help me i have an addiction

Haha is it problematic that feel actually guilty I haven’t seen King of Prism in a week and a half and I may not be able to see it for a couple more weeks? It would be super inconvenient for me to see it this week, yet here I am looking up showtimes anyway. I mean know I don’t NEED to, but it’s thinning out in theaters and I am just like… n-nooo… must help save… the Prism Sparkle… (seriously it’s upsetting help…)

On the flip side, I seem to have conquered my arcade game addiction, which is something I have been quietly battling over the past few months after a revelation while in the hospital. I am not quitting, but it’s not like a COMPULSION anymore, yknow? I no longer feel the need to make time to play on workdays or always bring my arcade stuff with me when I go out (I used to bring a PriPara file even when I was like gonna go grocery shopping or something in hopes of maybe playing a few games). I don’t need all the coords anymore because I clearly have all the coords and not being in the national rankings all the time is not a big deal since no one notices anyway.

I am SUPER PROUD OF MYSELF seriously.

All-in-all I think King of Prism is a healthier hobby than arcade games. If you had to compare them.

…r.. right….?

100 ways to say “I love you”:
1. You are beautiful.
2. I love your smile.
3. Here, let me get that for you.
4. I love seeing you wake up in the morning.
5. You are amazing.
6. I love (this) about you:
7. Stay safe. Text me when you get there.
8. I love when you do (this):
9. I think you’re beautiful when:
10. You’re too good for me.
11. I don’t deserve you.
12. I care about you.
13. Don’t put yourself down like that.
14. I adore you.
15. I can’t stop thinking about you.
16. Seeing you makes me smile.
17. I need you by my side.
18. I’m thankful for you.
19. You make me a better person.
20. You complete me.
21. Have a good day at work!
22. You’re the light of my life.
23. Seeing you makes my day.
24. I get butterflies every time we talk.
25. I’m so lucky to have you; I don’t know how I got so lucky.
26. You set my heart on fire.
27. I’ll walk you home.
28. I love to make you happy.
29. You’re my soulmate.
30. You’re my best friend.
31. I can’t wait to see you (again).
32. You mean the world to me.
33. You’re my rock.
34. I value you.
35. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
36. I love being around you.
37. Pull over and let me drive some.
38. Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.
39. I want you.
40. You complete me.
41. You’re my happiness.
42. Do you need anything?
43. I want to hold your hand and never let go.
44. You’re the only one for me.
45. You are my heaven on earth.
46. Every time I look at you I fall in love all over again.
47. Drive safe.
48. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
49. Forever isn’t too long, because I know I’ll be with you.
50. I’d rather argue with you than kiss someone else.
51. You look great today.
52. I love that _______ on you.
53. You look cute when you push your glasses up.
54. I’ll always be here; I’m here for you.
55. My heart hurts when you’re not around.
56. I can’t think of what my life would be like without you.
57. We’re perfect for each other.
58. I cherish you; you’re more important than anything else in my life.
59. I will love you until I die, and even after.
60. You’re mine.
61. I support you.
62. I’m addicted to you.
63. You’re perfect in my eyes.
64. Take this; it’ll help you feel better.
65. I can’t wait to see you.
66. You’re the only one for me.
67. I’m crazy about you.
68. I had an amazing time with you.
69. I feel so lucky to have you.
70. I’ll never let you go; I’ll never want to.
71. I hope this moment never ends.
72. You leave me breathless.
73. I’d do anything for you.
74. Seeing you happy makes me happy.
75. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.
76. You always find a way to make me smile.
77. I can’t put what I feel for you into words; it’s too great.
78. I still get jealous even though I know you’re mine.
79. I’m listening to you.
80. I made this for you, I know it’s your favorite.
81. I’m excited and nervous for tonight with you.
82. I got you your favorite candy.
83. I’ll always care about you.
84. I made you breakfast.
85. I can never stay mad at you.
86. I love your eyes; they’re gorgeous.
87. I love that outfit on you.
88. You look so cute.
89. You’re the highlight of my day.
90. How’d you sleep?
91. Your smile makes my heart go crazy.
92. I hate seeing you cry.
93. It’s my job to make you happy.
94. I want to spend more time with you.
95. I’ll fix it.
96. I hate when we argue.
97. You’re the only person I want to live my life with.
98. You drive me crazy (in a good way).
99. I’m proud of you.
100. I trust you, I always will.

- L.L.
—  via @thoughtlessinspirationss on tumblr
GOT7′s Google Search History

Jaebum

  • “how many cats is too many cats”
  • “what does rabies look like”
  • “why do people hate my bucket hats”
  • “am i having an existential crisis”
  • “what type of cat am i personality quiz”

Mark

  • “one way ticket to LA”
  • “why is my dad more popular than me”
  • “how to get legal custody of my shared dog”
  • “is time an illusion”
  • “how to delete ‘A’ era ramen hair mark tuan off of the internet for good”

Jackson

  • “how to get the world to drink green tea”
  • “what are the benefits of drinking a gallon of green tea every day”
  • “help i have too many gym memberships”
  • “am i TOO devilishly handsome”
  • “Jackson Wang GOT7 abs”

Jinyoung 

  • “i keep periodically losing my social media logins”
  • “when will Bounce by JJP die”
  • “how to plot the murder of a dongsaeng”
  • “why does everyone call me a wine mom”
  • “acting agencies looking for handsome idols”

Youngjae

  • “hello mr google!!!”
  • “is my dog planning to run away with mark hyung”
  • “how many times can i delete my insta pics before people start unfollowing me”
  • “how to abolish every cucumber in the world”
  • “i don’t know how to stop screaming”

Bambam

  • “nearest gucci store”
  • “every time i spend money i cry please help”
  • “how many boots can i buy before people catch on that i have an addiction”
  • “beginners guide to burning a bucket hat”
  • “what is the newest meme trend i need it for science”

Yugyeom

  • “how to tell if your hyung is plotting your murder”
  • “how to make eye contact with girls”
  • “my hyungs made soundclouds so should i do it too”
  • “i forgot my soundcloud login”
  • “music playlists that will make my hyungs think i’m cooler than i actually appear”
I am a volunteer patient escort at planned parenthood

This is something I just shared on FB about my experiences as a patient escort. Just thought I’d put it on here too.

Alright y'all. Prepare for a long post, but one you should read.

Some of you know, but some of you don’t, that I volunteer at Planned Parenthood about twice a month. My official title is Volunteer Clinic Escort. My role is to safely get patients and family into the clinic safely, with privacy, and with a friendly face. Not all Planned Parenthoods (PP) have these, but the clinic where I volunteer does because we have loud, abrasive, volatile, threatening, verbally abusive and dishonest anti-choice protesters who harass people in the clinic. I would like to tell you about my experiences with them and with patients who talk to me as I stand outside with my umbrella and vest.

