Nobody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not, ‘How can we hide our wounds so we don’t have to be embarrassed. But, how can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’ When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and rather become a source of healing.
As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives
Whatever the human law may be, neither an individual nor a nation can ever commit the least act of injustice against the obscurest individual without having to pay the penalty for it. A government which deliberately enacts injustice, and persists in it, will at length even become the laughing-stock of the world.
Your father had always taught you that they’re would be only a few true defining moments in your life. For him it was the births of each of his five children and the moment a perp pulled a gun on one of his detectives and he stepped into the crossfire. Saving their life.
You were seven when that happened. You remember it clear as day. It was a normal day for the most part. You woke up, brushed your teeth, got ready, had breakfast, went to school,came home,had dinner and went to sleep. It was the perfect schedule for your seven year old world. But on that day it changed.
Your mother always picked you up from school but on that day your grandfather did. Which to most kids would be a great surprise however you knew something was wrong. You felt it as your older brother Jamie dragged you with him as he ran into your Grandpa Henrys arms. Your Grandpa was commissioner then. As you ran he was surrounded by his detail with his black car right behind him. He bent down and held his arms out for you two. He clung onto you extra tight. Much tighter than usual. He lead you both into the car and Jamie babbled away but you stayed quiet.
He explained to you both that your Dad had been shot saving the city from bad guys and he was taking you to go see him. He kept on saying that he was alright. Trying to reassure that he was alright but you knew he was trying to convince himself as much as he was you.
When you arrived your Grandpa clung onto your hand as you went up the elevator. The doors slid open only to be greeted with the hustle and bustle of the hospital ward. Your other older brothers, your sister, your grandmother and your mother were already there. Danny, Erin and Joe who were 22,21 and 18 respectively. Danny was a uniform, Joe had just signed up to the academy and Erin was in her third year of pre-law bachelors degree back then. You walked towards them and as soon as you saw your mom you ran. She swept you up, cradling you in her arms, calling you her princess asking how school was but you were distracted by the her tear stained face as she went to kiss you.
Silently, you listened as your grandmother argued with grandfather over bringing you and Jamie here. You listened to Danny talk to Joe about the realties of the job. You listened to Erin comfort your mother who was doing her best not to cry in front of you. You stayed there for a while going to cafeteria and doing your homework. You eventually fell asleep on the cold plastic chair.
You don’t know how long you were asleep but you woke up it was the middle of the night. You were surrounded by your sleeping family. You eased your grandmothers protective arm off you and toddled off the down the hall. You knew exactly which room because you kept on seeing everyone coming in and out of it.
You pushed the door open and climbed onto the chair by your Dads bedside. His arm was in a sling, he was sleeping and monitor was beeping away. You stared at him for awhile before falling back asleep.
You were awoken by your Father whispering your name. Your eyes fluttered open to his face smiling down at you. Your seven year old self couldn’t contain her excitement and practically jumped on him. You talked for a little while before he went quite and very seriously asked you never to become a cop. Not understanding you immediately agreed before engulfing him into another big hug.
Suffice to say you didn’t keep your promise. At eighteen you secretly joined the academy telling your parents you were attending a university upstate but you were actually crashing with your brother Joe. They only found out during your graduation when your Dad spotted you when he made the speech despite you trying to keep your head down. Though against it at first he came to accept it. You’d gone through a lot as cop and you knew you were a good one. You made detective by your third year on the job. You began in blue collar crimes before you transferred into SVU during your fourth.
You felt like you belonged in SVU. Sure you were the baby but you’d been that your entire life. SVU allowed you to help people and thats what you’d always wanted to do. Doing the work almost filled the hole in your heart left by the passing of your brother and mother. Not that you were doing it for selfish reasons but you could save people doing this job.
It completed your life.
Given you drive, passion and even love.
You fell in love with the job and then your partner.
You thought about your Dad and that promise you had broken. You thought about Sonny and how you’d promised him that you’d not forget your radio when alone which you constantly did.
Maybe if you had kept your promises you wouldn’t be here right now.
It was split second decision and you’d always make the same one even if you could do it all over again. A disgruntled Father had shot his ex-wife and older son in fit of rage and now he was going after his youngest. He was on a rampage. You were sent to get the boy out of school but you weren’t warned.
The Father had shown up. You were the only one that saw him. He caught your eye. The boy was right next to you. You saw him pull out the gun and aim. Non of the uniforms were close enough to stop him. You had to do it. You knew you did. It was an impulse.
You stepped in front of him and closed your eyes.
The impact jerked your whole body back.
You hit the ground hard. Your head smacking hard against the concrete. You heard sirens, two more shots and a scream of a little boy but you knew he was okay.
