henry van

what ur fave painter says about you

Van Gogh: art hoe, unappreciated, depressed and lonely

Picasso: mhmm. you’re pretty weird and inventive 

Leanardo Da Vinci: gay genius, ultimate prankster

Matisse: you love anything cultural and appreciate the value and beauty of almost everything

Edvard Munch: you are depressed, nihilistic and very lonely 

Salvador Dali: what is wrong with you? seriously what are you ever talking about

Monet: you have an eye for beauty and wish you could live in a field of flowers

Renoir: you love the women, the children, the bread

Andy Warhol: hello you are pretentious and gay

Rembrant: you are serious, detailed, and classical. 

Keith Haring: you’ve got a hard on for the 80s and you are into activism 

Bouguereau: dude we get it you love the female body and you love mythology

Edward Hopper: america? america. also you are realistic, serious, observant and hard working

Klimt: you are goddamn beautiful and you love goddamn beautiful things

Egon Schiele: you are obsessed with the human body and need to get laid

Magritte: you are an existentialist and want to have tea in the clouds 

Frida Kahlo: fuck imperialism and fuck america and fuck white people. also you’re the coolest motherfucker around

8

Since Presidents’ day and Valentine’s day are so close together, I thought it would be appropriate to make some presidential Valentine’s cards.

(I also made sure to keep them clean so that you could actually give them to people lol)

I am seriously concerned about the casting directors on Reign...

Guys, are they ok? Are they even trying? Do they think we’re stupid? Have they employed a script adviser to check the consistency of what they’re making? If they have, they need to fire them real quick, because whoever they are hasn’t seemed to realise that CATHERINE’S CHILDREN ARE ALL REAPPEARING AS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE who are WAY TOO OLD!

Let’s take a trip down memory lane to the good old days when Reign was kinda alright.

Remember this little guy? This lil’ cutie from Season 1? Lil’ Charles. Just in case this picture doesn’t make it quite QUITE clear that this person is a young CHILD, here’s another one: 

He’s tiny right, I mean Megan Follows is small, and he barely reaches her shoulder. Ok good, we’ve established that Charles in Season 1 was a young child of around eight years old. Good stuff.

Now I know Reign has a habit of stretching, embellishing and basically destroying history. Mary and Francis are supposed to be like 14 at the start, and clearly they’re older, but that’s ok, that’s fine, we’ll roll with it.

 The show begins in 1557:

Nice, some fluffy goats and fluffy clouds just to prove this. I’ve done my research people.

So in real life, ol’ Francie Boi was supposed to die in 1560 after being King for roughly one year

And sure thing, as I said, Reign likes to stretch history like, BEYOND the breaking point. So it’s entirely plausible that on the show Francis was king for a little bit longer, maybe we’ll give him an extra year or two. Which means the next time we see young dude Charlie he’ll have aged… hmmm around five years or so? He’ll be approx 12, right? 

WRONG! What the FuCk ma dudes, this guy right here is NOT CHARKLES I don’t know who he is, but Catherine and the rest of them should all be really concerned, they’ve been hella duped! He’s frickin old enough to fool around with this random chick

He’s aged like 10 years in 5, and NO ONE EVEN NOTICED, not Catherine, not Francis, not Mary, and especially not anyone in the writing or casting department apparently. 

Now let’s move onto Elisabeth, Catherine and Henry’s eldest daughter, dis chick from the pilot

Remember her? The one who married the Spanish dude, and then they had to have sex while a whole lot of old men watched, and Mary and her lil’ sweet naive buddies got all hot and flustered cos they were sneakily watching too? Yeah that one.

As you can see, this woman is clearly a BRUNETTE. Well, apparently Spain has really changed Elisabeth. Like, REEAALLY changed her. So good to see her back in 4x01! She goes by Leesa now, she’s blonde and older and basically looks like a completely different person…

Oh Wait.

I guess Catherine just has so many children she honestly can’t keep track and doesn’t even notice when they return to France looking like they’ve endured intense plastic surgery to reconstruct their faces, or somehow age them enormously.