(I would like to note that this is not the place to tell me that abortion is wrong, that I should not support PP, that I need to stop what I’m doing. I’ve heard every argument before. In fact, I’ve had every arguement screamed in my face. You’re welcome to your opinion, but I will not be acknowledging it on here, and I ask that others ignore dissenters too. This post isn’t about me and why you think I’m wrong. It’s about what I see every time I volunteer.)

When I am volunteering, I am outside and often have patients and family members talk with me. I’m obviously not there to counsel or to offer advice medically one way or another, but I am a friendly ear and people just need to talk sometimes. Also, when volunteering, patients entering the clinic are verbally harassed by the anti choice protesters almost immediately and, while we don’t encourage it, they often yell back. The protesters don’t listen.


On my very first day, I had a person head into the clinic. As I smiled to her and went to get the door, an anti-choice protester (ACP) yelled “Mama! Don’t kill your baby!” The patient immediately responded tearfully “my baby is dead. My baby is falling out of me right now. I didn’t do anything.” The ACP, without missing a beat, screamed back through her child-sized megaphone “No he isn’t! Your doctor lied to you! These murderers just want your money!” I ushered in the patient as gently as I could while my co-volunteer told her kindly that those people didn’t matter and that in a week they wouldn’t even remember what they heard here.

In the year and a half I’ve been doing this, we have had a ACP sneak into the clinic and threaten to burn the place down. The police did nothing. We had two other ACPs try and enter the clinic to tell patients they would adopt their babies. We told them to get off the property and when they didn’t, we called the police. Eventually the ACP returned to the narrow strip of lawn they stand on at the edge of the parking lot, and luckily so, because the police never showed again.

My clinic, luckily, has never faced extreme violence while I was there. But other PP and health care clinics are not so lucky. They are burned down, have bombs planted, have clinic escorts and workers physically harmed.

They are shot at and three people die.

I have had patients tell me that they will be killed by their partner if they have an abortion. I have been told that their partner will kill them if they DON’T have one. I’ve been told how people with physical disabilities cannot carry a child without side effects so severe they may not survive. I’ve had patients explain that their mental health is at risk if they go through with the pregnancy. I’ve had patients come in with a wanted pregnancy that ended in miscarriage and they needed PPs help to safely remove the tissue. I’ve seen people come in who admit to being addicted to drugs and know they cannot go through this pregnancy.

Planned Parenthood helped all these people, not just with medical care, but with helping abused patients find help to escape violent partners. Helping those who want to conceive find fertility doctors. Helping drug addicts find resources to become healthy.

All the while, the ACP stand outside, screaming and hollering, telling women that they are murderers and whores and that they will burn for murdering their babies. But it’s ok, they do it out of love. They scream at these people and tell them awful things and then beg to have the patient come talk with them.

They don’t see the hypocrisy.

It is a rule to not engage with the ACP at all. In the year and a half I’ve been doing this, I’ve said maybe a total of 50 words to the group, all of which are some form of “you are on our property, step back right now.” I may not engage them, but we can make eye contact and make them believe we are listening. We do this so the ACP begins shouting at me, and not a patient getting air outside. I would much rather be shouted at than have them scream at a patient.

When I am being yelled at, I have been called: a murderer, a nazi, a slavery supporter, a bad mother, a bad wife (they do not know if I am married or if I have children), a witch, a lesbian, a liberal, a member of satan’s army, a Muslim lover, a bitch, a slut, and evil. Some of these things are true and some are perfectly fine things to be, but to the ACP they are all bad.

Sometimes we have patient partners come talk to the protesters. They try and explain to the ACP why they are there with their partner. I’ve heard them tell the ACP every single reason, and every single time, the protesters still tell them they are wrong and a bad father and a supporter of Satan. Every. Time. And they call this love.

Since Trump took office, one of his first orders signed was a Global Gag Rule. People thought that this rule meant that no US money would go to pay for abortions overseas, but in fact, US funds have never paid for abortions and haven’t since 1973. Even in the US, because of the Hyde Amendment, no federal funding goes to pay for abortions.

What this gag rule now does, however, is prevent money from going to clinics that even mention abortion as a method of family planning. They don’t have to perform them. If they are mentioned at all in pamphlets or classes, they lose foreign aid money. This means that now they can’t provide birth control, wellness checks, prenatal care, or classes.

This will cause unwanted pregnancies. This will cause people to seek out abortions, often in unsafe condition.

This will cause people to die.

Roughly 1/3 people with a uterus will have an abortion in their life. I haven’t spoken to everyone who has had one, but I’ve spoken to more than most. No one gets an abortion out of malice. No one gets an abortion just to end the life of a fetus, just for kicks. No. One.

Planned Parenthood provides important health services, including abortion. They do this despite the risk of physical bodily harm, every day. People like myself stand outside PP to protect patients because it is important.

We. Will. Not. Stand. Down.

I will continue to volunteer, even though since Trump was elected, the ACP have gotten more and more aggressive in their tactics, since they believe Trump supports their actions. I will continue to walk these patients inside, to get help, because it is important and right. I will continue to fight Trump the slew of anti choice people supporting him. I will continue to support choice even though I know I will lose friends and will face hatred from people I know.

Planned Parenthood is important, and we will not stand down.