Lying there your top began to feel damp so instinctively you put your hand to it and raised it to eyeshot to see it stained with red. You began to panic but still couldn’t close your eyes. Suddenly you felt people poking at you. You felt pressure on your stomach which stung. Unknown voices were saying things to you but you could’t understand.
You felt someone hold your hand and then cradle your face. You recognised that voice immediately. You looked up to see Sonny hoovering over you. Clinging on. Inches away from you. You could feel his hot panicked breath on your skin. Making you feel warm,comfortable, sleepy.
“Stay with me, Y/N. Please. Please. Stay with me. Don’t leave me. I love you so much. Don’t you dare do this. Please god.” you heard him beg.
Your vision was blurring but you still met his gaze. You attempted to whisper your apology to him but you couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t feel.
Then a sharp pain hit you in the chest. You suddenly couldn’t breathe anymore. Violently, you began to shake. You felt you were drowning. Gasping for air.You heard someone shout something urgent. You could still feel his hands and his breath once again warming up your face.
Your world began to slow. You thought about your Dad and how he was going to have to bury his second child. You thought about Sonny and the life you’ll never spend together and the kids you’ll never have.
Your vision blurred even more until you couldn’t see anything else.
As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.
”Hey,“ she whispered, surprised by the sound of her own voice. "Hey Lizzie,” he echoed, and she slightly bit the inside of her cheek at her nickname, “London suits you well apparently. You look –gorgeous.” Instinctively, she touched her freshly accepted engagement ring, the metal turning cold around her finger. She twirled it, toyed with it, the diamond all of sudden alien and heavy. 5 years since their last conversation at Heathrow and here they were again, in London, both working in that financial field they had coveted and finally reached. “Thanks. And you Henry, you look–” ‘Handsome’ was the word crossing her mind. Years enduring the Wales’ weather improved again his presence. He became a charismatic man. “–you look good as well.” His lips smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Congrats by the way. When is it planned for?” “What are -Oh, we -we haven’t set a date yet.” His wistful smile, again. “Really? I couldn’t be that patient…”
The universe is a good intentioned energy. It
wants to give us what we ask it. It wants to make us happy. But like every good
intentioned person it has its flaws. It doesn’t understand our language
completely as it is not a human but only energy. It tries really hard to
understand us because it means well and it wants to help but semantics is a
serious barrier. The responsibility of delivering our wishes in a way that the
universe will understand becomes a crucial responsibility which is ours.
Have you ever come across someone who doesn’t speak English? They may not be
able to read, speak or even understand anything English related however, there
is a high probability that they will be acquainted with certain English words
like ‘sorry’, ‘thank you’, ‘okay’ and a few others. The Universe is just the
same. It can only understand a few key words that we speak. It can’t understand
full sentences or comprehend what we really mean.
‘I don’t want to be heartbroken again’ It can’t understand or register anything but the keywords that are ‘heartbroken again’. How about we say, ‘I want to love and be loved in the truest and purest way possible’.
we start to monitor how much of what we say every day is self-abusive, toxic
and highly negative, we may just shock ourselves.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right. ― Henry Ford
“Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.… Though the experience of being the Beloved has never been completely absent from my life, I never claimed it as my core truth. I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness. I kept refusing to hear the voice that speaks from the very depth of my being that says: ‘You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.’ That voice has always been there, but it seems that I was much more eager to listen to other, louder voices saying: ‘Prove that you are worth something; do something relevant, spectacular, or powerful, and then you will earn the love you so desire.’”
Summary: It hadn’t been long after Killian had first met Emma Swan that he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. Everything about their lives just fit together so naturally, and she and Henry were every bit as much family to him as his younger brother, Liam, was, and he was ready to make it official. There was just one thing he needed to do first. Convince the lads to help him with Operation TouRING.
Notes: A BIG THANK YOU to @looselipswontsinkshipsbeing an incredible beta and helping me overcome my dry spell/writer’s block. You’re the best!!
Henry didn’t think a day could go by any slower, but there he sat, in the desk next to his best friend anxiously waiting for the last bell of the last school day to ring. What a year it had been! When he thinks back to the beginning of the school year, he’s struck with just how much had changed in his life in the past nine months.
For starters, he has a best friend. He wasn’t too sure about Liam Jones when he’d first arrived in Storybrooke with his older brother. An older brother that is quite literally…older. Older and owns a pirate ship. Older, owns a pirate ship, and was currently dating Henry’s mom, something he and Liam had a hand in making happen.
Liam had seen the potential romance between his brother, Killian, and Henry’s mom, from the get go. He’d gotten into a spot of trouble that had gotten him hauled into the Sheriff station; that’s how Killian and Henry’s mom, the town Deputy, had first met. After the sparks of that initial meeting Liam kept getting into trouble, hoping the forced interaction between guardian and Deputy would lead to something. It wasn’t until Henry had gotten involved, and launched Operation Pirate Law, that’s when things finally started to happen.
