<b>Burr:</b> He's constantly confusing confounding the British henchmen<p/><b>Lafayette:</b> Is this your card?<p/><b>Lafayette:</b> *holds up the eight of hearts*<p/><b>British henchmen:</b> Holy shit
Dude how did you do that<p/></p>
Me, yelling at full volume: HOW DOES A RAGTAG VOLUNTEER ARMY IN NEED OF A SHOWER SOMEHOW DEFEAT A GLOBAL SUPERPOWER HOW DO WE EMERGE VICTORIOUS FROM THE QUAGMIRE LEAVE THE BATTLEFIELD WAVING BESTY ROSS’S FLAG HIGHER YO TURNS OUT WE HAVE A SECRET WEAPON AN IMMIGRANT YOU KNOW AND LOVE WHO’S UNAFRAID TO STEP IN HE’S CONSTANTLY CONFUSING CONFOUNDING THE BRITISH HENCHMEN EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR AMERICA’S FAVORITE FIGHTING FRENCHMAN LAFAYETTE IM TAKING THIS HORSE BY THE REINS MAKING RED COATS REDDER WITH BLOODSTAINS LAFAYETTE AND IM NEVER GONNA STOP TILL I MAKE EM DROP BURN EM UP AND SCATTER THEIR REMAINS IM LAFAYETTE WATCH ME ENGAGING EM ESCAPING EM ENRAGING EM IM LAFAYETTE I GO TO FRANCE FOR MORE FUNDS LAFAYETTE I COME BACK WITH MORE GUNS AND SHIPS AND SO THE BALANCE SHIFTS WE RENDEZVOUS WITH ROCHAMBEAU CONSOLIDATE THEIR GIFTS WE CAN END THIS WAR AT YORKTOWN CUT THEM OFF AT SEA BUT FOR THIS TO SUCCEED THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE WE NEED I KNOW HAMILTON SO HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO IN A TRENCH INGENUITIVE AND FLUENT IN FRENCH I MEAN HAMILTON SO YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO USE HIM EVENTUALLY WHAT’S HE GONNA DO ON THE BENCH I MEAN HAMILTON NO ONE HAS MORE RESILIENCE OR MATCHES MY PRACTICAL TACTICAL BRILLIANCE HAMILTON YOU WANNA FIGHT FOR YOUR LAND BACK HAMILTON I NEED MY RIGHT HAND BACK YEAH UH GET YOUR RIGHT HAND MAN BACK YOU KNOW YOU GOTTA GET YOUR RIGHT HAND MAN BACK I MEAN YOU GOTTA PUT SOME THOUGHT IN THE LETTER BUT THE SOONER THE BETTER TO GET YOUR RIGHT HAND MAN BACK ALEXANDER HAMILTON TROOPS ARE WAITING IN THE FIELDS FOR YOU IF YOU JOIN US RIGHT NOW TOGETHER WE CAN TURN THE TIDES OH ALEXANDER HAMILTON I HAVE SOLDIERS THAT WILL YIELD FOR YOU IF WE MANAGE TO GET THIS RIGHT THEY’LL SURRENDER BY EARLY LIGHT THE WORLD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME ALEXANDERRR
Okay but a genghis khan musical movie tho think of the possibilities:
Dancing henchmen, now with actual personalities
Hero having a introduction song thats basically a polished up version of what his life is like: it’s very james bond like and all that stuff
Villain having a very typically villainous introduction song and hero interrupting him.
It basically being a running gag that agent always interrupts villains songs
Fighting but it basically being dancing
Villain debating how to kill hero w/ his henchmen and them being like “Listen dude. It’s blatantly obvious you have a crush on him now go and get ready cause he’ll be there in a minute” and dressing him up in some very nice suit, cologne, maybe polish up his nose lmao, all in a dance number while villain’s protesting
Hero shows up and tries very hard not to notice how good villain looks suddenly (not that he doesn’t look good normally)
(Ex-)wife and villain having a big dance number where wife says villain has grown soft, villain trying to prove he’s absolutely not gone soft because of some stupid secret agent and is still very menacing (lmao)
The henchmen having their whole own song without villain, hero or anyone else. Like in the cafetaria, talking about whatever, then hero storming into the cafetaria with villain following him, fighting each other while the henchmen watch, singing about their thoughts on the whole ‘our boss is in love with his arch nemesis’ thing
THE LAB COATS HAVING AN ACTUAL PART IN ALL THIS I WANT SCIENTISTS AND HENCHMEN INTERACTING
Cute dancing and singing children!!!! I love them.