Drarry: A Summary
  • Harry calls Draco “Dragon Boy” because his name means dragon in Greek (from Latin).
  • Draco does not appreciate this and proceeds to call him “Henry” because Harry is a nickname for the German name Henry.
  • Harry also, does not appreciate his pet name.
  • Thus began the list of names they call each other.
    • “Ferret.”
    • “Scarhead.”
    • “Pretty boy.”
    • “WHOREcrux!”
    • “I’m a whore for you, blondie.”
  • Harry holds doors open for Draco. He also pulls out chairs for him.
  • Because Draco is a, “Pretty pretty princess that deserves to be treated like one.”
    • “Cough cough.”
    • “What?”
    • “Cough cough… the door?”
    • “I’m carrying all the groceries, Draco. I don’t have a free hand.”
    • “Well, put some down and open it.”
    • “Are you-”
    • “Yes, Potter, I am serious. Do I look like I open my own doors?”
  • Draco bought them a kitten.
  • He named her Rosie Malfoy-Potter.
  • She’s a little pure white kitty with clear blue eyes, and the constant need to lick Harry’s nose.
  • Harry didn’t know he was going to come home to his boyfriend holding a tiny animal, letting it crawl over his arms and onto their couch.
  • He was shocked, and angry at first.
  • But not even the Boy-Who-Lived can resist a kitten.
    • “Look at her! She’s nuzzling my hand!”
    • “Yes, I see that.”
    • “Isn’t she the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”
    • “It’s a cat.”
    • “No, it’s our daughter!”
    • “No, it’s a cat.”
    • “Come here, let me just…”
  • Draco placed the fluffy ball of fur in Harry’s arms. She quickly warmed up to him and began snuggling into his chest.
  • Harry picked her up, pulling her in front of his face.
  • Draco pushed the kitten closer, as she cautiously sniffed his nose.
  • And licked it.
    • “See? She loves you.”
    • “….”
    • “Harry? Please, I’ll be the housewife and take care of the children. Let me have her? Let us have her?”
    • “….”
    • “Honey?”
    • “Alright, she can stay.”
  • Harry’s a workaholic.
  • Sometimes he takes extra shifts because he wants to. Not for the money.
  • This annoys Draco.
  • Before they moved in together, he didn’t know how often Harry could throw himself into his work.
  • Saving lives, trying to protect the world from forces that would never cease.
  • Sometimes he needed to be reminded that not everyone can be saved. There’s more to life than being the hero.
  • Draco was a good reminder. Like an alarm.
  • He would go off at a certain time, whenever he needed him. Whenever Harry stayed up for forty-eight hours without sleep working on a case, he was there. Ready to owl him in sick, make sure he slept that night, he got food in the morning, he made sure Harry knew he couldn’t be there for everyone. The only way to stay sane as an Auror is to know when to go home. 
    • “Harry, you can’t keep going like this.”
    • “I have to finish looking over this file. If I can find out where this kid is then-”
    • “Harry Potter!”
    • “Give that back!”
    • “No, you listen to me. You can’t keep doing this.”
    • “Doing what?”
    • “Not eating, not sleeping, not talking, only working. It’s not good for you. I’m worried. You come home, but you’re not home. You’re at work. We haven’t had sex in three weeks. You haven’t had a full meal in three weeks. Mrs. Weasley flooed wondering where you were at dinner this Sunday. You know what I told her? You were hooked on this case. Addicted. This is an addiction, Harry. You’re addicted to saving people. Addicted to helping. Yeah, well you can’t save everyone, Potter! If you’re going to have a fucking hero complex then why don’t you save the ones who really matter in your life. I’ve woken up screaming and crying twice this month, and where were you? Not next to me, not where I needed you. I’ve needed saving. I love you, you stupid prick. I fucking love you. I fucking care about you. Please, for fuck’s sake, don’t do this to yourself.To us.”
  • He stopped bringing his work home after that.
Real advice

So a lot of you on here are teens and might be getting ready to be out on your own. Here are some things I learned the hard way or that are just good to know.