He and Liam had worked to get the two together in various social and volunteer situations, and it was obvious that the two adults definitely had a thing for each other. It wasn’t until he and Liam had finally thrown subtlety out the window and conned their guardians into a romantic, candle lit dinner on Killian’s ship, The Jolly Roger, that the two ultimately became an official couple.
Now, nearly seven months later, the four of them were almost like a family. Killian and Liam had celebrated Christmas with Henry and his mom (the first Christmas for Liam without his father, whose passing had caused Liam to come live with Killian in the first place), and they all rang in the New Year together on The Roger. His mom and Killian had been nearly unbearable to be around during Valentine’s. He’d never thought of his mom as a gushy, romantic type, but he guessed when you’re in love all those hearts, flowers, sonnets and glaring public displays of affection seem necessary. (They’re not.)
Spring Break had been awesome, with Killian taking them down the coast on his ship. Killian and Liam had been teaching him the finer points of sailing, and that had been the first time they’d taken him out on the open seas. It was also when the topic of he and his mom joining the Jones brothers on their summer tour had first come up.
Killian was an online History professor, but had a side job of touring his replica 1770’s Brig to various ports during the summer. He’d visit different festivals, educating visitors about maritime life in the eighteenth and nineteenth century, while also teaching the young men and women he’d hire on as crew all about sailing.
This summer Killian wanted Henry and his mom to come with them. It had taken some convincing (and begging, pleading, and possibly bribery), but his mom had agreed and managed to get an old friend to come in and cover for her as Deputy while they were gone.
Now they were just hours away from casting off and starting a grand adventure that would take them from their little town in Maine all the way down to Florida, and possibly even the Caribbean, if time and weather allowed. Tonight they’d all be staying on the ship, ready to set sail at dawn, and Henry was bursting with excitement.
When the bell sounded he and Liam practically sprinted out the door, into the hall, and towards their lockers to grab their things. They said quick goodbyes to their classmates and then they were gone. Off to The Jolly Roger.
(A/N: For @abrasivepersonalitytendersoul who suggested this amazing idea. Which was ten times better than the idea I had which was based around the same concept. She is amazing. I hope you like what I did with your suggestion and that it meets your expectations. Sorry for the long wait. My writing time yesterday was turned into socialising time without my consent by my parents, so I had to finish it today. Either-way I hope you all enjoy this!)
Imagine Rafael having to convince your whole family, the Reagans, to let him have your hand in marriage
Rafael had first asked your opinions on marriage six months into your relationship. It was at dinner, one night, at his apartment. He’d made you dinner because apparently he was good at it. Which you can now confirm is very true. You were discussing the usual when he suddenly asked you all those serious questions that you probably should have answered at the start of your relationship. Let’s just say at the start of the relationship you were both preoccupied with other things.
You were sitting at his dinning room table in his apartment. He lived in a high-rise apartment in Manhattan. The table was placed right by a large window, where you could look over the city.
“Do you see yourself getting married someday?” He asked causally, popping a spoonful of the ropa vieja, a Cuban dish, that he’d made you.
“Excuse me?” You questioned, choking on the wine you’d been drinking.
“Marriage. How do you feel about it?” He repeated simplified.
“You plan on proposing?” You teased, raising an eyebrow.
“I would, but I pictured actually meeting my future wife’s family before proposing.” He commented dryly, hinting at your reluctance at the time to introduce him to your family or even tell them you were in a relationship despite you having met his Mother.
“Touché.” You winked, taking a bite yourself of his food.
“You didn’t answer the question.” He pointed out as he cut his food, looking down.
You sighed, you’d hoped he’d forget, which was stupid considering he was a lawyer he was literally paid to get people to answer important questions.
“I guess so.” You offered.
“You ‘guess so’?” He questioned sceptical.
“I have mixed feelings towards the thing. I do believe in it. My Grandparents, parents and brothers marriage are or were all perfect, so I do like the idea.” You elaborated, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I do see myself getting married but only to certain people.”
“Am I on this list of 'certain people’.” He inquired.
“I could make room for you.” You joked.
“Who else on is in this list?” He questioned.
“If we make it a year. I’ll tell you.” You winked.
Flash forward to now. You’d made it much longer than just a year. About to come up to four to be exact. He had met your family by this point as well, he did as nine months and you’d had more discussions about marriage and revealed the other names. At this point, he knew how you felt about marriage and it was up to him decide when he asked. Though you had discussed a time period to avoid any surprise answers from whenever he ‘popped the question’.