Catherine has the names of all her children written in her bible, although her youngest son Hercule is missing, but I think the camera has just cut off the bottom of the page.

 At the end of Season 3, Catherine brings back this dude below to lowkey threaten Charles with MUrdEr (the most ooc Catherine has ever been, honestly this show is just…)

Now god knows who this one is, I mean it could be Lil’ Henry making a comeback from Season 1 when he was blonde and cute (see below) and got kidnapped by his insane potato-sack-wearing half sister

If so, he too has had a significant dye job at the castle salon. Except whoever this kid is in Season 3, he can’t be Henry because he’s considerably younger than Charles

I mean, what’s the deal? Charles gets hit by the ageifying-ray gun, but his little bro Henry doesn’t? How is that fair?? They never actually mention him by name, so possibly it is Hercule.

Which would mean that this hunky blonde dude Megan’s been posting on her Instagram and captioning with “My boys”… 

IS HENRY WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS! He looks even older than Charles, I CANNOT BELIEF THIS

This makes absolutely ZERO sense, I do NOT understand. The casting directors and writers of Reign either don’t comprehend human viewer intelligence and the ability to pick up on the ENORMOUS INCONSISTENCIES THEY THROW AT US WITH WORRYING REGULARITY, or they themselves have serious memory issues. Or possibly they just don’t care. I really don’t know.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to watch Reign now is by ignoring these massively aged characters, ignoring the yawn storylines, ignoring when the only original characters we have left suddenly rewrite their whole personalities; I’m looking at you Catherine ‘I would literally die for my children’ de Medici, suddenly going, ‘Oh yeah Charles, I have loooads of other sons, don’t you forget that, I might just kill you to become regent again, k, love you, bye.’

I’ll just focus on the pretty clothes and Megan Follows’ profound talent to somehow make something out of this steaming pile of insanity.

Long story short, the only thing Reign is consistent at, is being inconsistent.

Even so, I’ll watch it every week cos I’m total trash. Rip me.