  • Never smoke or quit if you are currently. The cost of addictive smoking is more than half your groceries a month AND the bodily cost will surprise you.
  • Drink water. Yeah okay I know this one sucks but water is much much cheaper than soda, trust me. Your skin will thank you.
  • Send thank you cards. Don’t have any? Get the cheap ones and send those. It doesn’t matter how nice they are, the fact that you sent a thank you card matters. Send it for gifts, people calling you to check on you, those adults who helped you move, and even people who interview you.
  • Withhold 1. Okay so speaking of jobs, on your forms (US) where you are trying to figure out your tax withholding, put one. Yourself. It’s an easy way to make sure you don’t owe $2,000 in April and you still get a pretty decent check. 
  • No pets. If you don’t have a pet now, don’t get one. It’s super hard to get an apartment that will let you have a pet when you are first starting out. Wait until you are a bit older and can afford to rent more than a one bedroom apartment. 
  • Insurance. You’re young, so why do you need life insurance? Because that’s the best time to get it. Yeah, it’s a dumb expense to pay right now, but if you get it early, you can afford it. The longer you wait, the more expensive it is. Car insurance is going to be high for a few years, but it will drop around 22 and 25 years old. Health insurance usually comes through your job and please don’t ignore it. Renter’s insurance is usually pretty cheap and it covers you if there is a fire or natural disaster and you have to go back home to mom.
  • Off brand. This goes for food, clothing, makeup, and cleaning supplies and just about anything else you can think of. For food, Aldi’s is your best friend. I can go fill up a cart of just food and it will cost maybe $70. the same amount of food at Walmart is easily over $150. You can of course be picky, but try to get the majority of your food off brand. Hygiene products too. Goodwill is great for clothes, but plan a trip. Save like 60 bucks and drive near a big city where the rich people live. Go to the goodwill there. You can basically get an all new wardrobe for pennies on the dollar. Makeup is tricky. It can be really really expensive but you don’t really have to buy all of it name brand. Pick whats most important to you. I prefer eye shadows and lipsticks name brand and I deal with everything else from the drugstore. With he right techniques, you can make it look expensive. As for cleaning, I always use dollar tree stuff minus my laundry detergent because of allergies. Bleach, stain spray, and vinegar are gonna be your best friends,.
  • Car. Okay so yeah, that brand new car is nice and sure, maybe you can afford it. For now. Disaster will strike. Something will come up and bam, you’re stuck choosing if you want to walk everywhere or eat. Try getting a slightly used car, such as one of the ones they let people test drive a lot or a car that has previously been leased. Just as nice and much MUCH cheaper. And I have gotten THREE cars with no down payment so don’t let them tell you you can’t. But it is nice to put it down,even $100. 
  • Negotiate. Don’t be afraid to haggle with people. Yeah it’s intimidating but it’s 10 minutes of your life versus hundreds of dollars a year. What can you negotiate? Almost anything. Car payment. Rent. Insurance. Hospital bills. Even due dates for the bills you can’t negotiate on. Also, if something comes up where you have to skip a payment on something, call them. Give them like $25 and explain your situation. Ask if your payment date can be moved with the $25 as a goodwill promise to pay the rest later. It works. They would rather move your date than send you to collections. 
  • Collectors. Okay so this one is tricky. If you have fallen behind and owe a collector, don’t fret. I do too, even as I write this. Owing a collector means that the original service has been paid (health bills, credit card ect) and you are now paying the people who paid your bill. (I know it’s confusing) however, they will usually want the entirety of what they paid for you in 6 months. Meaning if they just paid a bill for you that was $3,000, they are gonna ask for $500 a month. That’s rent. That’s crazy. Tell them outright what you can afford and don’t lie about it either. If you can afford $100, tell them that. If you can afford $50, tell them that. If you can’t afford to pay them anything when they call you, let them know when you can. If you can’t afford it when you told them you could, don’t answer your phone to a number you don’t know. I know that sounds horrible but if you are renting an apartment, renting a car, and literally own nothing, they can’t do much to you. Just pay when you can and try to maybe pick up some extra shifts at work to make a payment. I have been dodging collectors for about three years. I owe I think three right now. I pay ONE of them a month, but it’s a large payment to keep them quiet for a while. I do not suggest this for you, I am just letting you know what I do.
  • Credit Cards. Okay, the big one. Many adults will tell you to never ever get a credit card and that’s just not feasible in this world. However, it can be addicting to be able to go to Walmart when you are negative in your bank account and get that $10 movie. I mean, it’s just 10 bucks right? WRONG. It will build up fast and soon the one credit card you have will be maxed. So you have to get another for emergencies. And another. And so on. So here’s my advice; Get a credit card through the same bank as your checking and tell them to put a limit on it and not let it raise. Then lock that sucker away and forget you have it until a real emergency comes up like a flat tire, short on money for groceries, or that collector that hasn’t been paid in 4 months. You can make it on one credit card if you are strict with your money, which I am sure you don’t have a lot of.
  • Budget. Speaking of money, write out a budget for yourself. Don’t know how? Here’s the easiest way. Most people get paid bi-weekly so here’s how to do it. Make two columns, Check 1 and Check 2. If you have a full time job you know about how much your checks are going to be so put the amount at the top of each column. Now that hard part - figure out what is due when. Is something due June 1st? Take it out of check 2 (end of May). Is something due May 14? Take it out of check 1 (beginning of May). That main thought process behind your budget is that you want to have the money for a bill set aside before it’s due. Paying a bill a few days early is a great way to make a good financial reputation for yourself and for some things even build credit. Now if you get paid bi-weekly, you will sometimes have a month where you get 3 checks. DON’T BLOW IT. Put it right back into your budget as Check 1 and keep the flow going. If you prepay bills, like your car or your rent or your credit card, and stay a month a head of those big ones, you may need that wiggle room later. If your car, for instance, is paid ahead 1 month, you can use the car money you would normally pay that month for maybe some extra groceries or some small emergency without using your credit card and you won’t even fall behind! You’ll just be back to owing every month instead of being ahead. It’s like a savings account without the temptation to blow the money. 
  • Simplicity. Enjoy simple things. A gym is expensive, go for a walk instead. Cable is expensive, pay for internet. Phones are expensive, get on a family plan (there is no shame in staying on your parent’s plan, just pay your share). Food is expensive, enjoy leftovers. Movies are expensive, go early and resist any snacks. Shopping is expensive, go to the mall and spend all day trying on cute clothes and taking selfes in the dressing room (makes you feel like a million bucks sometimes!). Time is expensive because you don’t have a lot of it so If you want to stay in bed all day on your day off, do it. If you want to binge on your day off, do it. If you want to just play board games with friends on a Saturday night with a few beers, do it. Simple fun is way better for your pocket and your anxiety.
  • Mental Health  - speaking of anxiety, make sure you take care of your brain. Go outside, even if it means sitting on your steps. Wake up early, even for just an hour. Don’t burn yourself out at work or school because you will suffer the consequences. Make a schedule. If you have trouble with timekeeping, ask for help. If you feel you do have a real mental disorder, see if your employer has what’s called and EAP program (employee assistance program). They usually help you find a mental health provider and give you a few visits for free. This will help you narrow down what exactly you have and after you’re free visits are up you can see who is in your health insurance network that can provide you the mental care you need. if you are prescribed drugs, always get generic. If there is no generic, ask for an alternative. I will not lie to you, mental health is the hardest thing to treat. It took me 8 years and a lot of money to figure out the right medication cocktail for me and my bipolar/ schizophrenia (yes I have both). Turns out I only need two pills, and if I were to refill both of them right now, I wouldn’t even pay $10 thanks to my health insurance (which sucks but at least it’s there) and because I got generics. Also, talk therapy can be pricey but sometimes only a few sessions can change your life. I have literally only been to talk therapy 11 times in my life and that was to deal with PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia, and suicidal tendencies. 11 sessions. That’s 11 hours. And yeah, I paid over $400 out of pocket for those collectively. But if I hadn’t I would probably be dead right now so it was worth it.
  • Connections. Calling your friends is awesome because sometimes, it’s free therapy. And okay, maybe you’re 19 and you still have a horrible relationship with your parents. It’s okay. I am 25 and I still have problems with my parents. My whole family actually. Social media is a kind of safety net for me because that’s where I can be myself. Find where you can be yourself, it will help you stay sane.
  • Clean. Sometimes when I feel crappy, I take a shower. I clean the living room. I do the dishes. I vacuum. I mop. I open the windows. I get the trash out of the house. Change into some clean clothes. Organize my desk. Clean out your closet and put all your unwanted clothes in bags to donate. Just a small amount of cleaning can make you feel like you accomplished something. 
  • Hobbies. This one is a little hard too. It depends on your personality, your budget, and how much free time you have. Drawing , singing, and writing are free. Exercising can be free if you run or walk in the park. But most hobbies do actually cost money. Video games, playing an instrument, painting, sewing, cooking/baking, making things - those all cost money. Some of them lots of money. But you have to have a hobby outside of social network, sleeping, and working. It’s another thing to keep you sane and it’s just a good idea.
  • Toxic people. Do not be afraid to cut people out of your life that do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself or insult your life. This could mean breaking up with your partner, unfriending a person from your social circle, cutting out a whole circle of people, or even not talking to a relative(s). It’s not easy for some people but if they do not build you up, they will only tear you down. 
  • Drink at home. Okay so this one might sound like a no brainer, but I’ll explain it anyway. Packs of beer and hard liquor bottles are cheaper than a pint and a shots at the bar. Bottles of wine are cheaper than a glass at a restaurant. It’s never okay to drive drunk or even after one bottle of beer. NEVER. Staying at home is cheaper all around and you can drink in your pajamas while watching Finding Nemo on loop. Or invite some friends over and create a drinking game out of a show, a game you already have, or just talk and drink. 
  • Sleep. This one is so important. You need a good bed and a quiet, dark place to sleep. If you are scared of the dark, get a night light. Can’t sleep in silence? Get a fan. I have both of these and they help. You’re brain will feel tired if you ‘slept’ for 12 hours but only got 1 hour of REM. REM can really only happen every night if you are in a calm and dim environment. Quality of sleep will effect your eating habits, your emotional state, your mental stability, and your ability to make rational decisions among other things. 

So these are obviously just a few things, but I feel they are important to share. Please feel free to add any and reblog it for those about to enter adulthood. 

✨Stay afraid but do it anyway.✨

And perhaps I’m a little touchy on the subject and maybe I hold Carrie a little too dear to my heart, but the reason I do is because Carrie Fisher helped me realize I was mentally ill.

Oh I knew I was crazy, in the same vague way you worry that you’ve left the stove on at home, despite not having cooked yourself a meal in weeks because you’re too depressed to eat a proper meal. (Except you don’t call it that, you call it “laziness” and maybe try and convince yourself it’s a new diet called “whatever requires the least amount of effort to put calories into my face”.)

Something was “off” inside my head, but no one seemed to care about it too much. Even when they threw me into eating rehab for a perceived eating disorder—despite lacking several of the vital criteria on the checklist to have typical eating disordered behavior—no one gave too much of a shit. I was just a girl who was “too nervous”, “too in touch with my emotions”, “too fragile”, I was “attention seeking”. And their remedy to this was ignore me and wonder why I crashed and burned at regular intervals, blame me for being selfish, then go back to not giving a fuck until it inconvenienced their life again.

I was crazy. But maybe I wasn’t. Maybe if I just tried harder…so I learned to cope. I became the one who Coped. I was There For Everyone. I became Reliable and above all else, I learned to be Funny and make It funny.