All the marriages you admired were marriages that you had dubbed as 'old timey’. Your Grandparents, parents and Danny and Linda all had sort of the same story. They met, they dated, got engaged quickly and got married even quicker. You wanted to take time, go slow. Rafael, was your first serious boyfriend. Before him you didn’t date, you had sex with random people to temporarily fill the void of loneliness you had.
When you met Rafael it was all so different. You were psychically attracted to all the men you’d had slept with and you were all psychically attracted to Rafael but you also felt attracted to his other attributes. Like his personality and soul, something you’d never experienced before. So, when he asked you on a date, you allowed yourself to try this whole dating thing and it was the best decision you’d ever made.
The past four years, had been your best. Reflecting on it now, you could see before you met him you weren’t really living, you were sort of on autopilot. You were cruising through life because you hadn’t felt with the grief and guilt you felt after your Mothers and Brothers deaths. You weren’t letting yourself be happy because you felt guilty about moving on in life without them. You like to think that meeting Rafael, feeling the way you felt and consequently falling in love with him was their of way of encouraging you to live life again.
You were the first one out of the whole squad to meet him. Erin introduced you when you two were meeting up for lunch, you’d also gone as an unofficial spy to check him out. Your relationship was purely professional for the first few months you knew each other. You had a lot of ‘heated debates’ mostly because he was so sarcastic and cynical and you optimistic and trusting. You clashed a lot of the time but as time progressed you discovered different sides to each other. Sure, you were the department goofball, who always had a smile on her face but you were also not a pushover, had limits and was downright scary sometimes. You were like you Father. Rafael worked based on logic and liked to detach himself from cases but that didn’t mean he wasn’t passionate and didn’t have the same drive to help people. Once, you discovered that about each other, you both had a new found respect.
Work, meant you were constantly around each other. You worked together a lot which meant you got to know each other. Eventually, he asked you out on a date after both of you made abundantly clear that you both had feeling fro each other.
From that point your relationship it was pretty standard, for you, at least, who hadn’t ver been in a serious relationship that lasted more than a few months. For the first nine months of your relationship, no one knew you were in one. Not your family, friends, or coworkers. A part of you was scared its wouldn’t work and if did this way it wouldn’t be awkward. But it did work. Rafael, had told you he loved him six months in, you had felt that way for a while but you didn’t say it because you feared it was too soon. It was a relief when he did. Throughout those months he met coincidentally every member of your family except your Father. They all liked him and he kept asking you when when you were going to tell them. It was awkward for him especially with Erin, who he worked with at the DA’s office. When they found out you were planning on keeping a secret for a while longer but Danny had wormed it out of you.
Rafael’s meeting with your Father had gone better than you had expected and everyone family liked him. Often, more than they liked you. During family dinner he always got involved in family ‘discussions’ but never had defined side i.e. Erin or Danny which meant both sides were ever well. He played them well, he just seemed to fit in with all of them. To the point your Grandpa threatened to disown you if you ever left him, he seemed serious about it too. Your Dad often pulled him to the side a lot and had private discussions with him. When he wanted to talk or when he worried about you and recently even when he was worried about. For example during high profile cases. It was your Dad’s way of accepting him.
You had moved into together after about a year and half into dating which meant, now, you’d been living together for about two and half. Though your relationship seems longer than that because you always together, at home and usually at work. It was nice though, who doesn’t want to spend all day with the person they loved the most?
You had created a little world for yourselves. You were both madly in love with each other and you had both had such serious jobs that when you came home all you did was make fun of each other, laugh, relax and other ‘coupley’ things that years earlier would have made you barf at the though of.
It was a peaceful domestic life but not to say it was boring. Your jobs were drama filled you appreciated the simplicity of your home life when you were alone at your families their was just more drama. The two of didn’t usually argue. Rafael argued for a living so you recognised that he probably didn’t want to do it at home. But when you did, usually about serious things, they were knockdown drag-outs and practically everyone knew it was happening especially your family.
The relationship was easy, simple and the best thing you’d ever had.
Obviously, you didn’t know that he was planning on proposing to you. You heard about it second- hand much later from him and various family members. They all gave you slightly different versions but you pieced it all together and worked out what actually happened on that day.
“Hey,” you smiled, looking from your desk and seeing Rafael approaching you, “What are you doing here?”
It was a random Thursday afternoon, about 2:00pm. You knew were going to be here a while that day. It was your annual paperwork day, which was a day every month when you completed your all non essential paperwork. The rest of the squad were scattered around the station and out working. You were surprised to see Rafael at the station. mostly because he’s taken the day off that day. A rare occurrence for Rafael Barba. He didn’t like not going to work but he had told you he’d booked all of his appointments, dentist, optometrist, etc appointments for today so he could get them out of the way. Which was totally a ‘Rafael’ sort of thing, so you didn’t think to much of it.
