her hair is my life goal

1. Kiss her hand.
2. Stand on my tiptoes to kiss her forehead.
3. Bury my face in her hair, because it’s so soft.
4. Bury my face somewhere else.
5. Wrap my arms around her from behind.
6. Be the big spoon.
7. Be the little spoon.
8. Tell her that she looks beautiful.
9. Cook with her.
10. Fondue with her.
11. Try sushi with her.
12. Order pizza with her.
13. Watch movies and TV shows all night.
14. Just look at her for hours. Because damn. Wow.
15. Hold her hand.
16. Give her roses.
17. Give her books.
18. Get drunk with her.
19. Make love to her.
20. Take pictures with her.
21. Take pictures of her.
22. Pout when she deletes pictures because she “looks stupid” on those.
23. Quickly take more photos.
24. Dance with her.
25. Sing with her.
26. Sing to her.
27. Get baby animals with her.
28. Give her little, unexpected kisses.
29. Rest my hand on her thigh.
30. Grab her butt in public.
31. Make out with her in public.
32. Compare our hand sizes.
33. Carry her to bed.
34. Tell her parents that they have a perfect daughter.
35. Tell her parents that I’ll steal said daughter.
36. Trace her lips.
37. Write on her body.
38. Kiss her collarbone.
39. Whisper in her ear.
40. Remove her hair carefully to kiss her neck.
41. Kiss her scar.
42. Kiss her tears away.
43. Tickle her.
44. Leave cute notes.
45. Count the times she bites her lip.
46. Listen to her favorite music.
47. Rest my head on her shoulder.
48. Go shopping with her.
49. Buy the first thing she looks at.
50. Walk through the town and telling people: “Hi. That’s my girl. I hope you’re having a nice day. Bye.”
51. Stroke her hair until she falls asleep.
52. Watch her sleep.
53. Take pictures of her when she’s asleep.
54. Take a bath with her.
55. Play a game with her.
56. Let her win the game.
57. Watch the stars.
58. Watch the sunset.
59. Watch the sunrise.
60. Go to the beach with her.
61. Pull her back into my arms when she is about to leave.
62. Be her pillow.
63. Sleep in a little fort with her, made of blankets and pillows.
64. Cry with her over a movie.
65. Put a flower in her hair.
66. Gently push her against the wall to make out with her.
67. Lightly tilt up her chin to kiss her.
68. Steal her perfume. 
69. Meet her friends.
70. Go on vacation with her.
71. Lift her up into my arms.
72. Listen to her heart beat.
73. Watch funny cat videos with her.
74. Tell her that I’m proud of her.
75. Lay my head on her chest.
76. Kiss each of her knuckles.
77. Go to the cinema with her.
78. Let her wear my clothes.
79. Wear her clothes.
80. Feed her.
81. Shut her up with a kiss.
82. Give her my jacket when she’s cold.
83. Wrap the blanket around her.
84. Let her have the most space in bed.
85. Keep myself from stealing the blanket.
86. Curl up on the bed with her.
87. Make her favorite food.
88. Hold her hips.
89. Stroke her fingers with mine.
90. Kiss her jaw.
91. Tell her that she looks sexy when she’s angry.
92. Promise her that she’s safe with me.
93. Go to a concert with her.
94. Flirt with her.
95. Protect her from her nightmares.
96. Hold her in my arms when she cries.
97. Nuzzle my nose against hers.
98. Pull her onto my lap.
99. Hug her pain away.
100. Tell her that I love her.
—  100 things I’m going to do when I’m with my girlfriend.

my goal in life is to be a combo of

-the mother of my 5th grade-10th grade bff , who is an English teacher and a gardener and a jam maker and has vascillated between Wicca and Catholicism for multiple decades . She did not dye her hair like my mom did and she smoked a lot and she had a cool skinny smoker boyfriend who I thought was rlly cool even tho he was mean to me once and she had speckled arms and a speckled chest from years gardening in the sun
-the mother of my high school boyfriend , a woman who was a born again Christian in a weird cult church until her cousin came out as a lesbian and she re evaluated her entire life and became a tremendously supportive parent to her four children, three of whom were gay and/or trans , and drove them sixty miles north every week for a support group . she lived on a chicken farm contracted to a major company with her farmer husband, but hated the way it functioned /wanted to expose the company for the way it demanded the farms be run somehow . She embroidered and had a craft room in the farmhouse . She kept goats and gardened and went to school for nursing and divorced her husband

Summaries of Halestorm music videos:

Halestorm (2009)

I Get Off:

  • Lzzy overenunciates
  • josh looks uncomfortable 
  • some kind of x-men shit going down
  • arejay hale stop kicking your drums or so help me
  • those 2000s vibes

Love/Hate Heartbreak:

  • sPARKLY DRUMS!!
  • Lzzy doesn’t know what to do with her hands when she doesn’t have a guitar to hold, it’s so cute
  • arejay casually undressing in the background
  • joe is hair goals lmao
  • garage band aesthetic

It’s Not You:

  • i’m not really sure what this video is, but it features:
  • a girls roller derby
  • prime examples of 90s/early 00s fashion
  • joe nearly getting run over by roller skaters
  • arejay repeatedly beating a megaphone with a drumstick??
  • what the fuck guys

Familiar Taste of Poison:

  • emo supremo
  • but like the cool kind
  • this song is the single reason they’re always compared/associated with evanescence please stop
  • AWESOME 30s murder mystery aesthetics
  • Lzzy is dead
  • and beautiful
  • evil playboy dr. smith

The Strange Case Of… (2012)

Mz. Hyde:

  • everyone loves it
  • the video is basically just a love declaration to the fans
  • made up of concert footage
  • i love you too

I Miss The Misery:

  • the best lzzy look ever like 10/10 would worship
  • i need her top
  • and her hair
  • that glorious fuck you attitude
  • it doesn’t even have a real plot, it’s just lzzy strolling around some sort of bridge and looking bomb 
  • heart eyes motherfucker

Love Bites (So Do I):

  • DON’T LISTEN WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND SAYS
  • SHE READS THOSE MAGAZINES
  • sorry the only proper reaction to this song is screaming along
  • joe with gibson ayyy
  • lzzy illustrating the important lyrics with hand gestures
  • congratulations!! this is what a grammy win looks like!!!

Freak Like Me:

  • let us hear the holy anthem of our people
  • a “Best Of“ compilation of the Strange Case era from concerts, fans, and bts videos
  • arejay dancing shirtless 
  • and stage diving
  • basically this makes me cry i love them so much

Here’s To Us:

  • everyone in 80s disco outfits
  • jägermeister
  • glam rock lzzy
  • arejay’s red mohawk
  • completely stunning backing vocals from the boys
  • you know when you can just feel the friendship and love between the members of a band
  • that’s what Here’s To Us is like
  • more jägermeister

Into The Wild Life (2015)

Apocalyptic:

  • Lzzy step on me
  • josh changed his hat!! alert the media!
  • will I ever get tired of music videos that are basically just the band performing? the answer is no.
  • message of the video: you can grow up & make better style choices but still be rock’n’roll af

Amen:

  • hands down, the BEST halestorm music video
  • bus driver josh is my fave
  • they’re all 100% done
  • my favourite part is when he just runs away from the bus like N O P E
  • guitar smashing! yay!
  • no. 1 positivity song
  • how the everloving fuck does arejay manage to look so good in a goddamn white leather jacket jesus fucking christ on a bicycle

I Am The Fire:

  • now they’re in the desert? 
  • sick ass double neck guitar hell yeah
  • shit’s on FIRE!!
  • i will fight
  • can you say BADASS?!

Mayhem:

  • everyone is gorgeous and i cry
  • srsly lzzy’s eye make up alone could slay my entire life
  • when u watch this please keep in mind that they dropped it as a surprise without any announcements or teasers or warnings
  • the entire bandom fell into a coma for 2 days

anonymous asked:

Same anon but uh. Whose butch are you? What's she like? + I would definitely subscribe to your patreon for ass pics

Bahaha um well there’s this super nice woman who’s into niche film and left politics and has some of the most gorgeous hair I’ve ever seen in my life, and who’s got all the same eventual life goals as me, wants the same number of kids as me, and has a really banging body and is super sweet and also a great kisser, and I guess you could say I’m -her- butch. She gets ass pics for free.

@red-faced-wolf oops.


Tagged by @curvywarman

1) age - Old enough to send nudes. Why? You want some?

2) Current/Dream job -  Currently in the renovation circuit. My ideal would to become an Armorer for a military or PMC. Not too different from my day-to-day life of seclusion and cleaning supplies-hoarding. That or a physical security consultant.

3) Talented at - Hubris, Cleaning, research and boot polishing.

4) Goal - Actually have a healthy relationship.

5) Collecting -  I collect practical firearms, military surplus and rare ammunition.

6) Talking - Always down to talk guns, ammo, shooting, and sex.

7) Pet peeve - Native speakers who don`t know how to properly employ their own language.

