her gratitude is real

Emily: “So, Winston. Lena was telling me she used to not be able take off her chronal accelerator, in the old days.”

Winston: “Ah-ha-ha, yes. How embarrassing; those older models were so shoddy. You wouldn’t believe how long it took me to perfect a localized temporal stabilization field over a wide enough area that would allow-”

Emily: *grabs his arm* “THANK YOU.”

No Kissing

(I took a brief intermission from working on my main fic to do a one-shot; I’ve seen a few people lately craving Bechloe married domestic fluff, and I’ve been feeling the same way, so I couldn’t resist the urge!)

Locking up her studio for the night, Beca pockets the key and heads across the back yard to the house.  She comes in through the kitchen, finding it empty and silent this late in the evening.  Checking the clock, she feels a slight twinge of guilt when she sees it’s past eight.  Usually, despite the temptation of her equipment just a few steps away on the same property, she doesn’t allow herself to go back to work after dinner.  (Or rather, Chloe doesn’t allow her to go back to work after dinner.)  But with so many deadlines looming this week she’s had to make some exceptions.

She crosses the back hallway and peeks into the family room.  Chloe is nowhere in evidence, but their daughter, Violet, is sitting on the plush area rug in the middle of the room, clutching her favorite blanket, staring at the TV and absorbed in what looks like a car insurance commercial featuring a talking monkey.  

Beca steps quietly through the doorway and sneaks up closer, then crouches down a few feet behind her, still unnoticed.  “Boo,” she says, but in a soft voice so as not to actually scare her.

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Something amazing happened to me today.

If you have never been bottom-of-the-barrel broke for a decent length of time then you cannot truly understand that horrible feeling when the cashier tells you that you can’t use your loyalty points because the server is down. That sick sinking feeling that happens as you come to the realization that you have to pay full price when you were counting on having the extra $5 the points would have saved you to buy the meat for dinner. That if you want to eat now you won’t later or if you want to eat later you can’t eat now.

I experienced this feeling again today at the coffee shop. I only ordered a small coffee and a ham and cheese croissant. It’s all I could afford if I used the points I’d saved up to pay for the coffee. My total was only $10.90 but I had been counting on using my points to bring it down to $6. Then she told me the system was down.

Everything stopped. My heart sank and suddenly began racing 100ks an hour at the same time and I started shaking. In the space of about four seconds I thought several things at once.

“Do I say leave the coffee? The food is more vital than the caffeine”

“Do I just leave both? I need to buy the stuff for dinner tonight and I have to get to therapy tomorrow”

“Maybe I can borrow from Mum to do dinner and therapy”

“Oh god! They probably think I’m just angling for free stuff!”

“Fuck Georgia! Just pay by card and pray you make it to next week on what’s left”

“I’m going to throw up”

“Tell them it’s fine and pass your card over for fucks sake!”

So I take out my card and start to hand it over. I’m trying to put on a brave face but clearly I didn’t do much of a job of it. The cashier looks like a deer in headlights. She doesn’t know how to handle this kind of thing. She immediately tries to reassure me.

Then it happens.

I hear a gruff voice behind me ask,

“How much does she need?”

I turn and see the older lady who came in behind me and let me go ahead of her in the queue opening her wallet and looking at the cashier.

I’m still desperately trying to convince both women that it’s fine and I’ll pay but they don’t seem to hear me. By now I’m shaking and also crying. I can tell both women are uncomfortable so I desperately try to get myself under control. It’s not working. In the madness the cashier puts through the point discount and the Gruff Older Lady pays for my order. Now not only do I still have the $5 I was counting on from my points I have the other $6 I would have paid for my coffee too.

I move off to the side still loosing my shit and crying (embarrassingly) in a coffee shop, as the cashier takes Gruff Older Lady’s order and she pays and we all wait for our orders.

The whole shop has been watching this and not said a word. I think (it’s something of a blur) I may have hugged her. And I think it made her even more uncomfortable. Anyway, I’m still trying to get myself under control. Another patron comes over and asks if I’m ok and I tell her what’s just happened and she smiles and calmly chats to me till I’m calm and her order is called. She wishes me well and leaves.

