hepzi

Not with a bang but with a sneeze

So, this is for everyone in @ladydrace‘s sterek bar. @acollectionofsterek said something about sneezing and “oops, there’s a cub in my arms”. What she meant was that there was a baby that sneezed and then turned into a baby wolf. What I interpreted was, well, this. This being the crackiest I’ve ever written.


There’s a loud sneeze from the kitchen and then there’s wailing. Stiles hurries up from his place on the couch, not so much because of the sneezing but the wailing – that’s definitely new. It doesn’t sound like Derek at all either, that’s the problem.

”Der-?” the rest of the name get stuck somewhere in Stiles’ throat. Derek’s holding a baby. A naked baby. A baby boy. Because the baby is naked, so Stiles can see that it’s a boy.

”What-? Why-? How-?” Stiles stammers.

”I sneezed,” Derek says, holding the wailing baby boy as far away from himself as possible, as if it is toxic. Which it might be.

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anonymous asked:

for the 5 word thingie... "please dont leave me alone"

Thanks for the prompt! This is rated T for alcohol use. 

Stiles is drunk. Again. And the rest of the pack had just got up and left, leaving Stiles in Derek’s care. Again. Derek wonders why it’s so, it’s always Derek who ends up taking care of Stiles, making sure he gets home safely, because let’s be real here, a sober Stiles can take care of himself, Derek knows that better than anyone, but a drunk Stiles is needy and clingy and trusts anyone (which could be a nice change from his usual suspicious self, but once a guy tried to drug him and almost succeeded if it hadn’t been for Derek, who had been watching Stiles, so a trusting Stiles isn’t a good thing).

”I want another drink,” Stiles declares and stumbles as he starts making his way over to the bar.

”Oh, no, you don’t,” Derek hauls him back by his shirt. Stiles stumbles, almost falls over, but Derek catches him with an arm around his waist and Stiles’ back pressed to his chest.

”De-erek,” Stiles whines. ”Just one drink, please?”

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sayuri-x  asked:

47. “When I picture myself happy… It’s with you." <p>I'd love your take on this for Sterek pleese.......

Thank you for the prompt. I’m not particularly fond of this one. It didn’t turn out the way I imagined. I hope you like it anyway! 

xxx

There’s a bouquet of flowers outside his door when Derek is on his way to go for a run in the woods. They’re red roses. He picks them up, gingerly. Sniffs them. There’s the scent of roses and… Stiles? Yes, definitely Stiles. Derek wonders why Stiles has left flowers outside his door as he walks in and places the roses in water. Even if it’s some kind of joke – which would be uncharacteristically mean of Stiles – there’s no use in not taking care of the roses.

Derek goes on his run and ponders the roses, the more he thinks about them the more confused he gets. Why would Stiles leave roses outside Derek’s door? Does he know? He can’t, can he? Derek has hid it so well.

As Derek can never let things be – or because he’s a masochist, who knows? - he goes to Stiles after he’s showered off his sweat from the run. Stiles opens the door when Derek rings the doorbell after a few seconds. Stiles frowns at him, looks behind him as if he’s expecting some big bad to jump out from behind Derek (and maybe he does, it wouldn’t be surprising after all).

”What do you want?” Stiles asks. It’s not a rude question though, he sounds like he seriously is wondering.

”I-” Derek’s courage falters.

”I’m a bit surprised it was you, using the door and all that,” Stiles says, waving his hands around. Derek frowns at the floor.

”Dude, what did the floor do to offend you?”

”Why did you leave roses at my door?” he grits out at last, ignoring Stiles’ comment. He’s got a murderous resting face, so sue him.

”You- Roses?” Stiles laughs, way too loud. ”Why would I leave roses outside your door? It sounds like you think I have a crush on you or something and I most definitely do not have a crush on you-”

Derek silences him. With his lips. On Stiles’ lips. Stiles falls silence except for a confused sound from his throat. Derek presses a bit harder, angles his head a bit better. Stiles relaxes against him and Derek moves his hands to Stiles’ hips, presses in a bit more before moving back slightly. Stiles makes a disappointed sound. Derek wants to chase the sound with his lips and tongue. He doesn’t though.

”You know I can hear you lying, right?” Stiles nods, his eyes closed before he slowly opens them, blinking slowly at Derek. They’re still standing close, Derek’s hands on Stiles’ hips and Stiles’ hands on Derek’s shoulders.