My mother still hates that. She thinks it’s crass for women to be funny. Personally I think I’m fucking hysterical, but then what do I know, I’m fucking nuts.

Later, now with hindsight and being able to look at my life from a safe(-r) mindset surrounded by people who care and want to help, I realize that what I was going through was (and is) untreated PTSD. Whether or not the PTSD caused the other issues, like the depression, the anxiety, the compulsive behaviors or the ADHD I think I might have, I don’t know. I likely will never know, because the Thing happened and shot my still developing child brain into a million tiny fragmented pieces of unparalleled terror and poor coping mechanisms. It doesn’t really matter at this point, all that matters is dealing with all of it as best as I can, however I can. But there’s a very real chance I might never have gotten to this stage if I hadn’t found out that Princess Leia, my childhood icon who helped me feel brave and strong while my world was ending, had written a book about living with mental health issues.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from it to be honest. I knew vaguely, that Carrie Fisher had issues. The word “junkie” had been used by my father—while unironically taking a drink from his self-medicating poison of choice and my mother tutted and tisked about how some people just ought to pull themselves together

Ten, maybe twelve minutes into the book locked away in my room, I can’t even tell you anymore whether I was crying because I was laughing so hard or if I was laughing because I was crying my heart out, but I was having a fucking revelation.

This was me, holy shit this was me, this was me, this was me, an unboken mantra in my head pounding to the beat of my heart, this was me, this is me—I do exist.

That’s a weird thought to have, right? I do exist. 

It wasn’t, “I’m normal”, because normal is not this. It’s not feeling like your mind is running a million miles a second in circles while simultaneously wading uphill through treacle and juggling chainsaws while trying to keep all your Life Plates spinning and oh gods someone just handed you a kitten to look after. What it is however, is fairly common, and suffered with varying degrees of severity by a rather sizable chunk of the world’s population. I mean, who knew? I sure as shit didn’t. I thought it was all in my head.

You know what I mean.

I’m told some people get up in the mornings and go through their entire day without once having an intrusive thought or struggling to do basic shit like take a shower and manage to remember to feed themselves. I know, seems fake right? It certainly does to me.

And here was Carrie, my Princess Leia, laying out her issues past, present and probable future, in what remains one of the funniest, most brutal attempts at self-lobotomy on paper I have ever had the privilege to read. I consumed that book in mere hours, I devoured her words and breathed them in like inhaling steam in a sauna and breathing out fire in their wake and moved onto her next book, then her next, then her next, and by then there was this blessed thing called Twitter and it should be impossible to be hilarious and poignant through 140 emojis or less, but that was the kind of brilliant she was. And this was me, this was someone like me. And she was witty and brilliant and funny and yes, things were difficult for her and yes, some parts of her life were an absolute clusterfuck of mistakes, addiction and general all round fuckery leading up to that point…but she was still there, y’know? She was still there.

And it breaks my heart a little every day, knowing that I’ll never be able to tell her how important that was to me. And to thank her for it.

So instead I try to pay it forward. Every day, from one day to the next, I try to be a little kinder, a little brighter—a little more like Our Lady Carrie—and throw two loving sparkly middle fingers up at the world that tries to stamp out and demonize the notion that mentally ill people like me, like you, exist. 

And we deserve to exist, and more than that, we deserve to be treated with human fucking decency.

And if you are of a mind that the latest news surrounding Carrie’s death means that she was any lesser of a vital energy force in this world, that she mattered less, that her words were less important or that she “deserved” to die because they found drugs in her autopsy report, it is with my profound and heartfelt best wishes, that I invite you to cordially:

✨🖕✨🖕✨🖕✨ Go Fuck Yourself ✨🖕✨🖕✨🖕✨

Don’t bother to RSVP.

30.4.17 || 6/100 days of productivity 

Today I have FINALLY finished my criminology essay plan, and I’m currently getting some work done on my digital media lectures. ✌🏻

To say this month has been chaotic would be an incredible understatement. I honestly feel like the universe has been testing me, but here I am. I SURVIVED! Farewell April, thanks for.. helping me grow I guess? I’m optimistic about May, and whatever it may bring. It can’t get any worse… right? 

🎶 Dear To Me - Electric Guest

Demons Vs Trees

Our party was making our way through a desert, only to find a forest of cedar, growing in straight lines. Finding a obviously man-created forest in the middle of a desert was a little odd, so our druid (who speaks plant languages) decided to introduce himself. 

Druid: Hello, I’m-
Tree: Do you have the stuff? Am I growing straight enough? I can grow straighter if you give me the stuff!
Druid: The…. Stuff?
Tree: Yeah. You know. The stuff.
Druid: I have no clue what the stuff is.
Tree: Guys, he doesn’t have the stuff. (The other trees groan.) Why would you even come if you don’t have the stuff? 

Meanwhile, the fighter and enchanter find some rocks scattered all over the place that could be used in very strong plant growth potions. They relay this information to the druid.

Druid: I don’t have the stuff, but I can try something. (He casts a spell for speeding plant growth)
Tree: Yes! Yes! Again! More! Do it again!
GM: The trees outside the spell radius are getting agitated and are shaking. They are yelling at you for not casting it on them.
Druid: Holy shit guys, these are addict trees.

Later, in the same forest, we get into an encounter involving a bunch of low level demons.  

Fighter: There’s a lot of them, so no stealing my kills! (Starts off towards the nearest target)
Enchanter: (Uses a spell that vaporizes all of the demons in a 30ft radius)
Fighter: Seriously? What did I just say? (Heads after another)
Druid: (Quietly hands a note to the GM)
GM: Suddenly, the trees begin to shake and branches start falling off left and right. You head thuds through out all of the forest. Luckily, none of you seem to even get a scratch- but all of the demons are dead. After investigating, you find there were more than you thought there were. Maybe about 300 total.
Fighter: Are you kidding me with all this? I wanted to smash something.
Druid: So umm. I might have promised that any trees who helped us in the fight would get a growth spell. We might be in the forest for a while.
Enchanter: I’m still getting over that the battle was won by addict trees.

Undercover Cops/Warning for Drug Blogs 6/13/17

Hey everyone sorry for not posting on here for the last week, I’ve been laying low after a frightening incident that happened to me regarding undercover police and someone I met here off Tumblr. Yes, police are targeting people (drug users primarily) on here by making blogs that have nothing on them (no reblogs, no personal content, not following any other blogs but Tumblr Staff and YOU) and messaging drug addicts in private telling them that if we help them score they will give us money/let us keep like half the amount of stuff they’re asking for, etc.

I was debating on whether or not I should post this since the person this is about doesn’t know I know they’re a cop/working for cops, but I want to keep everyone on here safe from this kind of stuff happening to them, so I might as well share my experience.

Basically a blog on here that had nothing posted on their blog and that wasn’t following anyone except for me and Tumblr Staff (two key sketchy signs right there) messaged me asking for help getting H saying that they had just moved from out of state and needed help with a new connect and offered me close to $100 each time for helping them. It seemed sketchy but I desperately needed the money, so I decided to help.