“I brought you lunch.” he replied reached your desk, producing a paper-bag from behind his back and placing it on your desk.
“You didn’t have to that.” you said as you began searching through the bag.
“I think I did. You have the tendency to forget to eat when doing paperwork.” he reminded as he began to sit on the chair next to your desk.
“If I don’t eat it means that I finish quicker.” you reminded.
“If you don’t eat you take just as long because you just complain about how hungry you are.” he countered, “And anyway I brought your favourite.”
“Salad?” you questioned pulling it from the bag.
“God no, that’s for me. Look underneath it.” he ordered, taking the salad from you and gesturing to the bag.
“Ahh burritos.” you smiled pulling it out the bag and immediately starting to unwrap it and taking a bite, “I knew their was a reason I keep you around.”
“I thought it was because of my sparkling personality?” he argued referring to a past comment you had made.
“I don’t like your personality. I look past your ‘sparkling’ personality’.” you shot back.
“Ouch, I was just trying to do something nice.” he said in mock pain and offence.
“Yeah, about that. Why?” you questioned confused.
“Just because.” he stated, shrugging his shoulders uncharacteristically.
“What have you done?” you asked d leaning back in chair.
“Argh, so you haven’t seen the credit card statement?” he replied cautiously as if he done something wrong.
“What do you mean…” you asked painted and confused before stopping yourself.
“Why are you so worried. It’s not like you pay for my card anyway. And either-way. I was kidding.” Rafael said, chuckling at your reaction.
“Thank god.” you sighed relieved.
“Why are you so concerned?” he questioned still chuckling at you.
“Well, that money is the only reason I’m with you, if you spend it all I have to find someone else. And that’s too much effort for me.” “The only reason?” he inquired, crossing his arms.
“Yep, did you think I fell for that sarcastic attitude and cynicism?” you asked teasingly.
You both smirked at each other before beginning to laugh.
“I’m only teasing. I’d love you, even if you didn’t have a lot of money. Thank you for bringing little old me lunch. You’re the cutest,sweetest boyfriend ever.” you admitted throwing your arms across the desk and wrapping them around his shoulders as you began to sway him from side to side.
Grabbing his cheek and pulling it playfully in attempt to annoy him.
“God, you’re embarrassing.” he sighed as he swatted you away from his face.
“And yet you stick around” you winked
"For now.” he said seriously looking into your eyes.
"When exactly do you plan on leaving me?” you inquired playing along.
“Never,” he stated.
“Aww.” you smiled.
"That’s only because your Dad could get the whole police force to descend on me.” he added.
“Not because you love me?” you pouted.
"That too.” he corrected.
You pouted sadly out of fun, letting go go him and looking away dramatically.
"I’m kidding.” he winked.
“I know, why on earth would you want to leave this?” you joked motioning to yourself.
“I can think of multiple reasons.” he sighed.
You hit him playfully and then you both continued to eat. Chatting complacently about random things. You continued to eat. Rafael, was acting strangely but you didn’t think much of it at the time. Looking back on it now, it was probably nerves. He told you he was going to the dentist.
"I’ll see you at your Dads for dinner then?” Rafael asked, coming back to your desk after he put the garbage in the trashcan.
"Do we have to go? I’m pretty certain that after this I’m going to be tried.” you whined stretching and looking over the multiple mountains of paperwork.
"Yes, your Dad invited us today.” Rafael reminded, putting his jacket back on which, a jacket which he had hung on the back of the chair.
"I’m very aware. We, Reagans have dinner every national holiday, like we don’t have better things to do. Like go to sleep.” You commented bitterly, shuddering at the memory.
"Why are you constantly wanting to go to bed? It’s like you don’t do anything else.” he teased.
"You didn’t seem to have a problem with it last night.” you mentioned nonchalantly.
”Well, last night you were less tried and more eager, should we say, but I did walk right into that one,” he chuckled.
"You did.” you agreed.
"So your Dads?” he asked again.
"Yeah, why wouldn’t I want to spend time with my delightful family.” you said sarcastically.
"Yeah, why wouldn’t you.” he joined in.
"You’re only saying that because they all like you.” you commented bitterly.
"And they dint like you?” he fired back.
"Sure they do, but they have to like me. They don’t have to like you they just do.” you sighed dramatically.
“Why wouldn’t they. I’m a delight.” he said mimicking you.
“It’s weird when you say it.” you giggled.
“It’s definitely a you saying.” he agreed.
“Anyway, I’m late. I have to go.” he said, grabbing his things from your desk.
“Why are so eager to get to the dentist, you’re scared of the dentist.” you pointed out.
“I’m not scared of the dentist.” he argued.
“Buzzzzzz.” you mimicked,making a dentist machine sound.
“I’m leaving now.” he announced beginning to walk way.
