So we are in this cave

We are interrogating the head kobold and trying to make a deal with him to see if we could get through with less trouble and get loot. Our Goliath Barbarian is not the brightest and is helping to persuade.
Barbarian: “We don’t like orcs. You help us, we help you, and then you will be my pet.”
DM: “Roll for persuasion.”
*rolls an 18, as opposed to the kobold’s 17*
DM: “You notice that there are collars and chains around the room. He’s into it.”

Contributions to the Success of the War of the One Ring

Gandalf: led the overall war effort; acted as general; filled people with hope

Aragorn: killed a lot of orcs; scared Sauron and gave him PTSD about Isildur coming back

Gilmi: killed orcs; helped Aragorn

Legolas: killed orcs; helped Aragorn

Frodo: carried the one ring

Sam: can’t carry the one ring, but he carried you, Mr. Frodo; cooked; defeated Shelob; was central hero; taught Gollum about potatoes

Merry: assist in killing the Witch-King

Pippin: assist in killing Gandalf (by rousing the Balrog); assist in scaring Sauron (by using the Palantir)

Boromir: saved Merry and Pippin? Helped…shovel snow…on Caradhras; pushed Frodo to go alone

Gollum: surprisingly, a lot

Galadriel: presents! wisdom! 

Saruman: boosted everyone’s morale by getting wrecked by ents

Ents: *see above*

Army of the Dead: (in the book) helped out in the Battle of the Pellenor Fields; (in the movie) completely destroyed everyone in the Battle of the Pellenor Fields

Arwen: (in the book) uuuummm…made Aragorn’s flag?; (in the movie)……*sigh*


Tom Bombadil: (in the book) saved the Hobbit’s lives twice; (in the movie) saved the Hobbit’s life, twice (off screen). 

Elrond: stuff; things

Eowyn: killed Witch-King; all around bad-ass

Faramir: gave Frodo and Sam magic walking sticks

the eagles: came


Also know as Imagine travelling with the Company, and Legolas stalking you because he likes you. 

A/N - First of all, I’m sorry its a day late. Well two days late. I finished it last night and was too tired to check through it so I did it this morning on the way to Manchester. I appear to be obsessing over Legolas at the moment (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing). Yes, its in third person again I just couldn’t get second person view to co-operate with me! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it :) Constructive criticism welcome. 

Words - 1,866
Paring - Legolas Greenleaf x Reader 

Legolas knew there was something special about the human when he first saw her. For one, she was fighting amongst dwarves, which was almost unheard of. Secondly, she was beautifully feisty especially when she was defending her friends. Thirdly, she saved his behind from one of the monstrous spiders of Mirkwood. That was the reason he often found himself volunteering to guard the prisoners, much to his father’s dismay. He even found himself giving her more food than her fellow captives.
Even then, the odd little human didn’t pay any attention to him. Sure, she smiled in thanks when he gave her food but other than that she didn’t seem to know he existed.
It was insulting really. A prince shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to be noticed by a mere mortal.

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Orc Subraces: Half-Orcs


A common, vulgar assumption, is that half-orcs are often the result of nonconsenting unions. The truth of the matter is far more mundane. Orcs are a strong, passionate race, and many humans find that attractive. Orcs, in turn, are often impressed by human resilience and bravery. An orc fighting alongside, or even against, a skilled human warrior might grow to admire their talent, and then mutual respect and even love can bloom from there.

Half-orcs are more likely than humans to have lost a parent, however. This is not necessarily due to a violent act (although it certainly could be), but to the shorter lifespan of orcs. An orc 50 years of age would be considered very elderly, and fortunate to have lived for so long, while orcs 60 years and older are almost unheard of. So by the time an half-orc hits full adulthood, their orc parent is probably at least 40, which is old by orcish standards.


Half-orcs are the descendants of orcs and humans. They combine some of the strength and endurance of their orcish ancestors with the versatility and cleverness of humans. Half-orcs are fully adult, in both body and mind, by the age of 16.

Half-orcs appear in many ways like an orc - taller and heavier than most humans, with skins ranging in dull greens and greys, and small tusks. They stand out in human communities, and smaller communities might assume that a half-orc is in fact a full-blooded orc, in which case they may be openly hostile. Unfortunately, most half-orcs are small by orcish standards, and their orcish features (skin tone, tusks, body hair) are diluted by their human blood, which clearly marks them as other. And in many orc clans, “other” means “weak”.