I met with them twice before the third time, being extremely cautious the first two times (watching my surroundings, asking important questions, sending someone else to bring the stuff back to them instead of me, etc.). Then on the third time they asked for a much larger amount than they had asked for the first two times (which is something cops trying to do an undercover buy do, they buy a couple of decent sized amounts and then on buy number three they buy a large amount and try to pop you with it when you return back to them with it.)


On buy three I carefully watched my surroundings. I noticed undercover cop cars around keeping an eye on me, after I walked off I had a bad feeling.

I got a confirmation that my sketched out feelings were right when while the person was waiting on me to come back with dope my friend that knew what I was doing gave me a call and told me that they were over in the area that that person I’m helping is in and that there’s over 5 cop cars and a drug task force vehicle waiting on me to come back so they could bust me. There was also unmarked vehicles with cops looking out the window with binoculars driving up and down the streets looking for where I went. I’m not going to say what happened after this in case the person I wrote this about finds it. I did the smart thing and decided to be safe instead of sorry.

Everyone on Nodsquad, Tweaker Nation, and everything in between, BE CAREFUL WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE AND HELPING THEM GET VARIOUS SUBSTANCES! IT CAN AND POSSIBLY COULD COME BACK TO BITE YOU.

I’ve met probably close to 20 people off of Tumblr, some just to hang out, some for whatever else, and none of them were sketchy people until this last incident.

DON’T HELP BLOGS THAT ARE NEW AND DON’T HAVE ANY CONTENT ON THEM! (aka no reblogs, no personal content, only following you and Tumblr staff or a very unusually small handful of people.)

DON’T GIVE OUT YOUR REAL NAME, REAL PHONE NUMBER, OR ANY OTHER PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF TO THESE PEOPLE OR ANYONE ONLINE YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

If anyone has anymore questions about avoiding these types of situations, about signs and tips on how to spot an undercover cop, or anything else feel free to message me privately. The area I’m in recently hired 110 more undercovers to do drug busts right now, I’m sure Seattle isn’t the only place with this sort of thing going on right now.

PLEASE, PLEASE BE SAFE EVERYONE. A get well, a high, or a chunk of cash isn’t worth a felony and your freedom.

Please reblog this message so everyone in the drug community on here can see this and be made aware. Tumblr isn’t always a “safe place” like we would like to think it is.

Lmao so like, I’m on valium right now, I’m schizophrenic and have borderline personality disorder, and I was put on valium because I had kidney stones surgically removed, now … before I had been put on this for my physical illness, I never would have been given the opportunity to try valium to treat my mental illness.

The psychiatric community fear mongers over it so much, but the valium has vastly improved my life, and if I hadn’t almost died I never would have known that there was a medication out there that could actually help me live my life easier? Isn’t that fucked up? 

They’re more afraid of the evil mentally ills getting “addicted” than fucking treating our symptoms.

Even though like, I’m literally fucking addicted to my antipsychotics, which I have to take for the rest of my life, but apparently that’s ~just not the same~

This one goes out to

This one goes out to all the Asian girls

The darker skinned girls who feel like they don’t conform to beauty standards (you are so much more than a standard)
The light skinned girls who
The girls who may not have the best grades (you don’t deserve this pressure I am sorry)
The girls who do get good grades and enjoy learning
The girls who work hard to revolutionize their respective fields
The girls who choose to stay at home and raise children

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the black girls

The girls with wild hair that won’t be tamed
The girls with skin so dark it reminds you of a night sky (deep and amazing and you can never fully wrap your head around how vastly profound it is)
The albino girls who feel like outsiders in their own community
The girls who have risen from poverty and made a name for themselves
The girls who are still throng to make a name for themselves
The girls who enjoy acting in “ratchet” or “ghetto” ways and aren’t ashamed to be who they are (you shouldn’t be)

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the Indian girls

The girls who wear a bindi and sari and love it
The girls who wear henna like a second skin
The girls who might have a thick accent
The girls who like Bollywood (don’t let anyone tell you it’s silly)
The girls who are told they cannot do what they wish because “how will you get a husband like that?”
The girls who are told it is their fault that a man raped them (it is not and it will never be)

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the Native American girls

The girls who were born and raised on the Reserve
The girls who were ripped from their homes and are trying to learn their culture again
The girls who dress up in traditional costumes and dance
The girls who know the legends by heart and
Could tell you
Every single one of them in the second between the flames dancing
The girls who are from here but still get told to “go back to your own country” as if it was not stolen from them by the ancestors of the person speaking to them

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the Pacific Islander girls

The girls that grew up swimming and know the tides like they know themselves
The big, strong girls who could move a mountain with one look
The women who had their culture erased
The girls that are working hard to fight the stereotypes of poverty by educating themselves and getting excellent jobs
The girls with voyaging in their blood, and ancestors who travelled thousands of miles so that they could be here today

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the mixed race girls

The girls who feel disconnected from their ancestry
The girls who aren’t considered “truly x”
The girls who are tired of being “aren’t” and being overlooked for everything they are
The girls who are a collision of culture, a majestic mixture of their own interests and so much more than you could ever guess
The girls with the ins and outs of two different worlds memorized like the backs of their hands
The girls that know the struggles her people (because they’re her people too) have gone through
And are all the better for it

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the Jewish girls

The girls who get made fun of for their noses
The girls who are told they should “stop being greedy”
The girls that might not eat kosher
The girls that happily observe the Sabbath
The girls who can fluently read and speak Hebrew

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the Muslim girls

The girls who wear hijabs (you can still be a feminist, it’s your body and your choice)
The girls that don’t wear it but still go to prayers
The queer girls who’re worried that Allah doesn’t approve of them
The girls who feel afraid to be themselves because of the environment they’re in (your own safety comes above all else, god knows enough people are being hurt already we don’t want to risk you too)
The girls with bright minds who can see that every religion has some negative aspects, but that normally doesn’t define it

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the disabled girls

The girls with wheelchairs who can’t exactly get everywhere
The girls that need someone to help care for them
The girls who have therapy animals to help them out
The girls with learning difficulties who need tutors (but don’t necessarily have one)
The girls who work hard to have people realize that just because they’re disabled doesn’t mean that they can’t have a good life

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the lesbians

The girls who love girls
(Bottleglass eyes and hopes that reach beyond the stars and smiles and long legs that stride confidently forwards at the parades and good hands that you will never ever want to let go of all of them)
They are a rainbow and
We need more people like them
People who will walk alongside us in the daylight or cuddle with us in the closet
Because before everyone else, we girls should love each other and stick together
Because queer is just another word for weird and aren’t we all a little weird on the inside?