”So you were saying?” Derek asks and Stiles blinks at him.

”I have a crush on you,” Stiles says then. Doesn’t lie. Derek blinks. He didn’t think it was true, even if Stiles left the roses, then lied about it and then accepted Derek’s kiss.

”You have?” Derek asks because his brain to mouth filter seems to have vanished in close proximity to Stiles.

”I do,” Stiles nods enthusiastically. ”Well, crush might be a bit of wrong word. More like, ten year plan to woo you. It began with flowers. Apparently you don’t need more than flowers.”

”I only need you,” Derek says truthfully.

”You’re not lying now, are you?”

Derek shakes his head.

”When I picture myself happy… it’s with you. It’s always been you, Stiles. I-” Derek doesn’t know how to say those three words, he thinks it might be too soon. Stiles breaks out into a grin though and Derek smiles back.

”Same, dude, same,” Stiles says and this time it’s Stiles who leans in and kisses Derek. Derek doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind at all.

Day 13: All I want for Christmas is you

From this prompt list

Stiles is ridiculous, that’s what he is. He’s staring lovingly at Derek’s back as the guy walks in front of Stiles with his jock-friends Jackson and Danny.

”Dude, you’re drooling again,” his best friend Scott hisses and nudges him with his elbow. Stiles quickly wipes his chin. He didn’t drool.

Scott laughs at him and Stiles glares. Derek disappears behind a corner with his friends.

”Just ask him out already,” Scott says as they continue to the cafeteria. ”He’s watching you too, you know.”

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Day 6: Christmas Lights

From this prompt list

Stiles is just about to nail the last of the Christmas light when someone calls out for him.

”I have a package for you,” the mailman calls.

”A bit busy,” Stiles mutters, nails in his mouth, where he’s standing on the ladder.

”I need a signature,” the mailman calls and Stiles sighs.

”Hang on,” he calls. ”I’m done soon.”

”I have other places to be,” the grumpy mailman calls.

”Hang on,” Stiles calls again and nails the last nail into the roof. He starts climbing down the ladder and slips on the last step. He falls on something soft though. He looks down and sees the mailman’s shocked expression.

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This is partly for foreverblue-navy because she’s an awesome beta and gave me the idea (unintentionally); and partly for myotparmada because she’s awesome and always so nice.

Unbeta’d

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Key to my heart car

”Fuck.”

Derek tries the door handle on his car again, even though he knows it’s locked. It’s just as locked as it was the last time he tried to make it open. He can see the keys in the keyhole if he leans forward to block out the sun. They’re just hanging there; the small keychain wolf Laura has bought him hangs there, mocking him.

Derek considers smashing the window, but it’s a Camaro and even if he could afford the repair for a smashed window he just can’t.

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Because of this prompt with cat person!derek and Stiles being turned into a cat by a witch. I choose to post this as my own text post so I’ll be able to keep track of it. Un-beta’d and probably lots of mistakes but I’ve been writing it in two hours straight and wanted to share. 

**

Stiles should have known better than to run after an unknown witch into the woods.

“Wait!” he calls after her and she finally comes to a halt, probably more because of the fact that she can’t run further. She turns, wide-eyed and panting. Stiles pants back.

“Fuck, hold on.”

He leans his hand on a tree and tries to catch his breath. At least the witch is just as affected by their run as he is.

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annoyinglycute  asked:

Prompt! All the pack having a board game night and it's monopoly! (The evil game) and stiles and Derek are super competitive to the point where Derek confesses his love for stiles in frustration and wins the game and Stiles!!! I have no idea where that came from lol good luck with NaNo!

It’s short and rated G, I hope you like it though. Thank you for prompting me in my time of need. 

Stiles can’t remember who starts the game nights (it might have been him, but it could also be Scott or Kira). All he knows is he loves the monthly game nights at Derek’s place. Tonight’s it’s Monopoly and Stiles would be winning if it wasn’t for Derek, who’s weirdly competetive. Stiles has the best streets but Derek has the most money and most streets. The others are getting bored with the game, Stiles can tell from Scott looking at the clock every five minutes and Kira yawning. Derek throws the die and ends up on Stiles’ street with a hotel on it.

“Ha!” Stiles exclaims. “Take that!”

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nederys  asked:

sterek + congratulating the other on getting a new job (preferably derek gets the job, cos he needs to reinsert into society some day XD)

Thanks for the prompt, sweetie! I don’t know if this is what you wanted but I tried ^^

Stiles is just about to give his order to his waiter when he looks up from the menu and sees a pair of hazel-green eyes. A familiar pair of hazel-green eyes.