My order is then called at the same time as Gruff Older Lady. I can barely look her in the eye. I’m so embarrassed. But I’m also so incredibly grateful so I look up and give a wobbly smile and thank her again as we put the lids on our coffees. She asks if I’m short of money and I admit that I am but I’m mostly coping without looking up from the counter.
Next thing I know she is opening her wallet again and pushing the last of her cash, $30, into my hands. I try to refuse and tell her she doesn’t have to do that, I’m ok. Again the tears threaten.

“Don’t you cry again!”

She tells me in that same gruff voice she used at the counter.

“You’ll set me off! Just take it! I know what it’s like to be where you are. I’ve been there myself. I’m a bit flush this week so I can afford to do this.”

I can do nothing but stare at my shaking hand now holding $30 and thank her profusely while trying not to cry on her. She simply gives me a small smile and murmurs,

“I’ve done my kind thing for the day.”

And leaves before I can say another word.

It’s taken me an hour to write this and I’m still shaken and overwhelmed.

This woman was so kind. It wasn’t the stereotypical warm, beneficent old woman with a big hug and a cheery smile. She was real and my gratitude seemed to make her uncomfortable. Like she hadn’t realized how big of an impact she would have when she decided to do what she did. She was gruff and awkward and that is the only thing that has me convinced that this really happened and I didn’t dream it.

Well, that and the lasting embarrassment from having had such a major breakdown in a public place.

I have now had breakfast and I’ll use the extra $30 for food. And it’s all thanks to that incredibly kind Gruff Older Lady.

I don’t know how to end this except to say again even though I am sure she’ll never see this…

Thank you. Paying for my breakfast the way you did has had a far bigger impact than I think you will ever know.

Jasper was really sincere to Lapis when she said that things would be different if they fused again

And before you kill me, no, I’m not justifying Jasper or minimizing what she did to Lapis. Please, allow me to explain what I’m trying to say.

When we meet Jasper her idea of fusion was this one:

“Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger!”

Now, let’s see what type of gem was Jasper and how was her point of view on Gem Society before her arrival to Earth. Jasper is a Quartz Gem warrior, a veteran of the Gem War, physically she’s very strong and has very powerful moves besides her physical strength. She alone can beat several enemies only by brute force and in comparison with other gem soldiers this is very impressive.

Now, let’s take a look at what the Homeworld society thinks of the fusion: Is exclusive for soldiers of the same gem type in order to (paraphrasing Peridot) use their combine strength and/or talents for a funcional purpose, but mostly, to make them stronger; remember what Ruby said in “The Answer”?

“Oh, come on! We’ll punch ‘em together when we fuse. That’s why they sent, uh… three of us?”

Rubies are waaaaaaaaaay too common in Homeworld, and all are basically expendables, but it is some posibility of a conflict and you don’t want to send a gem of higher rank (because you don’t want to lose a good soldier or the mission is not that important) you send lots of Rubies. If things go too wrong they can fuse and they would multiply their strength and would manage the situation. And if they lose? Well… like I said, there are lots of them…

But Jasper never had the need of a fusion before, not even with another Jasper. Why? Because she isn’t common or weak, she IS powerful. Obviously fusion is only for gems below her and is only used for battles. When Jasper came to Earth she was horrified by what she saw: an overcooked quartz soldier, a servant Pearl who thought she could fight and a fusion between to diferent gems, but since fusion is exclusive for battle (in her mind), she ‘kinda’ understand why Ruby and Sapphire fused: because they were weak and they need it to be/feel more powerful in comparation of a real powerful battle gem like Jasper; when they fused again Jasper didn’t understant why because she already exposed them as weak even as a fusion and they wouldn’t be able to defeat her, that’s why she said ”quit embarrassing yourselves! I’ve seen what you really are”, but then she fought against Garnet once more and lose. Garnet is a fusion which purpose is not power of strength, is LOVE; Jasper cannot understand that because (probably) she doesn’t understand what the hell is love and why there would be another reason for two different types of puny gems to fuse that power. Same reason why she fused with Lapis. POWER.