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the bi girls

The ones who are monogamous and love their partner with all their heart but still get dragged into negative stereotypes
The ones who enjoy sex with multiple people (you aren’t a slut)
The ones who aren’t out yet (and aren’t even sure themselves sometimes because “what if I’m just pretending?” even if it isn’t true)
The ones who HAVE a preference (and it isn’t you thank you for the drink but please go away)
The ones who get erased out of events or talked over (because that hasn’t happened often enough ALREADY)

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the pan girls

The girls who love everyone regardless of
Those girls are a ray of sunshine, lighting up anyone’s personality should they be so lucky as to see them
They are wonderful open arms
And you would be so lucky as to receive their affection

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the asexual girls

Not wanting to have sex doesn’t mean you’re any less loveable
The girls who still do aren’t any less valid
But please don’t feel
Pressure to be something you’re not
Because your body doesn’t need to be a sexual object for you to still be confident and pretty and all of those wonderful things I know you are

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the aro girls

You don’t need to have someone
There are many kinds of love
Explore all the facets you want
And don’t
Ever
Apologize for something that isn’t your choice
Because not wanting “baby I love yous” doesn’t make you any less of a woman

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the polyamourous girls

The girls with partners that support them and their decisions
The girls whose wonderful hearts are open to loving
The girls who work hard to find dependable people
The girls that are full of intimate trust for their partners

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are all beautiful, important women and the world needs you to continue being yourselves

This one goes out to all the genderfluid/demigirls/etc.

You may not entirely feel like one,
But we are very happy to have you with us
At the times when you feel like a woman
Gender is complicated so please,
Take your time
We’ll be here if you need us

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman (if you want to be)

This one goes out to all the trans girls

It doesn’t matter what you look like
What your voice sounds like
If you’re on estrogen
If you experience dysphoria
You are still a woman
You are passing simply by being yourself

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the GNC girls

The tall girls who tower over their guy friends
The strong girls who can bench 350 pounds
The tomboys who love sports
The girls with short hair or who don’t like wearing “feminine” clothes (they don’t have a gender but whatever)
You can definitely pull off that suit! You look great!

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all the neurodivergent girls

All the girls with depression who are so tired
The autistic girls with strange stims or who have trouble in social situations
The bipolar girls who can’t help their emotions
The schizophrenic girls who hear things that aren’t there
The girls who are afraid to take medication and get addicted
The girls whose therapists are their best friends (I have listened to so many stories but I will help you if it kills me)
The girls who are trying to care for themselves but finding it so hard

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are still a beautiful woman

This one goes out to all girls

It doesn’t matter what you do with your appearance
Or how you live your daily live
Or if you have a partner
Or if you want to
Or if you have children
Or any other arbitrary factors

No matter your age, economic status or physical appearance
You are all beautiful, important women and the world needs you to continue being yourselves

  • Best friend: What have you been doing the whole time? I mean you never come outside.
  • Me thinking: Well, I've been fucking people off tinder, watched serial killer documentaries, Cry and masturbating while eating pizza, thinking if i should get help for my sex addiction, You know the regular.
  • me saying: Nothing interesting.
Not-Date

Pairings: T’Challa x F!Reader, Tony x Science

Request:

hi can you write something that the reader is watching harry potter WITH tchalla in secret and EVERYONE finds out and ship it - and then tchalla confess his love for her in a harry potter way like “muggle in the streets but a wizard in the sheets” PLEASE, I LOVE YOU i know that is a little cliché BUT t'challa is everything to me meow 😻 BYE 😺 


Bucky has created a chatroom.

Bucky has invited Y/N.

Bucky: Tell Thor to hand over Mjolnir!

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: I WANT HIS CAPE, Y/N.

Thor has joined the chat.

Thor: Lady Y/N, please save me from these men!

Bucky: GIVE IT

Sam: GIVEEEEEEE

Thor: Absolutely not!

Bucky: Scared I might actually be worthy? Maybe I can lift Mjolnir. Since my hand is no longer organic, maybe the elevator rule applies to me.

Sam: Damn, I’ve never thought about that.

Thor: That is nonsense!

Sam: Can I have your cape now?

Thor: Why do you want it?!

Sam: it is warm, i am cold.

Keep reading

Things I hate about each type!! based on multiple personal experience

ENFJ hate: Manipulative af. The word doesn’t revolve around you, and remember no one owes you anything. Addictive personalities. Beware people: Nice to everyone’s face. I’m extremely suspicious.

ENFP hate: Let me help you. Listen to me. All of you.

ENTJ hate: You have to be patient sometimes. “No” means “Stop trying to convince me and asking questions”. Cut down on the shit talking.

ENTP hate: Don’t be a sore loser. If you get something wrong, accept it. Open your mind to learning. Show some weakness, you’ll look more human.

ESFJ hate: Settle down, you move to fast. Stop pretending you don’t care what people think or say about you, it makes you look fake. You boast a bit much for someone so insecure.

ESFP hate: If someone expresses dislike towards something, you take it to heart somehow and link it to yourself. It’s not about you, it’s not your problem, and overthinking looks terrible on you. Too open about your personal life, it gets uncomfortable.

ESTJ hate: You can hold a pointless grudge for way to long, even on people you love and deeply car for. This will probably offend you but open your fucking mind. Other people’s input can be helpful. Your opinions aren’t law. Your opinions aren’t God. You are Inflexible.

ESTP hate: You do bad things for people you like and they don’t like it. Don’t expect people to praise you for bad things. You remind me of a kitten that brings dead animals into the house to show their owner they protect them, no matter how much the owner scolds them. Impulsive.

INFJ hate: You’re better than me. You care about others’ lives, but you always secretly think you have it worse.

INFP hate: Stop following people around. Always worships someone at any given time. Falls in way to deep. You are the most dependent independent people on the planet. Selfless.

INTJ hate: Stop thinking. Stop being so fake, it obviously tires you out. You think people are being so weak and stupid, but if you were in their shoes you’d want them to care for you. Stop exaggerating.

INTP hate: Tells everyone you can’t stand drama and gossip but you need it to be entertained because everyone bores you. You don’t follow through. Takes more than gives.

ISFJ hate: Whiny. Silently judges everyone. Overly sensitive. Should take more timeout for yourselves. You always guilt trip people.

ISFP hate: The most sensitive baby. You have no idea what to do with constructive criticism sometimes. You hold dumb little grudges. I know you hate sharing. Either a pushover, which is annoying, or incredibly stubborn, which is annoying.

ISTJ hate: Traditional. Sometimes your mind seems too unchangeable. The world isn’t against you, I promise. You have the power to make the world work in your favour. Stop following society’s rules and sense of hierarchy and rise up.

ISTP hate: Open up to people around you. You have too many regrets. You’re so stubborn.

written by an  INTJ female

what i love about each type here


Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33
PRAYER: Holy Lord, only in You do I find what satisfies my soul’s desires. The things that have captured my eye become stale after only a short while. The artificial things I have pursued, all of my addictive pursuits, have left me empty and enslaved. I find hope and help only in You. Please be near to love, correct, discipline lead, and mould me to Your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

art lesson (m)

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

in which your forgetfulness leads to perhaps the least innocent art lesson of all time

Member: Taehyung

Word Count: 2.3k

The fact that you had practically carried your friend from the cab up to her apartment, all while in heels, was a testament to the strength of your relationship. You muttered something to yourself about not being paid enough for this shit, which you didn’t think she’d hear.

