hello janey

deathbyglamour-bot-deactivated2  asked:

In which Dirk is an angel and is assigned to protect Jake English, possible the most helpless human on the planet? Always almost dying, that Jake English. (Dirk loves Jake's dangerous spirit)

Felt like trying one of these again!  Available on AO3 here!


“You’re doing WHAT?”

“I told you, I’m going to sky-dive into the island volcano!” Jake responded cheerfully to his dear friend Jane as they chatted on the phone.

“Jake, don’t you think that’s a little bit TOO dangerous?” Jane asked, sounding incredulous and exasperated.  “Remember that time your parachute didn’t open?”

“Yes, and by some stroke of luck, all the island tree limbs seemed to reach out and grab me, breaking my fall!” Jake responded happily.

“Jake.  There aren’t going to be any trees when you fall down into a volcano!” Jane exclaimed. “Where do you plan to LAND?”

Jake paused.  “Oh right.  You have a good point there, Jane my dear!”

Jane sighed, audibly relieved.  “Please tell me you’ll never jump into the volcano, Jake.  There’s nothing but hot magma in there!”

“You drive a hard bargain, but all right,” Jake sighed.

The phone conversation finished and then Jake was left to his own devices in the middle of his deserted island.

Alone.  Always alone.

Keep reading

I kind of like the thought that, after they left Scooter’s place, Fiona and Sasha spread around the fact that Athena is utterly whipped and basically just completely ruined her badass reputation in Pandora’s underworld.

Like, imagine you’re some random Pandoran criminal with a price on your head and you see Athena coming after you looking to collect. Her weird red eyes are glowing, Xiphos is raised above her head and she’s probably shouting in that scary robot voice of hers. You go “Well, okay then” before just pulling out your phone and calling Janey like

“Hello! This is Janey Springs. How can I help you?”

“Hey, um…I have your girlfriend over here. I think she might be trying to kill me.”

“Bloody hell, this AGAIN? Put her on the phone!”