“Derek?” He chokes out.

Derek looks amused and raises an eyebrow at him.

“May I take your order?” he asks, as if they don’t even know each other.

Stiles gapes. Derek is dressed in black pants and white shirt, just like the rest of the staff in this fancy restaurant Stiles and his dad is visiting.

“You work here?” Stiles asks. He can’t imagine Derek working as a waiter. Scratch that, he can’t imagine Derek working at all.

“Yes, I thought that would be rather obvious,” Derek deadpans and John chuckles at that. Stiles turns to him.

“Aren’t you surprised to see Derek here?” he asks because his dad seems to take Derek’s new job with ease.

John grins at him.

“He was the one who told me they were hiring,” Derek says.

Stiles turns to his dad, feeling betrayed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“That they were hiring? Don’t you like being a deputy?” John asks, smirking and Stiles can tell he’s very pleased with himself.

“Not that… just- I- never mind.”

Stiles can’t say that John should’ve told him about telling Derek about it. His crush is a secret and shall remain so till Stiles dies. John looks at him with a knowing look and Stiles ignores it and turns to Derek again.

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Make the Fireflies Dance

Because today it’s the lovely notenoughgatorade’s birthday so I wrote this. I hope you’ll like it, sweetie.
Title is from Six pence none the richer’s song Kiss me because I’m cliché like that. 

Rating: G
Tags: High school, jock!stiles, nerd!derek, humor, fluff, dating, first date, first kiss

Derek is probably crazy. Scratch that; he’s definitely crazy. What was he thinking, asking Stiles Stilinski on a date?! Lacrosse player, cool, smart, gorgeous Stiles Stilinski. Stiles Stilinski who, apparently, also is crazy because he said yes.

Derek has been freaking out for the last couple hours. He doesn’t have any clothes to wear to a date, especially not one with Stiles. Derek must’ve hit his head. He doesn’t even have any contacts left so he’ll have to go to the date in his nerdy glasses.

“You’ll go bald,” his sister Laura unhelpfully says as he tugs on his hair. Derek immediately stops the tugging. It would be just Derek’s luck to go bald before his date.

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Day 10: Wildcard

From this prompt list.

This one isn’t as fluffy as the others but I hope you’ll like it anyway. 

The reason Derek left Beacon Hills in the first place is a quite simple one: he had to get away. No one questions it (at least not anyone he’s talked to).

The reason he comes back, however, is a lot more complicated. He’s been offered to celebrate Christmas with Cora in Argentina or his old friends in New York and he really did consider both options. And yet he finds himself crossing the borders to Beacon Hills late on Christmas Eve. The town is white with snow and glittering lights. It’s beautiful and nothing seems to be wrong. Derek knows that’s not the case though. He’s talked to Scott just a few days ago, they’ve just dealt with a wendigo. The nemeton doesn’t seem to be want to give the teenagers a break. And yet Derek returns to this godforsaken town.

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For raisesomehale because of this post (a postcard that says “Hey! I used to live in your house. I’m drunk in Boston, and it’s the only address I know.” and tags #HI HELLO PPL OF MY DASHBOARD PLS WRITE ME THIS STEREK FIC. I couldn’t help myself.

Rating: T for drunk!Stiles

Tags: drunk!stiles, human, awkward!derek, un-beta’d

-

It’s weird, but also slightly funny. Derek can’t help but smile as he reads the backside of the postcard again.

“Hey! I used to live in your apartment. I’m drunk in Boston and it’s the only address I know. Happy holidays. SS”

Derek doesn’t get many postcards so he sticks it to the fridge and smiles every time he sees the card in the next few weeks. He can’t help but wonder who SS is. He doesn’t remember the previous tenant, doesn’t think they ever met.

As the months pass he gets used to the card and doesn’t look at it twice anymore.