“Uhm, you’re my best friend, you’re not getting paid at all!”

“But I should be, that’s the point.”

The door opposite hers swung upon before she could respond with whatever awful, unintelligible retort her drunk brain would come up with.

“I’d ask you guys to keep it down, but I like hearing you bicker.”

Keep reading

One of the biggest joys in life is taking a breath and not having it burn through your lungs,
like those nights when you couldn’t stop crying.
—  Nicole Torres // Whoever knows what it feels like
Hard Eyes: Part 5

AN: While it isn’t first thing in the morning it is still fairly early. So here is part 5 of Hard Eyes. There’s only one part left after this!!!! I’ll be holding a poll on twitter to decide what series I should up date next, so make sure to follow me HERE

Prompt: Batmom that was former suicide squad?

Words: 1268

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4


You can’t help but think, that Dick was right. This life is addictive. It’s easy to fall back into. It’s easy to kill and forcefully move people out of your way, when it comes down to it. It’s old hat for you; the bullets flying, the crazy screams, the occasional bit of laughter. Your body moves on it’s own, somehow remembering everything it knew all those years ago.

    It takes everything you have to hold back. You don’t go after major arteries, you go for the tendons, and weak spots. Spots that will ground your  opponents, but not kill them. Then everything is quiet, with the exception of the ringing in your ears. It takes only a minute to snap out of it. Floyd’s hand lands on your shoulder and you’re back.

    “They’re still alive,” Harley complains.

    You look at your friend and shrug, “I’ve gone a bit soft.”

    She sighs, “I heard motherhood does that.”

    You smile before you move forward. You’ve dyed your hair, and donned a mask. There’s no chance of someone recognizing you, and that gives you a certain amount of freedom. You move forward in a group, toward the final door. The only thing standing between you and Thomas Elliott.

    You grip your knives a tighter, until your knuckles turn white, “We do this fast. We neutralize any traps or threats, we grab Elliott, and we make him talk.”

    There’s a murmur of agreement, as Ivy uses her plants to open the doors. Several small explosions go off as you enter. And then you’re met with more hired guns.You fall right back into the pattern.

    It takes no time for you to cut through the weeds, and that’s when you see him. He’s grinning, and staring at you. You have no doubt that he knows exactly who you are despite the disguise.

    You want to rush forward, but you know better. You know better than to give someone like him what he wants. So you stay with you team, right up until he runs. It had taken you all week to get this close to him, and you’re not about to let him go now.

    So ignoring every instinct you have, you chase him. You run him down like a cat after a mouse. It separates you from your team, but you don’t care, the rage is taking over now.

    He leads you through the twists and turns of the tunnels, until he stops in a main chamber. He stares at you with that twisted smile on his face. “Welcome Mrs. Wayne, though I suppose Hell Cat is much more appropriate in these circumstances.”

    You don’t bother responding, as you take a step forward, “Not so fast.” He holds up a device with several buttons, “It’d be a shame if not only your identity was released but that of your family.”

    That makes you stop. “Tell me, do they know that they’re helping get the Batman back on his feet? That they’re helping their number one enemy. Or are they so blinded by their loyalty to you, that they don’t even see that you’re betraying them?”

    The sound of footsteps fill your ears and he let’s out a laugh, “I know let’s ask them.”

    “I don’t think you’re going to like the answer.” You smile at the familiar voice, but you don’t turn to look. Jason’s familiar gloved hand reaches for yours, and a moment later your other children begin stepping out of the shadows.

    You squeeze Jason’s hand once before stepping forward, “Thomas Elliot, AKA Hush, AKA the bastard who betrayed my family. You should have thought twice about that.”

    You can see the nervousness in his eyes now. As he steps nervously to the side, only to be met by the sight of Damian. As your children begin to close in you explain. “I’m not stupid Thomas. It took me next to no time, to realize that it was you who had betrayed us, and thanks to Ed I already knew that you knew who we are. I also realized that I couldn’t rely just on my old team, I needed to rely on my new one as well.”

    “We hacked you, that controller you’re holding is now useless,” Tim states.

    “Our identities will stay secret, thank you very much,” Dick says, taking the controller.

    You can see that he’s nervous now, he’s fidgeting, and his eyes are darting all over the place, “You still need me. For the poison, or I’ll talk. That’s right I’ll tell the entire police precinct who you are!”

    You shake your head, “You don’t realize it do you, Thomas? That day my oldest son came to visit me he put a listening device and a tracker on me. He knew exactly what I was doing and where I was. It also gave him and my other kids a chance to look up exactly where you’ve been and examine your office.”

    Cass’ voice is cold,“We found the poison.”

    “Martian Manhunter has already worked up an antidote, and is removing the other shrapnel as we speak.”

    “Doesn’t mean I won’t talk!! And you all don’t kill!”

    You nod, “You’re right, we don’t. Unlucky for you Amanda Waller does, and you pissed her off by stealing her poison.”

    His eyes go wide right as the bullet takes him out. Your eyes flicker to the high ground, where your brother is lying down, rifle still in hand. You walk up to the body, “Even unluckier for you, I have an over protective brother, who’s a damn good shot.”

    Your children stare at you for a moment, and you open your arms to them. As they encircle you in a hug, you take comfort in your family, and a sense of relief takes over your body. Relief that you hopefully won’t ever have to pick up your blades again.

    You watch your kids disappear into the shadows as the squad comes into the chamber. There’s complaints about you having all the fun, but otherwise there’s no questions about the dead body or the bullet hole that created it.

    You head back to that run-down bar, and have one last drink. As you sip your whiskey you simply say, “I’m done.”

    Floyd nods, “We know.”

    Harley and Ivy both wrap an arm around your shoulders, Harley smiles and says, “Let those news guys get some pictures of you and the baby some time okay. We want to see what she looks like.”

    “That goes for all major events, any future kids, weddings, graduations, the works,” Ivy adds.

    You take a deep breath, “I’ll do my best.”

    Floyd smiles, “Thanks by the way. For setting up that scholarship for my girl, headed to the best high school in the area because of you.”

    You smile, “I’m ashamed to say that was Bruce’s idea.”

    Floyd just smiles, “You got a good guy there. Got good kids too.”

    Harley grins, “Your boys are real lookers.”

    You roll your eyes, “Stay away from my boys AND my girls Harley.”

    She just smirks, and shrugs. Pulling out a couple of large bills you place them on the counter and tell the bar keep, “Make sure their glasses stay full.”

    He just nods, and you down the rest of your whiskey. Without looking back you pick up your bag and make your way out to your car. You climb into the passenger seat, and stare at your brother, before handing over the keys, and simply say, “Don’t destroy my car. It was a birthday present.”

    He just scoffs and says, “Whatever you say Richie Rich.”