A Shakespearean Character Guide to Dealing with an Annoying Roommate
Macbeth: Invite him to a sleepover. Then stab him.
Hamlet: Put on a play that outlines all of your roommate’s annoying flaws. Then stab him.
Romeo: Marry his cousin and try to start a new, peaceful relationship. When that doesn’t work, stab him.
Brutus: Petition your roommate to change for the better. Then stab him with 60 of your closest friends.
Othello: Talk to your friend about the problems you’re having with your roommate. Then strangle him.
Shylock: Make him sign a pound of flesh as collateral on your roommate agreement. Collect on it.
Cleopatra: Set a poisonous snake loose in his room.
Henry VIII: Marry him. Then cut off his head.