Their eyes are keen in the dark, but not as sensitive as an orc’s, which means that half-orcs have more versatility than their orcish forebearers, able to walk freely in the day. Half-orcs can also live a decade or two longer than most pure-blooded orcs.


Most half-orcs live either in orc-dominant settlements, or in areas where orcs are exceedingly rare. In the former case, they grow up slowly compared to their orcish peers, and are weaker. In many cases, that results in a life of being bullied and abused. Half-orcs from these kinds of backgrounds develop ways of coping with this, whether that is by becoming a sycophant to secure the help of stronger orcs, or becoming more clever than their kin in order to outsmart them.

Half-orcs from human-dominant regions often grow up among people who fear or hate orcs. Each child is expected to somehow either slip up and prove the bias correct, or live an exemplary life and fight the stigma. But half-orcs grow up faster than their human peers, reaching adulthood two years sooner, and end up much bigger. And so, more half-orcs from these areas end up reinforcing the stigma, becoming bullies and brutes themselves.

The two main points of commonality between city- and clan-dwelling half-orcs is the sense of “otherness”. Half-orcs don’t fit in with orcs or with humans, and often feel rejected by their home society. Sometimes this results in fleeing their homeland, and becoming either isolationists living in the woods, or relocating to large metropolitan cities where they can become anonymous. In this way, half-orcs sometimes see a kinship with half-elves, who also stand out from the world around them.

Interestingly, as cultures begin to mingle, half-orcs have been able to form small communities of their own. These settlements have many orcs, humans, and half-orcs, and in some cases half-orcs from these towns can be second- or even third-generation half-orcs (born of two half-orcs, rather than a human and an orc). In these communities, a young half-orc might feel welcomed and at peace, rather than ostracized.

So I have a tiefling ranger in my group who had gotten super drunk at a bar and been helped out by this orc woman who was captain of the town guard. At the time, she had tried to drunkenly flirt with the captain, but it wasn’t very successful The next day, the ranger went to try to ask her out for lunch. Needless to say, she rolled a 1 on her persuasion check.

Tiefling: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch?
Orc: It’s 4 in the afternoon
Tiefling, glancing at wrist that she realizes is watchless: dinner then?

Unfortunately, she didn’t get the date.

Watch Out Below (17)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16

Kili laid across the makeshift bed, his head lolled as he shivered in a frigid sweat. You watched him intently, your hands cupping your cheeks with worry as you wished for the expertise of your homeland. If this was your world, they surely would have some cure for whatever infection had taken hold of the prince.

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im honestly so sick of this like

Tolkien: the bad people in this series include elves, maiar, numenoreans, animals, etc. We have different types of humans including easterlings- some of which helped elves and some of which helped sauron- and numenoreans- some of which helped elves and some of which helped sauron. Orcs are essentially monsters and come in a variety of colors from pale to dark. some elves are traitors and killers, some are not. No one race is immune from evil, ainur and elves and humans are equally capable of evil as they are good. 


orc ladies in cute high-waisted floral print shorts and crop tops

orc ladies in practical, well-worn leather/steel armour who keep flowers on the inside of their breast plates and other little, soft gifts like embroidery from their lovers

high society orc ladies who take pleasure in wearing flimsy, delicate clothing because it shows how much control they have to avoid it ripping or becoming dirty

orc ladies in old, stained overalls with mis-matched long socks and sandals and big floppy sunhats

mage orc ladies who have to keep telling their travel companions they don’t know how to use weapons properly and to stop trying to give them weapons while they weave shield spells and brew healing potions

orc ladies with hard jawlines and flat, dense muscle, big bellies, thick thighs, and short hair who are described as beautiful and have lots of admirers and people who give them boons and tokens to take into battle

orc ladies who don’t care about beauty standards and just want to do their jobs and live their lives without worrying about how they look to others

orc ladies who are gentle and quiet and wear soft, billowy clothes and tend to animals and grow plants around their cottages

scholarly orc ladies with glasses and soft, un-calloused hands and neatly trimmed nails who painstakingly transcribe important historical stories and laws and keep libraries

orc ladies who love jewellery and are covered in gems and pretty stones and corals and petrified wood all carved into interesting designs, many from distant places they visited during their travels

ambassador orc ladies who speak a dozen languages and have heard ‘you’re so articulate for an orc’ too many times to count, but who tirelessly argue for trading rights, attend diplomatic events, help visiting politicians, etc.