8) Advice - Opportunity is fleeting and bald at the back of her head. When she shows up, grab her hair and don`t let go.

9) Songs - Danzig - Twist of Cain, Ladytron - Burning up, and Pulp - Like a friend

EDITING TO ADD BECAUSE I MISSED IT

10) Aesthetic - Belgian Mercenary in the Congo, 1960s. Russian troop in Chechnya, 1990s, CIA in Cuba, 1960s.

Tagging:

@nuclear-dawn, @miniephie, @roninart-tactical, @thenightlymist, @nobelshieldmaiden, @droidcommanderoom-9, @lord-thundercastle, @defib-and-deadlift and @norseminuteman

Books I’ve Read in 2016: Stars Above

“You may kiss your—”
Wolf wrapped his arms around Scarlet’s waist, lifting her off the floor, and kissed her before Kai could finish. Or maybe she kissed him. It seemed mutual, as her hands wound through his disheveled hair.
The room exploded with cheers, everyone launching to their feet to congratulate the still-kissing couple. Scarlet had lost one of her red shoes.
“I’ll get the champagne,” said Thorne, heading toward the kitchen. “Those two are going to be thirsty when they finally come up for air.”

Ninon de L’Enclos, on Her Last Birthday

So let me have the rouge again,
And comb my hair the curly way.
The poor young men, the dear young men–
They’ll all be here by noon today.

And I shall wear the blue, I think–
They beg to touch its rippled lace;
Or do they love me best in pink,
So sweetly flattering the face?

And are you sure my eyes are bright,
And is it true my cheek is clear?
Young what’s-his-name stayed half the night;
He vows to cut his throat, poor dear!

So bring my scarlet slippers, then,
And fetch the powder-puff to me.
The dear young men, the poor young men–
They think I’m only seventy!

–Dorothy Parker

my current frame of mind is:
LAUREN GRAHAM IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND FUNNY AND DOWN TO EARTH AND HER DARK HAIR BRINGS OUT HER BLUE EYES AND SHE LAUGHS ALL THE WAY THROUGH TALK SHOW INTERVIEWS AND IS A GREAT STORYTELLER AND SHE SLAYS THE SPEED TALKING AND LORELAI IS TEEN MOM GOALS AND SHE ALWAYS LOOKED AMAZING EVEN THOUGH SHE ATE JUNK 24/7 AND HER COMEDIC TIMING IS ON POINT BUT ALSO HER DRAMATIC MOMENTS BREAK MY HEART AND NOW I’M CRYIGN

20 Reasons I Love Beth

( HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE @imthehoneyyourethebee )

1. She’s adorable

2. Her writing skills are the best

3. She’s super kind

4. Actual cinnamon roll

5. Funny as heck

6. Best personality

7. Most supportive friend to have

8. Her hair is literally goals

9. Jimmy is literally pet goals

10. Always has my back

11. Let’s me rant whenever I need too

12. Always understands when I talk about holby city or any show that has given me major feels

13. She’s just the best

14. I know that I can trust her

15. Absolutely drop dead gorgeous

16. She has a beautiful soul

17. Real life lucifer sometimes but that’s okay

18. She’s my trip tucker and always will be

19. Her and @of-badges-and-guns
are the reason I am now Malcolm Reed trash

20. She is one of my best friends and I would never trade her for anyone or anything else. Nobody will ever replace my bethoney <3

2

Happy Birthday to my beautiful sunshine. I’m so proud of the person she is. she’s my role model, she inspires me everyday and I really hope one day I could thank her for bringing so much happiness in my life. her smile makes mine. I love her so much.

21.🎂🌹💛

Sweet satisfaction

It gives me great pleasure and satisfaction when I know that all the individuals who talked shit about me in my hometown aren’t doing shit. Especially when I go back looking slimmer, richer, edges are bountiful, hair is full, eyebrows are slayed to the gods, and my face is beat.

It is that priceless moment when people do that double take, not quite sure if the bitch that they laid their eyes on is indeed the same bitch who was struggling just a few years prior. The same bitch who you told that her goals and aspirations were not obtainable. The same bitch you told would never really do nothing with her life.

Well indeed, I am that bitch. She now should be referred to as a queen, because you guys are now peasants as she has surpassed your level of success. How many times must I tell these peasants to never judge a book by its cover.

“My hair was such a crutch. I looked quote unquote ‘sexy’ no matter what. I could hide behind it. As soon as I didn’t have all that hair, I had to let my face hang out. I felt more confident than I had in a really long time. And it felt really good. Maybe to most people long hair is prettier. But then what? Is your main goal in life to be desired? That is boring as fuck.”