Things that happened during Andrew Jackson’s presidencies:
  • At Jackson’s inauguration, Francis Scott Key yelled, “It is beautiful! It is sublime!” (He was talking about Jackson).
  • After the inauguration, a large mob followed Jackson back to the White House, all crammed themselves through the doors and drank all of the alcoholic punch; this of course caused all the party goers to get drunk, trash the downstairs and Jackson’s aides had to make a protective ring around him. The quick thinking slaves of the White House then grabbed all of the punch and moved it onto the White House lawn and there were still people lying hungover all over the green when morning broke.
  • All them cabinet sexual scandals *sips tea*.
  • Floride Calhoun not returning Margaret Eaton’s call at her home because “I ain’t gonna talk to no hoes.” and furthering the already growing sex scandal.
  • Jackson suffering from hemorages and never calling for a doctor and just sticking his own penknife into his arm and bleeding himself.
  • Everyone starting a rumor that “the soft hand of Mr. Van Buren touched [secretary of war’s wife] Mrs. Eaton’s knocker.”
  • Jackson telling his cabinet “Gentlemen, do what you please in my house, I am going to church.”
  • Jackson calling everyone who supported Clay “minions”.
  • At a hotel one morning after a big party hosted by the British minister, Margaret Eaton brushed past the minister the night prior, pretendinh not to know him and he remarked at the table “she had already forgotten the time when I slept with her.”
  • The postmaster of Albany, New York, War of 1812 veteran General Solomon Van Rensselaer was going to be fired and to save his job Van Rensselaer showed up at the White House and went directly up to Jackson. He pleaded not to be fired and Jackson said another. Van Rensselaer grew even more desparate and began striping off all of his clothes  and Jackson yelled at him. Van Rensselaer, nearly naked said, “Well, sir, I am going to show you my wounds, which I received in fighting for my country against the English!”. Jackson actually started crying as a journalist noted and the next day in the cabinet when the moved to vote on firing the veteran, Jackson flung his pipe away and yelled at them all. Van Rensselaer wasn’t fired.
  • The White House butler, Jimmy O’Neal being a drink and one time when Jimmy didn’t answer his calling, Jackson said, “Where can Jimmy be?” “Drunk most likely” was what his nephew responded.
  • First Lady take over (because Rachel Jackson died) Emily Donelson giving birth a second child, first daughter Mary Rachel in the White House and Jackson calling her “the Sushine of the White House.”
  • At a dinner given by Martin Van Buren, he went downstairs to take a nap but shot awake from he was told there was a fight upstairs. The fight was between the wife of the secretary of war and the wife of the commanding general of the U.S. Army–all because they had bumped into each other.
  • When Mary Rachel was baptized in the blue room, her godparents (one of whom was Van Buren) were supposed to repeat a prayer but the godmother and himself did not have the chance to answer but Jackson jumped in and interrupted them by saying the words even if he had no speaking part in the ceromony.
  • On a ride with Van Buren, Jackson’s horse slipped and Van Buren quickly grabbed his the bridle of his horse and Jackson then shouted, “You have possibly saved my life, sir!”. Moments earlier, Van Buren was about to announce his resignation as Secretary of State.
  • At the cabinet break up, the former secretary of treasury and war (Eaton and Ingham) almost got into a duel and Eaton rose up a group that kept chasing Ingham around Washington trying to kill him.
  • “The Bank, Mr. Van Buren, is trying to kill me, but I will kill it.”
  • Jackson being called King Andrew the First by his enemies/opposers.
  • During the nullification debate, senators had to walk past a sign that said, “GENTLEMEN WILL BE PLEASED NOT TO PLACE THEIR FEET ON THE BOARDS IN FRONT OF THE GALLERY, AS THE DIRT FROM THEM FALLS UPON SENATOR’S HEADS.”
  • Wednesday, May 1st, 1833, Jackson observed in a letter that “the tariff was only the pretext, and disunion and southern confederacy the real object. The next pretext will be the negro, or slavery questions.” Six days later, the president named a new postmaster for New Salem, Illinois, a twenty-four year old lawyer who was a Clay man–and Abraham Lincoln was happy to accept the appointment.
  • Monday, May 6th, 1833, the presidential party was on a steamboat to Virginia, when a former navy officer, Robert B. Randolph, came through the crowd aboard the vessel. Randolph leaped at the president to attack him buy Andrew Donelson lunged at Jackson  and two others tackled the guy to the ground. Jackson’s face wad bloodied and everyone was in horror at what had happened–Jackson simply pretended it never happened.
  • Parents in the Northeast would bring up the name Andrew Jackson when their children misbehaved. According to a New England Sunday school teacher, she asked a student who killed Abel. A boy students rose from his desk and answered “General Jackson.”
  • Someone drew a political cartoon of Henry Claw sewing Andre Jackson’s mouth shut and his knee his holding him down on his crotch.
  • Jackson’s house burning down and him asking if the china was okay.
  • January 30th, 1835, Jackson was walking out of a funeral in the House Chamber for congressman Warren R. Davis of North Carolina. He was with the secretary of treasury and navy when all the sudden a figure emerged from the crowd producing a gun, standing less than ten feet from Jackson he shot off the gun but to his shock it misfired. The derranged man then ripped out another gun but this also misfired. Jackson then lunged forward, barring his cane and landed upon the man, beating him into the ground with his cane. He never stopped, he actually had to be pulled off of the injured man. The chance of two guns misfiring without any damage is 125,000 to one. Even bullets are scared of him.
  • Christmas 1835, Martin Van Buren lost a game of tag with Jackson’s grandchildren and was forced to stand on one leg and say: “Here I stand all ragged and dirty, if you don’t kiss me I’ll run like a turkey!” No one kissed him and the now vice president was forced to strut around the room like the bird to everyone’s laughter at the dinner table.
  • Jackson dreamed of Emily Donelson’s death the night that it happened–she was only twenty-nine and her husband was a day away, traveling home.
Presidents Day fun facts

Today, February 15, is President’s day in the United States! To celebrate, I’ve accrued an interesting bit of information for every American president from Washington to Obama!