orc ladies with long hair that they style in new ways every day– sometimes in braids, sometimes done up into elaborate shapes and pinned on top of their head, sometimes woven with flowers and sweet-smelling grasses

orc ladies who are covered in tattoos. some tell stories from their lives, others are important cultural symbols or represent something from a legend, others just because they like the design

short little orc ladies who use their low centre of gravity and strength to throw opposition over their shoulders during battle

elderly orc ladies who sit in the sun to warm their aching joints before spinning threads to make clothing and blankets for their grandchildren

orc ladies in corsets and lingerie and high heels who delight in the shapes they help create and seeing the lust they inspire in their lovers

orc ladies with a lot of body hair that they groom into patterns and trim into designs as part of their culture and fashion

cheerful, friendly orc ladies who giggle sweetly and get excited easily and always try and help others around them

deaf orc ladies who live together and sign and have in-jokes and who sometimes do mercenary work together as a team since they can communicate easily and know each other so well they can read each other make a flawless team

solitary orc ladies who live in the woods and get reputations as local witches who act as midwives and healers and councillors to those brave enough to come to their door

artisan orc ladies with delicate, quick fingers and sharp eyes, who have a burning passion for their media and organise art shows all over the realm

orc ladies who bond with dragons and fly with them and go on treasure hunts with their scaly companions and sleep together in a pile by big fire pits


A Beorn Fanfic

Based on two imagines found here and here

I blinked at the giant of a man before me, entirely sure I had misheard him.

“You what?”

A low grumble rumbles through his chest, one that peaks my own bear’s ears up.  "I cannot allow you to leave.“

I stare at him and then a smile twitches to my lips.  "Sure.  Right.  Like I’m going to believe you.”

But his gaze does not leave mine.  "I am being serious little one.  I will not have you out there alone again.“

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Kili x reader- (REQUEST)

Anonymous- could I have a Kili x reader with lots of fluff and then the sex ?

AN: here you go my lovely anon if you don’t like it let me know I’ll redo ((first time posting fanfic hope you enjoy)) smut warning idk

