I’m sick of hiding who I really am, so let me explain a few things about myself.
1. I’m independent- so independent that I don’t get attached to people at all. But just because I’m independent and like doing things alone without help doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely. In fact, I get lonely a lot, and I crave attention even though I can’t stand getting too close. Maybe I just feel vulnerable and don’t want people knowing too much about me, but the last thing I want is for no one to ever really know me.
2. I like to pretend I have my life together, but I don’t and that terrifies me, so much that I don’t like to talk or think about it.
3. I love giving people advice, but I’m terrible at taking other people’s advice. I love to suppress all my feelings and problems until I can pretend I don’t have any, just because I don’t know how to deal with any of it without thinking thoughts that I’m too scared to think.
4. Sometimes I don’t care at all and other times I care too much. There aren’t too many times in between. And I don’t tend to care about things that other people care about. I don’t care about the little things. I’m not being indecisive when I say “I don’t care.” I really mean that it doesn’t make a difference to me.
5. Sometimes I won’t tell you things because I don’t think they matter. Other times I won’t tell you things because they matter too much to me and I can’t risk being hurt by what you think.
6. I have a fear of annoying people, so I tend to not talk a lot, but I’m still an open book. If you ask me about myself and I see that you actually want to know the answer, then I’ll tell you.
7. I’m awful about talking about feelings, so I’m sorry if I don’t apologize or if I don’t tell you I care about you enough, but it’s too uncomfortable for me to bring those things up. Just know that if I don’t tell you something in person, I still mean it and you can be sure that I’ll write about it later.
— Everything I wish I had the nerve to tell someone