ever die” it’s all just a joke to her! she’s grown up surrounded by death but thinks everyone she cares about is immortal! she doesn’t even know if she is? oof ok. if her mama died she’d like absolutely not believe it cause she’s like centuries old ok (she’s not) she’s the embodiment of this great folkloric goddess figure (she’s not) she’s the most powerful witch in the world (she’s not). that’s it actually if anyone she loves dies she’d be like [anime villain voice] tch. pathetic. and then never process it whoops

11: How would your OC react to hearing they’re adopted?

this is such a weird question cause she’s not biologically related to anyone lmao. but if it was like, her mother didn’t actually make her? in comes the denial, cause her mother’s skills are definitely one of the things she’s defensive of. she’s good at what she does she’s so talented and wise and better than everyone and she made me and i’m exactly what she wanted etc etc etc. aud always has this sort of backup plan when she’s feeling terrible/really fucking everything up, which is basically completely deflecting blame bc she’s not really her own person and she’s just how she was made. that’s the only time that thought is comforting lmao so it would be a big blow to lose that, but also a very terrifying liberating sort of thing. idk this is a lot! it’d be. a lot. very scary.

I think Lardo lets Tango watch her mix paint because she once noticed him watching paint-mixing stim vids on his phone.

Like, one day she is walking through the Haus and everything is quiet, which is weird. Then, she notices Tango just chilling on the couch. Then she really confused because it’s quiet and Tango is there and usually you can’t have one with the other. So, she goes over and peeks over his shoulder and he’s scrolling through a paint-mixing stim account on instagram, taking the time to watch the entire video before moving on. There’s the faint sound of the pallet knife sometimes if the colours really attract his attention and he taps to turn on the sound, but, other than that, everything about him is silent.

That’s when Lardo gets an idea. She isn’t busy right now, so she runs up and gets a couple of her tubes of cheap paints (acrylic, oil, some pigmenting, a giant tube of white paint, some paint thinner, ect.), a couple pallet knives, and some glitter. She comes back down and taps on Tango’s head. “Follow me, taddy,” she says, nodding to the door.

Of course he follows, Lardo is mama duck, but that doesn’t mean he does it without question. With slipping his phone in his pocket, the inquiries start a-coming. “Where are we going? What’s in that bag? When did you get home? Am I in trouble? I thought we were allowed to be there if the door was unlocked?? What’s that clanking coming from your bag? How was your day? Where are we going??”

Lardo is a master at letting him just ask without giving real answers (and, frankly, he’s thankful that she doesn’t yell at him like Holster does), and soon their at Lardo’s super secret art studio. At this point, Tango’s been here before and has stopped asking the “Where are we going?” because he recognized the area. But he still had so many questions, even up to the moment Lardo put a small red blob next to a larger light blue one on top of a big smear of white.

When she started mixing, he went absolutely quiet and fixed his eyes on Lardo’s hands, listening to the scrape of the triangular knife on the sheet of plastic she uses as her pallet.

They do this for hours, Lardo even letting him paint a bit on a spare gessoed canvas she uses to swatch the colours on to see what they look like. He isn’t really the best artist but he does get the shape of a multicoloured rubber duck with shades on. It’s mostly purples and blues and greys because those are the colours he said he liked seeing being mixed the most.

He eventually starts buying her the bulk cheap acrylics from A.C. Moore. They spend their Thursday and Sunday afternoons mixing paints.

Lardo puts the piece they made up in her senior art show. “Takes Two to Tony” is the title of the piece (only the hockey players get it, theater kids think it’s about the Tonys and spend too much time trying to figure out what a messy, tecnicolour duck with sunglasses has to do with the relevant plays and musicals of 2016).

It’s the most commented on piece in the guestbook and someone even asks if they could buy it and leaves their number (Lardo never calls them).

Tango is quiet when he looks at it because it reminds him of his mama duck and how she figured out what made him the happiest and used it to help him.

When Lardo graduates, she finds Tango at the ceremony and hugs him, slipping the key to the studio into his hand. “It’s all yours now, Tang. I’ll see you there.” He goes and there is all the paints he got her, the piece of hard plastic pallet, and the painting. It’s now hanging from a rafter, the light from the dusty skylight filtering in and making the metalics and glitters they used on it shimmer. Tango is so happy, he cries.

They still meet every Thursday and Sunday afternoon there.

Tango’s started his own paint-mixing stim account on Instagram and a “mama-duck-lardsy” always comments, saying things like “that blue can be used as a highlight on the duck” or “good job with the pigmenting, who’s your teacher? ;)”.


some holly doodles to wind down for the night…..she would 100% be a hippie