Being with the dwarves was tough going. It was your idea to go along with them but you didn’t realise just how dangerous it was, the only thought you had was selfish-to be with Kili. No one argued that you couldn’t come even Thorin seemed supportive as long as you proved you could handle danger which you expertly proved by helping to kill orcs when they tried a night attack. There wasn’t many of them but you know for a fact that you definitely proved yourself. Currently you were leaning against the cave wall while Dori and Ori started a fire. Thorin was keeping watch along with Balin and Fili and Kili were gathering more wood. You cleaned your sword and checked your provisions before closing your eyes and unknowingly fell asleep. “(Y/N)” you stirred and slowly opened your eyes,Kili was leaning down smiling, holding out a bowl of soup. “Hi there” you replied accepting the bowl. Kili sat down next to you with his own bowl. “I didn’t think you would fall asleep what with the Orc attack the other night” You shrugged. “It’s over now why would I worry” “because it was your first encounter with Orc’s” “and it won’t be the last” you respond. He tilted his head. “Do you realise how attractive you are when you’re like this?” You smiled in response and chose not to speak. Once you had both finished eating and the others had checked their own provisions Thorin stamped the fire out. “You should try to sleep we’ll take shifts watching but I don’t think many of us will sleep, but try, you need the rest” Kili lay down a blanket on the floor of the cave, you used yours as a cover for the both of you, as Kili lay down you followed, resting your head on his chest. There is no other place on middle earth where you feel more safe than by Kili. Considering you were cuddled up with a blanket you couldn’t stop shaking. “Are you okay (y/n)?” “Just c-cold” you respond curling further into his chest. He reached up out of the blanket to his bag and pulled his jacket around you, and then pulling the blanket back on the top. “Aren’t you cold?” You asked. He shook his head, leaning up on his elbow he watched you, his eyes dancing in the moonlight. “I’m so glad you’re here” he whispered, running his hand up your arm. “I’m glad I’m here too” his hand travels to the back of your neck and he leaned down pressing his lips to yours, the stubble of his beard feeling rough against your smooth skin, but you didn’t mind, in fact you sighed in response giving Kili the perfect opportunity to slide his tongue past the seam of your lips. Kissing Kili was nothing new, but each time was amazing. And you never wanted each kiss to end. Unfortunately like every other kiss this one had to end too. “Try and rest” he said pulling you close to his chest and stroking your (h/c) hair. When you opened your eyes it was still dark. You sat up and slipped your arms into Kili’s jacket, wrapping it around your body, it must be the early hours of the morning. You stood up and walked over to Thorin who was still keeping watch only Fili was there too. “Can’t sleep?” Fili asked. You shook your head. “Thorin you’ve been up for a long time, please, try and rest if only for an hour” “wake me after an hour” you nodded and he walked into the cave. “Looks like you won’t be alone guarding” fili said nodding towards the cave before patting your shoulder and walking off. You turned around to see Kili standing there. “I wondered where you was” “sorry I though you was asleep” he shook his head. “You wasn’t next to me, how could I sleep?” He sat on the large rock just outside of the cave and patted the space between his legs, you sat between them and he unwrapped the blanket that was around his shoulders so that it was covering you both. His arms slid round your waist, holding you to him and his chin rested on your shoulder. “I worry about you” he said. You leaned further back against his chest and looked up at the stars. “Why is that?” He kissed the nape of your neck. “Because I don’t want the woman I love to be hurt or worse.” “Woman you love?” You replied, surprised at his words. You turn slightly so that you can look at him. “Yes (y/n) wasn’t you aware? I am in love with you” you placed a hand either side of his face and kissed him. You knew that you wanted to be with Kili, but hearing those words from his mouth told you that you only wanted to be with Kili and belong to no one else. You pulled away but your forehead was resting on his. “And I love you, I am completely and hopelessly in love with you” he giggled which caused your stomach to fill with butterflies, he was so cute. His eyes were lowered but when he looked up, half smiling and sparkling you knew there was no going back, this boy had now become your life. His arms tightened around your waist as you kissed again, it became heated in less than a second. “We’re supposed to be keeping watch!” You manage to choke out as Kili attaches his lips to your neck sucking on a sensitive spot. “Shhh, we wouldn’t want someone to see now would we” he purred. You tilted your head back giving him more access to the exposed skin. He kissed back up your neck to your jaw before placing small pecks on your lips, you run your tongue across his bottom lip, holding it between your teeth and biting down slightly causing Kili to moan. There was crunching sounds and you broke apart, placing your hand on the handle of your sword ready to draw it. “Oh sorry did I scare you!” Dori said startled. “I heard strange noises coming from here!” He continued. Kili hid his smile. “It’s safe Dori don’t worry” you say smiling sweetly. He nodded and returned back into the cave. “Looks like there’s no time for that then” Kili said disappointedly. You moved back to your pervious position and watched the sky change from a black to a dark blue to a beautiful shade of orange. “It’s so beautiful” he grins and hugs you. “But nothing compares to your Beauty” you wave his compliment off. “We should wake the others” he groans. “Can we leave them a little longer” he said mischievously, his hand trailing from around your waist to your thigh. “Kili!” You warned. “Oh you two are disgusting!” Fili’s voice appeared from beside you and you both jumped. “We need to move out it’s not long before we head out to battle” you nod and untangle yourself from Kili. Thorin rallied everyone. “We don’t have long” his voice boomed. “Stay close. Keep on guard.” We gathered our things and started the trek to the checkpoint where we were meeting Gandalf. You and Kili were towards the back, you had a sharp sense of hearing and Kili was the fastest with a bow. “Be careful!” Thorin shouted. You were on a ledge of the mountain, it wasn’t wide enough to walk normally across you had to side step, the rock crumbling by the time you and Kili walked across. Heights never bothered you, but the idea of death by falling off a mountain did. “(Y/n) are