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Here have some fluff where Stiles can’t sleep. Written just now on my phone. Sadly I can’t seem to find the read more thingy. I’ll get to it tonight when I’m on my computer. Hope you enjoy.
Rating: general

There are dark lines under Stiles’ eyes and have been for quite some time now, ever since the nogitsune. Stiles isn’t sleeping well, he doesn’t tell anyone this but it’s evident to anyone with eyes. Scott seems at a loss of what to do. Derek is too. He and Stiles are kinda, sorta friends now and Derek wishes he could help Stiles. He takes to watch Stiles’ bedroom window at night. The teen does research and watches movies and basically anything but sleeping. At first he goes to bed but the nightmares wake him up quickly and so he doesn’t even go to bed anymore. He passes out from exhaustion in his desk chair or maybe on his bed when he’s watching a movie or one of those stupid sitcoms he likes to watch. If Stiles knew Derek lurked outside he would complain that Derek is being a creeper. Derek worries though, that’s all.

Time passes, Derek watches, Stiles doesn’t sleep.

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Breakfast batter

wiskix said: CAN I GET SOME LAZY EARLY MORNING BANTER IN THE KITCHEN WHILE ONE OF THEM MAKES BREAKFAST PLS

Hepzy answers: of course you can, sweetie! <3
Please note that this one is unbeta'ed and I’ve barely even read it through myself. And please let me know if there are any obvious mistakes.
And yeah, there are some references to some sexy activities but nothing on screen. 

~*~*~ 

“That’s too much milk.”

Derek straightens the milk cartoon from where he’s pouring the liquid into the bowl. Stiles takes a sip from Derek’s coffee mug from the counter (without asking) and makes a face.

“God, this shit is vile.”

“Make your own coffee then.” Derek sets down the milk cartoon on the counter before whisking the eggs and milk in the bowl. Stiles hops up to sit on the counter to watch Derek making them breakfast.

“You should use the balloon whisk,” Stiles tells him and adds about three cups of sugar into Derek’s coffee.

Derek ignores him and measures up the flour to go into the bowl. Stiles doesn’t say anything for a while as Derek tries to whisk the lumps away.

“Told you you should’ve used the balloon whisk,” Stiles says and pulls it out of the drawer beside his legs.

Derek uses all the strength he has (which is quite a lot of strength, if he may say so himself) but the lumps are still there.

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myotparmada  asked:

How about professor!derek awkwardly flirting with fire fighter!stiles after he puts out a minor fire in the university.. Lab? Or something like that (this is weirdly specific, I'm sorry)

So, this isn’t exactly what you asked for. I’m sorry. I hope you’ll like it anyway. 

Rating: g

Tags: teacher!derek, firefighter!stiles, awkward flirting

Shit. Derek feels himself grow hot when he sees the firefighter outside the door to his classroom. Of course it’s Stiles who comes. It’s always Stiles who comes to the school to talk about fire safety. Stiles is always in a good mood, always letting the kids look at his equipment. Derek understands why Stiles comes, he’s great with the kids, but why does it have to be Stiles? Stiles with his arms and hands and eyes and pouty lips.

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Day 12: Showing Up Fifteen Minutes Late With Mint Mochas

From this prompt list

How could he be so stupid and think that Stiles Stilinski – star of the lacrosse team – would ever go out with someone like him? Derek has been waiting for Stiles at the pier for fifteen minutes now and he’s starting to understand that he’s been stood up. Of course, Stiles wouldn’t come. He’s probably with his friends right now, laughing his ass off at the fact that the nerd Derek Hale asked him out and actually thought he was going to show up.

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ladydrace  asked:

Prompt! What if Stiles (or Derek, I'm not picky) was afraid of horses for some reason?

I’m not sure this is what you asked for, but I hope you’ll like it. 

Tags: horse nerd!Derek, jock!stiles (though it’s not really mentioned), Scissac

Rating: G

Stiles doesn’t know what he was thinking. He just heard Derek Hale say “riding a horse is a lot harder than it looks” and he had to open his big mouth, because this was Derek saying something and if Derek had an opinion than Stiles sure as hell was going to have a different opinion. He’d snorted, loud enough for Derek and his entourage of horse nerds had heard. Jackson had smirked knowingly and encouragingly at Stiles.

“Anyone can ride a horse,” Stiles had said and turned to Derek to smirk at him. Derek’s ears turned red, as they always do when he gets mad, which he gets a lot when he talks to Stiles.

“Oh, yeah?” Derek countered, clenching his fists at his sides. “Why don’t you come try this afternoon then?”

Which is how Stiles finds himself standing next to a huge, brown horse. Derek looks quite amused, as does his horse nerd friends who stand by the side of the fence. Stiles’ best friend Scott is there too, watching Derek’s friend Isaac with heart-eyes (and why has Stiles never noticed this before?) as they talk, ignoring Stiles, who’s about to die.

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