Hero seems to almost exclusively take on missions where villain plays some sort of part, according to his boss. They eventually believe him when he says he just hates the dude very much and wants to take him down but he just never seems to succeed, he doesn’t understand how he seems to escape every time either.
The agency actually capturing villain in some way, agent helping him escape by providing just the tools he needs
Having to pretend he’s upset over villain escaping like ‘Why don’t we have any competent agents around here? Who put the key on a hook right next to the cell door?? Hmm??’ fucking nerd
Henchmen with actual personalities I wanna know what the guy who goes ooh in the background is really like
The martini glass making an appearance
Hero making shitty nose puns and villain getting back at him by making fun of the martini glass
Flirting without even noticing it themselves with henchmen rolling their eyes in the background
You know that labcoated guy in the background who sits at the computer and also goed ‘ooh’? He needs a part lmao
60s music!!! lots and lots of different 60s music
Villain and agent physically fighting over something (a remote, a key, etc.) and them almost kissing
Villain deciding this needs to end now because he’ll lose everything he has if it doesn’t
Him and a team of scientists constructing the laser, the scientists very carefully asking him whether this is a good idea. Someone says that he could always just shoot him if he wanted hero dead, to which he answers that hero deserves something special.
Hero being heartbroken when he’s placed on the table, discovering that he really can’t get out of it this time, scared for his life.
A duet with villain desperately trying to ignore hero trying to interrupt him while he’s singing about him wanting hero to get it on with nobody else but him, and when he’s about to push the button, the buzzer powers down the machine
So not only ANGRY duets, also sad duets
Wife asking whether he’s killed the agent yet when the children have gone to bed, and giving him an ultimatum when she hears he hasn’t
Villain having a reprise of his introduction song: his song was about how evil he was and how he was gonna take over the world yada yada, the reprise is about him hating how he suddenly has goodness in him, and how he hopes he’ll be able to do it the next day so everything can go back to normal. Hero’s part is about how he hoped villain had some goodness in him but apparently he doesn’t, because he’s going to kill him, but he still hopes he won’t.
Next day villain’s semi-convinced himself that he’ll be able to do it. He wants to tell hero how he feels but that he knows a relationship between them wouldn’t work out, and he DOES tell him. Hero’s going to die anyway, right?
The same events happening as in the video, but with a bigger dance number because come on it’s a musical, the henchmen are gonna do something more than just bopping along in the background
Hero reassuring villain that it can work out, and they’ll figure it out together.
Wife having observed everything that happened and shooting hero after dramatically appearing from behind a pillar, then escaping
Hero lying in villains arms, singing a kind of bittersweet goodbye song and villain being like ‘Shut the fuck up I’m not going to let you die’
Hero survives, of course, and is moved to a bed in the hospital wing to rest (not before kissing villain passionately, of course)
Wife coming to visit him in the hospital wing to finish the job, him singing about what his life was really like and how he glamorized it to feel better about himself and the image he should uphold as an agent, and how he loves villain and wants him to be happy, doing this to distract wife (but all of it being tru lmao) .Wife singing about how she never had the chance to pursue world domination because villain would amass their empire and she had to take care of the kids, also singing about her tragic backstory and that she worked so much harder for villains love than hero and he doesn’t deserve it.
Him using the oppurtunity to push a silent alarm button that summons henchmen to the hospital wing. Wife proceeding to fight off the henchmen and escaping through the window
A very Serious Conversation about how thinks will work out, about what wife said to hero, etc.
Villain and hero dreaming about their future together, which turns into a nice dance ending number, complete with a scorned ex-wife as a nice cliffhanger at the end.
Which means happy duets
ALL THE DUETS
Henchmen and scientists with bigger parts holy shit give it to me