“Bye. Remember if you’re a good boy they give you a lolly pop.” you teased after him.
He put his hand up in protest but continued to walk down the hallway.
“Love you.” you called after him.
He turned around, walking backwards and with a smile.
“I know you do.” he called back before continuing to walk out the building.
You watched until you couldn’t see him anymore. Shaking your head in your disbelief at the man you were in love with and his antics.
On that day that was the last time you saw Rafael until dinner. The day itself was pretty uneventful for the most part, for you at least. Rafael’s day was much more eventful and it was already halfway through the day. After leaving the station, he headed out to Staten Island to your Dad’s house. He was very nervous, he practised what he was gooding to say. Like always lawyers. He was saying it to himself on the way up. You bet all the other drivers thought he was a weirdo. Unknown to you at the time. Rafael had called your Father a few days earlier while he was at the office. He wasn’t planning on asking on the phone, he was calling to see what time he was free and what time would be best. According, to Dad, Rafael didn’t tell him specifically what he needed to talk to him about, saying that he needed to discuss it in person, but by his voice Dad knew what he was getting at. He recognised the voice. It’s how your mom told him he sounded when he asked your Grandpa.
He had told him that he would be free, today, obviously and told him to come down to the house in Staten Island. Rafael had of course told you he was going to the dentist which worked because he knew you would be at work today and for the majority of it. He also knew that Reagans had dinners on holidays so even if he ran over, he would have an excuse for being there if anyone came over.
When he finally arrived he was greeted at the door by Danny. Which surprised him considering he thought that your Dad would be alone. Danny, according to Rafael was acting strangely, as he led him into the dinning room. He followed reluctantly only to find your whole family sitting at the table. your Dad in his usual seat at the top end of the table while your grandpa had left his seat and empty and had sat in yours. Everyone was looking at him. Danny sat back in his seat before your Dad gestured for him to sit down. It was your Dad, Grandpa, Erin, Danny, Jamie and Linda.
‘What’s going on?” Rafael asked confused, looking at each every one of the faces looking back at him.
If you had known what was going you could have told him. You’d technically invented this family tradition. When Jack, Erin’s ex husband, asked Dad for Erin’s hand in marriage, you had suggested the interrogation table tactic to him. Your Dad had never really liked Jack but he could hardly refused because one Erin was completely in love with him and secondly by this point she was already pregnant with Nicky. So, ten year old you had suggested the idea so you could have a little bit of fun. Your Dad didn’t technically agree but you had gotten all three of your brothers on board and your Grandpa, so he went along with it.
You had come with the idea after Joe explained to you what was going on after you had overheard your parents talking about it. Let’s just say despite you being in your opinion an extremely high functioning ten year old you didn’t actually understand the whole tradition of ‘asking for hand in marriage’ and it’s religious connotations. You were just confused as to why only your parents got a say if he could ask her to marry him. Why didn’t ask you. She was your big sister after all. You had as much right to her as your parents did. Even more in fact. She was just another version of you mixed up or at least that’s what ten year old you thought. And at the time you were reading one of Joe’s interrogation books, don’t ask, so you combined the two together when you suggested it to him. Typically, your overbearing brothers went along with the idea mostly because they liked the idea of messing with the guy their sister was dating so they used you and your apparently irresistibly cute face to allow you all to be their when he officially asked.
Essentially, what happened that time was you all sat round the table and questioned the guy to ensure he was serious. You’d all only ever done it once. Erin was the first Reagan born female. You don’t actually remember what happened even though you were there. You remember a lot of questions being asked and Jack being really sweaty. Another thing you didn’t understand was when they all started talking about how they couldn’t wait till next time. When it was your ten. Back then you did;t think you were getting married ever, what ten year old does, so you joined in.
The whole thing had slipped your mind especially after Jack and Erin divorced. You assumed they had scrapped the idea as it obviously hadn’t worked. But you remember how much fun it was last time. you assume after Rafael gad called you Dad, he called Grandpa who in turn called Jamie and Danny. You’d also bet that your Dad had tried to convince them not to do it this time but they had all convinced him and by all you mean Erin who probably argued ‘equality’ reason after Danny most definitely told her what happened with Jack. The whole thing was extremely out of the ordinary for your father but you think he went along with it because how much fun you all had and it meant spending time with family. He’s favourite thing to do. Also it was a sure fire way of ensuring whoever his daughter was marrying is worthy.
“Has Y/N never told you about what we Reagans do when someone wants to ask for a Reagans hand in marriage?” Danny asked slightly surprised.
“No, she hasn’t ever said anything. How did you know that was what I was going to ask?. I assumed it would just be me and the Commissioner? That’s what happens usually. What are you all doing here?” Rafael questioned confused.