George Washington is the only president so far to not be affiliated with any party.

John Adams served as a lawyer for British soldiers charged in the 1775 Boston massacre, despite his own anti-British sentiments.

Thomas Jefferson spoke 6 langauges; English, Welsh, Greek, Latin, French, and Arabic.

James Madison was the shortest president ever, standing 5'4" tall.

James Monroe had the Liberian capital city of Monrovia named after him, as he helped establish the country.

John Quincy Adams was the first president to be interviewed by a female reporter, Anne Royal, who stole the president’s clothes when he went skinny dipping and refused to give them back until he answered her questions.

Andrew Jackson’s birthplace is unknown, but it’s in one of the Carolinas.

Martin Van Buren is the only president to not speak English as his first language, he actually spoke Dutch.

William Henry Harrison died a month after becoming president.

John Tyler has two living grandsons as of 2016.

James K. Polk died the youngest of any president, not counting those that were assassinated.

Zachary Taylor was nicknamed “Old Rough and Ready” because as a soldier, he went into battle in old farm clothes instead of a uniform.

Millard Fillmore is the only president to have never had a VP for their entire presidency.

Franklin Pierce’s wife believed God didn’t want him to become president, since their son died shortly after his election.

James Buchanan sometimes bought slaves just to set them free.

Abraham Lincoln is the only president to have held a patent, on a type of buoy.

Andrew Johnson was the only Southern Senator to stay loyal to the Union during the civil war.

Ulysses S. Grant’s real first name was Hiram.

Rutherford B. Hayes was the first president to use a telephone.

James A. Garfield was the last president to be born in a log cabin.

Chester A. Arthur was accused of being born in Canada during his presidency, and the allegations have persisted to this day.

Grover Cleveland was accused of having an illegitimate child, and his detractors protested by chanting “Mama, where’s my pa? Gone to the White House, ha ha ha!”

Benjamin Harrison was the grandson of William Henry Harrison, and his presidency, although 48 times as long, was just as uneventful.

William McKinley was the first president to ride in an automobile, however, this auto was an ambulance used to transport him after he was assassinated.

Theodore Roosevelt was the first American to receive a Nobel prize, for his role on ending the Russo-Japanese war.

William H. Taft kept a cow at the White House named Pauline to provide fresh milk.

Woodrow Wilson suffered from dyslexia as a child.

Warren G. Harding entered college at age 14.

Calvin Coolidge liked to wear a cowboy hat around the White House.

Herbert Hoover has a comet named after him.

Franklin Roosevelt was diagnosed with polio after falling into the Bay of Fundy while vacationing in Canada.

Harry S Truman kept a sign on his desk that said “The buck stops here” representing how he couldn’t pass on his duties to anyone else. The other side read “I’m from Missouri”, as Truman was very proud of his home state.

Dwight Eisenhower’s reputation as a war hero made him so popular, that both parties asked him to run on their ticket.

John F. Kennedy’s father encouraged him to go into politics and become the first catholic president, which he did.

Lyndon B. Johnson owned an amphibious car that he liked to surprise foreign diplomats with by offering them a ride and then driving straight into a lake.

Richard Nixon could play five musical instruments: Piano, saxophone, clarinet, accordion, and violin.

Gerald Ford is the only president to have never been elected to any executive office, he won both the vice presidency and the presidency by accident.

Jimmy Carter won a Nobel prize in 2002 for his humanitarian work.

Ronald Reagan kept a jar of jellybeans on his desk, and he would eat them whenever he was stressed. When he became president, the Jelly Belly company introduced blueberry jelly beans so the jar on Reagan’s desk could have red, white, and blue beans.

George H.W. Bush served as VP for Reagan, an ambassador to China, and head of the CIA before becoming president.

Bill Clinton originally wanted to be a jazz musician, but was inspired to enter government after meeting JFK in 1963.

George W. Bush is the first president to have run a marathon. In 1993, he completed the Houston marathon in 3 hours, 44 minutes, 52 seconds.

Barack Obama collects Spider-Man comics.