you okay?” Kili asked. You nodded and carried on shuffling across the ledge. Your foot slipped and Kili lurched forward and caught you in one swift movement. “(Y/n)!” “I’m okay I’m okay!” The rest of the way across he held your hand, his fingers entwining with yours as you reached the safety of the next cave. Gandalf was waiting, perched on a large rock with his pipe between his pale lips. “Ah, it seems my company as arrived!” You hopped off the ledge and felt relief wash over you. “And on time too!” Thorin looked up at him and smiled. “I’m never late Gandalf” “Indeed you are not Thorin Oakenshield” a fire was started and what little food remained was laid out. “I thought we were staying at Rivendell?” Fili asked. Gandalf looked at him and laughed. “My dear boy! Of course we are, but I’m waiting for a butterfly” you sat down by the fire and you felt Kili sit behind you so you were now between his legs. His arms snaked around you and hugged you too his chest. “Shouldn’t you be helping?” Dwalin asked. Thorin shook his head. “Leave them be, if you could spend this night with your loved ones you would” Dwalin nodded and patted your shoulder. You closed your eyes and relaxed in Kili’s arms. “Are you scared love?” He whispered. “I’m not scared about the battle, I’m scared I will lose you” he kissed the top of your head. “It appears you will never lose me” you smiled and turned your head so you could kiss his neck. “The eagles are here!” Gandalf said, standing up and holding his staff. One by one you were picked up and then taken to Rivendell where Lord Elrond waited for your arrival. Sleeping arrangements were made and no dancing, singing or story happened that night. Everybody was in need of a good rest and nobody questioned it. Elrond allowed you and Kili to share a room, to which Fili again said “you two are disgusting keep it quiet” he was joking of course but you couldn’t help but well up at the idea of Fili being killed in battle. Goodnights were said and a few hugs were shared between you and the other dwarves. Kili took your hand and lead you to your room. He was currently changing out of his clothes and checking his weapons. You watched as he walked about shirtless, his muscles gleaming against the candle light, his strong arms lifting the weapons for inspection, your eyes travelled to his and he caught you staring. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing I was just admiring you.” He laughed and stood in front of you. “How about I admire you?” He pushed you back against the bed and started to tickle your sides. You thrashed about under his grip, laughing uncontrollably. Eventually he stopped tickling and your laughter turned into occasional giggles. “I’m going to miss this” you say, running you hand up one of his arms that were either side of you. “We’ll get to do this again (y/n)” he said. “What if-” “no, don’t think like that. Let’s make the most of what time we have together tonight” you nod in agreement and he smiles down at you, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. He leaned down to kiss you, you hadn’t had much chance to kiss him properly all day, small pecks yes, but deep kisses no. You ran your hands down his back, digging your nails down slightly causing him to moan. He started to tug at your tunic, you arched your back to allow him to lift it off you completely. He attacked the newly exposed skin with his lips, biting and nipping above your collarbones, your eyelids fluttered shut against the feeling of his lips on your body. He kissed over your breasts, teasing you with his tongue. “Kili…” You started to fumble with his pants but you were shaking with excitement so he finished the job before sliding yours down your legs. “There’s no what if’s (y/n)” he said kissing down your stomach. “Can you promise that we’ll be like this together again?” You say flustered as he kissed up your thigh. “I can promise anything but I can’t be sure of everything. Well I can be sure of once thing..” He moved his head so it was between your legs and he paused. You groaned in frustration and thrusted your hips up but he pinned them back down and held you against the sheets. “What’s that?” You manage to say, your breathing now heavy. He didn’t answer, he just licked between your legs and you couldn’t hold in the moan that passed unwillingly through your lips. He teased your entrance with his tongue and you gasped but sighed when he moved it away. “Please” you begged. “What?” “Please Kili!” “I want you to plead!” He growled moving back up your body to press his lips against yours, his tongue meeting yours halfway as his teeth grazed across your lower lip. “Make me feel good Kili please, I need you!” You whined thrusting your hips up to meet his. He groaned in response and grinded his hips against yours. Eliciting moans from you both. Happy with your response he moved back between your legs softly blowing cool air causing a shiver to run down your spine in expectation. He immediately started to lick and kiss where you wanted him too, expertly making you feel shots of pleasure run through your body. He ran his tongue harshly over your clit and you yelled out in pleasure. “You never..finished your sentence” you breathed out. “I will Don’t worry” he positioned himself between your legs and kissed you one last time. “Ready?” You nodded and he pushed inside you giving you a few moments to adjust before thrusting in and out to build up a rhythm. Soon the room was filled with shouts and moans. “KILI!”he grunted and lifted your legs so you could wrap them around his waist giving him more room. “OHGOD!” He said, throwing his head back. He pulled out, re angled and then thrusted back in, and hit your sweet spot immediately causing heat to pool in your stomach. You dug your nails in his back and dragged them down as his pace quickened. He was biting and sucking on your neck as the heat grew bigger. “Close” you choked out, he nodded and thrusted harder, his lips crashed on yours and you moved your hands up to his hair and tugged slightly, his moan lost in your mouth. You lifted your hips to meet his thrusts and in no time wave after wave of pleasure shot through your body, your vision white for a brief moment as you screamed his name. He followed soon after and then collapsed on top of you, his sweat mixing with yours as you both caught your breath. He pulled out and lay there smiling. You rolled over so your hand was on his chest, he twined his fingers with yours. “What are you sure of?” You asked. “That I will always be in love with you.” “And I will always be in love with you” no other words were said that night, you both lay there together soaking up every second you had in each other’s arms. For neither of you wanted to mention the fact that the other could die tomorrow. So you stayed close, body’s tangled together not wanting morning to come.