“What do you mean ‘what usually happens’? Are you telling me you’ve done this before? Have you been engaged before? Is their some ex-wife we don’t know about?” Danny shot back.
“Danny,” your Dad said sternly, indicating to him that he should stop, “To answer your question. We Reagans, have a tradition, a rather peculiar one, I must admit, that when a man asks for a Reagan woman’s hand in marriage. They must answer some concerns that the family may have before they agree to let you propose. And you also most convince every family member and not just me because we are all equal in this family. And you need to be on good terms with all family especially if you plan on officially joining it.”
“No offence Sir but to be honest this doesn’t seem like an idea you would come up.” Rafael pointed out.
“That’s because I didn’t. Y/N, did when she was ten years old when Erin was getting married..” he informed.
“I should have known, it is totally a Y/N thing to do. Anyway to share her opinion.” he chuckled.
“I’d just like to mention that I had no idea about this tradition until a few days ago.” Erin interrupted.
“Why are you still going on about it. You know now don’t you?” Danny asked sighing.
“A little too late.” she corrected.
“What difference would have made?” Danny asked confused.
“Lawyer’s fees. I wouldn’t have had to paid them if you had actually scared Jack.” she stated
“That’s quite enough, you two can discuss this later,” your Grandpa interrupted, “Are you okay with this counsellor?”
“Sure, ask away. It isn’t the first time I’ve have had to convince a group of people to do something.” he commented.
“Amen, to that.” Erin agreed putting up her glass.
“You didn’t answer my earlier question.” Danny pointed out.
“The one about me being engaged slash married before?” Rafael questioned.
“Mmm.” Danny nodded.
“No, I haven’t been married or engaged before. This is the longest serious relationship I’ve ever had.” he answered.
“Why is that?” Danny asked.
“I don’t know. I hadn’t met the right person and now I have.” he answered diplomatically, he was obviously still nervous at that point.
“You ever been in love before?” Jamie piped up.
“Once, it didn’t work out to well. She chose someone else.” He admitted. “Would you have been with her if she hadn’t?” Jamie continued.
“If I hadn’t met your sister, probably. But because I have met your sister. I can see now being in love with someone who actually love me back that I didn’t really fall in love with her. I had fallen in love with the person I thought she was.” he explained.
“Do you plan on leaving her?” Erin asked hanging back.
“Not willingly.” he responded.
“You say that now but I know that sometimes you can think you’re in love someone and have it bot work out. How can you be sure that that won’t happen between you two?” she probed.
“I know because when I look at her. I don’t just see her. I see everything we have and everything we will have. I like to think I’m very smart man, in fact I know I am, smart men who see that, who have that, know not to let go of it” he elaborated with a small smile.
“You know I have a question.” Linda announced.
“Mmm.” Rafael prompted taking a sip of water from the glass placed in front of him. Classic interrogation style.
“Why are you answering all these questions?” she asked, tilting her head.
“What do you mean?” Rafael questioned.
“Like, I know from personal experience how hard it is to get men to talk about their emotions,in private let alone in the open, like this. I’m just wondering why it’s so easy for you to talk about your love for Y/N openly to us, her family.” she explained.
“Well, I’m not very emotional man. To be honest I should tell her how much she means to me more often. But I’ll speak about how I feel and all about my past until my lungs go dry if that’s what it took to convince you for Y/N’s hand in marriage. I can’t imagine my life without her. I’d do anything, including talking about my personal feeling to all of you.” he explained.
Their was a silence.
“You ever murdered anyone?” Danny asked suddenly.
“Danny!” Erin protested.
“What?” He questioned.
“Of course he hasn’t killed anyone.” she reasoned.
“And how do you know?” he shot back.
“They do background checks. I’m pretty sure they would have found that if he out.” Erin argued.
“Yeah, but it’s only the DA’s office.” Danny countered.
“What do you mean?” Erin asked.
“What I mean is people lie to the DA’s office. People don’t lie to me because I’m scary son of a bitch,” Danny argued before turning to Rafael, “ So I’m going to ask again. You ever murdered anyone.”
“The only thing I’ve ever murdered are the defences cases in court.” Rafael quipped with a smirk, which earned a laugh from your Grandpa.
“Let me ask you something son,” Your Grandpa began putting a hand on Rafael’s shoulder as he was sitting right next to him on the table, “ What’s the craziest thing you ever done?”
“Nothing worth mentioning,” Rafael admitted.
“Really?” your Grandpa questioned.
“Yes Sir. I had to say on the slight and narrow. If I had gotten caught doing anything bad when I was a kid. I would have lost my scholarship. Though I do like to think I’ve made for up in later life. I do crazy things in the courtroom and other places.” he explained.
“Like what?” he probed.
“Let almost getting strangled to death in court just prove my case.” he nodded at the memory.