But Jasper’s mistake was that she saw herself as more powerful that any of the other gems because her rank and her strength, even when she knew it that all the other gems had special power too; her vanity and selfishness prevent her to see how the other gems were powerful in their own ways, even after she was defeat. Being fuse is like piloting a Jaeger from “Pacif Rim”, all of the participants need to be in synchrony, but Jasper thought that Lapis was so weak in comparison that Jasper would be the one “in charge” of the fusion. Then Lapis took control of Malachite with the combine powers of her mind, streght, will and hydrokinesis; Jasper, besides all the suffering she lived because of Lapis, was truly impressed of her power. In a twisted way, now she respects Lapis. Also, Lapis “opened” Jasper’s eyes about was is fusion in reality: a way to take the strenght of two powerful gems and make them even more powerful, so she feel gratitude to Lapis for show her “the real power”.

When Jasper and Lapis meet again instead of being crude or threatening to her, Jasper compliment her by calling her a monster (because her power is monstruous and obviously all gems would be proud to be called powerful by a veteran, powerful Jasper), Jasper took Lapis’ hand between hers, kneel in front of Lapis and begged her to form Malachite again; she was being kind (in her twisted way) because she saw Lapis’ power. That’s also why she told Lapis that she was the only one who could manage her power. Jasper is powerful, and Lapis too, but they are powerful in different way. When Lapis is weak Jasper is strong and vice versa.

Jasper doesn’t see Lapis as her equal.

Jasper sees Lapis as her complement.

That’s why I do believe that Jasper was sincere when she told Lapis that she change and that things would be different; she knew that Lapis hate her but that was because she treat her like garbage, but now she look at her with different eyes. If Lapis had accepted to fuse with Japer again, instead being fighting over who would be “in charge” of Malachite of one giving up over the other, they both would be balanced.


Lapis and Jasper’s relationship is a destructive one. Even if for some miracle they would manage to be really in peace and happy between each other and (dare to say?) in love like Ruby and Sapphire, they both take the worst of each other and Malachite would be a destructive fusion. They are REALLY bad for each other at this point, mostly because Lapis’ hate for Jasper, Jasper’s wrong understanding about fusion and all the trauma that is afecting both of them. If one day both became mentally stable and Jasper understand what is really fusion and apologizes to Lapis and vice versa (road to redemption for Jasper need it for this), then maybe they should try again. Until that day is better for both to do like Alexandrite said: they should spend some time apart.

Orphan's New Year

Thank you so so much to everyone who read and liked and reblogged Orphan’s Christmas. I am continually astounded at the positive feedback you guys give me. I am thrilled that you liked it and wanted more, and I may yet write an addition to it, but for now, here’s the sequel. Thanks for asking for a sequel! Here’s hoping your New Years is just as wonderful as Finn and Rae’s. :)

Also, be warned, this gets smutty at the end. I’m still very unsure of writing sex scenes, so let me know what you think. 

Orphan’s New Year

Finn stops for a second to straighten his perfectly loosened tie and run his fingers through his fringe to perfect its careful dishevelment. He squares his shoulders, too, and tugs at his blazer, just for good measure. It’s stupid, really. She’s seen him in all sorts of forms and conditions, and still seems to like him for some reason. But still. He wants to look nice tonight. Not just for her. In general.


He makes a face at himself in the mirror. He’s an idiot, mooning over his appearance when she’s outside in the cold. Well, the hall. The hall is chilly this time of year. So, he strides over to the door, intending to swing it open immediately. Instead, he pulls his shoulders back again and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for just a second. Then he finally opens the door.

It feels a bit like someone has punched him, honestly. He feels winded and choked and flushed, like he should take a step back just to take some of the pressure off. She looks stunning. She’s got her hair half up, all poufy and curled at the ends. Her eyes look massive and alluring, rimmed in black and sparkling as they take him in. She’s got her coat unbuttoned, and he can see the curve of her breasts covered in some kind of sparkly black fabric. And her legs, God her legs. They’re soft and smooth and bare and look a mile long with the short hem of the dress and the pointy black high heels she’s got on. He wants to stand there all night, just looking at her, drinking her in.

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Fic: and of course i forgive (i’ve seen how you live)

Yeah I have no clue what this is, okay? I sat down to write for an hour and here’s what happened. It’s set after ‘The Same Boat,’ but is obviously not canon compliant after that ep. My usual smush warnings apply, although this one is a touch angsty also (but angst lite – I’m still me).

The title is from one of my Caryl anthems, Vienna Teng’s stunning ‘Eric’s Song.’

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