“I remember Y/N telling me about that. Something like ‘you should have seen what our new DA did in court today. He’s even weirder than Erin’” Danny laughed.
“Hey.” Erin protested.
“Y/N’s words not mine.” he pointed out.
“Where was the scholarship for?” Grandpa continued ignoring Danny and Erin’s bickering.
“Harvard.” Rafael responded.
“Well at least if you do marry Y/N, we’ll have one Harvard lawyer in the family.” He chuckled.
“Hey.” Jamie protested.
“Fine a Harvard lawyer that actually uses his degree.” he corrected.
After that it was mostly quick-fire questions about your likes, dislikes and your plans for the future. At this point according to Erin it was much more relaxed though Rafael tells it differently. Apparently, he was trying to be causal and nonchalant as he asked questioned but he was silently worrying about the fact that at that point your Father hadn’t asked any questions.
“I have a question.” your Father said interrupting the complacent chatter as he took a final sip of the scotch he had been nursing, “And it’s only one I have. What do you like about my daughter?”
“What do I like about your daughter?” he began, a smile formulating on his face, “Everything. Their isn’t a things I don’t like. Not her her habit of asking too many questions. Not her tendency to shout at the TV screen despite how many times I remind her that they can’t hear her and get over excited about the smallest of things. Not even her need to always be right and have everyone agree with her opinion. I like it all. Hell, I love it all. Because that’s what makes her who she is. And only God knows how much I love her. When we met we both had broken hearts for various different reasons. And we did meet and started dating we took our two halves of a heart and made one. Our heart. Our love. She is the most amazing person. I have ever met. She is always putting everyone else first. You guys, our co-workers, the people we help, me. I love that she is so secretly selfless. I like her so much that I want to be the person that puts her first. For her I want to be selfless. She’s my number one.”
That response he gave was one you’ll never forget. When Erin told you about it much later. You fell in love with Rafael all over again. It’s something you keep very close to you. You’re glad that someone had told you what he had said because you knew he would have never had told you himself. It was cheesy, soppy and romantic. Everything you had ever wanted. Just knowing how he felt it something you clung onto when you doubted how he felt about you. It was your hearsay keepsake, that reminded you that their was someone who loved you like your Mother always said you deserved to be.
Let’s just say everyone was stunned by the response. A fact that Rafael takes great pride in. The Reagan interrogation was pretty much over at that point. He’d won them over, for life. You don’t think of anything could have disagreed. If anyone had said that about one of your siblings, you knew that they would have been together forever.
Erin and Linda, practically rushed him, giving him hugs, gushing over how beautiful that was. Danny and Jamie had given him those masculine one arm man hugs, calling him their new brother. Grandpa shook his hand and wiped away a stray tear. Telling Rafael, it had reminded him about how he felt about your Grandmother. Your Father circled round the table and put his hand out for a shake.
“That’s all I needed to hear. I needed to know you appreciated how great my little girl is. Welcome to the family, son.” your Dad nodded shaking his hand before pulling him into a brief hug, “Keep her happy.”
“I will Sir.” Rafael agreed instantaneously.
“You better.” Danny added, “I’m still not afraid to shoot you.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it.” Rafael chuckled.
“Have you thought about you’re going to ask?” Erin asked.
“ Have you bought a ring?” Linda added.
“Yeah well not exactly,” Rafael nodded reaching into his jacket pocket, producing a ring box and snapping it open.
“It’s beautiful.” Erin breathed.
“It’s my Grandmothers.” Rafael informed, “She gave it to me after she met Y/N for the first time. She knew I’d need it.”
“She’ll love it!” Erin smiled.
That’s when you decided to turn up and you’ll admit they did a great job of scattering and acting casual. When you opened the door and saw them all, you didn’t suspect a thing. Rafael was sitting on the couch with Danny and Jamie. Linda and Grandpa were in the kitchen. Dad was by the bar and Erin was setting the table in the dining room at the table.
You said your hellos to the others before you walked over to the couch and leaned over the top of it, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. He greeted you and offered the small space beside him. You sat down leaning into him, giving him a smile and another kiss as you settled. Looking back on it now you probably should have guessed something was going on after Danny and Jamie didn’t make fake throwing up sounds and by all the sneaky looks and smiles everyone was giving each other.
ok imagine when inigo said all this, henry is stunned coz he can see a small part of himself in his son. henry can empathize n understand the reason his child did such a thing. going thru hell while masking a smile?? never showing how he really feels?? basically covering up his misery with a laugh?? all that hell hes been thru. and now hes looking right at it again once he knows his son is facing tht sort of hell like he did. n the worse part here is henry didnt realize it at first until inigo burst it out. imagine the mans heartbreak. imagine his self-disappointment n sorrow. imagine me crying on the floor